Midwestern Eavesdropping

Two six-year-old boys have a conversation:
Boy #1:  "I know how to turn people into robots."
Boy #2:  "In real life?"
Boy #1:  "Yeah."
Boy #2:  "Jesus."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  Wurst Salat

Thirtysomething on phone with strip club:  "Are masks required on Sniffer's Row?" (pause) "Okay, what about on the dancers?" (pause) "Makes sense.  What's the foot-on-denim situation?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Six-year-old boy yelling at eight-year-old sister in a store:  "I've never had a boomerang before, so don't judge me!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Ten-year-old girl who has never been to a state fair, to a friend:  "At a state fair, you can basically get anything fried on a stick."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Six-year-old boy to his friend's dad:  "I've watched some YouTube videos about how to get on the dark web without getting caught."
Friend's dad:  "Pretty much everything on the dark web is illegal."
Boy:  "What about potions?"
Friend's dad:  "What kind of potions do you think you're going to get on the dark web?"
Boy:  "There's a lot of shapeshifting potions that can turn people into animals."
Friend's dad:  "Well those don't exist.  Where did you hear that?"
Boy:  "YouTube."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Drunk wife to husband, discussing the possibility of coitus:  "If Gozer asks me if I'm a god, you can have me."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Fortysomething man, to friends, after ignoring phone call:  "My parents keep calling me. (pause) Oh, I guess it's their anniversary."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Fortysomething Chicagoan male:  "I think if I've had COVID, I'm going up to Wisconsin to party."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Husband and wife, while husband is disgruntledly putting together a backyard swing set for their kids:
Husband:  "As soon as you want this down, I'll have it down in two minutes."
Wife:  "After a year or two, maybe we can give it to my cousin, although you'd probably be happy to leave it in the alley or burn it."
Husband:  "I'll burn it tonight."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  Pukus

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

11-year-old son:  "Is that Obama?"

Dad:  "It's Mike Davis."

--Bloomington, IN

Eavesdropper:  Wee Wee

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Two five-year-old boys talking to each other:
Boy #1:  "Johnny, you're hysterical!"
Boy #2:  "Jimmy, you're a testicle!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  RR

Drunk thirtysomething female to group of friends at Christmas party:  "If I seduce any of you, it's not intentional.  It's just the way my body works."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Twentysomething male to female at restaurant:  "My dad used to think I was autistic."
--Chicago, Twin Anchors, 1655 N. Sedgwick
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething male, drinking a hazy IPA:  "You'd have to have some sort of poisoning to understand that flavor profile."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Thirtysomething female Chicago Public Schools parent, during CPS teachers' strike:  "Suck a D, Lightfoot.  See what that's like."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething male, while scrolling through a dating app:  "I want to date a nice Indian girl whose parents are dead."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething female, futilely attempting to use chopsticks:  "Now I know why Asians are so skinny.  They can't get half the food off their plate."
--Chicago, Duck Duck Goat, 857 W. Fulton Market
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Fortysomething divorced male at a baseball game:  "Lotta good looking preggos here. (pause) And you know they're puttin' out."
--Chicago, Guaranteed Rate Field, 35th and Shields
Eavedropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

I am way too busy right now to provide you with my annual Tuesday Top Ten Lollapalooza edition, but I'll do that next week.  In the meantime, here's some Midwestern Eavesdropping.

While attending a Major League Baseball game on the South Side of Chicago, while several nearby fans yell a common chant: 
Thirtysomething female:  "Are they saying 'let's go cyclops'?"
Fortysomething male:  "White Sox."
--Chicago, Guaranteed Rate Field, 35th and Shields
Eavedropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething mother:  "That's TV I want to see.  People I hate, dying.  Ha ha ha.  That would be good."

--Chicago

Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

One millennial male to another:  "You know what nickname I've never heard for Elizabeth?  Za Za.  How badass is that?"
--Chicago, Chick-fil-A
Eavesdropper:  H Dawg

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Uber passenger to male driver:  "Do you have any kids?"
Driver:  "Nah.  My pull-out game is strong."
--Indianapolis
Eavesdropper:  Kazda

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething man, upon learning friend was going to see Straight No Chaser in concert:  "I really miss the a capella circuit."
--Draft Room, Rosemont, IL
Eavesdropper:  Kilbourne Identity

A man and his children are watching the Autonation Cure Bowl on TV:
Man:  "That red team has one of my favorite mascot names."
7-year-old daughter:  "The Dicks!"
Man:  "No, the Ragin' Cajuns."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Man walks into living room and sees older movie playing on TV, with a woman with short hair on the screen:
Man:  "What are you watching?  Rosemary's Baby?"
Wife:  "The Sounds of Music."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething female, discussing height in sexual partners:  "When you're layin' down, it doesn't matter."
--Chicago, Ballast Point, 212 N. Green St.
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Elementary school teacher, during a guided reading to the class:  "Look at all the Ds.  Find all the Ds.  When you find the D, touch it."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  Rockford Peach

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Twentysomething male leaving concert venue after seeing Ghost in concert:  "I know I'm Mexican, but that was a lot of fun."

--Chicago, Aragon Ballroom

Eavesdropper:  H Dawg

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Twentysomething female, to a friend:  "You're like the Avril Lavigne of music."

--Chicago, Monkey's Paw, Southport and Lill

Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething educator:  "Doesn't sound travel quicker than light?  It's just science."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

This one isn't exactly Midwestern Eavesdropping, but it kind of is, so I'm including it.  
A woman is sitting at a bar next to two guys she has never met before, but who she finds out have been friends for a while.  They met kind of by chance after their wives met each other in an office waiting room.  The wives told their husbands about meeting, and said that the husbands should call each other . . . because they were both getting divorced.  The office was a divorce attorney's office.
--Chicago, Bad Apple, Lincoln & Cullom
Eavesdropper:  J Dub

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething female when discussing lost iron with husband:  "I don't know how to use an iron, so I would never lose one."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

And while this technically isn't Midwestern Eavesdropping, it was too good not to share, as it's about the most Chicago thing I've seen.  A traffic sign above I-90 said:

NO TEXTING

NO SPEEDING

NO KETCHUP

--Chicago, Kennedy Expressway
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething educator:  "I'm numb to child abuse because of my job, but I'm not numb to nutmeg in my fettuccine alfredo.  I hate nutmeg in fettuccine alfredo."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething male talking about an acquaintance:  "He's a very good people person, although most people don't like him."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething guy to his friend:  "Not that I'm looking at your dick, but there's a spider on your dick."
--Lake Beulah, WI
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Millennial male on sidewalk in front of office building:  "Don't half ass things.  Full ass them."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.