Tuesday Top Ten: Presidents I'd Most Like to Hang Out With on Blackout Wednesday

Tomorrow is Blackout Wednesday, one of the biggest drinking days of the year.  Everyone is home for Thanksgiving, hanging out with friends and family, with nothing to do Thursday next morning except nurse a hangover while waiting for the Bears to commence the Lions' annual late-season meltdown.  On the topic of getting hammered, I read an article a few weeks ago called "Every President in American history's favorite drink," which I thought was pretty interesting.

Here's my list of the top eleven Presidents I'd most like to hang out with at a bar on Blackout Wednesday, in chronological order by President.

1.  George Washington
In addition to being a hell of an ax man, GW liked drinking porters.  I like drinking porters.  I also once worked for a summer in a town called Mount Vernon, so we could talk about that in between playing that punching bag game.

2.  Andrew Jackson
Old Hickory loved his whiskey and had a great first name.  At the bar, we'd call ourselves Andrew Squared, and beat the shit out of any John Quincy Adams apologists.

3.  Martin Van Buren
"MVB drank so much whiskey they called him 'Blue Whiskey Van.'"  That sounds like a man I'd like to grab a drink or eight with on a chilly November Wednesday evening, where we'd talk about his Dutch heritage, panics, and the Free Soil Party.  

4.  Franklin Pierce
He might be the least-remembered President, but he is also the only President to die of cirrhosis (or at least the only one I know of).  Sunday was his 210th birthday, so you know FP's gonna be in a mood to celebrate.  Then again, he is widely considered one of the worst Presidents in American history, all of his kids died young, and he wasn't even selected by his own party to run for President as the incumbent, so you don't want to catch him on a down day.

5.  Andrew Johnson
The man showed up to his Vice Presidential inauguration drunk.  Impeach that, motherfuckers.

6.  Grover Cleveland
In addition to being the President with the best porn name, "Grover Cleveland drank so much beer that he had to limit himself to four beers a day."  That way, he wouldn't be considered a daily binge drinker.

7.  Woodrow Wilson
The man loved scotch, and I feel like you could have some pretty deep drunken conversations with Woody (that's what I'd call him, whether he liked it or not) after sharing a single malt (any Glen).  "Okay, let me make a point here.  Or maybe fourteen."

8.  Harry Truman
He took a shot of bourbon every morning.  The man loved getting bombed.

9.  JFK
Assuming Jackie wasn't around, let's not kid ourselves, any man would want to go out drinking with JFK.

10.  LBJ
A Texan who loved whiskey and told his aides "I've had more women by accident than Kennedy had on purpose"?  Yeah, I'd go out drinking with him on a November Wednesday.

11.  Bill Clinton
Is there any President you'd rather go out for a night of debauchery with than Slick Willie?  I think not.  God, I miss the '90s.