Retro Video of the Week: "Holiday" by Scorpions

Apologies for my lack of posting recently.  Between work, lack of sleep, and work, I haven't had much time.  Tomorrow, I'll be going on my triennial trek to Munich for the greatest party on the face of the Earth, so this week's Retro Video of the Week will be from Germany's greatest rock export about going on vacation (probably). Prost!

Retro Videos of the Week: "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money and "Drive" by The Cars

This has been about the busiest week of work I've had in the last ten years, so I don't have much time, but I would be remiss if I didn't have some tribute to the two rock legends that we lost last weekend, Eddie Money and Ric Ocasek.  Money was the down-to-earth, working-class New Yorker who always just seemed like a guy you wanted to have a beer with.  Ocasek was the rock and roll nerd who married a supermodel.  So I'm going with videos from both Money and The Cars this week.

For Money, it's gotta be "Take Me Home Tonight."  This is on pretty much any party playlist I make.  It's a great singalong song, with backing vocals from the legendary Ronnie Bennett Spector, who contributes the "be my little baby" from The Ronettes' classic "Be My Baby," which is maybe one of the greatest pop songs ever.  "Take Me Home Tonight" rejuvenated Money's career, being his first Top 40 hit in four years, his highest-charting song ever (hitting #4 on the Billboard Hot 100), and starting a nice string of hits over the next five years for the Money Man.  The official video isn't on YouTube, so here's a live version from Solid Gold.

For The Cars, I'm going with "Drive" because it's a sad and beautiful song.  Written by Ocasek and sung by bassist Benjamin Orr, it was The Cars' biggest hit (going to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100) and was one of five Top 40 songs off of the band's huge 1984 album Heartbeat City.  It's been in my head most of this week.  And the video features the aforementioned supermodel, Paulina Porizkova, who would later become Ocasek's wife.

Hair Band Friday - 9/13/19

1.  "Moneytalks" by AC/DC


2.  "Smooth Up In Ya" by BulletBoys


3.  "Body Talk" by Ratt


4.  "Always" by Bon Jovi


5.  "Baby's On Fire" by Great White


6.  "Miss You In a Heartbeat" (acoustic) by Def Leppard


7.  "Whole Lotta Rosie" (live) by Guns N' Roses


8.  "Two Sides of Love" by Sammy Hagar


9.  "Surrender" by Trixter


10.  "Dancing in the Street" by Van Halen

Retro Video of the Week: "Shattered Dreams" by Johnny Hates Jazz

Between a hellish workload that's forcing me to miss bar trivia, slaving my tits over a hot toaster oven all night, washing the caked, stubborn wreckage of a bloody abscess off a dog's anus, and getting about three hours of sleep last night because I was trying not to choke on my own mucus, I haven't had much time to do anything blog-related.  God, I wish none of what I just said was true.  

Anyway, here's the video for British new wave/sophisti-pop group Johnny Hates Jazz's hit, "Shattered Dreams."  It was the band's debut single, and it went to #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1988 and #5 on the UK pop charts in 1987.  I'm playing this because I just heard it on the SiriusXM '80s channel, and it seemed apropos given what I have just described to you. The video features a crestfallen ballerina, a surprise mini-bongo solo, and a Hofner bass, all of which are things that I like.

If You Will It, Dude, It Is No Dream

I received a special request from an old friend who asked that, upon the birth of his son, I would post The Dude's live version of Dylan's "The Man in Me," performed at the Ryman in 2014  The original, of course, is featured prominently in The Big Lebowski.  Well, the son has arrived.  DBH, this one's for you, your boy, his big sister, and your special lady friend.  Make sure the doctors don't try to cut off his johnson.

Hair Band Friday - 9/6/19

1.  "Fun in Texas" by Britny Fox


2.  "Judgement Day" by Van Halen


3.  "Can't Stand the Heartache" by Skid Row


4.  "What Do You Do for Money Honey" by AC/DC


5.  "Wild World" by Mr. Big


6.  "Twentieth Century Man" by Scorpions


7.  "Somebody Save Me" by Cinderella


8.  "Shot in the Dark" by Ozzy Osbourne


9.  "Crying in the Rain" by Whitesnake


10.  "I Still Think About You" by Danger Danger

Retro Video of the Week: "House of Pain" by Faster Pussycat

For a second, let's realize how amazing the '80s were.  There was a marginally popular Sunset Strip hair band called Faster Pussycat.  They were named after a '60s Russ Meyer sexploitation film called Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, which I still show to fledgling lawyers on their first day at my firm.  The band's lead singer was Taime Downe, was the co-owner -- with Riki Rachtman, VJ of MTV Headbangers Ball fame -- of a legendary Sunset Strip club called The Cathouse.  After only having one album out, Faster Pussycat was also featured in Penelope Spheeris's magnificent documentary about Sunset Strip glam metal, The Decline of Western Civilization II:  The Metal Years.  The band never had an album that topped #48 on the Billboard album charts, but that album was their sophomore effort, 1989's Wake Me When It's Over, which was release 30 years ago this Friday.

Based on the title, the boys in Faster Pussycat have been awake for nearly as long, but not before they released their only song that charted on the Billboard Hot 100, "House of Pain," a lovely not-quite-power ballad about absent fathers, apparently.  It hit #28, but more importantly, perhaps not coincidentally, there were three high schoolers not too far away in the Valley, at Taft HS in Woodland Hills -- Erik Schrody, Leor Dimont, and Danny O'Connor -- who maybe heard this song and decided that the world needed some Irish-themed hip hop.  Three years later, we all knew them as Everlast, DJ Lethal, and Danny Boy, respectively.  Their name?  House of Pain. Prove me wrong.

Tuesday Top Ten: "School" Songs

Today was the first day of school for Chicago Public Schools, so all three of my offspring are back in the clutches of their teachers.  To celebrate this blessed (?) occasion, I am going to give you my ten favorite songs with the word "school" (or some variation thereof) in the title, along with an abbreviated description of each song.  These are in no order whatsoever.  Bear with me, I'm running on 15 fewer minutes of sleep than I'm used to getting.

1.  "School's Out" by Alice Cooper
Yes, it has to do with school getting out, rather than the first say of school, but I didn't come up with this list to leave the greatest "school" song off of it.


2.  "School Days" by Chuck Berry
It has the same melody as another Berry classic, "No Particular Place To Go," which is perhaps not a coincidence, as my truant officer always told me, "Maybe you should go to school if you have no particular place to go."  God, he thought that was so fucking funny.  I should also mention that I'm actually 70 years old and have delusions.


3.  "School Spirit" by Kanye West
Unfortunately, this is the only song on the list that mentions both Greek letters and pimps.


4.  "Be True to Your School" by The Beach Boys
There are two versions of this song, and I'm going with the one that has the cheerleader yells in the background.  This one is an ode to the Wilson brothers' high school, Hawthorne High School, and it has the same melody as "On Wisconsin," the University of Wisconsin's fight song that had the same melody as Hawthorne's fight song.


5.  "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl" by The Yardbirds
Originally recorded in 1937 by blues legend Sonny Boy Williamson, England's most famous guitar-legend-producing band The Yardbirds covered the song in 1964 (with Eric Clapton on guitar, whose talents are featured in the solo). 


6.  "Catholic School Girls Rule" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
This rarely performed funk punk gem was inspired by a tryst lead singer Anthony Kiedis had with a local Catholic high school girl before discovering her age. Just a warning, the video likely is not safe for your workplace, unless you're employer is, like, totally cool with boobs.


7.  "Rock 'N' Roll High School" by The Ramones
I use the opening line to describe otherwise mundane things to my kids where we are going to listen to rock and roll, like "rock rock rock rock rock and roll dinner."  It's the little things that keep you sane.


8.  "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" by Paul Simon
This is fun-loving little ditty that only gained more appreciation from me when it appeared in The Royal Tenenbaums. And now I found out that the official video -- released in 1988, 16 years after the song came out -- features the likes of Big Daddy Kane, Biz Markie, Mickey Mantle (who was likely two fifths of vodka deep at that point), John Madden, and Spud Webb.  Let's shag ass.


9.  "Old School" by 2Pac
A classic ode to old school hip hop from the GOAT.  There, I said it.


10.  "In School" by Runner & The Thermodynamics
This is one of those bands that broke up too soon, which is easy for me to say as an uninvolved observer.  Their 2004 self-titled debut is a barrage of great rock and roll, and this is a fine example.


11.  "Fuck School" by The Replacements
I just wish the message in this song was a little more upfront.