More Like Scamazon

Just in case any of you get/got this email, I got a very shady email purporting to be from Amazon.com. It was sent from the email address "payments-messages@amazon.com" and the subject line read "Amazon Payments - Billing Issue - [my email address]." Here is the text of the email:

"Dear [my email address],

Greetings from Amazon Payments.

Your bank has contacted us regarding some attempts of charges from your credit card via the Amazon system. We have reasons to believe that you changed your registration information or that someone else has unauthorized access to your Amazon account. Due to recent activity, including possible unauthorized listings placed on your account, we will require a second confirmation of your identity with us in order to allow us to investigate this matter further. Your account is not suspended, but if in 48 hours after you receive this message your account is not confirmed we reserve the right to suspend your Amazon registration. If you received this notice and you are not the authorized account holder, please be aware that it is in violation of Amazon policy to represent oneself as another Amazon user. Such action may also be in violation of local, national, and/or international law. Amazon is committed to assist law enforcement with any inquires related to attempts to misappropriate personal information with the intent to commit fraud or theft. Information will be provided at the request of law enforcement agencies to ensure that perpetrators are prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

To confirm your identity with us click here: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/flex-sign-in/ref=pd_irl_gw_r/103-3177084-7567864?opt=oa&page=recs/sign-in-secure.html

After responding to the message, we ask that you allow at least 72 hours for the case to be investigated. Emailing us before that time will result in delays. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you and we would like to thank you for your cooperation as we review this matter.

Thank you for your interest in selling at Amazon.com.

Amazon.com Customer Service
http://www.amazon.com

This message and any files or documents attached may contain classified information. It is intended only for the individual or entity named and others authorized to receive it. If you are not the intended recipient or authorized to receive it, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately then delete it from your system. Please also note that transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free."

The bastards had me for a second. I clicked on the link and it took my to what actually appeared to be an Amazon webpage. Then it of course asked for my credit card info, including my CVV number and my PIN number. At that point, the light bulb finally went off, and I checked my Amazon account and all of my credit/debit card accounts, and of course there was nary a charge to be found. Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a heads up because it looked fairly legit at first.

GMYH Health Update: Week Four

I know what you're thinking: this is the 5th week of my Abs Diet extravaganza, not Week 4. Well, you're right. But the last week and a half was kind of a clusterfuck as far as working out and eating out, so I decided to combine it all into one week. The weight loss again has been fine, but I seriously think my scale's fat percentage calculator is purposely mocking me and has no desire to report accurate percentages because I assume that it's impossible for there to be that little fat percentage lost given my diet and turbo workouts. I guess I'm starting to understand what Lindsay Lohan was going through. Anyway, this week I'm starting to do 3 sets of weights instead of 2 (as is the natural progression in the Abs Diet book), so maybe that'll learn that damn scale. Here are my vitals:

Weight:
Start: 182.8
Week 1: 179.4 (-3.4)
Week 2: 177.4 (-2.0)
Week 3: 176.4 (-1.0)
Week 4: 174.6 (-1.8)
Total Difference = -8.2

BMI:
Start: 27.0
Week 1: 26.5 (-0.5)
Week 2: 26.2 (-0.3)
Week 3: 26.0 (-0.2)
Week 4: 25.8 (-0.2)
Total Difference = -1.2

Body Fat:
Start: 25.6%
Week 1: 24.8% (-0.8)
Week 2: 24.4% (-0.4%)
Week 3: 24.4% (--)
Week 4: 24.2% (-0.2%)
Total Difference = -1.4%

Simpsons Character Sound Board

Special thanks goes out to Adam "Troy" McClure for sending me the link to this excellent Simpsons character sound board. I have also added it as a link in the "Humor Links" section to the right. Enjoy.

"Stop Your Stallin' and Your Bitchin'"

Man, I'm busy as a beaver today, which is ironic, since it's Hair Band Friday and there's a parade of beaver in my office. Currently blasting from my stereo is a favorite of mine (and a repeat player), Def Leppard's "High 'N Dry," as well as Warrant's "Cherry Pie" and Skid Row's "Skid Row." I have pretty much been drunk out of my mind since I got into the office this morning. It's hard not to be when there are like 15 chicks in my office willing to do anything to see me write an angry letter to opposing counsel. Who am I to disappoint them?

Last night's The OC was pretty solid. I won't bore you with the details, since I assume that you saw it, but I will point out my personal highlights:

1. Kaitlin Cooper went back to boarding school, which is fine with me. Her sauciness and Lolita-like qualities could not make up for the fact that I wanted to slap her in the mouth everytime she opened it.
2. It's official: Johnny and his shitty-ass haircut are dead. Personally, I think he should have been dead a long time ago, like in the first trimester. But in the end, the fact that I never have to look at his pathetic face again is refreshing.
3. Some hippie chick with a mustache (who is apparently Johnny's cousin) comes to town for Johnny's funeral and to help out Johnny's mom while she's dealing with the loss of her pathetic, inappropriately hirsute son. The plotline seems to be setting itself up for this girl (named Sadie) to woo Ryan away from Marissa. I don't find this believable because Marissa is good looking all the time, while Sadie (shown to the right) is good looking only in certain lighting (much like the Seinfeld episode). One thing Sadie does have going for her is that she looks more like Teresa (the woman Ryan unkowingly has a child with) than Marissa does. Either way, a little wax on the upper lip can't hurt.
4. Marissa made 2 comments regarding her lack of eating, one of which was something along the lines of "and I'm obviously not hungry." Obviously.
5. Volchok, the Eastern Bloc pillow-biting surfer who Ryan intimidated into submission, is back, and he somehow knows Sadie. How many times is Ryan going to have to act like he's going to gut Volchok like a fish with a broken wine bottle before Volchok gets the point that no one likes him? My guess is 2.

Top Thirty Facts About Ryan Atwood

With the popularity of sites that tout the top 30 (or 100) facts about Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Vin Diesel, GMYH reader Ryan "Pissed Off" Christoff suggested that there needed to be a Top 30 facts about Ryan Atwood, The OC's beloved tough guy with a heart of gold.

1. Ryan Atwood's shit cures terrorism. Too bad he has never shit.
2. Ryan Atwood beats up more surfers when he's sleeping than the rest of the world does awake.
3. One time Ryan Atwood cried. New Orleans still hasn't fully recovered.
4. Ryan Atwood's semen provides 100% of the vitamins and minerals necessary to maintain a healthy diet. This is why it is not necessary for Marissa Cooper to be shown eating on screen.
5. If Ryan Atwood were to punch your mom in the uterus right now, you would cease to exist.
6. Ryan Atwood chokes pythons.
7. If you were to Google "baddest motherfucker in the history of the world," the only result would be a picture of Ryan Atwood pointing at you. Your computer would then beat you into a coma.
8. It's no coincidence that you will never see Jesus and Ryan Atwood in the same place at the same time. Not because they're the same person. Jesus is just fucking scared of Ryan Atwood.
9. If you were to gather Ryan Atwood's sweat, boil it with baking soda, dry the resulting product, and crush the product into a fine powder, you would have a drug over 300 times as addictive as crack cocaine. The irony, of course, is that you would die from self-inflicted punch wounds to the head and neck mere seconds after the first time you ingested said powder. Luckily for you, Ryan Atwood never sweats.
10. It's impossible for Ryan Atwood to have any enemies because anyone who has ever attempted to cross Ryan Atwood has later died mysteriously from face-punching related injuries.
11. One time in 1945 Ryan Atwood used an alias: The Enola Gay.
12. Ryan Atwood invented the word "anachronism." In 1532.
13. The Grand Canyon is what happened when Ryan Atwood pissed on Arizona.
14. Ryan Atwood is a humble man, which explains why Kiss changed the name of the song from "Ryan Atwood Gave Rock & Roll to You."
15. When Ryan Atwood goes to college, he will major in Ass Kicking and minor in Brooding. Upon enrollment, he will already have enough credits to graduate.
16. If Ryan Atwood were to masturbate, every woman in the world would have an orgasm. Luckily, he never has to masturbate because there is not one minute during the day when he is not having sex with a totally hot chick.
17. When Ryan Atwood was born, France surrendered.
18. One time Ryan Atwood got drunk, and had sex with a Swedish chick. Nine months later the song "All That She Wants" by Ace of Base was released.
19. If Ryan Atwood grew a mustache, humanity would soon perish because every man in the world would turn gay.
20. You cannot kill Ryan Atwood. You can only make him brood.
21. Ryan Atwood got sick of the sun always being in his eyes, so he punched the ground. Hence, trees.
22. If Ryan Atwood were to look at himself in the mirror, he would turn to stone. Good thing he's a vampire.
23. Ryan Atwood invented the question mark.
24. If you see Ryan Atwood's fist, it's too late.
25. Ryan Atwood's sperm is so potent that any child conceived by him refuses to be birthed by conventional methods, but rather will punch through the mother's stomach when it feels it's ready to kick someone's ass. Luckily Marissa Cooper is barren.
26. Ryan Atwood was not born. He was made by Zeus from reinforced titanium, the remains of dead boxers' fists, and all non-heel parts of Achilles.
27. David Copperfield never made the Statue of Liberty disappear. He just hired Ryan Atwood to tear it down and then build it back up a few minutes later.
28. Ryan Atwood's saliva contains enough poison to kill a herd of elephants in a matter of seconds. Or he could just punch them and finish the job even more quickly.
29. In 2001, Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick Ryan Atwood, breaking both feet in the process. The next day "Walker, Texas Ranger" was canceled for undisclosed reasons.
30. Ryan Atwood doesn't want to punch you, but he just can't help it.

Please feel free to submit your own Ryan Atwood facts.

The Long and Winding Road

Good Lord, it's been an odd and interesting several days. Here is a day-by-day recap that I hope will calm everyone's nerves and answer any questions you may have about why I have not posted since Friday.

Saturday

Saturday morning, I made the trek over to Bloomington for the IU/UConn game. Joining me for the festivities were Holt "The Phone" Hedrick, Morgan "Crazy Legs" Hirst, and Joe "The Original Goni" Malangoni. The game itself was up-and-down, with UConn showing exactly why they are the #1 team in the nation, and IU showing exactly why not having DJ White makes IU a #20-25 team. Anyway, to the left is a shot of Assembly Hall from our seats. Unfortunately my camera phone catches glare like Jenna Jameson catches peen, so it looks a little washed out.

Anyway, that evening started early, probably around 5, at Kilroy's, the bar I frequented most often as an undergrad. Morgan's brother, Christopher (who is an undergrad) joined Morgan and me, while Holt was off getting a haircut and Joe was visiting some relatives in town. By the time they arrived at Kilroy's, Morgan, Christopher, and I had polished off a few pitchers and were ready to kick it into high gear.

Soon after Brian "The Who Bear" Alessandrini joined us at Kilroy's, we all (except Christopher) went to Nick's, which is perhaps the greatest bar in the history of the world, to play some Sink the Bismark (aka, the greatest drinking game in the world). After an uncharacteristically terrible performance at Sink, I was inebriated enough that I cut myself off. Some time before this, JR "Eehoc" Cohee joined us.

I remember parts of the next several hours. Some married chick named Bonnie that Joe used to date (in college) was also in Bloomington visiting a friend that goes to law school (who I think was named Sarah, but may have been named Erin or Emily--for simplicity's sake, we'll call her Troll). Also joining those two ladies was another girl who I think was named Erin or Emily, but may have been named Troll--for simplicity's sake, we'll call her Sarah). I think Sarah was a nanny in Bloomington, which seemed confusing, since she held herself out to be a college graduate.

All three ladies were Republicans. Not that it matters, but for some reason, they made it known, and there were certain points in the evening where they did not display what I would deem "traditional family values." Anywho, apparently Bonnie, who has been married for 2 years, has not quite gotten past whatever relationship she and Joe (who is engaged) may have had 8-9 years ago in college. That will come into play later in this saga.

At some point while we were at Nick's, I found out that Penn State beat Illinois (at Illinois). I welcomed this news with overabundant joy, feeling the need to tell nearly everyone else in Nick's about this wonderful turn of events. I got the sense that not everyone there was as excited about it as I was, but I still think it was important to spread the word.

After Nick's, we all went to the Upstairs Pub and then to the Jungle Room, where Christopher met back up with us. It was becoming more and more clear that Bonnie still wanted Joe and that she had no qualms with the fact that she was married and that he was engaged. Sarah was trying to make her move on Joe, too. Joe, however, was not interested in either one.

So after the Jungle Room, the 10 of us go back to Troll's apartment. Apparently, the ladies' plan was that Joe would come to his senses and decide to throw his engagement out the window. While I drank my water, and everyone else drank beers, the evening began to unravel. Christopher and Cohee had their "what the fuck am I doing here" moments and left. Troll tried to harass Holt, while Bonnie and I were engaged in a classic political discussion involving whether it was possible to support the troops but not support the war (in case you're wondering, it is possible). Morgan and Drini left, with Morgan declaring me "in charge," which I took to mean "make sure Joe isn't raped."

Where were Joe and Sarah, you ask? Well, Joe had gone to the bathroom to urinate. Mid-piss, Sarah walks in, shuts the door and seductively asks, "Do you know why I'm here?" Joe kept on pissing (it burns to stop) and responded with something along the lines of "no." He then explained in so many words that he was engaged and would not be performing any sort of sex act with her or anyone else, including any variation of the golden shower. So then Sarah leaves the bathroom crying. After she stopped crying, she was convinced that Bonnie was going to kick her ass (which obviously would have been fun to watch).

Then Bonnie gets wind of Sarah's meager seduction attempt and decides that one night with Joe is worth ruining her marriage. Joe explained to her that she was a fucking moron, and that whatever they had 8-9 years ago has long been forgotten. So then she starts crying because she realized that her days of riding the Malangoni Bologna Pony were never coming back.

It was at that point that Troll asked us to leave. I have to say, it was a treat watching two Republican women unsuccessfully throw themselves at an engaged Democrat. You may have your precious war and your unconstitutional domestic surveillance, but at least we have our dignity.

When we got back to the hotel room, I was somehow the odd man out, which meant that this was my bed. Awesome.

Sunday

On Sunday, I went up to the Chicagoland area for the Super Bowl party of Jon "J-Diza" Dudek and his girlfriend Tracy, aka "T-Money." Tracy had borrowed a projector from her place of employment, which meant that we got to watch the Super Bowl on about a 15x15 wall:

Thanks in part to the enormity of the screen, I was able to take several concert action photos of the Rolling Stones, making it appear as though I was there, including a nice shot of Mick Jagger flailing about in ways that 62-year-olds should not be allowed to do.
Monday

So on Monday, I dilly-dallied around Chicago. I went into the city and had lunch with a friend, then stopped by my dad's office to say hi. I was on top of the world. After returning to the burbs, I had dinner with my mom and headed out. Or so I thought.

Not too long after I left, my lovely '91 Accord, Rhonda, started acting strangely. Dashboard lights that I had never seen before were flashing. Long story short, a radiator hose had either burst or come loose. And just a couple miles before the 196,000-mile mark, no less. Rhonda can be a cold-hearted bitch sometimes. So I had to get her towed and I wasn't able to leave until Tuesday morning.

Tuesday

Once fixed, Rhonda wanted to make up for lost time. She handled I-65 like Mike Tyson handles women: with no mercy and no respect. We were making great time, and then some more strange things started to happen. While I was on I-70 in between New Castle and Hagerstown, Indiana, out of nowhere I see three F-4 Phantoms flying overhead, one after the other, about 10 seconds apart.

As if the car gods hadn't fisted me enough this trip, no less than 10 miles after the random fighter plane sighting--I shit you not--my left front tire explodes. This wasn't your run-of-the-mill tire pop. Chunks of tire were flying all over the place. My hubcab breaks off. Not falls off--breaks off (you can see the 2 remaining broken pieces of it in the pictures below). The force of the tire and hubcab explosion leads me to believe that it was no coincidence that I noticed those F-4s. Sure, the government's going to pretend like F-4s don't target '91 Hondas driving on interstate highways, but I find it a little too convenient that only 2 1/2 days eariler I was disagreeing with a Republican.

Anyway, so there I am, freezing my ass off while I'm changing a tire along I-70. And of course my spare is one of those donut spares that looks like it would be too small for a Yugo. The absolure best part about my spare is that it can only handle speeds up to 50 mph, which meant that I went 50 down the interstate for the rest of the way with my flashers on.

I did get home in time to get a new tire before Jester and I had to be at the bowling alley for our league. So, in the end, it was just a typical Midwestern winter weekend.

"Don't Sing Your Last Lullaby"

It's Friday, which means that it's Hair Band Friday in my office. Currently pumping through my speakers are the melodies of a decadent era that is gone, but not forgotten. The last three songs were "Alone Again" by Dokken, "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Kix, and "You Got Another Thing Comin'" by Judas Priest, all classics. It's been a little slow here at the office. No motions or memos to write, no discovery requests to respond to, no research to do. But that hasn't stopped the groupies at all. This chick named Sindee is currently flashing her vuvla around here like it's her job (which it may very well be). And I'll be damned if earlier I didn't have to step in and tame that lioness. Luckily I've had enough Liquid G that I lost the ability to care whether she's disease-free or not. No worries, though. It's just part of the business.

Last night's The OC was fan-fucking-tastic. Forget the fact that Seth is still smoking weed and that Summer figured it out after Seth gave "Save the Last Dance" rave reviews. Forget that Julie Cooper-Nichol and Dr. Roberts are well on their way to taking the skin boat to tuna town. Forget that Kaitlin talks like a fucking moron. The last 5 minutes of the episode trumped all of that.

What will be forever remembered from this episode is the fact that Johnny (yes, surfer Johnny with the worst hair in the history of the world) may be dead. Using the same reasoning skills that allow him to steer clear of the barber shop, Johnny took Kaitlin and a bottle of tequila to the beach in the middle of the night for a bonfire. Rather than get hammered and fuck the shit out of Kaitlin on the beach (which he probably could have done if he wasn't such a Marissa-crazed douchebag), Johnny decides to get hammered and climb what appears to be a 30-40 foot cliff. With the bottle of tequila in his hand, no less.

So Kaitlin's freaking out because her pristine, unconquered body is getting passed over for some rocks. Not only that, but that asshole took the tequila. She calls Marissa, who had recently passed up the chance to eat in favor of some knee spreading for Ryan (thanks to Casey "Hold the" Mayo for the knee-spreading comment last night). Being the gentleman that he is, Ryan takes Marissa and heads over to the beach.

When they arrive at the beach, Marissa heads down to comfort Kaitlin, while Ryan does what Johnny should have done in the first place: get to the top using the clean, well-maintained path on the side of the cliff. So Ryan gets up there, and Johnny's all "you're the last person I want to see" and Ryan's all "just be careful man" and Johnny's all "yeah right, just so you can save me at the last minute in front of Marissa." (He's got a point there. Since Johnny already looks like a total asswipe, the last thing he needs is for the boyfriend of the girl he loves rescuing him from danger right in front of her and her saucy little sister who he didn't bang.) Then Johnny stumbles a little bit. Ryan races to the edge to grab him before he falls. But alas, Ryan was too late. All we hear is the sound of the bottle breaking, and then it was the end of the episode.

So we never saw Johnny's body at the bottom of the cliff, which leaves us with the following questions:

1. For the love of God, is Johnny please dead?
2. Did Johnny's hideous mop of hair form a parachute (or what I would call a hairachute), allowing him to float harmlessly to the sand below?
3. If Johnny didn't die, but suffered some sort of blunt head trauma, will the doctors please be forced to shave his head?
4. Is it medically possible that by falling onto his knee, Johnny somehow completely knocked his previously injured ligaments into healthy status, thereby allowing him a spot on the Pac West surf tour (meaning that he would have to leave the show)?
5. If he's dead, aside from his mom and Chili, will anyone truly be saddened by his death? (The answer to that is probably "no," since everyone would be better off. Including you and me.)
6. Have McG and Josh Schwartz been reading this blog and therefore purposely putting Marissa in near-eating situations every episode solely for the purpose of pissing me off? If so, well done guys.

And in case everyone didn't know before watching The OC last night, there is a movie called When a Stranger Calls coming out today. Holy shit Screen Gems, is it really necessary to run 2 commercials for the movie during each commercial break?

Happy Groundhog Day

Well, today is the 13th annual Groundhog Day. As you probably know, Groundhog Day is the fictional holiday introduced to the world on February 12, 1993, when the movie of the same name was released. In the movie, on the second day in February, a make-believe animal called a "groundhog" (played wonderfully by a woodchuck) is placed in a hole in a rural Pennsylvania town. Then a large white man wearing an oversized top hat and a tuxedo cajoles the "groundhog" out of the hole. What comes next is something that could only come from the demented mind of Harold Ramis. According to the movie, if the "groundhog" sees his shadow and goes back in the hole, winter will last for another 6 weeks (which is ironically the length winter would last anyway -- touche Harold Ramis, touche). But if the "groundhog" doesn't see his shadow, then spring will come early.

Since the movie's release, Groundhog Day has caught on like wildfire, so much so that the rural town showcased in the movie, Punxsutawney, actually holds a Groundhog Day celebration each February 2nd, mimicking the movie's fictional holiday rituals. Even though the "groundhog" saw his shadow today for the 10th time in 13 years, it looks as though Groundhog Day is here to stay.

You may think this is a ridiculous example of life imitating art, but it is certainly not the first time Hollywood has turned a movie or TV show's fake holiday into a real one. Here are some other examples:
-The hit TV show "Seinfeld" popularized a make-believe non-denominational holiday called Festivus.
-In 1978, John Carpenter brought to the world a delightfully macabre autumn holiday where children dress up in costume and go door-to-door asking for candy. The holiday soon took its name from Carpenter's film, "Halloween."
-"Born on the Fourth of July" gave Congress the push it needed to officially establish July 4 as America's Independence Day.
-And of course who can forget "It's a Wonderful Life," which in 1946 brought post-War America a strange new holiday to accompany the country's predominantly Christian population through long, hard winters: Christmas. Building off the popularity of this new fad that was sweeping the nation, the next year "Miracle on 34th Street" gave us a jolly man in a red suit who purported to deliver toys to every child in the world on Christmas.

Curling

Not being from Scotland, Canada, or apparently Bemidji, Minnesota, I wasn't introduced to the sport of curling until I was in junior high. For reasons that are still unclear to me, my dad came home from work one day with a video all about curling. He then forced my brother and me to watch the video about this exotic and seemingly rudimentary sport, where all the people who played it wore jean shorts and said "eh" at the end of every sentence. It was then that my love affair with curling began.

Granted, it's not as dangerously sexy as the luge or the skeleton. It doesn't have the star power of speed skating. It doesn't have the WTF factor of the biathlon. It doesn't have flair and fabulous costumes like men's figure skating. But I couldn't (and still can't) resist the allure of someone called a "skip" sliding a 40+-pound stone down a sheet of ice, where several people use brooms to manipulate the stone's path until it reaches its final destination.

I only got a taste of it in '92 at Albertville, since it was only a demonstration sport, but not a full sport. Curling was noticeably absent from the '94 games in Lillehammer. Finally in '98 at Nagano, the IOC wised up and put curling back on the slate as an official olympic sport.

My white hot love for curling came to a rolling boil during the '02 games in Salt Lake City. Along with my roommates at the time, Ryan "Pissed Off" Christoff and Tradd "The New Albanian" Fromme, we vowed to one day bring home curling gold for the US of A, probably in 2010 in Vancouver. After that, of course, we would parlay our fame into a somewhat successful rap music career under the name Stone Throwaz. Our first album, "Broomz and Stonez," is set to be released by Interscope Records sometime in July 2010.

It looks as though curling won't even need Stone Throwaz in order to get the attention and respect it deserves. This year in Turino, curling is finally primed to take center stage. The US Men's team is still feeling the bitter sting of what could have been. You see, in 2002 at Salt Lake, the men lost heartbreaking and demoralizing round-robin matches to Germany, Denmark, Finland, Great Britain, and eventual Gold Medalist Norway by a combined 7 points, despite the aggressive play and near-demonic stare of US skip Tim Somerville (shown to the right). This year's team is a coalition of northern Minnesota good ol' boys, led by 37-year-old skip Pete Fenson, who has been described by many as the Don of US Curling, an obvious reference to the fact that he owns two pizzerias.

The women's team, led by the surprisingly attractive and always volatile Johnson sisters, Cassie and Jamie, look to build off of their silver medal finish at the 2005 World Championships in Paisley, Scotland. After being embarrassed in the Bronze Medal match by Canada in '02, the women should be poised for a medal this year. If that happens, I predict that the Johnsons will become the darlings of the 20th Winter Olympiad.

For the men, their road to glory begins on Monday 2/13 at 9am TT (Torino time, which is apparently 3am EST), as they battle the wily yet dimwitted Norwegian team (known colloquially in curling circles as "the jocks with rocks"). The women will first go up against Norway's women's team, a collaboration of erudite Osloans and cunning Laplanders, the same day at 2pm TT (8am EST).

State of the Union Drinking Game

Perhaps if I had known about the State of the Union Drinking Game, I would have actually forced myself to watch what all accounts have described as a riveting speech. There's always next year. And unfortunately the year after that. Unless of course that whole impeachment thing pans out. If they impeached Clinton for getting a BJ, surely they can find something to get Bush impeached. We may have to wait until after the Dems take Congress back this November, though.