Reasons Why Purdue Will Not Raise Money

Purdue sucks. We all know that. Sometimes, things fall into my lap that are so fucking funny that I couldn't possibly make up, like the time a Purdue student wrote into the student newspaper about how "[w]omen at Purdue are too fat," or the time Purdue offensive linemen decided to take an intimidating group picture in their speedos, or the time West Lafayette bought a giant fan to mask the stench of human waste emanating from, well, West Lafayette. Well, thanks to Deadspin, via Christoff, for this gem. This is an actual fundraising video sent to Purdue alumni. Words can't describe how thankful I am for this. If this is some sort of sign -- and it is -- 2010 is going to be a good year.

Randy Moller Goal Calls

In order to keep people in Florida interested in hockey, Florida Panthers radio announcer Randy Moller goes crazy and makes completely random pop culture references whenever the Panthers score. It may not make any sense, but it's pretty damn funny. Here are several highlight reels. My favorite is on Part 2: "My car just hit a water buffalo." Thanks to Mr. 6000 for the links.

Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:

Kick Ass Trailer

Literally! This is a red band trailer, so there is some foul language and graphic violence, so it might not gel with your place of employment. (Thanks to Australian Andrew for the link)

Tuesday Top Ten: Artists or Bands to Emerge in the 2000s

If you managed to make it through my Top 100 Albums of the 2000s, then you can probably guess the bands and artists from this decade that I happen to like the most. I'm using the term "emerge" for this list because some of the bands may have started in the '90s or even released their debut album in the '90s (such as The White Stripes), but nonetheless, all of the bands on the list did not become part of the public consciousness (to relative degrees, obviously) until the 2000s. So, with that, here are my ten favorite bands or artists who emerged in the 2000s:

Honorable Mention: 50 Cent, The Answer, Art Brut, Gnarls Barkley, Kaiser Chiefs, Razorlight, Wolfmother

10. The Strokes
The Strokes are an odd lot. I love all three of their albums, but I feel like they could have done more this decade. They burst on the scene in 2001 with stripped-down, punky, garage rock, and they were immediately haled as rock saviors. However, just about every guy in the band seems to have a side project or a solo album, which probably explains why they didn't make more than three albums as The Strokes. Anyway, they kick ass, but I want more.

9. Louis XIV
Until 2004, I didn't realize how much the world needed raunchy, punk-infused glam rock. It does. And Louis XIV delivers it.

8. Township
I've written rather extensively about Township. The band plays good, old-fashioned rock and roll, inspired by the glory days of '70s rock, carrying the torch lit by lead singer Marc Pinansky's former band, Runner & The Thermodynamics. Their albums are on both Amazon and iTunes. If you like rock and roll, check them out.

7. The Darkness
For a brief moment in time, The Darkness looked like they were going to bring back what had been missing from rock for far too long: unabashed, ballsy cock rock that doesn't try to hide what it is. They might be higher on the list had they released more albums. Unfortunately, lead singer and guitarist Justin Hawkins quit the band in 2006 after realizing that, as long as he was a rock star, he would be indulging in the rock star lifestyle. It's too bad. Their debut album, Permission to Land, effectively kicked you in the teeth sonically, and their second (and final) album, One Way Ticket to Hell . . . And Back, was pretty damn good too. Certainly, Justin Hawkins has the best falsetto of the decade.

6. The Fratellis
With a Goonies-inspired band name and Ramones-inspired stage names, it's hard to go wrong. The Fratellis have only released two albums, but both are phenomenal, particularly their debut album, Costello Music. That might be one of the catchiest albums I've ever heard. "Chelsea Dagger" is one of those songs that you hear for the first time and you immediately want to listen to it again and again. Thankfully, now you can, as the song has become a sports arena anthem around the world, which makes sense, since it's about a burlesque dancer. Their follow-up album, Here We Stand, is also very good, although not as fast-paced as Costello Music and, therefore, not as fulfilling. Nonetheless, I'm expecting big things from The Fratellis in the future.

5. Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys were hyped, certainly by the British music press, before they had even released an album. They lived up to the hype and more. Their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, became the UK's fastest-selling debut album ever, and the US's second-fastest-selling indie album ever. It was filled with post-punk, rip-roarin' first-person narratives of young love, lust, boozing, and trouble-making. Their follow-up, Favourite Worst Nightmare, isn't as in-your-face as the first album, but almost as good. Their third album, Humbug, was much more mellow and, therefore, not as fulfilling. Nonetheless, I'm expecting big things from Arctic Monkeys in the future.

4. Kings of Leon
I'm sure that I would have called you crazy if you told me ten years ago that one of the biggest and best rock bands of the decade would be comprised of three sons of a travelling Southern evangelical minister and their cousin. They came out guns-a-blazin' in 2004 With their first three albums, I thought Kings of Leon made big steps forward. Each was very different from the others, but each were great in their own way. I thought they kind of took a step sideways with their latest album, 2008's Only By The Night, which, of course, is their best-selling album yet. I knew Kings of Leon had finally made it big when I was in a Subway and a fortysomething African-American woman was singing "Use Somebody" to her toddler. That's a long way from when I saw them open for U2 at the United Center in 2005, and I was one of possibly ten people in the arena who knew any of their songs.

3. The Black Keys
At some point around 2004 or 2005, my buddy Greg sent me a couple Black Keys CDs, and I was immediately hooked. It's stripped-down, blues-based, fuzzy garage rock. And, like The White Stripes, the group is only two people, which is pretty amazing. Dan Auerbach, the lead singer and guitarist, looks like an urban yeti and sounds like a old bluesman. Patrick Carney, the drummer, hits the drums harder than anyone I've ever seen. What I also love about The Black Keys is that they aren't afraid to go experiment. Their last album, Attack & Release, was produced by Danger Mouse and stepped outside just a guitar and drums. The result was a really good album that both stayed true to their sound and broadened it. And, of course, they recently released Blakroc, a collaboration with various hip hop artists, which has gotten rave reviews.

2. The Hold Steady
As with many bands, I stumbled across The Hold Steady while reading Rolling Stone, which was reviewing the band's sophomore album, 2004's Separation Sunday. I got the album, and I liked it. Lead singer and lyricist Craig Finn is one of the best storytelling lyricists ever. In my opinion, he is up there with Springsteen, Bob Dylan, and Phil Lynott. The band's songs are intricate and interesting stories, set against booze-soaked barroom rock and roll. Every album is a new world and, more importantly, every album has been a step forward.

1. The White Stripes
At some point in 2002, I declared The White Stripes to be the best rock band in the world. My roommates at the time scoffed, offering up The Strokes. I was right then, and I'm right now. If you don't own every White Stripes album, then you are doing yourself a disservice. Over the last decade, no band has consistently put out rock and roll as good as The White Stripes. In my opinion, Jack White is the best songwriter around. His ability to write good songs in just about any genre cannot be overlooked. I'm not sure there's anyone else who manages to channel Son House, Elmore James, Jimmy Page, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Joe Strummer, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Booker T. & The MGs, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Bruce Springsteen, Elton John, and Keith Richards all at once. If you don't know what I'm talking about, here is a non-exhaustive list of the different types of songs White has written: straight punk ("Fell in Love with a Girl," "Let's Build a Home"); bluegrass ("Little Ghost"); blues ("Little Bird," "Ball and Biscuit," "Catch Hell Blues"); ball-busting rock ("Icky Thump," "Black Math"); Beatles-esque pop ("You're Pretty Good Looking (For a Girl)," "Hotel Yorba"); soul pop ("My Doorbell"); country rock ("Effect & Cause"); arena anthems ("Seven Nation Army"); heartfelt ballads ("I Want to Be the Boy to Warm Your Mother's Heart," "I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet)"); acoustic songs ("We're Going to Be Friends," "As Ugly As I Seem"); garage rock ("Hello Operator"); glammy fuzz rock ("Blue Orchid"); tongue-in-cheek songs ("It's True That We Love One Another," "It's My Fault for Being Famous"); and, of course, songs based on Orson Wells dialogue ("The Union Forever"). And let's not forget about Jack's diminutive ex-wife behind the drums. Meg bashes away and, like Ringo, her contribution to the band is probably overshadowed. Regardless, the fact that two people can generate such a huge sound (and, more importantly, a great sound) speaks volumes (pun intended, motherfuckers) about their talent.

Next week: Top Ten Songs of the 2000s

Ten Things Husbands Should Never Do

(Fear not, this is not this week's Tuesday Top Ten.)

So I'm minding my own business doing some internet surfing at lunch when I came across an article linked from Yahoo's homepage entitled "10 Things Husbands Should Never Do." Since I am always looking for ways to get under Jester's skin, I took a look.

I found the list to be a little patronizing, both to men and women. It implies that men are insensitive morons who are incapable of consciously doing something for their wives that is inoffensive. It also implies that women all stay at home and are emotionally unstable and incapable of dealing with criticism or innocent terminology. This article might have been more appropriate if it had been written 50 years ago.

I realize every relationship is different, but it seems like we're past the point in society where a husband and wife have to walk on eggshells around one another out of fear of accidentally hurting the other's feelings.

Anyway, here are the ten bits of advice, with my response to each.

1. Offer to "babysit" your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it's called babysitting. When a parent does it, it's called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it?

"Honey, I can child care the kids Saturday night while you hang out with your girlfriends." Yeah, that makes sense. In all seriousness, if you are going to get pissed off at your husband for using the term "babysit," then you're probably one of those people who searches for ways to get pissed off at other people for no real reason. Would you rather he "babysit" the kids or not?

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let's face it: You've basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too—but we've cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we're exhausted, we are exhausted.

I can see some merit to this one, especially if a husband implies that something that is objectively not that hard or stressful is more stressful than housework and caring for children. But if I've had a really stressful and long day at work, I'm sure as shit going to complain about it to my wife. It's not a competition about who can claim that they had the harder day; it's about being able to vent to the person in the world to whom you should be most able to vent.

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can't work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really? Can we get you some new snow tires?

I can also see some merit to this one, as giving the gift of a vacuum cleaner to your wife certainly may imply that you think of her as nothing more than a housecleaner (and a shoddy one at that!). Plus, appliances are generally items that benefit both the husband and wife, so it's kind of a cheap gift (no matter how expensive it might be). And yes, you can get me some new snow tires.

4. Buy us the "cougar" perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen—but most of us don't want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.)

What the fuck is "cougar" perfume? Does she mean Sex Panther? If so, that's cologne, and everyone knows that sixty percent of the time it works every time. Regardless, I don't know a guy in the world who has bought his wife an unsolicited bottle of a new type of perfume. Guys either know what perfume their wives wear (or have asked for) and buy that, or they don't buy perfume at all. And everyone knows that guys don't want their wives to smell like cougars; they want them to smell like strippers.

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn't so great. If my husband tells me one more time that he's been "accident-free since 1978," I'm going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up.

I disagree with this one. First, aren't women statistically less likely to get into car accidents than men? Second, unless a husband is specifically saying "I am a better driver than you" or there is some other context in which it is clear that he is comparing his driving ability to yours, I don't think his bragging is meant to comment on how terrible of a driver you are. And grabbing the wheel to make the car swerve into something would only exacerbate this perceived problem, since the wife caused the crash and, thus, the husband will still be able to brag that he has been accident-free since 1978. Either that or it will kill him, which will, in fact, shut him up, which appears to be more important to the article's author than her husband's safety.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don't know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway.

This is common sense: don't go out of your way to tell someone the meal they just made sucks. That said, if I don't like something, I'm not going to sit there and pretend I do, since I probably don't want to eat it again. If you're married, you should be able to be honest with each other. Frankly, I don't know why a woman (or a man, for that matter) would want to be lied to when such a lie would potentially encourage another full day of making stock and basting.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint, but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns?

Hey, guess what? I know what pants size I wear. Hence, I don't need to try them on. And if this is such a problem that you are consistently "stuck with the returns," then maybe show a little backbone and don't return the dude's clothes.

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you're going on at length about whatever it is, we're taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone's starting to fidget.

I'm not sure how this is specific to marriage. No one likes a know-it-all. And why would any woman carry around a thermometer?

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn't. Usually we know the difference. Don't rub it in.

This seems to imply that women are shallow beings in search of hollow affirmations, even when they know the opposite to be true. If my wife asks my opinion of her haircut, I give it to her. Thankfully, she's never had a bad haircut, so I've never had to tell her that it looks terrible. But if she came back from the salon looking like Pat Benatar, you better believe I'd give it to her straight. Heartache to heartache, we stand.

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it's your house too, right? For now, we'll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold.

I don't think I've ever asked for precious metals in exchange for loading and emptying the dishwasher or doing the laundry, and I don't know many husbands who have either. Also, that's an improper use of the ellipses. A comma would have been more appropriate. I would like a gold for that.


In no particular order, here are ten actual things that a husband should never do:
1. Cheat
2. Make a major purchase without consulting his wife (unless, of course, it's a present for his wife or his mistress)
3. Physically or mentally abuse, kidnap, or kill his wife or children
4. Leave the toilet seat up
5. Turn state's evidence
6. Discuss what happens in the bedroom with other people (sex therapists, psychiatrists, and the husband's buddies excluded, obviously)
7. Walk out
8. Go anal without first asking
9. Hack into his wife's email
10. Steal money from his wife or her twin sister

New Book: Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

I finished Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer, and I highly recommend it, especially for those of you who are looking to be terrified by yet another group of religious extremists (Mormon fundamentalists, in this case). I am generally of the belief that extremely religious people are untrustworthy, whether they call their god God, Allah, Xenu, Zeus, or Tebow. Under the Banner of Heaven takes a hard look at the violent roots of Mormonism and the modern-day implications of the mainstream LDS Church's decision to abandon polygamy and other tenets that Mormon fundamentalists (i.e., NOT mainstream Mormons – think of Roman's compound in Big Love) have continued to practice. In a religion that encourages all of its members to talk directly to God and to receive personal revelations (and, more importantly, that encourages acceptance of those revelations as truth), there are dark and fascinating consequences. The continuing storyline throughout the book relates to two brothers who murdered their sister-in-law and her infant daughter, essentially because one of the guys got a revelation that God wanted them dead. Interspersed within that storyline are chapters regarding Mormonism's history, beginning with Joseph Smith writing the Book of Mormon after being visited by an angel and seeing some tablets that were thereafter destroyed and seen by no one else, through their persecution in the Midwest, through their trek to Utah and attempts to establish a sovereign land for themselves under Brigham Young's iron-fisted guidance. All in all, it was a really interesting book, and I can understand why the LDS Church had such a heated reaction to it, since it paints Mormonism (and the Church) in an objectively negative light.

Next up is Chuck Klosterman's new book, Eating the Dinosaur. I've enjoyed all of his other books, so I don't see any reason why this would be any different. From what I understand, it is a collection of unrelated (or very loosely related) essays, in the vein of Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs. I'm interested to see how he prepares the dinosaur.

Books read in 2009:
The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis
Oh The Glory of It All by Sean Wilsey
I Hate New Music: The Classic Rock Manifesto by Dave Thompson
Sound of the Beast: The Complete Headbanging History of Heavy Metal by Ian Christe
Tearing Down the Wall of Sound: The Rise and Fall of Phil Spector by Mick Brown
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Everybody Wants Some: The Van Halen Saga by Ian Christe
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
KISS: Behind the Mask: The Official Authorized Biography by David Leaf and Ken Sharp
Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer

Tuesday Top Ten: Albums of the 2000s

I love listening to music, and I love writing about listening to music. Therefore, I am not limiting this list to merely the Top 10 albums of the 2000s. No no, fair reader, I am ranking my Top 100 albums of the 2000s. Only the Top 10 will be discussed in depth, although I will randomly insert a blurb here and there about an album outside the Top 10 when I feel it to be appropriate.

As always, I am only ranking albums that I own. Therefore, if there is an album you think should be on the list, chances are I don't own it or, if I do own it, I didn't think it was better than any of the albums on the list. As a heads up, I tend not to buy music that puts me to sleep. Sorry, Death Cab fans.

And, of course, this list is likely premature, since I am sure that I will one day own more albums from this decade than I do today. Such is life. If I am able to do so, on the day I die, I will post an updated list.

Also, I am including only studio albums. Thus, excluded are soundtracks, live albums, greatest hits, or compilations.

Before I get to those studio albums, however, I will say that my favorite compilation of the 2000s is Sympathetic Sounds of Detroit, a 2001 compilation produced by Jack White featuring various Detroit garage bands, including The White Stripes, The Von Bondies, Detroit Cobras, The Dirtbombs, and Ko & The Knockouts, among others. It's an excellent album with some fantastic garage and blues-based rock.

Alright. Now to the studio albums, with a bonus 101st album. Yowzah!

101. Chris Gemkow - Drowsy (2004?)
I previously reviewed this album during my well-received A-Z CDs back in aught seven. Since I'm sure I can't write a better synopsis of the album now as I did then, here is what I had to say about it then: You may know him as Chris Thunder, Gemkeezi, Luda-Chris, or one of the creative forces behind The Franklins, the undisputed kings of Missoula, Montana's goth jazz/acid synth-pop metal scene. Drowsy, his 2004 (?) solo debut, went largely unnoticed by mainstream and underground media outlets, but don't let that fool you. From what I understand, Chris locked himself in a remote Montana cabin with nothing more than a four-track, an acoustic guitar, a harmonica, a single bongo, a didgeridoo, a pillow, the May 1994 issue of Cat Fancy, and like 740 pounds of ganja. He emerged 14 months later with Drowsy, a collection of songs mostly about being tired. "Sweet Solitude" is surprisingly upbeat, considering it recounts the time he spent at Sing Sing for human trafficking. "Looking Out for You" is a horrifying piece, marked by tear-filled wailing and what I think is the sound of a man beating himself in the chest with a half-full metal bucket of nails. Despite what its title implies, "Someone Else's Girl" is all about house cats, and it gets pretty graphic. At a funeral pace, "Without Looking Back" recounts in detail a man's lifelong quest for vengeance against a high school classmate who mercilessly mocked the man when he brought a pink cupcake to lunch one day, drawing accusations of homosexual incest. Derivative of early Kraftwerk, "Without a Sound" -- the second in the "Without Duology" -- is a lighthearted tale of rape and murder from the perspective of the victim -- a deaf mute merman. From what I can tell, "Been Thinkin'" is mostly about turtles, although it's unclear if he means the amphibian or the candy. "Lost and Empty" is a hilarious tongue-in-cheek tribute to AIDS. "Darlin'" is an over-the-top, overproduced ballad, singing the praises of angel dust, Conrad Bain, taxidermy, and wicker patio furniture, in that order. I think there might be a Dylan cover and a Ben Harper cover in there somewhere, but it's hard to tell when a didgeridoo is involved.
100. Kanye West - Late Registration (2005)
99. OutKast - Idlewild (2006)
98. Japandroids - Post-Nothing (2009)
97. Runner & The Thermodynamics - The Dude (2006?)
96. Interpol - Antics (2004)
95. The Dead Weather - Horehound (2009)
94. Weezer - Weezer (The Red Album) (2008)
93. Supagroup - Supagroup (2003)
92. Razorlight - Slipway Fires (2009)
91. Chickenfoot - Chickenfoot (2009)
90. Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy (2008)
89. Andrew W.K. - The Wolf (2003)
88. The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age of the Understatement (2008)
87. Jack Johnson - Brushfire Fairytales (2002)
86. Heartless Bastards - All This Time (2006)
85. Razorlight - Razorlight (2006)
84. Kings of Leon - Only By The Night (2008)
83. The Greenhornes - The Greenhornes (2001)
82. Foxboro Hot Tubs - Stop Drop and Roll!!! (2008)
Green Day's alter ego pumps out sixties-style garage rock, and quite well at that.
81. 50 Cent - The Massacre (2005)
80. The Black Keys - Magic Potion (2006)
79. Unicycle Loves You - Unicycle Loves You (2008)
78. Butch Walker & The Let's-Go-Out-Tonites - The Rise and Fall Of Butch Walker & The Let's-Go-Out-Tonites (2006)
77. Ben Harper & Relentless7 - White Lies for Dark Times (2009)
76. Kanye West - College Dropout (2004)
75. Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff (2005)
74. The Greenhornes - Dual Mono (2002)
73. Catfish Haven - Devastator (2008)
72. Angus Khan - Black Leather Soul (2009)
71. Ko & The Knockouts - Ko & The Knockouts (2002)
70. Kaiser Chiefs - Yours Truly, Angry Mob (2007)
69. Wolfmother - Cosmic Egg (2009)
68. Dirty Pretty Things - Waterloo to Anywhere (2006)
67. Weezer - Maladroit (2002)
66. John Mellencamp - Trouble No More (2003)
This is an album of blues, folk, and Americana covers by Indiana's favorite troubadour. Mellencamp pulls it off with ease.
65. Beastie Boys - To The 5 Boroughs (2004)
64. Weezer - Raditude (2009)
63. Louis XIV - Slick Dogs & Ponies (2008)
62. Kaiser Chiefs - Off With Their Heads (2008)
61. Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better (2005)
60. Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around (2002)
59. Art Brut - Bang Bang Rock & Roll (2006)
58. Man Raze - Surreal (2008)
57. Beck - Guero (2005)
56. Be Your Own Pet - Get Awkward (2008)
55. The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers (2006)
54. The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth (2006)
53. O.A.R. - Souls Aflame (2001)
52. Lit - Atomic (2001)
51. The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike (2005)
50. Ace Frehley - Anomaly (2009)
49. The Black Keys - Attack & Release (2008)
48. The Donnas - Spend the Night (2002)
47. Def Leppard - Yeah! (2006)
A fantastic album of '70s British glam and hard rock covers.
46. The Black Keys - Thickfreakness (2003)
45. The Darkness - One Way Ticket To Hell . . . And Back (2005)
44. Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated (2007)
43. The Hold Steady - Almost Killed Me (2004)
42. The Bravery - The Bravery (2005)
41. The Black Keys - The Big Come Up (2002)
40. Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple (2008)
39. The Fratellis - Here We Stand (2008)
38. The White Stripes - Icky Thump (2007)
37. Weezer - Weezer (The Green Album) (2001)
36. Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare (2007)
35. Velvet Revolver - Contraband (2004)
34. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand (2004)
33. 50 Cent - Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2003)
32. Township - Coming Home (2008)
31. King Konga - Something Good (2001)
30. The Hold Steady - Separation Sunday (2005)
29. The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound (2008)
I recently bought this album at the recommendation of Mike "Not the same guy I went to high school with of the same name" McHugh, and it is fantastic. It's really good rock and roll with interesting lyrics. Think Springsteen-inspired rock mixed with The Clash, early Goo Goo Dolls, The Killers circa Sam's Town, and a little bit of The Cure.
28. Wolfmother - Wolfmother (2006)
27. Runner & The Thermodynamics - Runner and The Thermodynamics (2004)
26. Robert Randolph & The Family Band - Unclassified (2003)
This is, for the most part, energetic, funky, rocking steel lap guitar jam band music. It's a great album.
25. Kaiser Chiefs - Employment (2005)
24. The Answer - Everyday Demons (2009)
23. The Strokes - Room On Fire (2003)
22. Kings of Leon - Because of the Times (2007)
21. The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan (2005)
20. Township - Township (2008)
19. The White Stripes - De Stijl (2000)
18. The Killers - Hot Fuss (2004).
I think it's a sign of a good album when I remember exactly where I was when I first listened to it. For Hot Fuss, it was in August 2004, on a plane to Boston for a guys trip to see the White Sox play the Red Sox at Fenway. Thus, whenever I hear "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine," it brings back memories of busting into a hotel bathroom to vomit, only to find my friend sitting on the pot, thus forcing me to puke in the bathtub, resulting in the both of us laughing our asses off. Good times. Also, the drumming is excellent on this album.
17. Metallica - Death Magnetic (2008)
16. The Darkness - Permission to Land (2003)
15. The Strokes - Is This It? (2001)
14. Kings of Leon - Youth & Young Manhood (2003)
13. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive (2008)
12. The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely (2008)
11. The Black Keys - Rubber Factory (2004)

10. Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet (2001)
Andrew W.K.'s full-length debut is a giant ball of bombastic energy with wall-of-sound production and songs celebrating hedonism. What make this album great, though, is that behind that wall are well-crafted pop hooks. This isn't just some hard-on blowing off steam by yelling into the mic; this is someone who is calculatingly harnessing pop sensibilities while blowing you away sonically. If you combined mid-'70s Springsteen and Meat Loaf with Black Flag, The Ramones, The Replacements, and Motörhead, this might very well be the result.

9. Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak (2005)
Kings of Leon have put out three excellent (and one pretty good) album this decade, but in my opinion, their best is their sophomore effort, Aha Shake Heartbreak. The band matured from their debut album, Youth and Young Manhood, and put out an album with just as much grit, but a little more polish. The songs rock, they have interesting lyrics (presuming you can understand Caleb Followill), and, well, they're just good, solid rock and roll.

8. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever You Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (2006)
Every now and then an album lives up to the hype, and this one was certainly hyped. And it definitely lived up to that hype. Hailing from Sheffield and only 19 or 20 at the time, Arctic Monkeys released a phenomenal debut album. I would describe the album as neoclassical British punk. It's straightforward, brash, honest, and youthful, but not entirely innocent. Most importantly, under the angst (or appearance of angst) are catchy songs. The Arctic Monkeys do a wonderful job of combining old school punk, like Sex Pistols or The Buzzcocks, with newer dance-punk (if that makes sense), like Bloc Party and Franz Ferdinand, yet their sound is their own.

7. OutKast - Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (2003)
After I bought this double album, it was in my CD book (this was long before I had an iPod) for several years. Simply put, the album is excellent. I can't really categorize this as fitting into one genre, as there are elements of hip hop, rap, jazz, rock, pop, soul, R&B, and electronic present throughout the album. I think "Hey Ya!" is one of the best pop songs ever written. "Roses" is fantastic. I love "The Rooster" and "Last Call."

6. Louis XIV - The Best Little Secrets Are Kept (2005)
The Best Little Secrets Are Kept has one of the best starts to an album. The first song, aptly entitled "Louis XIV," starts off with some odd baroque-esque strings, which abruptly stop to make way for lead singer Jason Hill's distorted vocals wryly belting out, "Well, I am a weapon of mass destruction" as the song kicks into fuzzed out glam. The entire album is a punk- and garage-infused ode to '70s glam. The songs are catchy and raunchy. And you might be wondering how an album gets an "Explicit Content" sticker when it doesn't contain a single swear word. In the case of this album, it's the tawdry, sexually charged subject matter of several of the songs (i.e., "Pull your skirt up a little bit / Pull down your top and show me a little tit"). And the cover art is fantastic.

5. The White Stripes - Elephant (2003)
This is the White Stripes album that established Jack White as a guitar god. This album is ridiculously good. You all know "Seven Nation Army," which is great, but the rest of the album is just as good, if not better. "Black Math," "The Hardest Button to Button," "Hypnotize," and "The Air Near My Fingers" kick you in the teeth. "Ball and Biscuit" is a raunchy blues rocker that would make Led Zeppelin proud. "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself" is probably the best Burt Bacharach cover of all-time. All in all, the album is simply fantastic.

4. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America (2006)
The Hold Steady is better than any other band at creating a universe within an album. The songs tell stories, in the tradition of Springsteen and Lynott, and, most importantly, the stories are interesting, relatable, and somewhat interrelated. On this album, they have created a world of young love, parties, dances, drugs, booze, and concerts. "Stuck Between Stations" warns "She was a damn good dancer / But she wasn't all that great of a girlfriend." I think all guys can relate to that on some level. And the song "Massive Nights" is one of my favorite songs of the decade.

3. The Fratellis - Costello Music (2007)
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this album has more hooks than a tackle box. You've no doubt heard "Chelsea Dagger," which has become a sports anthem (and an Amstel Light anthem), but "Flathead," "Henrietta," "Baby Fratelli," and "Vince the Lovable Stoner" are just as catchy. There isn't a song on the album that doesn't rock. Double negatives aside, I don't know how anyone wouldn't like this album. Quadruple negatives aside, seriously, this album is awesome.

2. Razorlight - Up All Night (2004)
I think I read a review of this album in Rolling Stone, and it sounded like something I would like, so I went to Amazon and listened to the clips, and I liked those. So I bought the album, and, needless to say, I loved it. Like The Fratellis' Costello Music (see #3 above), Up All Night is full of hooks, but with a punk edge. The album has a fantastic energy, and there are no let-downs. I love the way "In the City" starts off slow and crescendos into madness. "Stumble and Fall" is just a great song. "Don't Go Back to Dalston" ensures that I won't go back to Dalston. "Golden Touch" is catchy as hell (and, if I'm not mistaken, was once used in a Pontiac commercial).

1. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells (2001)
This is the album that made me fall in love with The White Stripes. When I bought the CD, all I had heard was "Fell in Love with a Girl" and "Dead Leave on the Dirty Ground," both of which I thought were great songs. Little did I know what lurked beyond those songs. The album is a mélange of well-written punk, Beatles-esque pop, acoustic ballads, and straight-up rock. Jack White is a great storyteller, and every song is good -- even "Aluminum," which is a weird instrumental with moaning. "Offend in Every Way" might be my favorite White Stripes song. If someone were to ask me which White Stripes album is the best introduction to the band, I would definitely go with White Blood Cells. And, the best part is that it was recorded in something like 4 days. Ridiculous.

I'd love to hear your favorite album of the last decade, or your Top 10, or, if you're feeling like wasting several hours, your Top 100.

Tuesday Top Ten Coming Tomorrow

On Wednesday?! Egad! Yeah, I know, it's tragic, but I was busy today, eating Italian beef sandwiches, doing last-minute Christmukkah shopping, and watching Christmas Vacation with Daughter. Please accept my sincere apology.

Don't Call Me Daughter

So, you might have noticed I've been a bit light on the posts recently. That is a direct result of Jester birthing a child. Said child -- we'll call her Daughter -- is absolutely adorable, but she looks very little like Jester or me (although clearly better looking than both of us). Now that the paternity test has confirmed that I am the father, I feel comfortable writing about Daughter.

We brought Daughter home a week ago today. The past week has been filled with tears, mustard-colored stains, blood-curdling screams, and, most notably, feces. The same goes for Daughter's week too.

But seriously, folks, Daughter is awesome thus far. She is already sleeping for 4-6 hours at time at night. Her dumps sound hilarious (kind of like the dying giraffe from the South Park movie). Her hair forms into a natural mohawk when dried after a bath (see picture to the left). I find the rhythm of her crying to be soothing. She has learned how to give the middle finger to both Kentucky and the Packers. She loves swinging (as in sitting in a baby swing, as opposed to going to key parties). She is already quoting Seagal movies ("I'd like to kill you so bad I can barely contain myself. But I've been thinking, death is far too merciful a fate for you."). She's already recruiting fellow babies to join her in the IU Class of '32. And she can already hum the melody to several Iron Maiden songs, including "The Trooper," which we have hilariously renamed "The Pooper." She hears it approximately 6-8 times in every 24-hour period. The lyrics of the song are eerily applicable to the changing of diapers.

Many of you have asked about Harley. She got off to a rather disconcerting start with Daughter and, therefore, had to be destroyed. It was a tough decision, but a necessary step to ensure the safety of the child. We had her stuffed in her classic "lounging on the couch" position and even put a Santa hat on her for the holidays.

I kid. Harley has taken a very zen approach to the baby's arrival. There has been some curious sniffing, but little else.

All in all, the first week of fatherhood has been slightly easier than I expected. For writing that, I fully expect shit to hit the fan (quite possibly literally).

Tuesday Top Ten: EPs of the 2000s

Somewhere between love and madness lies obsession, and somewhere between a single and an album lies the EP. It's an oft-forgotten form of music these days, but bands do in fact continue to release EPs every now and then. In the past ten years, there have been some pretty good EPs put out, and I intend to list my favorite ten.

Just so we're all clear, this list only includes EPs that I own. To include others would be an injustice to the words "extended play."

Because the freecreditreport.com band has not yet released an EP, here are the best of the rest:

10. V Sparks - EP (2006?)
I saw this band a few years ago at the Kinetic Playground, and I picked up their EP while I was there. It's '70s glam-tastic, inspired by T. Rex, Bowie, and Mott the Hoople.
Favorite song: "Red Love Suicide"

9. Catfish Haven - Please Come Back (2006)
I saw these guys a few years ago opening up for The Hold Steady, and I immediately went home and bought this EP. It turns out they are a local Chicago band. The lead singer looks like an urban yeti, but sounds like an old bluesman. The band's sound combines garage rock, CCR, the blues, soul, and something I can't quite put my finger on.
Favorite song: "Madeline"

8. One Day as a Lion - One Day as a Lion (2008)
This was the one-off project for Rage Against the Machine lead singer Zach de la Rocha and former Mars Volta drummer Jon Theodore. It sounds a lot like Rage (and the subject matter is just as politically tinged), so it's good.
Favorite song: "If You Fear Dying"

7. The Greenhornes - East Grand Blues (2005)
Of course, you know of The Greenhornes because two of their members (Jack Lawrence and Patrick Keeler) are also in The Raconteurs. Before all that, they were Cincinnati's finest garage band, and East Grand Blues was a solid effort. As with much of their material, if you didn't know it was made in the 2000s, you would think it was straight from the mid to late '60s.
Favorite song: "Pattern Skies"

6. The White Stripes - Walking With a Ghost (2005)
This EP is more of a single with a bonus. The White Stripes more than ably covered Tegan & Sara's "Walking With a Ghost," and some live versions of White Blood Cells' "Same Boy You've Always Known," their eponymous debut album's "Screwdriver," and Get Behind Me Satan's "Denial Twist" and "As Ugly As I Seem."
Favorite song: "Walking With a Ghost"

5. Stillwater - Stillwater (2001)
Yes, this is an EP by the fictional band that stole our hearts in the movie Almost Famous. It came with the special edition DVD, and it's fantastic. In addition to their signature hit "Fever Dog," which is also on the soundtrack, the EP contains the other songs the group plays throughout the film. There are songs written by Heart's Ann and Nancy Wilson (the latter of whom, as you may know, is filmmaker Cameron Crowe's wife) and Peter Frampton, among others.
Favorite song: "Fever Dog"

4. The Answer - Never Too Late (2008)
This is The Answer's US debut release (before their full length album, Everyday Demons), and it is pretty damn good, ball-busting hard rock. And, as a bonus, the EP comes with a live DVD.
Favorite song: "Highwater or Hell"

3. The White Stripes - Conquest (2008)
In addition to the title track, which is from the Icky Thump album, this EP contains a few fun-loving b-sides and a mariachi version of "Conquest." The White Stripes are awesome.
Favorite song: "It's My Fault for Being Famous"

2. Township - Township EP (2007)
This is Township's first output, and it's fantastic. It picks up where lead singer Marc Pinansky's former band, Runner & The Thermodynamics, left off, harkening '70s rock. From the "108/200" on the CD, it would appear that only 200 copies were made available.
Favorite song: "Lady Ann"

1. The Black Keys - Chulahoma (2006)
This EP is a collection of covers of song by late bluesman Junior Kimbrough, and the boys from Akron bring it, adding fuzz and Rust Belt soul to Kimbrough's music. In a moment that is both touching an eerie, the EP ends with a message left by Kimbrough's widow on lead singer Dan Auerbach's answering machine telling how much she's proud of the duo's work and how they sound like Kimbrough.
Favorite song: "My Mind is Ramblin'"

Next Tuesday: The Top 10 Albums of the 2000s