Midwestern Eavesdropping - 1/3/08

For the first MWE of 2008, we have a bountiful crop:

Guy in office bathroom stall, while shitting, mutters under his breath, but loud enough for people in other stalls to hear: "This is ridiculous."
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

4-year-old boy to babysitter, as boy’s 2-year-old sister is going to the bathroom: “Girls don’t have penises. They have holes.”
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Ari

Twentysomething special ed teacher, after eating wings: "My hangnails are burning!"
--Chicago, O'Donovan's, 2100 W. Irving Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

12-year-old boy to his teacher: "Chinese people sleep in drawers."
--Chicago, a public school
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Twentysomething wife to husband: “You should pick up the pipe.”
--Chicago, Kenmore & Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH

4-year-old boy farts very loudly earlier and says to babysitter, very matter-of-factly: "Its like a burp, but out my butt."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Ari

Secretary 1: “Well, I was pushin' it.”
Secretary 2: “Oh, so it's the cushion that you need. And the tightness.”
Secretary 1: “Yeah.”
--Chicago, law firm, Washington & Wacker
Eavesdropper: RobD

2-year-old boy, about his infant brother's umbilical cord nub: "It smells like poop and syrup."
--Springboro, OH
Eavesdropper: Mounty

And here is the Insight Bowl edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping:

Twentysomething female, after passing several ASU frat houses: "I would throw a lot of fruit if I lived here."
--Tempe, AZ, University & McAllister
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy on busy street asking for money: "Hey guys, give for herpes. It's the gift that keeps on giving."
--Tempe, AZ, Mill Ave.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Late 20s male at fast food restaurant: "I TiVo Peoples Court."
--Tempe, AZ, In-N-Out Burger, 920 E. Playa Del Norte
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Waiter at Denny's, to table of 10 he is serving: "I might smell like pepper because my co-workers think it's funny to pour pepper on my back."
--Tempe, AZ, Denny’s, 650 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Wee Wee, Mounty, Holt, Ari, Jesterio, and others

Waiter at Denny's, explaining why a customer’s order of French toast never came out: "The reason why yours didn't come up is because the cook didn't cook it."
--Tempe, AZ, Denny’s, 650 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Wee Wee, Mounty, Holt, Ari, Jesterio, and others

Husband, on New Years Day: "I declare 2008 the year of doin’ it."
Wife: "Yeah, we'll be doing it like monkeys. Wait, do monkeys do it a lot? (pause) No, they just get AIDS."
--Tempe, AZ, Best Western, 670 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to everyone who contributed. It was a pretty good showing. Keep up the good work. And remember, whenever you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it will be included in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.