Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

It was a rough night for ranked teams last night, as 5 of 6 ranked teams playing lost.

The Hoosiers beat their third ranked team at home this season, topping #20 Iowa 93-86.  Now, they have clinched a .500 record for the regular season and that all-important eligibility for the NIT.  Of course, when they win their remaining three games and at least one Big Ten Tournament game, the Hoosiers will be going to the big dance instead.

In other Big Ten news, Penn State held off #22 Ohio State for the season sweep of the Buckeyes.  And then the Penn State student section rushed the court, which was just pathetic.

Here's the schedule for this weekend's games (all times Central):

Saturday
-Illinois at #18 Michigan State (3 p.m.; ESPN2)
-Northwestern at Nebraska (4 p.m.; ESPNU)
-Minnesota at #16 Michigan (5 p.m.; BTN)

Sunday
-#14 Wisconsin at Penn State (11 a.m.; BTN)
-Purdue at #20 Iowa (1:05 p.m.; BTN)
-#22 Ohio State at Indiana (3 p.m.; CBS)

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1.  Michigan (12-3):  Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

2.  Michigan State (11-4):  Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

3.  Wisconsin (10-5):  at PSU (W), Purdue (W), Nebraska (W)

4.  Ohio State (9-7):  at IU (L), MSU (W)

5.  Iowa (8-7):  Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

6.  Nebraska (8-7):  Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (7-9):  at Michigan (L), PSU (W)

8.  Indiana (6-9):  OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

9.  Purdue (5-10):  at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

10.  Northwestern (5-10):  at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

11.  Illinois (5-10):  at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

12.  Penn State (5-10):  Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place and how the Big Ten Tournament will play out (all times are Central):

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Wisconsin (13-5) (Wisconsin has tiebreaker over MSU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

3.  Michigan State (13-5)

4.  Iowa (10-8) (Iowa has tiebreaker over OSU based on 1-1 record vs. Michigan, while OSU has 0-1 record vs. Michigan)

5.  Ohio State (10-8)

6.  Nebraska (9-9)

7.  Minnesota (8-10) (Minnesota has tiebreaker over IU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13) (Illinois has tiebreaker over PSU based on 2-0 head-to-head record)

12.  Penn State (5-13)

Now that we have two weeks until the Big Ten Tournament starts, I'm just going to go ahead and provide my game-by-game predictions for the entire tournament.  It just makes sense.  Here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) Indiana vs. (9) Northwestern (11 a.m., BTN).  Predicted winner:  Indiana

(5) Ohio State vs. (12) Penn State (1:30 p.m., BTN).  Predicted winner:  Ohio State

(7) Minnesota vs. (10) Purdue (5:30 p.m., ESPN2).  Predicted winner:  Minnesota

(6) Nebraska vs. (11) Illinois (8 p.m., ESPN2).  Predicted winner:  Illinois

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) Michigan vs. (8) Indiana (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2).  Predicted winner:  Indiana

(4) Iowa vs. (5) Ohio State (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2).  Predicted winner:  Ohio State

(2) Wisconsin vs. (7) Minnesota (5:30 p.m., BTN).  Predicted winner:  Minnesota

(3) Michigan State vs. (11) Illinois (8 p.m., BTN).  Predicted winner:  Michigan State

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(8) Indiana vs. (5) Ohio State (12:40 p.m., CBS).  Predicted winner:  Indiana

(7) Minnesota vs. (3) Michigan State (3 p.m., CBS).  Predicted winner:  Michigan State

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(8) Indiana vs. (3) Michigan State (2:30 p.m., CBS).  Predicted winner:  Indiana

Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

I told you they were trap games.  Michigan barely escaped Purdue in overtime, with a buzzer beater by Glenn Robinson III, which must have been a double dagger for Purdue fans.  Then again, with all of the toxic fumes in West Lafayette, I'm sure most people's memories of Glenn Robinson are faint at best.  What's another guy who didn't lead Purdue to a Final Four in a list of hundreds?

And then in Champaign, the Illini stopped Nebraska's five-game winning streak, putting a hurt on the Cornhuskers' NCAA tournament chances.  In case you're wondering, yes, I did predict that.  With the win, Illinois guarantees itself a .500 regular season record and a likely trip to the NIT, barring an unexpected Big Ten Tournament title run.

Tonight, IU welcomes #20 Iowa to Assembly Hall (8 p.m. Central; ESPN), in a makeup game of the game that was cancelled last week after a metal beam fell from Assembly Hall's ceiling.  It has been repaired, and structural engineers have said the Hall is safe again –- except for the Iowa Hawkeyes men's basketball team.  BOOM!

Also tonight, Ohio State travels to Penn State (6 p.m. Central; ESPN2) in what should be an easy victory for the Buckeyes.  Then again, there haven't been many easy victories for anyone this year in the Big Ten, especially on the road.

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1.  Michigan (12-3):  Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

2.  Michigan State (11-4):  Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

3.  Wisconsin (10-5):  at PSU (W), Purdue (W), Nebraska (W)

4.  Ohio State (9-6):  at PSU (W), at IU (L), MSU (W)

5.  Iowa (8-6):  at IU (L), Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

6.  Nebraska (8-7):  Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (7-9):  at Michigan (L), PSU (W)

8.  Indiana (5-9):  Iowa (W), OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

9.  Purdue (5-10):  at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

10.  Northwestern (5-10):  at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

11.  Illinois (5-10):  at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

12.  Penn State (4-10):  OSU (L), Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place and how the Big Ten Tournament will play out (all times are Central):

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Wisconsin (13-5) (Wisconsin has tiebreaker over MSU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

3.  Michigan State (13-5)

4.  Ohio State (11-7)

5.  Iowa (10-8)

6.  Nebraska (9-9)

7.  Minnesota (8-10) (Minnesota has tiebreaker over IU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13)

12.  Penn State (4-14)

I usually also include far-too-premature predictions for every game of the Big Ten Tournament, but I'm not even going to try to do that this year until the seeds are announced (or maybe a week or two out), since it would be an even more futile exercise than usual.  However, here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) vs. (9) (11 a.m., BTN)

(5) vs. (12) (1:30 p.m., BTN)

(7) vs. (10) (5:30 p.m., ESPN2)

(6) vs. (11) (8 p.m., ESPN2)

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) vs. (8)/(9) (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2)

(4) vs. (5)/(12) (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2)

(2) vs. (7)/(10) (5:30 p.m., BTN)

(3) vs. (6)/(11) (8 p.m., BTN)

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(1)/(8)/(9) vs. (4)/(5)/(12) (12:40 p.m., CBS)

(2)/(7)/(10) vs. (3)/(6)/(11) (3 p.m., CBS)

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(1)/(4)/(5)/(8)/(9)/(12) vs. (2)/(3)/(6)/(7)/(10)/(11) (2:30 p.m., CBS)

Retro Videos of the Week: "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker, Jr., "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis & The News, and "Pop Muzik" by M

Given Harold Ramis's passing earlier this week, "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker, Jr. seemed like an appropriate Retro Video of the Week. "Ghostbusters" rose all the way to #1 on the Billboard charts for three weeks in August 1984.  And because "Ghostbusters" unabashedly plagiarized its melody from "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis & The News (which was also released in 1984 and was itself a Top 10 hit that year), I am including that video as well. And because the repeating riff in "I Want a New Drug" is eerily similar to the one in "Pop Muzik" by M (which was a #1 hit in 1979), I am including that video as well. There is nothing like "Pop Muzik."

Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

Last night, IU managed to turn a 10-point halftime lead into an 11-point loss at Wisconsin.  Of course, Wisconsin shot about 26% in the first half and the Hoosiers have a penchant for collapsing in the second half, so you knew that lead wasn't going to last.  Not that I was expecting a win in Madison, since the Hoosiers haven't won there since 1998 (which is pathetic).  Of course, it doesn't hurt that Wisconsin shot 24 free throws to IU's 5, as IU was called for 20 fouls while Wisconsin was only called for 7.  Amazing how that always seems to happen in the Kohl Center.  

The Hoosiers have three huge home games on the slate coming up this next week -- Iowa tomorrow night (8 p.m. Central; ESPN), Ohio State on Sunday (3 p.m. Central; CBS), and Nebraska next Wednesday (6 p.m. Central; BTN).  These are all winnable games, since they are at Assembly Hall.  Then again, I thought Northwestern and Penn State were winnable games at home.  I guess the Hoosiers have proven they can beat or lose to any team in the Big Ten.  After that, the Hoosiers close out the Big Ten regular season in Ann Arbor –- who is a whore, mind you -- on Saturday 3/8 (5 p.m. Central; ESPN), potentially destroying the Wolverines' hopes for a Big Ten title for the second year in a row on the last day of the regular season.  Regardless, the Hoosiers have to win one more game to guarantee a .500 record and a berth in the NIT.

In other news, Minnesota beat Iowa.  Whoopteedoo.

Tonight, there are two Big Ten games:

-#16 Michigan at Purdue (6 p.m. Central; BTN)

-Nebraska at Illinois (8 p.m. Central; BTN)

These are trap games for Michigan and Nebraska, respectively, although Nebraska arguably has more to lose, as the Huskers are securely on the NCAA tournament bubble -- currently on Joe Lunardi's "Next Four Out" in Bracketology (which has not been updated to include last night's games, so it might be different now).  Michigan, on the other hand, is all but guaranteed an NCAA tournament berth, but a loss would be a serious blow to the Wolverines' Big Ten title hopes.

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1.  Michigan (11-3):  at Purdue (W), Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

2.  Michigan State (11-4):  Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

3.  Wisconsin (10-5):  at PSU (W), Purdue (W), at Nebraska (W)

4.  Ohio State (9-6):  at PSU (W), at IU (L), MSU (W)

5.  Iowa (8-6):  at IU (L), Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

6.  Nebraska (8-6):  at Illinois (L), Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (7-9):  at Michigan (L), PSU (W)

8.  Indiana (5-9):  Iowa (W), OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

9.  Purdue (5-9):  Michigan (L), at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

10.  Northwestern (5-10):  at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

11.  Penn State (4-10):  OSU (L), Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

12.  Illinois (4-10):  Nebraska (W), at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place and how the Big Ten Tournament will play out (all times are Central):

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Wisconsin (13-5) (Wisconsin has tiebreaker over MSU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

3.  Michigan State (13-5)

4.  Ohio State (11-7)

5.  Iowa (10-8)

6.  Nebraska (9-9)

7.  Minnesota (8-10) (Minnesota has tiebreaker over IU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13)

12.  Penn State (4-14)

I usually also include far-too-premature predictions for every game of the Big Ten Tournament, but I'm not even going to try to do that this year until the seeds are announced (or maybe a week or two out), since it would be an even more futile exercise than usual.  However, here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) vs. (9) (11 a.m., BTN)

(5) vs. (12) (1:30 p.m., BTN)

(7) vs. (10) (5:30 p.m., ESPN2)

(6) vs. (11) (8 p.m., ESPN2)

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) vs. (8)/(9) (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2)

(4) vs. (5)/(12) (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2)

(2) vs. (7)/(10) (5:30 p.m., BTN)

(3) vs. (6)/(11) (8 p.m., BTN)

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(1)/(8)/(9) vs. (4)/(5)/(12) (12:40 p.m., CBS)

(2)/(7)/(10) vs. (3)/(6)/(11) (3 p.m., CBS)

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(1)/(4)/(5)/(8)/(9)/(12) vs. (2)/(3)/(6)/(7)/(10)/(11) (2:30 p.m., CBS)

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Harold Ramis Films

As you probably know by know, legendary comedic actor-writer-director (and Chicago native and Second City alum) Harold Ramis died yesterday at the age of 69 as a result of an autoimmune disease.  This is a huge loss for the comedy world, as Ramis wrote, directed, and starred in some of the best comedies of the last 35 years.

Ramis is probably best known as Egon in the Ghostbusters movies, but his talents behind the scenes were, in my opinion, far greater than his on-screen acting talent.  That's not meant as a knock on Ramis's acting, which was perfectly fine, but Ramis was a great director and an even better writer, writing or co-writing legendary comedies like Animal House, Caddyshack, and Ghostbusters.  To say that he was influential on an entire generation (or two) of comedic writers and actors is an understatement.  The films that he wrote always seemed to have that perfect balance of smart humor, irreverence, screwball, and physical comedy.

Below are my ten favorite films that Ramis wrote or co-wrote, acted in, and/or directed.  Before I delve into the list, I have to get an embarrassing caveat out there.  I have never seen Groundhog Day (which Ramis directed, co-wrote, produced, and had a role in) or Back to School (which Ramis co-wrote and produced).  It's not that I don't want to see either film.  For some reason, I have just never happened to see either of them, other than random parts of Back to School when it's been on TV.  Thus, neither film is on my list.

10.  As Good As It Gets (1997) (acted in)

Ramis had a minor role in As Good As It Gets, but I still like this movie better than my other two options, the Ramis-directed Stuart Saves His Family or Caddyshack II (which Ramis co-wrote).

9.  Analyze This (1999) (directed and co-wrote)

This was kind of a surprise comedy hit, giving Robert DeNiro a nice little second career as a comedic actor, as he went on to star in the Meet the Parents trilogy and the sequel to this, Analyze That.  Up until Analyze This was released, DeNiro, of course, was a highly regarded dramatic actor, often playing mafia men, boxers, or other hardasses.  In Analyze This, he played a mob boss who goes to a psychiatrist (Billy Crystal) for help with anxiety, and DeNiro's dramatic background made his comedic lines hit even that much harder.

8.  Meatballs (1979) (co-wrote)

This was Bill Murray's first starring role, and it's an underrated comedy.  When I was a kid, I often confused Meatballs and Porky's, both of which are fantastic movies, but Meatballs is PG and does not involve peepholes looking into showers.  Rather, it involves a below-average summer camp, and Murray as the camp counselor who tries to keep everything together and help his camp beat the rival rich kids' summer camp in their yearly Olympiad.  I haven't seen it in forever.  Perhaps it's time again.

7.  Knocked Up (2007) (acted in)

Judd Apatow has cited Ramis as a big influence, and Ramis played the father of Seth Rogen's character Ben in Knocked Up.  It wasn't a huge role or anything, but it is a pretty damn funny movie.

6.  Ghostbusters II (1989) (starred in and co-wrote)

As far as sequels goes, this has to be near the top of the list as far as being almost as good as the original.  I definitely remember watching this in the theater with my friend Floppy Burrito in the summer of '89.  Vigo the Carpathian was a pretty solid villain/ghost, and anytime you can involve the potential possession of a baby, the stakes are raised.

5.  Ghostbusters (1984) (starred in and co-wrote)

Obviously, this is a classic, and, aside from Stripes, it was probably Ramis's biggest on-screen role.  Any kid who grew up in the '80s has seen this, probably multiple times.

4.  Stripes (1981) (starred in and co-wrote)

I love Stripes.  If you haven't seen it, go ahead and rent it, stream it, or download it.  It's the tale of two unemployed friends who decide to join the Army and, subsequently, get sent to Europe.  Ramis's character Russell was the straight guy to Bill Murray's character John, who was the wild card.  Sgt. Hulka is the loveable drill sergeant, and Sean Young and P.J. Soles play the attractive MPs with whom Russell and John fall in love.  Good times all around.

3.  National Lampoon's Vacation (1983) (directed)

The first in the "Vacation" series, this is probably my second-favorite one of the group (after Christmas Vacation, of course).  This movie had it all:  Chevy Chase at his best, Christie Brinkley skinny dipping, Walley World, that bitch Aunt Edna, Christie Brinkley skinny dipping, cousin Eddie, that ridiculous station wagon, and, of course, Christie Brinkley skinny dipping.

2.  National Lampoon's Animal House (1978) (co-wrote)

Hands down, one of the funniest movies of all-time, based in part on Ramis's and the other writers' respective fraternity experiences in college.  This was the first film made by National Lampoon's, and also the first film for John Belushi, Kevin Bacon, and Karen Allen.  This is one of those movies that you watch and you realize how many lines have now been appropriated into mainstream culture and conversation ("Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life."; "Thank you sir! May I have another?"; "double secret probation"; "Grab a brew.  Don't cost nothin'."; "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily"; "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"; "Eric Stratton, rush chairman.  Damn glad to meet ya."; "Do you mind if we dance with your dates?"; "Don't get mad; get even."; "I won't go schizo, will I?").

1.  Caddyshack (1980) (directed and co-wrote)

I remember watching Caddyshack at some point in the fall of 2006 for the however many dozenth time.  I had recently started taking writing classes at Second City, and I remember thinking to myself that, no matter how funny I think I might be or how good of a comedy writer I may turn out to be, there's not a chance in hell that I could ever write something as perfectly funny as Caddyshack.  It really is the gold standard for comedies, in my opinion.  Sure, some memorable lines (particularly by Bill Murray) were improvised, but there are so many fantastic one-liners and subtle jokes in this movie that you seem to pick up something new each time you see it.  I'm pretty sure I could never get tired of watching Caddyshack.

BAM!: Amsterdam Day 2 (Tuesday)

Prior BAM! posts:

Prologue and Cast of Characters

Brussels Day 1 (Saturday)

Brussels Day 2 (Sunday)

Amsterdam Day 1 (Monday)

Sorry about the delay between BAM! posts.  The computer gods must not like recaps of my European travels because the power cord for the computer holding all my BAM! photos died, but I got a new one, so the recaps are back on.  Hopefully, by now, the gravity of Paul the Scot's sex show story has sunk in.

Tuesday morning in Amsterdam greeted us without hangovers, which was a miracle.  To celebrate our lack of cranial pain, we had breakfast at a place called Pancakes!, where we all ate, well, pancakes. 

They were delicious, and provided much-needed nourishment, as we were about to embark on an historical journey.  You see, in front of Pancakes! was a short anthropomorphic hot dog, lounging on a green chair.

He could see that we were new to Amsterdam.  Only the six of us could hear him or see him move.  He spoke lackadaisically and with an unmistakably Dutch accent. 

"Welcome to my home.  My name is Daan van Pannenkoeken.  I understand you recently met my cousin, Pieter van Hooterfrite, in Bruges."  In kneejerk fashion, the six of us shouted "In Bruges!" in unison, doing our best Colin Ferrell accents.

Daan appeared not to even notice the interruption and continued, "I have lived in Amsterdam my entire life.  If you listen to me and do everything I say without any deviation, you will have an unforgettable visit –-the kind of thing you will blog about.  If you do not do exactly as I say, you will leave this city with no memory of it, but a very painful wart on your dominant hand's index finger that will cause people to audibly question whether you are a witch.  It has been proven time and time again.  Heed my warning, dear travelers.  Do you accept?"

We nodded with nervous excitement.

"You have chosen wisely, Americans.  First, go to the Van Gogh Museum this morning.  After that, do whatever you want."

Then, he just stopped talking.  No matter how much Colleen berated him, Daniel shook him, I dead-legged him, Chandler elbow dropped him, Bonham sprayed him with a garden hose, or Gregerson violently dry-humped him while repeatedly whispering into his ear "now my dog's in your bun," Daan would not say another word.  It was as if he never had the ability to speak in the first place.  Nonetheless, we headed straight to the Van Gogh Museum, fearing being branded as descendants of Salem and hearing the police sirens getting closer.

Vincent Van Gogh was a Dutch painter.  I hadn't even heard about him until after he died.  Now he has his own museum in Amsterdam, appropriately titled the Van Gogh Museum.  That dude could paint, but apparently his vision deteriorated over the course of his life because a lot of his later paintings are a little blurry.

The day we were there was the day that a newly discovered Van Gogh painting – Sunset at Montmajour -- was unveiled to the public for the first time.  We were probably six of the first thousand people to see this painting in person.

Of course, my selfie with the new painting was ruined by some Aryan trollop who couldn't look at a painting without putting her nose three inches from it.  Right after this photo was taken, I walked up behind her and made a queef sound -- a real good tttthhhhhhhhhhhhssssssss -- and everyone thought it was her, so she left the museum with her tail between her pasty, noisy legs.

Here are my favorite Van Goghs that I saw at the museum:

After that, we went to the Anne Frank Museum, but the line was several blocks long, so Bonham and I passed.  Instead, he and I walked around a little and happened into a really cool photography gallery called Rockarchive Amsterdam that featured fine art photos of tons of rock musicians, taken mainly by Dutch photographers.  There were some really cool ones of Keith Richards, as well as The Beatles, Hendrix, and many others.  Of course, many of them cost hundreds of Euros, so all we could do is look longingly.

We all met up again in the early afternoon to take a boat tour of the canals, which I highly recommend doing.  Rather than one of the massive tour boats you see all over the place, we took a smaller boat with just the six of us, which was especially nice, considering it only cost a couple more Euro than one of the big ones.  And we could bring beers on the boat.  I will say that the Heineken in Amsterdam did not taste like the skunked shit they pass off as that beer over here.

Our tour guide, Michael, was both knowledgeable and amiable.  Here are a few shots from the tour.

After that, we strolled around the central part of the city and found our way to a bar called Café In't Aepjen, a cozy little bar that sits in a building built in 1519 that is apparently one of two remaining wooden buildings in the city.  The bar is named after monkeys because, in the 1500s and 1600s, it was popular amongst sailors from the Far East, who would often bring monkeys with them.  We saddled up to a round table and enjoyed a few fantastic brews.  I really liked this bar and would definitely go back there again next time I'm in Amsterdam.

After that, we headed back to the apartment to freshen up, before going to dinner.  We walked for what seemed like hours to get to dinner, but it ended up being worth it.  The restaurant is called De Zotte –- which appropriately translates to "the drunken fool" -- and it was a candlelit, rustic, wood-heavy bar/restaurant with good food and a large selection of great beer (mostly Belgian).

We were seated right next to a couple clearly on their first date.  They were sitting across from each other, and appeared to both be in their mid-to-late 20s.  The guy was clearly American, and the girl was of indiscernible European descent, but spoke near-perfect English, so they conversed entirely in English.  I was sitting closest to the girl, so I could hear everything they were saying.  It was the most fucked-up first date dinner conversation I've ever heard.

The guy was kind of a douche and seemed like a self-entitled trust fund kind of kid.  The girl was very polite and open-minded.  Most of the first 30 minutes of the meal was comprised of idiotic "you hate me" flirting, spent with him repeatedly exclaiming to her "you totally hate me, don't you?"  I did.  Then things got weird.

They started to talk about religion, which of course, is a great way to get laid on a first date.  It was a rather innocuous conversation at first, and then he said, "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this, but . . . "  If you ever hear (or overhear) these words being spoken on a first date, listen up because whoever is saying them is about to

After he said that, he spent the next five minutes or so detailing his views on aliens and religion.  If I understood it correctly –- and I'm not even sure he did –- the crux of his beliefs were that the galaxy and space have been around for billions of years, and it's ignorant to think that humans on Earth are the only intelligent life form that has ever existed.  Therefore, aliens inhabited Earth millions of years ago and have controlled everything on Earth since then.  It was kind of a Scientology-meets-Idiocracy-type thing.  Bear in mind that I'm giving you the abbreviated version.  Like I said, the actual explanation went on for about five minutes.  How the girl didn't excuse herself and sprint out of there at that moment is beyond me. 

Then, the conversation turned to sexual histories.  Another surefire way to demonstrate to a girl on a first date that she should go home with you is to discuss how many sexual partners you have had and the different types of sexual activities those partners enjoyed.  This was a train wreck in every sense of the word, except literally, and I could not help but eavesdrop while the other five of us carried on like normal people do in a restaurant.

The highlight of the sexual history discussion was when the guy was discussing his ex-girlfriend, who was apparently sexually liberated and enjoyed different positions, among other things.  I kid you not, this guy uttered these words out loud:  "We did a lot of ass-to-mouth."  Perhaps seeing the stunned look on the woman he barely knew sitting across the table, he abruptly tried to soften the blow (pun intended motherfuckers) by explaining, "She was into it, not me."  It took every ounce of energy I had not to burst out laughing.

Again, amazingly, this girl did not get up and leave.  Instead, she proceeded to explain that she has a recurring lip fungus of some sort that often put a damper on her sexual activities.  I'm not sure if this was a subtle attempt to say to this guy "there is no chance in hell you are getting any tonight," but it didn't work because, of course, the guy was familiar with this fungus because either he or one of his exes had it, and it didn't bother him.  He may as well have said, "I have herpes too, so no worries there!"

When we got up to leave, I turned to them and said "good luck, you guys," and they laughed, half-embarrassed, half-proud.  Then, they presumably found a couple more like-minded people and made a human centipede.  I have come to the conclusion that, as a result of the sexual deviance stakes being raised so high in Amsterdam, this is the only way people can flirt in Amsterdam anymore.  Either that, or it was the oddest example of role playing ever.

We then went to nearby square surrounded by several bars, each of which had outdoor seating in the square.  

We enjoyed a few beers on the square, before heading back home, crossing through the Red Light District for some last-minute window shopping, as is the custom in those parts.

In the next installment:  Munich, giant gardens, beer halls, and a panoramic picture that would make Eric Stoltz proud.

Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

This weekend had its share of big games in the Big Ten.  On Saturday, Wisconsin upended Iowa in Iowa City to put the Badgers in the driver's seat for a top 3 seed at the Big Ten Tournament.  Ohio State dominated Minnesota, hurting the Gophers' tournament resume.  

IU finally got back on the horse, beating Northwestern in Evanston to avoid its fourth loss in a row.  This week will be huge for the Hoosiers, as they have the chance to bring back from the dead their NCAA tournament hopes, playing at #14 Wisconsin tomorrow night and then #20 Iowa and #22 Ohio State at home on Thursday and Sunday, respectively.  As long as the Hoosiers don't lose a game the rest of this year, I'll be happy.

On Sunday, Michigan completed the season sweep of Michigan State, all but assuring the Wolverines of the #1 seed in the Big Ten Tournament.  Finally, Nebraska crushed Purdue in Lincoln for its fifth straight win.  Dare I say it, the Cornhuskers are inching closer to their first NCAA tournament appearance since 1998.

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1.  Michigan (11-3):  at Purdue (W), Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

2.  Michigan State (11-4):  Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

3.  Wisconsin (9-5):  IU (W), at PSU (W), Purdue (W), Nebraska (W)

4.  Iowa (8-5):  at Minnesota (L), at IU (L), Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

5.  Ohio State (9-6):  at PSU (W), at IU (L), MSU (W)

6.  Nebraska (8-6):  at Illinois (L), Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (6-9):  Iowa (W), at Michigan (L), PSU (W)

8.  Indiana (5-8):  at Northwestern (W), at Wisconsin (L), Iowa (W), OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

9.  Purdue (5-9):  Michigan (L), at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

10.  Northwestern (5-10):  at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

11.  Penn State (4-10):  OSU (L), Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

12.  Illinois (4-10):  Nebraska (W), at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place and how the Big Ten Tournament will play out (all times are Central):

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Wisconsin (13-5) (Wisconsin has tiebreaker over MSU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

3.  Michigan State (13-5)

4.  Ohio State (11-7)

5.  Iowa (10-8)

6.  Nebraska (9-9)

7.  Minnesota (8-10) (Minnesota has tiebreaker over IU based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13)

12.  Penn State (4-14)

I usually also include far-too-premature predictions for every game of the Big Ten Tournament, but I'm not even going to try to do that this year until the seeds are announced (or maybe a week or two out), since it would be an even more futile exercise than usual.  However, here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) vs. (9) (11 a.m., BTN)

(5) vs. (12) (1:30 p.m., BTN)

(7) vs. (10) (5:30 p.m., ESPN2)

(6) vs. (11) (8 p.m., ESPN2)

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) vs. (8)/(9) (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2)

(4) vs. (5)/(12) (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2)

(2) vs. (7)/(10) (5:30 p.m., BTN)

(3) vs. (6)/(11) (8 p.m., BTN)

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(1)/(8)/(9) vs. (4)/(5)/(12) (12:40 p.m., CBS)

(2)/(7)/(10) vs. (3)/(6)/(11) (3 p.m., CBS)

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(1)/(4)/(5)/(8)/(9)/(12) vs. (2)/(3)/(6)/(7)/(10)/(11) (2:30 p.m., CBS)

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Guy on the phone in the locker room at a health club, inexplicably wearing a work uniform and having no apparent intention to work out:  "There's nothing wrong with a guy getting fucked up on his day off.  I mean fuck, this is America.  Best country in the world -- for some people.  Fuck..."

--Chicago, Lakeview Athletic Club, 3212 N. Broadway

Eavesdropper:  Trashton

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 2/21/14

Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

Nothing too exciting happened last night.  Nebraska beat Penn State, while Michigan State trounced Purdue behind 17 3-pointers.  

IU had a similar shooting night against Illinois back in IU's Final Four season in 2002, hitting 17 3s themselves, en route to an 88-57 victory over the 9th-ranked Illini.  The IU campus bookstore and official IU appearal stores in Bloomington used to have a special sale the day after an IU basketball victory, where they would take 3% off on all IU apparel for every 3-pointer the Hoosiers made.  After biting the bullet and taking 51% off the day after that game, they changed their policy so that 30% was the limit.  Nice work, Hoosiers.

In other news, the IU/Iowa game that was postponed Tuesday night due to a falling metal beam in Assembly Hall has been rescheduled to Thursday February 27 at 9 p.m. Eastern on ESPN.

Also, there are a few big games this weekend.  On Saturday, at Noon Eastern (ESPN2), #16 Wisconsin travels to #15 Iowa.  At 6 p.m. Eastern (BTN), Minnesota goes to #24 Ohio State, with a chance for a huge road win to boost their NCAA tournament resume.  At 8:15 p.m. Eastern (BTN), IU plays at Northwestern in what is essentially IU's last chance to right the ship.  A loss there may doom the Hoosiers to a losing record, but a win is needed to keep alive whatever very faint NCAA tournament hopes the Hoosiers still have.

Then Sunday, #13 Michigan State travels to #20 Michigan (Noon EST, CBS), looking for some revenge after the Wolverines came into the Breslin Center earlier this year and beat the Spartans.  The winner here has the inside track to the regular season conference championship, which we all know is more important than the Big Ten Tournament championship.

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1.  Michigan State (11-3):  at Michigan (L), Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

2.  Michigan (10-3):  MSU (W), at Purdue (W), Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

3.  Iowa (8-4):  Wisconsin (W), at Minnesota (L), at IU (L), Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

4.  Wisconsin (8-5):  at Iowa (L), IU (W), at PSU (W), Purdue (W), Nebraska (W)

5.  Ohio State (8-6):  Minnesota (W), at PSU (W), at IU (L), MSU (W)

6.  Nebraska (7-6):  Purdue (W), at Illinois (L), Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (6-8):  Illinois (W), at OSU (L), Iowa (W), at Michigan (W), PSU (W)

8.  Purdue (5-8):  at Nebraska (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

9.  Northwestern (5-9):  IU (L), at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

10.  Indiana (4-8):  at Northwestern (W), at Wisconsin (L), Iowa (W), OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

11.  Penn State (4-10):  OSU (L), Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

12.  Illinois (4-10):  Nebraska (W), at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place and how the Big Ten Tournament will play out (all times are Central):

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Michigan State (13-5)

3.  Wisconsin (12-6)

4.  Iowa (11-7) (Iowa will have tiebreaker over Ohio State based on 1-1 record vs. Michigan, while OSU has 0-1 record vs. Michigan)

5.  Ohio State (11-7)

6.  Nebraska (9-9) (Nebraska has tiebreaker over Minnesota based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

7.  Minnesota (9-9)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13)

12.  Penn State (4-14)

I usually also include far-too-premature predictions for every game of the Big Ten Tournament, but I'm not even going to try to do that this year until the seeds are announced, since it would be an even more futile exercise than usual.  However, here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) vs. (9) (11 a.m., BTN)

(5) vs. (12) (1:30 p.m., BTN)

(7) vs. (10) (5:30 p.m., ESPN2)

(6) vs. (11) (8 p.m., ESPN2)

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) vs. (8)/(9) (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2)

(4) vs. (5)/(12) (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2)

(2) vs. (7)/(10) (5:30 p.m., BTN)

(3) vs. (6)/(11) (8 p.m., BTN)

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(1)/(8)/(9) vs. (4)/(5)/(12) (12:40 p.m., CBS)

(2)/(7)/(10) vs. (3)/(6)/(11) (3 p.m., CBS)

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(1)/(4)/(5)/(8)/(9)/(12) vs. (2)/(3)/(6)/(7)/(10)/(11) (2:30 p.m., CBS)

Updated Big Ten Tournament Seeding Predictions

Well, my prediction that IU would beat Iowa Tuesday night didn't come through, as an 8-foot chunk of metal fell from Assembly Hall's ceiling Tuesday afternoon, causing the game to be postponed to an as-yet-undetermined make-up date.  The ceiling is literally caving in on the Hoosiers' season.  As my friend Ryan said, "The only way this could be a better metaphor is if all 4 wheels of the team bus simultaneously fell off their axles."

In other news, last night Ohio State dismantled Northwestern, while Illinois stole a win over Minnesota at The Barn, dealing a blow to the Gophers' NCAA Tournament hopes.

Here are the current standings, with the conference record, each team's remaining games, and my predictions.

1 (tie).  Michigan (10-3):  MSU (W), at Purdue (W), Minnesota (W), at Illinois (W), IU (W)

1 (tie).  Michigan State (10-3):  at Purdue (W), at Michigan (L), Illinois (W), Iowa (W), at OSU (L)

3.  Iowa (8-4):  at IU (L), Wisconsin (W), at Minnesota (L), Purdue (W), at MSU (L), Illinois (W)

4.  Wisconsin (8-5):  at Iowa (L), IU (W), at PSU (W), Purdue (W), Nebraska (W)

5.  Ohio State (8-6):  Minnesota (W), at PSU (W), at IU (L), MSU (W)

6.  Nebraska (6-6):  PSU (W), Purdue (W), at Illinois (L), Northwestern (W), at IU (L), Wisconsin (L)

7.  Minnesota (6-8):  Illinois (W), at OSU (L), Iowa (W), at Michigan (W), PSU (W)

8.  Purdue (5-7):  MSU (L), at Nebraska (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L), at Wisconsin (L), Northwestern (W)

9.  Northwestern (5-9):  IU (L), at Nebraska (L), PSU (W), at Purdue (L)

10.  Indiana (4-8):  Iowa (W), at Northwestern (W), at Wisconsin (L), OSU (W), Nebraska (W), at Michigan (L)

11.  Penn State (4-9):  at Nebraska (L), OSU (L), Wisconsin (L), at Northwestern (L), at Minnesota (L)

12.  Illinois (4-10):  Nebraska (W), at MSU (L), Michigan (L), at Iowa (L)

Given my predictions and Big Ten tiebreaking rules, here is how the Big Ten Tournament seeds should fall into place:

1.  Michigan (15-3)

2.  Michigan State (13-5)

3.  Wisconsin (12-6)

4.  Iowa (11-7) (Iowa will have tiebreaker over Ohio State based on 1-1 record vs. Michigan, while OSU has 0-1 record vs. Michigan)

5.  Ohio State (11-7)

6.  Nebraska (9-9) (Nebraska has tiebreaker over Minnesota based on 1-0 head-to-head record)

7.  Minnesota (9-9)

8.  Indiana (8-10)

9.  Northwestern (6-12) (Northwestern will have tiebreaker over Purdue based on 1-1 record vs. Wisconsin, while Purdue will have 0-2 record vs. Wisconsin)

10.  Purdue (6-12)

11.  Illinois (5-13)

12.  Penn State (4-14)

I usually also include far-too-premature predictions for every game of the Big Ten Tournament, but I'm not even going to try to do that this year until the seeds are announced, since it would be an even more futile exercise than usual.  However, here are the dates/times/TV schedule for the Big Ten Tournament (and a link to the bracket), which will be in Indianapolis.  All times are Central because that's the time zone in which I reside.

Thursday March 13 – First Round

(8) vs. (9) (11 a.m., BTN)

(5) vs. (12) (1:30 p.m., BTN)

(7) vs. (10) (5:30 p.m., ESPN2)

(6) vs. (11) (8 p.m., ESPN2)

Friday March 14 - Quarterfinals

(1) vs. (8)/(9) (11 a.m., ESPN/EPSN2)

(4) vs. (5)/(12) (1:30 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2)

(2) vs. (7)/(10) (5:30 p.m., BTN)

(3) vs. (6)/(11) (8 p.m., BTN)

Saturday March 15 - Semifinals

(1)/(8)/(9) vs. (4)/(5)/(12) (12:40 p.m., CBS)

(2)/(7)/(10) vs. (3)/(6)/(11) (3 p.m., CBS)

Sunday March 16 - Finals

(1)/(4)/(5)/(8)/(9)/(12) vs. (2)/(3)/(6)/(7)/(10)/(11) (2:30 p.m., CBS)