Listen to Hair Band Friday - 9/20/13

I must leave you for a short spell, as I am off for ten days to the respective homelands of Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vincent van Gogh, and Uli Jon Roth, without access to email, voicemail, crying children, or moderation.

Not wanting to leave you empty-handed in my absence, below is a Hair Band Friday selection that came from my Pandora Hair Band Friday station.  These are not technically all hair band songs, but rather they are just the first ten songs that played on the station today, as I vigorously masturbated cleaned the house before leaving.  Rest assured, all songs do, in fact, kick ass and promote drinking, drug use, and/or promiscuous sex.  If you're bored while I'm gone, I suggest going back to the first post I ever wrote and then reading every GMYH post in chronological order.  That should take you through next March, by which time I will have been back for five months.

Retro Video of the Week: "18 and Life" by Skid Row

Given that gun violence is back in the national consciousness -- at least for a few weeks, until Miley Cyrus does something stupid or a tropical storm develops, when we'll forget about guns until the next mass shooting -- this video seemed appropriate.

Tuesday Top Ten: Myths About Gun Violence in America

I meant to post this last night, but ended up going to Rocks to play some trivia.  Thanks to no one, I ended up having to play alone, so I only got third place.  Some of the team names were pretty hilarious, including "I Fingered the Chick in Hansen," "I Shot Seamen All Over the DC Navy Yard," and "I Like My Beer Like I Like My Violence: Domestic."  While walking home, I passed a slow-walking twentysomething male.  To ensure that he didn't think I was about to jump him, I said, "Don't worry, I'm not creeping up on you."  He then revealed the bottle of DiSaronno that he was walking down the street drinking, asked me if I had a cigarette, despite the fact that I was not smoking, offered me a sip of his amaretto (DiSaronno neat -- the original -- one part DiSaronno, one part bottle), and then asked where I was going.  When I said "home," he said that he was looking for a party.  I said it seemed like he already had a pretty good "sidewalk party goin' on," then choloroformed him, took his DiSaronno, and ran away cackling like Dick Cheney.

Anyway, about those seamen.  Unfortunately, I am again asking myself, "so how many more times does this have to happen until lawmakers start to enact some commonsense restrictions on gun ownership?"  With yet another mass shooting under our belt (we average about one a month here in this fine country), restrictions on gun ownership are again finding their way into the national conversation (as they should), although I think we all know nothing will happen, since our legislatures apparently fear the NRA more than they value human lives and safe gun ownership. 

Nonetheless, this week's Tuesday Top Ten comes courtesy of SmartGunLaws.org, and it is a very useful pamphlet entitled "Ten Myths About Gun Violence In America."  It addresses a lot of the idiotic arguments gun nuts make, like "we just need to enforce the gun laws we have," "guns keep us safe," and "we shouldn't enact any restrictions on gun ownership because criminals won't follow the law."  It's an interesting read, and it actually has facts and statistics to support its statements -- something I know the gun lobby likes to avoid.  Anyway, I'm jaded enough at this point to realize that no new laws are going to be passed, even if over 90% of US residents and over 90% of gun owners support something as easy and sensible as universal background checks.  But hopefully some people will read the pamphlet and gain a better understanding of why we need to do something, since doing nothing obviously isn't working.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 9/13/13

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething male discussing his love of women in a bar: "A ninja could sneak up on me and kill me.  But I'd see a female ninja coming from three blocks away!"

--Chicago

Eavesdropper: Joey Baits

Retro Video of the Week: "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure

I was listening to the Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me album today at work, while smearing lipstick and mascara on my face, as I do on the second Wednesday in September in every year where the total digits are divisible by 6.  My biggest question: How much Aquanet did Robert Smith need to get his hair to stay like that?

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Oktoberfest Beers (Revised)

Once Labor Day hits, not only is it time to pack up your white pants and shorts (I don't give a fuck what Emily Post says), but it's time to start the switch from summer beers to fall beers.  Oktoberfest beers have been flooding liquor stores and grocery stores (and my belly) for a couple weeks now, and in about two weeks, I will once again be drinking liters of them in Munich while trying to convince frauleins to let me take a picture of them whilst they hold a giant pretzel in front of their respective bosoms (by the way, read that entire post I just linked because it is awesome in every respect).

Back in September 2011, a mere two weeks after the birth of Lollipop, I brought unto the world another bundle of joy:  a list of my ten favorite Oktoberfest beers.  It's time to update that list.

As I indicated in the previous post, the style of beer that is often labeled "Oktoberfest" or "Octoberfest" beer here in the States is technically märzen, which was developed in Bavaria centuries ago, when beer could only be brewed between late September and late April. The beer was brewed in March (Märzen), and then opened up in the late summer and, later, for Oktoberfest. It is stronger than normal beer, as it must withstand not only the summer months, but also hundreds of thousands of idiots like me.

Since I have consumed a bunch of new Oktoberfest beers since the last post (and have retried many of the ones on my previous list), I will break everything down into a star rating system that I have used on the wonderful beer app, Brew Gene.  Under each category, I will list the beers alphabetically and identify the ABV and location of their respective breweries.

3.5 stars

Altenmünster Oktoberfest (5.5%; Kempten, Germany)

Bell's Octoberfest (5.5%; Kalamazoo, MI)

Great Lakes Oktoberfest (6.5%; Cleveland, OH)

Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier (6.3%; Munich, Germany)

Spaten-Bräu Oktoberfest Ur Märzen (5.9%; Munich, Germany)

Wolters Fest-Bier (5.0%; Braunschweig, Germany)

4 stars

Augustinerbräu Oktoberfest Märzen (6.0%; Munich, Germany)

Boulevard Brewing Bob's '47 Oktoberfest (5.8%; Kansas City, MO)

Goose Island Oktoberfest (6.4%; Chicago, IL)

Gordon Biersch Märzen (5.7%; San Jose, CA)

Harpoon Octoberfest (5.3%; Boston, MA)

Left Hand Oktoberfest (6.6%; Longmont, CO)

Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest (5.1%; Chippewa Falls, WI)

New Glarus Staghorn Octoberfest (6.25%; New Glarus, WI)

Paulaner München Märzen (5.8%; Munich, Germany)

Point Oktoberfest (5.15%; Stevens Point, WI)

Revolution Oktoberfest (5.7%; Chicago, IL)

Shiner Oktoberfest (5.8%; Shiner, TX)

Two Brothers Atom Smasher (7.7%; Warrenville, IL) (which I'm enjoying as we speak)

Victory Festbier (5.6%; Downington, PA)

4.5 stars

Hacker-Pschorr Oktoberfest (5.8%; Munich, Germany)

This is still the best, in my opinion.  It doesn't have that bitter, almost sour, aftertaste that many of the German märzens have.  It goes down smooth, and it's great for watching football on a fall day, or drinking until the point of blindness in a giant tent on a different fall day.

Magic Hat Ourtoberfest (South Burlington, VT)

I still think this is the best American Oktoberfest beer that I've had.  Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Magic Hat makes it anymore.

Sam Adam's Octoberfest (5.3%; Boston, MA)

This is one of my favorite Sam Adams seasonal beers.  It's really easy to drink.  A great fall beer.

As always, I am open to recommendations.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Late 30s to early 40s woman, to friend at street festival: "I've even cut back going out to three or four nights a week. That saves me, like, 1200 calories a week."

--Chicago, The Hideout, 1354 W. Wabansia 

Eavesdropper: GMYH

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 9/6/13

Retro Video of the Week: "Hokus Pokus" by Insane Clown Posse

I was channel surfing tonight after The League, and I came across Insane Clown Posse Theater on Fuse.  With a title like that, how could I not check it out?  It's essentially the two guys from ICP analyzing music videos and web videos (and some other things), and when they say something inaccurate (which is often), a little bubble pops up explaining that, for instance, fawns don't have wings.  Check it out if you want to see grown men in clown make-up spewing nonsense, while Greg "The Hammer" Valentine stands by in an usher outfit.  Now, here's an ICP video.

Tuesday Top Ten: Back-to-School Music Videos

Today was Daughter's first day of pre-school.  Surprisingly, there were no tears on either end, and the day seemed to be a smashing success for her, despite being limited to a mere 90 minutes of nap time.  They have a turtle in their classroom and everything.  Of course, I'm not sure she quite understands the fact that she has to go every day.  All day.  For the next 15 years.

In honor of Daughter's big day, this week's Tuesday Top Ten is about the best back-to-school music videos.  Thankfully, Lyndsey Parker at Yahoo Music has already done the work for me, and quite well at that.  Click on the link for a solid 20 videos, from the obvious ("Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen) to the obscure ("A Punk Named Josh" by Chopper One) to the incredulous ("See You Around" by Jesse Camp & The 8th Street Kidz).  

Here's the full list from the article, with each video (in the same order as the article).  By the way, I literally would have murdered someone if "I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sister had not been on this list.  And Daughter would have helped me, as she has been known to ask Lollipop, "All right, mister sister, what do you wanna do with your life?"  To which Lollipop replies, "More Cheetos, please."  

Anyway, it's a very solid list, and a nice way to waste 60-80 minutes watching videos.  Enjoy.

1.  Yo La Tengo - "Sugarcube" 

2.  Van Halen - "Hot For Teacher"


3. Britney Spears - "Baby One More Time"


4. Nada Surf - "Popular"


5. J. Geils Band - "Centerfold"


6. Chopper One - "A Punk Named Josh"


7. The Ramones - "Rock 'n' Roll High School"


8. Motley Crue - "Smokin' In the Boys' Room"


9. Pearl Jam - "Jeremy"


10. The Police - "Don't Stand So Close to Me"


11. Fall Out Boy - "Dance Dance"


12. Diddy - "It's All About the Benjamins"


13. Missy Elliott - "Gossip Folks"


14. Guided By Voices - "Bulldog Skin"


15. Twisted Sister - "I Wanna Rock"


16. Outkast - "Roses"


17. My Chemical Romance - "I'm Not Okay"


18. Head Automatica - "Graduation Day"  


19. Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

20. Jesse Camp - "See You Around"