I Sold Out

It turns out that you can advertise on blogs with great ease, so I sold out. If you see anything that interests you on the advertisements, feel free to check it out. They're safe.

Extremely Important Note About Conference Tourney Predictions

Because you care, I'll be updating my predictions with red for the ones I get wrong and green for the ones I get right. Deal with it.

Hilarious SNL Natalie Portman Rap

It seems that hilarious fake rap songs are becoming SNL's forte. First, the Chronic-what-cles of Narnia, and now Natalie Portman hardcore gangsta rappin'. My favorite line: "I'll kill your f**kin' dog for fun, so don't push me," or "I'll sit right down on your face and take a sh*t." Kudos to Brian "The Who Bear" Alessandrini for sending me the link.

Other Conference Tournament Predictions

I've already been hounded with questions like, "Hey GMYH, what's with your Midwest bias?", "GMYH, why only Big Ten predictions?", and "Was that you in my bushes last night wearing night-vision goggles?" To quell any concerns of bias, I will give you my predictions for the other major conference tournaments (although without the insightful analysis as my Big Ten predictions).

ACC
Thursday - First Round
#8 Miami vs. #9 Clemson. Winner: Miami
#5 Florida State vs. #12 Wake Forest. Winner: Wake Forest
#6 Maryland vs. #11 Georgia Tech. Winner: Maryland
#7 Virginia vs. #10 Virginia Tech: Winner: Virginia Tech
Friday - Quarterfinals
#1 Duke vs. Miami. Winner: Duke
#4 NC State vs. Wake Forest. Winner: NC State
#3 Boston College vs. Maryland. Winner: Boston College
#2 North Carolina vs. Virginia Tech. Winner: UNC
Saturday - Semifinals
Duke vs. NC State. Winner: Duke
BC vs. UNC. Winner: BC
Sunday - Championship
Duke vs. BC. Winner: Duke

Big XII
Thursday - First Round
#8 Texas Tech vs. #9 Kansas State. Winner: Texas Tech
#5 Colorado vs. #12 Baylor. Winner: Colorado
#6 Nebraska vs. #11 Missouri. Winner: Missouri
#7 Oklahoma State vs. #10 Iowa State. Winner: Oklahoma State
Friday - Quarterfinals
#1 Texas vs. Texas Tech. Winner: Texas
#4 Texas A&M vs. Colorado. Winner: Colorado
#3 Oklahoma vs. Missouri. Winner: Oklahoma
#2 Kansas vs. Oklahoma State. Winner: Kansas
Saturday - Semifinals
Texas vs. Colorado. Winner: Texas
Oklahoma vs. Kansas. Winner: Oklahoma
Sunday - Championship
Texas vs. Oklahoma. Winner: Texas

Big East
Wednesday - First Round
#8 Cincinnati vs. #9 Syracuse. Winner: Syracuse
#5 Georgetown vs. #12 Notre Dame. Winner: Notre Dame
#6 Pittsburgh vs. #11 Louisville. Winner: Pitt
#7 Seton Hall vs. #10 Rutgers. Winner: Rutgers
Thursday - Quarterfinals
#1 UConn vs. Syracuse. Winner: UConn
#4 Marquette vs. Notre Dame. Winner: Notre Dame
#3 West Virginia vs. Pitt. Winner: Pitt
#2 Villanova vs. Rutgers. Winner: Villanova
Friday - Semifinals
UConn vs. Notre Dame. Winner: UConn
Villanova vs. Pitt. Winner: Villanova
Saturday - Championship
UConn vs. Villanova. Winner: Villanova

Pac-10
Wednesday - First Round
#8 Arizona State vs. #9 Oregon State. Winner: Oregon State
#7 Oregon vs. #10 Washington State. Winner: Oregon
Thursday - Quarterfinals
#1 UCLA vs. Oregon State. Winner: UCLA
#4 Arizona vs. #5 Stanford. Winner: Stanford
#3 Cal vs. #6 USC. Winner: USC
#2 Washington vs. Oregon. Winner: Washington
Friday - Semifinals
UCLA vs. Stanford. Winner: UCLA
USC vs. Washington. Winner: Washington
Saturday - Championship
UCLA vs. Washington. Winner: Washington

SEC
Thursday - First Round
#4E Vanderbilt vs. #5W Auburn. Winner: Vanderbilt
#3W Arkansas vs. #6E Georgia. Winner: Arkansas
#3E Kentucky vs. #6W Mississippi. Winner: Kentucky
#4W Mississippi State vs. #5E South Carolina. Winner: South Carolina
Friday - Quarterfinals
#1W LSU vs. Vanderbilt. Winner: LSU
#2E Florida vs. Arkansas. Winner: Florida
#2W Alabama vs. Kentucky. Winner: Kentucky
#1E Tennessee vs. South Carolina. Winner: Tennessee
Saturday - Semifinals
LSU vs. Florida. Winner: Florida
Kentucky vs. Tennessee. Winner: Tennessee
Sunday - Championship
Florida vs. Tennessee. Winner: Florida

Big Ten Tournament Predictions

The Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun-Times have of course picked Illinois (both over Ohio State in the final). The Detroit News has also picked Illinois (over Indiana). I say bollocks to all of this Ill-annoying nonsense. So here are the real predictions:

Thursday - First Round
#8 Penn State vs. #9 Northwestern (Noon EST, ESPN2). The Detroit News actually has Penn State going to the semifinals. While that would be sweet, it's about as likely as Kevin Federline winning a Grammy for PopoZao.
GMYH Prediction: Northwestern 57 Penn State 53.
#7 Michigan vs. #10 Minnesota (2:30 EST, ESPN2). The Sun-Times actually has Minnesota going to the semifinals. It's that kind of foresight that has made (and will keep) them the second-best major newspaper in Chicago. Michigan needs this victory to secure an NCAA tournament bid, and they'll be damned if a bunch of Nordic bastards will stand in their way.
GMYH Prediction: Michigan 70 Minnesota 64
#6 Michigan State vs. #11 Purdue (5:05 EST, ESPN2). No one has Purdue pulling the upset of MSU, and rightfully so. Purdue sucks.
GMYH Prediction: MSU 81 Purdue 63

Friday - Quarterfinals
#1 Ohio State vs. Northwestern (Noon EST, ESPN). A lot of people think OSU is ripe for the picking in this game because they really don't have much left to prove. A lot of people also voted for our President. Twice.
GMYH Prediction: OSU 69 Northwestern 59
#4 Wisconsin vs. #5 Indiana (2:30 EST, ESPN). IU is on a four-game winning streak, playing with nothing to lose and everything to gain for their dying coach, Mike Davis. Wisconsin is a bunch of overweight, cheese-curd-eating, sausage-ingesting has-beens.
GMYH Prediction: IU 72 Wisconsin 67
#2 Iowa vs. Michigan (6:40 EST, ESPN Plus). Iowa, gangly and awkward, should be able to make it past Michigan here. Led by 45-year-old Greg Brunner and 8th-year senior Jeff Horner, the Hawkeyes will be too much for the Wolverines.
GMYH Prediction: Iowa 71 Michigan 64
#3 Illinois vs. Michigan State (9:10 EST, ESPN Plus). Everyone is counting the Spartans out, but I think they have a legitimate shot at beating Illinois, even without Matt Trannon and Marquise Gray. When they're on, the trio of Paul Davis, Maurice Ager, and Shannon Brown is as dangerous as any other trio in the country. And they're still bitter about losing at home to the Illini last Saturday on Davis and Ager's Senior Night.
GMYH Prediction: MSU 67 Illinois 66

Saturday - Semifinals
Iowa vs. Michigan State (1:40 EST, CBS). As much as it sickens me, I'm going with Iowa in this one. Unlike Ron Jeremy, MSU can't go all that deep.
GMYH Prediction: Iowa 73 MSU 69
Ohio State vs. Indiana (4:05 EST, CBS). In a close one, the Hoosiers defeat the guy who they wish was their coach next year. Marco Killingsworth breaks Terence Dials's foot in retaliation for earlier in the year when Dials caused DJ White to break his foot, effectively ending IU's legitimate Final Four hopes and Mike Davis's tenure as IU's head coach.
GMYH Prediction: IU 76 OSU 74

Sunday - Championship
Iowa vs. Indiana (3:30 EST, CBS). Mike Davis vs. Steve Alford. It will be bedlam in Jose Canseco Fieldhouse. The Hoosier players will be unbelievably pumped for this one, anxious to prove that their current coach is just as good as the man so many in the media think will be their next coach. It will be a Battle-of-Bannockburn-style bloodbath, with the Hoosiers escaping with a victory and a 5-seed in the NCAA tournament.
GMYH Prediction: IU 72 Iowa 71

Andrei Kirilenko's Understanding Wife

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Former Big Ten Coaches Celebrity Look-Alikes

Well, my Big Ten Coaches Look-Alike post was such a smash hit that I have received at least one request to have a post with celebrity look-alikes for some former Big Ten coaches. So, here you go:

Bob Knight (Indiana)

Gene Keady (Purdue)*

*This completes the Purdue/Goonies sweep, with Matt Painter coming in as Sloth's twin.

Jud Heathcote (Michigan State)

Tom Davis (Iowa)

Lou Henson (Illinois)

Clem Haskins (Minnesota)

In Memorium: Superwoman

On the same day as Kirby Puckett's passing, Christopher Reeve's widow, Dana Reeves, died at age 44 from lung cancer. And what better way for Yahoo to honor her in her obituary article than by posting a picture of a bra-less Mrs. Reeve with her nipples screaming to escape her dress. You stay classy, Yahoo.

In Memorium: Kirby Puckett

The news that Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett died today just scrawled along ESPN's Bottom Line. From all I can tell, in addition to being one of the best baseball players of the last 20 years, he was a hell of a guy, at least in his playing days (apparently he pissed in a mall parking lot during retirement). Anyway, I'm not a Twins fan or anything like that, but it's still sad when someone dies of a stroke at age 45. Rest in peace, Kirby.

Big Ten Basketball Coaches Celebrity Look-Alikes

The Big Ten Conference, long considered by GMYH to be the best all-around conference in the NCAA, has eleven head men's basketball coaches. And all of them look like someone famous. Before the impending off-season coaching changes, I figured I would have a celebrity look-alike post. So, here you go:

Bruce Weber (Illinois)

Mike Davis (Indiana)

Steve Alford (Iowa)

Tommy Amaker (Michigan)

Tom Izzo (Michigan State)

Dan Monson (Minnesota)

Bill Carmody (Northwestern)

Thad Matta (Ohio State)

Ed DeChellis (Penn State)

Matt Painter (Purdue)

Bo Ryan (Wisconsin)