Tuesday Top Ten: Non-Performing Rock and Roll Songwriters

Last week, two songwriting legends died – Jerry Leiber and Nickolas Ashford. Leiber was one half of Leiber and Stoller – who wrote many of early rock and roll's hits. Ashford was one half of Ashford and Simpson – who wrote, among other things, several Motown hits in the late '60s and early '70s.

Back in the beginning decades of rock and roll, it was commonplace for there to be songwriters who did not perform, but whose job was just to write songs. Hell, there was even an entire building in New York dedicated to songwriting. Sometimes these songwriters were attached to a specific label, and other times they were basically free agents. This doesn't happen as often anymore, although it still does to some extent, since there will always be people who can sing well but can't do anything else. That said, even those artists who do write their own songs may go to a songwriting guru for some help now and then.

This week's list is who I consider the top ten non-performing songwriters or songwriting teams. Some people on the list may be performers also (such as Carole King), but I'm not taking into account the songs they wrote for themselves as performers (sorry, Tapestry fans).

Honorable mention (in alphabetical order): Nickolas Ashford and Valerie Simpson ("Ain't No Mountain High Enough," "Your Precious Love," "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing," and "You're All I Need to Get By" Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell; "Reach Out and Touch (Somebody's Hand)" and "Remember Me" by Diana Ross); Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart ("Come a Little Bit Closer" by Jay & the Americans, "(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone" by Paul Revere and the Raiders; "Words" by The Leaves; and "(Theme from) The Monkees" and "Last Train to Clarksville" by The Monkees); Sean Garrett (hip-hop producer and songwriter who has written or co-written 15 Number Ones over the last decade, including "Yeah" by Usher); Mutt Lange (co-wrote all songs on Def Leppard's Pyromania, Hysteria, and Adrenalize albums, "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" by Bryan Adams, "Breathless" by The Corrs, "Do You Believe In Love" by Huey Lewis and the News); Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman ("A Teenager in Love" by Dion; "Save The Last Dance For Me," "This Magic Moment," and "Sweets For My Sweet" by The Drifters; "Hushabye" by The Beach Boys; "Turn Me Loose" by Fabian; "Can't Get Used to Losing You" by Andy Williams; "Little Sister," "Suspicion," "Surrender," "Viva Las Vegas," and "(Marie's the Name) His Latest Flame" by Elvis); Jim Steinman (wrote three Meat Loaf albums, including the songs "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" and "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)"; "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler; "Making Love Out of Nothing at All" by Air Supply; "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion); Diane Warren ("I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith; "How Do I Live" by LeAnn Rimes and Trisha Yearwood; "Un-Break My Heart" by Toni Braxton; "Because You Loved Me" by Céline Dion; "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship; "Rhythm of the Night" by DeBarge; "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill)

10. Tom Kelly and Billy Steinberg
These guys wrote some pretty huge songs, including: "Like a Virgin" by Madonna; "I Touch Myself" by Divinyls (co-written with Christina Amphlett and Mark McEntee); "Alone" by Heart; "Eternal Flame" and "In Your Room" by The Bangles (both co-written with Susanna Hoffs); "True Colors" and "I Drove All Night" by Cyndi Lauper; "I'll Stand by You" by The Pretenders (co-written with Chrissie Hynde); and "So Emotional" by Whitney Houston. In addition, they have written songs for REO Speedwagon, Cheap Trick, Bette Midler, and Belinda Carlisle.

9. Smokey Robinson
Aside from the songs he wrote for his own group, The Miracles, he wrote a number of huge hits for other Motown artists, including: "My Guy" by Mary Wells; "The Way You Do the Things You Do," "My Girl," "Since I Lost My Baby," and "Get Ready" by The Temptations; "Still Water (Love)" by The Four Tops; "Don't Mess With Bill" and "My Baby Must Be a Magician" by The Marvelettes; "When I'm Gone" by Brenda Holloway; "Ain't That Peculiar" and "I'll Be Doggone" by Marvin Gaye; and "First I Look at the Purse" by The Contours.

8. Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil
Unlike many of their Brill Building counterparts, Mann and Weil kept writing hit songs long after the '60s ended (maybe because they are one of the few Brill Building songwriting teams that stayed married past the '60s). Most famously, they co-wrote (with Phil Spector) "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by The Righteous Brothers, the most-played song of the 20th Century. Other hits included "On Broadway" by The Drifters (with Leiber and Stoller); "Don't Know Much" by Aaron Neville & Linda Ronstadt; "Uptown" and "He's Sure the Boy I Love" by The Crystals; "Kicks" and "Hungry" by Paul Revere & the Raiders; "Only in America" by Jay and the Americans; "Somewhere Out There" by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram (co-written with James Horner); "Walking in the Rain" by The Ronettes; "We Gotta Get Out of This Place" by The Animals; and "(You're My) Soul & Inspiration" by The Righteous Brothers. They also wrote the title song for the movie Christmas Vacation.

7. Barrett Strong and Norman Whitfield
Barrett Strong had Motown's first hit, "Money," and then became a songwriter for Motown, teaming with Norman Whitfield. Together, they wrote: "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye; "War" by Edwin Starr; "Smiling Faces Sometimes" by The Undisputed Truth; and "Cloud Nine," "I Can't Get Next to You," "Psychedelic Shack," "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today)," "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone," and "Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)" by The Temptations. In addition, Whitfield wrote "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" by The Temptations (with Edward Holland, Jr.), "(I Know) I'm Losing You" by The Temptations (and later Faces) (with Edward Holland, Jr. and Cornelius Grant); and "Car Wash" by Rose Royce.

6. Gerry Goffin and Carole King
Before she was a singing about the earth moving under her feet and it being too late, baby, Carole King and then-husband Gerry Goffin were writing masterpieces for other musicians. Their first big hit was 1961's "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" by The Shirelles – one of the first songs about shacking. They went on to write "Take Good Care of My Baby" by Bobby Vee, "Some Kind of Wonderful" by The Drifters (not to be confused with the song of the same name by Grand Funk Railroad), "Chains" by The Cookies (and covered by The Beatles), "The Loco-Motion" by Little Eva, "One Fine Day" by The Chiffons, "Up On the Roof" by The Drifters, "I'm Into Something Good" by Herman's Hermits, "Don't Bring Me Down" by The Animals, "Pleasant Valley Sunday" by The Monkees, "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin, and "Just Once in My Life" by The Righteous Brothers (with Phil Spector).

5. Bert Berns (aka Bert Russell)
Bert Berns's songwriting career was relatively brief, as he died in 1968 at the age of 38, but he made the most of his time on this planet. Check out this line-up: "Here Comes the Night" by Them; "Piece of My Heart" by Big Brother and The Holding Company; "Hang on Sloopy" by The McCoys; "Twist and Shout" by The Isley Brothers (with Phil Medley); "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves and later Bow Wow Wow (co-written with the Strangeloves); "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" and "Cry to Me" by Solomon Burke; "Tell Him" by The Exciters; "Cry Baby" by Janis Joplin; and "Baby Let Me Take You Home" The Animals (1964).

4. Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller
Leiber and Stoller wrote "Hound Dog" and "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis, "Kansas City" by Wilbert Harrison, "Stand By Me" (with Ben E. King), "On Broadway" (with Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil) and "There Goes My Baby" by The Drifters, "Poison Ivy, "Charlie Brown," "Searchin'," and "Yakety Yak" by The Coasters, "Love Potion #9" by The Clovers, and "Spanish Harlem" by Ben E. King and later Aretha Franklin (Jerry Leiber and Phil Spector). They even had a Broadway musical that featured 39 of their songs (Smokey Joe's Café).

3. Barry-Greenwich-Spector
In addition to being arguably the greatest record producer of all-time and a crack shot with a revolver, Phil Spector was a hell of a songwriter. He often teamed up with other Brill Building writers, most notably Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich. Together, the three of them wrote some of the most enduring pop songs of all-time, including: "Chapel of Love" by The Dixie Cups; "Be My Baby," "Baby, I Love You," and "I Can Hear Music" by The Ronettes; "River Deep - Mountain High" by Ike and Tina Turner; "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love; and "Da Doo Ron Ron" and "Then He Kissed Me" The Crystals.

In addition, Berry and Greenwich wrote "Hanky Panky" by Tommy James & The Shondells and "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" by Manfred Mann. Jeff Barry also co-wrote "Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies, and wrote the theme songs for The Jeffersons and Family Ties (among other shows). Spector also wrote or co-wrote the following songs: "To Know Him Is to Love Him" by The Teddy Bears; "Leader of the Pack" by The Shangri-Las (with George "Shadow" Morton); "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by The Righteous Brothers (with Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil); "Spanish Harlem" by Ben E. King and later Aretha Franklin (with Jerry Leiber); "There's No Other (Like My Baby)" by The Crystals (with Leroy Bates); and "Just Once in My Life" by The Righteous Brothers (with Gerry Goffin and Carole King)

2. Desmond Child
What can you say about Desmond Child? He resurrected Aerosmith's career, wrote some of the best hard rock and hair band songs of the '80s, and continues to write pop songs that should provide enough royalties so that his great grandchildren are financially secure. He is a songwriting chameleon, able to write for just about any genre. Among his hundreds of songwriting credits are: "I Was Made for Lovin' You" and "Heaven's on Fire" by Kiss; "Livin' on a Prayer," "You Give Love a Bad Name," "Bad Medicine," "Born to Be My Baby," and "Keep the Faith" by Bon Jovi; "Angel," "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)," "What It Takes," and "Crazy" by Aerosmith; "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts; "Poison" by Alice Cooper; "How Can We Be Lovers?" by Michael Bolton; "Givin' Yourself Away," "Heads I Win, Tails You Lose," "Lovin' You's A Dirty Job," and "Shame Shame Shame" by Ratt; "Kiss the Rain" by Billie Myers; "Livin' La Vida Loca," "The Cup of Life," "She Bangs," "Shake Your Bon-Bon" by Ricky Martin; and "Waking Up in Vegas" by Katy Perry.

1. Holland-Dozier-Holland
Lamont Dozier and brothers Brian Holland and Edward Holland, Jr. were behind the "Hits" in Motown's Hitsville USA. It's tough to top this stat: 35 Top 10 songs, including 14 Number Ones. Between 1963 and 1970, only The Beatles had more Number Ones than Holland-Dozier-Holland. Among their hits were: "(Love Is Like a) Heat Wave," "Nowhere to Run," and "Jimmy Mack" by Martha and the Vandellas; "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)" by Marvin Gaye; "Stop! In the Name of Love," "Baby Love," "Where Did Our Love Go," "Come See About Me," "You Can't Hurry Love," "You Keep Me Hangin' On" by The Supremes; "Reach Out (I'll Be There)," "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)," "It's The Same Old Song," "Standing In the Shadows of Love," "Baby I Need Your Loving by The Four Tops; "Band of Gold" by Freda Payne; "This Old Heart of Mine" by The Isley Brothers; and "Give Me Just a Little More Time" by Chairmen of the Board.

Anyone I'm missing?

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Pole Vaulters

Pole vaulting is known as the glamour sport of field competition. Money. Fame. Giant sticks. Pole vaulting has it all. Not a day goes by without hearing about some kid who wants to be the next Sergei Bubka or Stacy Dragila. But what the agents chirping in these kids' ears don't tell them is that pole vaulting has a lethal side. Earlier today, Russian flyboy Dmitry Starodubtsev nearly lost his life when his pole snapped at the World Championships in Daegu, South Korea -- which until today was known for its succulent apples. But there's nothing red or delicious about what happened. View the video below with caution.



Now imagine for a second what it would have been like had there not been a giant pad for Starodubtsev to land on, but rather a pit of alligators. Good God. He's lucky he only came out of it with an injured hand and wounded pride. When will the IAAF ban this blood sport? Perhaps when it's too late.

Can You Name Every National Champion in Baseball, Basketball, Football, and Hockey Since 1961?

No? Neither can I. But I did get 200 of 203. You see, I'm physically, emotionally, and psychologically addicted to Sporcle, an online trivia website that controls my days. One of their quizzes today was to name the NCAA champions in baseball, basketball, and hockey, and the AP national champions (until the BCS, then BCS champs) in football since 1961. You have 18 minutes. Beat me.

Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 8/26/11

The Name Game, Part 2

With the impending birth of our next child, who doctors and shamans assure us will be female, time is ticking to pick a name. We hit it out of the park the first time around with Daughter – a name that perfectly describes the fact that she is the female child of parents. As a result, it's tougher the second time. Daughter suggested the following names: Chicken, Lulu Cow, and Lollipop. Those are completely unrealistic choices. Sometimes I don't know about that kid. Daughter #2 and Second Daughter seem like logical choices, but I don't want the newbie to think she's second best or somehow inferior to Daughter. I was leaning towards The Deuce, but then I remembered that's the nickname for the only time I ever clogged (and overflowed) a hotel toilet, which occurred sometime in May 2004 at the Holiday Inn at Merchandise Mart when I was in town for Uter's bachelor party. Apparently, you can't just ask for a plunger at hotel. They have to send someone up with a plumbing snake that, while unclogging the toilet, sprays your own fecal water all over your bathroom floor. Then you have to wait for someone else to come up to bleach and clean the bathroom floor while your friends laugh their asses off. But I digress. Then I was briefly thinking about naming her Number Two, but then I'd always be asking her "Who does Number Two work for?" The Sequel is another option, but again, I don't want to set her up for failure, as most sequels are not as good as the original. Also, people might assume we cloned Daughter. It may be one of those situations where I have to see her before I name her. She may pop out and I might see her and say, "Sweet Jesus, you are definitely a Lollipop."

Daughter is doing great. Thanks for asking. She is developing nicely, slowly but surely earning my trust, respect, and unconditional love. Here are some tidbits about her:
-Her coping mechanisms are still rudimentary.
-Dinosaurs. She can't get enough dinosaurs, whether it's watching that delusional Canadian Dino Dan, reading books about dinosaurs, or playing with toy dinosaurs. What is it with kids and dinosaurs? I haven't had the heart to tell her what happened yet. That's going to be a rough day.
-Thus far, she has openly declared her love for her mother, her grandmothers, toast, yogurt, and two separate stuffed animals at a store, but not her father.
-She handles a samurai sword surprisingly well, but she can't catch a football worth a damn. Go figure.
-Thanks to classic Pavlovian conditioning, she can sing portions of Warrant's "Cherry Pie," George Clinton's "Atomic Dog," Ice Cube's "We Be Clubbin'," Master P's "Make 'Em Say Uhh!," and AC/DC's "Thunderstruck." I'm not sure I could be more proud. Next on the list are: "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen, "Up All Night" by Slaughter, and "Rock and Roll All Nite" by Kiss. I guess something by T. Rex, Dinosaur, Jr., or Was (Not Was) might be appropriate as well. At some point, I will video tape these and make a megamix, which should vault her into superstardom.
-We are working on what will become her adorable catchphrase: "You gotta be shittin' me!"
-She can spell just about anything incorrectly.
-She seems to draw most of her comedic influence from the observation-based humor of Tom Green. When she sees a bird on the roof across the street, she says, "Bird on the roof" and laughs. Or when our dog is under our kitchen table, she says, "Harley is under the table" and laughs. Or when there's a piece of corn on the table, she points at it, says "Corn," and laughs. I'm interested to see who becomes her Glenn Humplik and Phil Giroux. I'm just thankful she's not into mimes.

Tuesday Top Ten: Things Never to Say to Your Husband

A week or so ago, I came across an article entitled "8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband." Here is the list from the article, with my comments.

1. "You're just like your father."
Not true, as I do not have a mustache.
2. "When are you going to find a new job?"
When someone offers to pay me six or seven figures to be a ninja.
3. "My mother warned me you'd do this!"
Unlikely, unless I specifically warned your mother to warn you that I'd do this.
4. "Just leave it––I'll do it myself!"
Thanks. I'm going to go play Sporcle.
5. "You always... [fill in the blank]" or "You never... [fill in the blank]"
This is always annoying and never achieves anything, unless its "You always perform well sexually" or "You never join enough fantasy football leagues."
6. "Do you really think those pants are flattering?"
No. In fact, I have documented my problems with pants.
7. "Ugh, we're hanging out with him again?"
Yep.
8. "Please watch the kids. But don't do this, take them here or forget that..."
Okay, but last time they had a great time at the cockfight.

In all seriousness, some of the above phrases are annoying as hell. Both husbands and wives should avoid them if possible.

Before I give you my own list, let me just say that I love my wife, and these are not aimed at her – well, not all of them at least. With that, here are ten other things you should never say to your husband:

10. "I don't want to listen to hair band music right now."
Unless you are at a funeral, this should never be uttered to your husband. Even then, what about "Close My Eyes Forever" by Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford, "Mama, I'm Coming Home" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Heaven" by Warrant," "Heaven Is" by Def Leppard, "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC, "Hells Bells" by AC/DC, "Without You" by Motley Crue, "The Final Countdown" by Europe, "Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford, "Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone" by Cinderella, "I Won't Forget You" by Poison, "Chains Around Heaven" by Black 'N' Blue, "Too Late for Love" by Def Leppard, "We All Die Young" by Steel Dragon, "Send Me An Angel" by The Scorpions, "I Remember You" by Skid Row, "Never Say Goodbye" by Bon Jovi, "I'll Never Let You Go" by Steelheart, "Fly to the Angels" by Slaughter, "Live and Let Die" by Guns N' Roses, "Dust N' Bones" by Guns N' Roses, "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" by Guns N' Roses, "Runnin' With the Devil" by Van Halen, or "Hungry for Heaven" by Dio?

9. "Do you think we should get a new [insert any piece of furniture]?"
No.

8. "Don't work out" or "Work out later."
I am not in what most physicians would call good shape. Thus, when I have one of those fleeting moments of inspiration to work out, do not do anything to stop me, unless of course you want your husband to resemble Jabba the Hutt.

7. "Boy, you're really getting a beer gut."
Probably because you never let me work out.

6. "I hate that shirt."
Well, I bought it with the intention of wearing it because I saw something in the shirt I liked, something I believed in. Thus, simply because you don't like the shirt doesn't mean I'm not going to wear it. I may even wear it in front of you from time to time. If you don't like it, keep it to yourself, unless you want me to start ripping on what you're wearing. Lord knows you would take that as an indictment of your character. Just be glad my shirt wasn't designed by Christian Audigier.

5. "[insert name of friend's wife/fiance/girlfriend/paramour] would never let [insert name of friend] do/wear/buy that."
That's why I married you, not anyone else.

4. "I just chopped off your penis and put it in the garbage disposal so that it can never be reattached."
Not cool.

3. (while talking to your child when you're in earshot) "Tell your dad to . . ."
Hey, guess what? I'm right here, I am more than capable of hearing words come out of your mouth, and our kid cannot speak in full sentences. Just say it to me.

2. "I hate [doing a particular sexual act]."
Men thrive on sexual hope. It's often the only thing that keeps us from jumping off of a bridge. Even if you have no intention of ever doing whatever sexual act you apparently deplore, don't tell your husband that. If he can't get freaky with his wife, who can he get freaky with? If you foreclose all possibility of something, he will think, "Great. I'm 30. In the next 40-60 years, I will never again do a standing 69."

1. "It's too bad you aren't good at a sport that can help you lose some weight."
This is especially hurtful when it is the only thing said in response to a monumental archery victory.

New Book: Snow Blind: A Brief Career in the Cocaine Trade by Robert Sabbag

I recently finished reading My Billion Year Contract: Memoir of a Former Scientologist by Nancy Many. Many fell into Scientology as a confused college student and worked her way up to some pretty high-level positions within the Church of Scientology. Then, thanks in large part to the "counseling" she was receiving from Scientology, she had a psychotic breakdown and eventually left the church. Here's what I learned about Scientology:

• There appear to be two overriding goals of Scientology: (1) to mentally abuse its members; and (2) to make shitloads of money, presumably to finance lawsuits against it, most of which relate to its mental abuse of its members.
• The amount of money they charge for their "auditing" and other "counseling" services is insane. Imagine if the Catholic Church charged you $30,000 every time you went to confession – and then wrote everything down and kept it in a file on you forever.
• L. Ron Hubbard had a God complex. He viewed himself as on the same level as Jesus, Mohammad, and Buddha. He was also apparently a giant asshole.
• The crux of Scientology is that everything is your fault. If you get cancer, it's your fault and you're shunned. If you get t-boned by a semi that runs a red light and you get paralyzed as a result, it's your fault and you're shunned. If someone randomly holds you up at gunpoint and shoots you in the face, it's your fault and you're shunned.
• If someone who works for the Church of Scientology isn't doing a good enough job (or even if someone under that person isn't doing a good enough job), he or she can get sent to something called the Rehabilitation Project Force, which is essentially a prison chain gang. RPF members must sleep in shoddily constructed barracks, do manual labor, wear a certain colored jumpsuit at all times, and cannot speak to any other non-RPF Scientologists (including spouses). The author was sent to the RPF when she was 5+ months pregnant. She had to live in a parking garage. You can get out of the RPF if you are considered "rehabilitated" by Scientology's auditors/counselors. There was one guy who was in the RPF for seven years.
• If you leave Scientology, no one in Scientology is allowed to ever speak to you again (including family members who are still in Scientology).
• It sounds like most of the celebrity Scientologists are kept in the dark about what actually goes on. (The author should know, as she used to run Scientology's LA Celebrity Centre.) Instead, Scientology uses celebrities as its puppets in order to get more members (and, consequently, more money). I wonder how many people would become Scientologists if they knew about the kind of humiliation Scientology purposefully inflicts on its members and workers.
• Scientology is evil and will stop at nothing to destroy all in its path.

My biggest beef with the book was that there was very little (almost nothing) about the beliefs of Scientology (i.e., the aliens, volcanoes, etc.). (For an excellent, in-depth article about Scientology, including its beliefs, check out this article from Rolling Stone from a few years back.) Also, the editing was poor (i.e., there were periods next to commas, some sentences started with lower-case letters, and some quotation marks inside periods). Nonetheless, I would definitely recommend it for anyone who is interested in learning why never to become a Scientologist.

I have now started reading Snow Blind: A Brief Career in the Cocaine Trade by Robert Sabbag. It came recommended by Gregerson, to whom it came recommended by his friend Tom Bissell, who is an award-winning author. The book is about the beginning of the cocaine trade in the U.S., particularly between New York and Bogota. I've seen the Showtime documentary Cocaine Cowboys, which is about the beginnings of the cocaine trade, focusing on Miami. It's all very fascinating to me, so I'm sure this will be an interesting read.

Books read in 2011:
Life by Keith Richards
Delta Blues: The Life and Times of the Mississippi Masters Who Revolutionized American Music by Ted Gioia
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
The Devil We Know: Dealing With the New Iranian Superpower by Robert Baer
Riders on the Storm: My Life with Jim Morrison and The Doors by John Densmore
The Butcher: Anatomy of a Mafia Psychopath by Philip Carlo
Runaway Dream: Born to Run and Bruce Springsteen's American Vision by Louis P. Masur
Clapton by Eric Clapton
Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman

My Billion Year Contract: Memoir of a Former Scientologist by Nancy Many

Kings of Leon Documentary on Showtime This Sunday

Tomorrow night at 10 Eastern, Showtime is airing Talahina Sky: The Story of Kings of Leon. It should be pretty interesting. For those of you who don't know their backstory, the band is three brothers and their cousin, who all grew up together travelling with their Pentecostal preacher fathers/uncles. Leon is their grandpa and has what some consider the most awesome first name ever. Anyway, check out the documentary.

Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 8/19/11

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Warrant Songs

As I'm sure you've heard by now, former Warrant lead singer Jani Lane died Friday at the age of 47.

As a huge fan of hair bands, this was sad news to me, especially knowing that Lane had children. I still have my tape of Warrant's debut album, Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich. I can remember when Lane performed with Warrant at the infamous 1990 American Music Awards with a black eye because his bandmate tried jumping over him the night before and clocked him in the face with a guitar in the process. (Those are the same awards that prompted tape delays of live shows, due to Slash and Duff McKagan, both hammered, swearing as they accepted awards on behalf of GNR. I was lucky enough to have taped the show for some reason, and it is still somewhere at my mom's house. I am legend.)

In recent years, I've come to view Lane as kind of a tragic figure (even before his death). He was on Celebrity Fit Club a couple years ago, and you could tell he had some pretty clear recurring issues with alcohol and with his past.

Most tragic for me, though, was his hatred of what Warrant is probably best remembered for -- their 1990 hit "Cherry Pie." The band's second album, also entitled Cherry Pie, was supposed to be called Uncle Tom's Cabin (which is also the name of a song on the album) and was thought to be complete, but the record company wanted the band to write a hit single for the album. Lane wrote "Cherry Pie" in 15 minutes on the back of a pizza box. During VH1's fantastic 2006 documentary, Heavy: The Story of Metal, Lane discusses "Cherry Pie," his distaste for the song, and the fact that his legacy is tied so closely to that song. In a line that has stuck with me since the first time I heard it, he said, "I could shoot myself in the fucking head for writing that song." I remember thinking how sad I felt for the guy because he absolutely despised a song that millions of people (including me) loved, and from his demeanor, it didn't seem like too far of a stretch that he would shoot himself in the head.

But let's not think of the bad things. Let's focus on the good. Warrant made some pretty solid music in the late '80s and early '90s. Sure, they had a lot of power ballads, but they were some pretty good ones. And they also had their fair share of rockers as well. With that, here are my ten favorite Warrant songs (unfortunately, Playlist.com didn't have a lot of them):

Honorable mention: "You're The Only Hell Your Mama Ever Raised"; "Blind Faith"; "Train, Train"; "Sometimes She Cries"

10. "So Damn Pretty (Should Be Against the Law)"
While I disagree with the outlawing of hotness that seems to be advocated by the song, I agree that it rocks.

9. "Love In Stereo"
It's a song about a threesome. Enough said.

8. "Big Talk"
I had forgotten about this song until I got DRFSR on CD last year. It's a pretty solid, catchy rocker. Apparently, the band made a video for the song as well, which I saw this weekend on VH1 Classic's Metal Mania.

7. "Heaven"
This was the band's highest charting song, making it all the way up to #2 on the charts back in 1989. It's a pretty damn good power ballad, and it made Warrant a household name.

6. "Sure Feels Good to Me"
This song is a great, fast-paced song that reminded you that Warrant could very well rock.

5. "I Saw Red"
Sure, it's a little cheesy, but that doesn't mean I don't like it. It's about a dude who's in love with some chick. He walks in on her getting tagged by some other dude, apparently both of them covered in red body paint. The imagery from the chorus has always stuck with me: "I saw red / When I opened up the door / I saw red / My heart just spilled onto the floor / And I didn't need to see his face / I saw yours / I saw red / And then I closed the door / And I don't think I'm gonna love you anymore." I also like the bridge, when the "power" comes to the "ballad."

4. "Mr. Rainmaker"
This is another solid, catchy hard rock song.

3. "Uncle Tom's Cabin"
The song that should have been the title track to Warrant's second album is every bit as good as the song that became the title track. It starts off slow, then builds into a solid rocking force. The song is about two kids who witness someone disposing of two bodies in the woods.

2. "Cherry Pie"
Lane's hatred aside, this is a great song. It drips with innuendo, has a loud and memorable chorus, and the video featured Bobbie Brown (the model, not Whitney's husband) getting a slice of cherry pie dropped in her lap.

1. "Down Boys"
This was the first Warrant song I remember hearing, and I've loved the song since then. It has everything a great hair band song should have: a good riff, sneaky hooks, a solid drum beat, and a chorus you can sing along to.