1950s All-Decade Second Team

1950s All-Decade Third Team

1950s All-Decade Honorable Mention

GMYH All-Decade Songs - 1950s

Apparently being a lawyer affords me way too much free time because why the fuck else would I be compiling a list of my favorite songs from the rock 'n' roll era (1954-present). I'll tell you why. Because it's my third anniversary and some chick was handing out Pop Rocks outside my L station this morning. Pop Rocks! Don't worry, I didn't drink any pop while eating them, so as to avoid the inevitable stomach explosion.

So, I can tell that you give a shit about what songs I like, which is why I will be revealing the GMYH All-Decade Songs. Each decade, from the delightfully droll 1950s to the hilariously unpredictable 2000s, will get its own first, second, and third all-decade teams -- five songs on each -- as well as some honorable mentions for the rest because there are just too many damn songs I like. The songs are in no way related to anything but my own tastes and, therefore, to the extent that you disagree with them, it's really okay because you are also entitled to your own opinions as far as I can tell. These are just the songs from every decade that I like best. You know, it's just, like, my opinion, man.

We'll start out with the 1950s. McCarthyism, teenagers with disposable income, Belgians in the Congo. You, know, the '50s. Since I don't really favor any particular songs over others in each group, I'll just go alphabetically by artist. Deal with it. I'll try to put up some mix tapes with all of the songs, but Mixwit most likely won't have everything.

First Team
Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry
The Night Time is the Right Time by Ray Charles
There Goes My Baby by The Drifters
Earth Angel by The Penguins
I Want You, I Need You, I Love You by Elvis Presley

Second Team
For Your Precious Love by Jerry Butler
Maybe by The Chantels
Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis
Why Do Fools Fall In Love by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers
Donna by Ritchie Valens

Third Team
Poison Ivy by The Coasters
I Wonder Why by Dion and The Belmonts
In the Still of the Night by The Five Satins
Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley
Since I Don't Have You by The Skyliners

Honorable Mention
Chantilly Lace by The Big Bopper
Wake Up Little Susie by The Everly Brothers
Ain't That a Shame by Fats Domino
Rock Around the Clock by Bill Haley & His Comets
Not Fade Away by Buddy Holly
Long Tall Sally by Little Richard
Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley
Sleepwalk by Santo & Johnny

Hump Day, Third Anniversary Style

Only 970 More to Go

Jaleh posted this list of "1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die," which she got from someone else, who got it from someone else. Apparently it was compiled by Dr. Peter Boxall, whoever that might be. I don't plan on reading 1001 books in my lifetime, or dying for that matter. However, I was surprised at how many books and authors on the list I had never heard of. Who the fuck is this "Kurt Vonnegut"? Sounds foreign and obtuse. I was even more surprised at how many books on the list I have read, considering my boycott on reading for pleasure between 1989 and 2006 (although all but 5 of the books on the list were read as part of required reading for class or for book reports in grade school, junior high, high school, or college). Rather than post the whole list, I'll just fill you in on what I've read. I think you'll be more than impressed at how well-read I am.

2000s - 0
It appears that every book I've read that was published since 2000 is, much like my existence, wholly unimportant. Needless to say, The Dirt should be on the list.

1900s - 20
Glamorama – Bret Easton Ellis
American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis
The Things They Carried – Tim O'Brien
Beloved – Toni Morrison
The Shining – Stephen King
In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
The Once and Future King – T.H. White
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
The Adventures of Augie March – Saul Bellow
Invisible Man – Ralph Ellison
The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
Animal Farm – George Orwell
The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Native Son – Richard Wright
The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
All Quiet on the Western Front – Erich Maria Remarque
The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man – James Joyce
Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

1800s - 10
The Awakening – Kate Chopin
The Time Machine – H.G. Wells
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Robert Louis Stevenson
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain
Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky
A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
Moby-Dick – Herman Melville
The Scarlet Letter – Nathaniel Hawthorne
A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

1700s - 0
Fuck the 1700s.

Pre-1700 - 1
Aesop's Fables – Aesopus

New Poll - AIDS

I've been ignoring you lately, haven't I? I don't mean to. It doesn't mean I don't love you, baby. I've just been busy. I made you some mix tapes. Doesn't that help? No? Dammit, baby, I'll try to be better.

Anywho, it appears that 100% of GMYH readers agree that Jared (the Galleria of Jewelry) has the most annoying commercials on TV, even more annoying than the Mac vs. PC ads. Luckily for us, somewhere between 0 and 16 ad execs read GMYH on a daily basis, so the problem should be taken care of rather quickly.

This week's poll is a bit more thought-provoking -- and horrifying -- than the last few. It was inspired by a game of "would you rather" that several of us played at the Hofbrauhaus with some Pennsylvanians. Would you rather have AIDS or would you rather one of your children have AIDS?

Hair Band Friday - 6/6/08

Hump Day Music - 6/4/08

Figure Four

I have this friend named Tracey. She does not have a blog. Also, she apparently has nothing better to do on Friday nights than send a mass email with a list of various tidbits about her life, broken into groups of four. I learned very little about her, yet the end of the email implored me and everyone else receiving the email to fill out the list for ourselves, send it to everyone we know, and hope to God everyone else does the same thing. That way we will all learn more about each other.

I don't have any friends. In related news, I have the mindset, social awkwardness, and integrity of a 13-year-old hermaphrodite. Ergo, my list will be posted for all to see rather than emailed:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Janitor
2. House painter (exterior)
3. House painter (interior)
4. Substitute tennis instructor

Four movies I have watched more than once:
1. Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story
2. Just My Luck
3. I Spit On Your Grave
4. Twin Sitters

Four places I have lived:
1. Mt. Vernon, IL
2. Bloomington, IN
3. Chicago
4. Spring, TX

Four places I have been:
1. Mt. Vernon, IL
2. Bloomington, IN
3. Chicago
4. Spring, TX

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Christoff
2. Gregerson
3. Mr. Idris Musa, Manager of Bill and Exchange at the Foreign Remittance Department of the Bank of Africa's Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso branch (various next-of-kin location and money transfer issues)
4. no-reply@muppetsfucking.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Miracle fruit
2. Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and Mounds bars combined
3. Dog's blood (I guess technically the apostrophe should be after the "s")
4. Human vomit

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Sarasota
2. All up in your business
3. Tripping balls
4. 1999

People I think will respond (PLEASE, I'm interested!!):
1. Jessie
2. Your mom
3. Damien (it's all for you)
4. Tracey

Four things I'm looking forward to this year:
1. Spending time in Ouagadougou and Sarasota, respectively, with my secret second and third families
2. Penis reduction surgery (hopefully the third time will be a charm)
3. Seeing Bo Diddley in concert
4. GMYH: The Movie (starring Stacy Peterson as Eight Belles)

Four T.V. Shows that I watch:
1. 30 Rock
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Flight of the Conchords
4. MTV's Sex in the '90s