Tuesday Top Ten: Add a Word Ruin a Movie

This weekend on Facebook and Twitter, a fun game called Add a Word Ruin a Movie (#addawordruinamovie) seemed to take off.  The premise, as the name implies, is to add one word to a movie title, thereby creating a fictional movie that would be much worse than the original movie.  For instance, the first one I saw was Patriot Board Games.

Here are my ten favorite that I saw, in alphabetical order.  Some are my own, some are from my Facebook friends, and some are from random people I saw when I clicked on the hashtag.

1.  1492 Handies

2.  Charlotte's Web Cam

3.  Dirty Harry Balls

4.  Fisting Leonard: Part 6

5.  Lafayette Indiana Jones.  (For those of you not familiar with Lafayette, Indiana, it is a horrible, rancid place.)

6.  Orphans Die Hard

7.  Pearl Necklace Harbor

8.  Rick James and The Giant Peach

9.  Schindler's Grocery List

10.  She's Having a Baby Carrot

Honorable mention:  Batman Begins Pooping; Big Vaginas; The Joy Luck Fuck Club; Leaving Las Vegas Early; Raping Gandhi; Sex Toy Story; Tickle Fight Club

I strongly encourage you to post your own in the comments because I can't get enough of this.

Rocktober Video #6: "Iron Maiden" by Iron Maiden

What is it with metal bands and kickass eponymous songs?  "Black Sabbath" by Black Sabbath, "Motörhead" by Motörhead, and, of course, "Iron Maiden" by Iron Maiden. This video is a live performance of the latter, from 1980, when the band was still young and Paul Di'Anno had not yet been replaced by Bruce Dickinson.  It's from a show at the Marquee, a legendary London club that was instrumental to the New Wave of British Heavy Metal movement (and, ten to fifteen years before that, many soon-to-be-huge British rock bands had residencies there on their respective ways to the top, including the Stones, Zeppelin, The Who, Pink Floyd, The Yardbirds, Jethro Tull, and The Jimi Hendrix Experience).  The energy in the crowd is pretty amazing.  You don't see a lot of shows anymore where the crowd is that amped up yet still under control.  These days, it would probably turn into a mosh pit.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but there's something to be said for being able to go nuts at a show without getting a forearm shiver to the back.

Rocktober Video #5: Alice Cooper Live at Toronto Rock & Roll Revival 9/13/69

Less than a month after Woodstock, Toronto had its own music festival, with a line-up consisting largely of '50s and early '60s rockers, like Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Gene Vincent.  There were also some contemporary rock acts.  The Doors headlined, but the festival is notable for two other reasons. 

First, John Lennon showed up with the Plastic Ono Band, including Yoko Ono, Eric Clapton, Klaus Voorman, and future Yes drummer Alan White, and they performed what would become the Live Peace in Toronto 1969 album -- and John would tell The Beatles a few days later that he was leaving the band. 

Second, Alice Cooper killed a chicken.  At the time, Alice Cooper was relatively unknown and had not yet had their string of hits that established them as a hard rock staple in the '70s.  They were starting to develop their shock rock stage show, as well.  They didn't yet have the guillotine, giant spider, or any snakes, but Alice himself played the show in a leather bondage type get-up.  Most of this video is a weird, fuzzed-out psychedelic jam, with a game of hide-and-seek and a stage fight thrown in for good measure.

Part of the band's stage show at the time was that they would spray a couple pillowcases full of feathers into the crowd.  Things got weird weirder when someone threw a live chicken on the stage.  How someone smuggled a live chicken into the stadium is beyond me, but then again, it was the '60s and it was Canada, so maybe that kind of thing just wasn't questioned.  Anyway, Alice picks it up and, being a city boy and believing something with wings has the ability to fly, threw it into the air, thinking it would fly away.  It did not.  It abruptly dropped into the first few rows, where audience members tore it to pieces.  The best part of the story?  The people that killed the bird were disabled and in wheelchairs.

The chicken chucking occurs at about the 11:40 mark.

Rocktober Video #4: Guns N' Roses Live at The Ritz 2/2/88

What you are about to watch is GNR's now-legendary show at the Ritz in New York on Groundhog Day in 1988.  (Happy 10th birthday, Weez!)  What's pretty awesome about this show is that it's only about seven months after Appetite was released, and six months before "Sweet Child O' Mine" was released and the band took off.  It's before they were a headliner, before Axl started being Axl, before Steven Adler somehow got kicked out of the band for doing too many drugs (man, could he play the drums), and before the in-fighting.  At this point, this is just a young up-and-coming band kicking ass and leaving it all on stage.  By the end of the year, they would be the biggest band in the world, but at this point, they were still relatively unknown.  For some reason, that makes this even that much more awesome for me.  How cool would it be to say you were there to see Guns N' fucking Roses before they were Guns N' fucking Roses?

Notice "Deuce" by KISS playing before the band starts.  Then, they open with "It's So Easy," and from there, it's on, and their clothes slowly peel off.  Shit gets hot when you're wearing leather and melting faces.  They end their main set with a cover of "Mama Kin," and then the highlight for me is the encore, "Rocket Queen," which is, was, and will always be my favorite Guns N' Roses song.  I love it when they essentially have a manufactured guitar solo so that Slash and Axl can light their cigarettes. Ahh, to be young, drunk, and talented.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 10/4/13

Terrible Fans and Marty McKnight

In the last couple weeks, some good people have sent me some good links.

The first was sent to me by Tradd, and it provides you with 31 Reasons It's Perfectly Acceptable to Hate Notre Dame.  Only 31?

The second was also sent to me by Tradd, and it is part of a series on Out Kick the Coverage identifying the Ten Dumbest Fan Bases in America.  Number 3 is Ohio State fans.  (The top two spots have not yet been revealed, but Kentucky basketball fans have to be number one.)  Having lived in Dayton for nearly three years, I can tell you that this assessment is spot-on.  I kid you not, within a month of living in Dayton, a middle-aged co-worker (who did not go to Ohio State, mind you) and I engaged in the following conversation:
Her:  "Are you an Ohio State fan yet?"
Me:  "No, I went to Indiana."
Her:  "But you live in Ohio now."
Me:  "Yes, but I went to Indiana, another Big Ten school.  Also, I grew up in Illinois, but I'm not an Illinois fan."
Her:  "But you live in Ohio now."
This moronic mentality permeates that state.  It's exhausting.

The third was a blog article called Things Parents Hate: Caillou.  I don't think I've ever met a parent who likes Caillou -- a cartoon aimed at impressionable children age five and under.  I could write my own "Shit I Hate" about Caillou, but this article sums everything up perfectly.  That whiny little French-Canadian bastard is a cancer on the development of well-behaved toddlers.  Before watching him, Daughter didn't whine.  After watching him, she whines.  Because Caillou teaches children that whining is productive.  It has gotten to the point where I refuse to let my kids watch Caillou, and I outright tell them, "You can't watch Caillou because I hate Caillou."

And finally, The Weez sent me this sweet mash-up of the Knight Rider intro and Back to the Future.

Rocktober Video #3: KISS Live at The Summit 1977

If there is a better live band in the history of rock and roll than KISS, I'd like to see them in concert.  Pyrotechnics, smoke, spitting blood, spewing fire, smoking guitars.  KISS revolutionized the concert-going experience, and has been wowing stadium-sized audiences for nearly 40 years.  Whether you like the band or not (and obviously, I do), you can't dispute that they put on one hell of a rock and roll show.

Here they are at their peak, during the Love Gun tour, back on September 2, 1977 at The Summit in Houston, less than two months before I was born and less than six months until I myself would be in Houston, so I missed the show.  Thanks, Mom.  Anyway, this is a solid show.  They banter well with the crowd, they run around the stage, and, of course, they tear it up, particularly Ace.  That man could (and still can) play a solo.  Check out the end of "Shock Me" (about the 30:20 mark) to see what I'm talking about.

Rocktober Video #2: "I Need to Know" by Runner and The Thermodynamics

Back before Marc Pinansky was the front man for Township (the Boston-based hard rock band that I have touted many times on this here blog), he was fronting Runner and The Thermodynamics, another Boston-based hard rock band.  I can't remember how I discovered Runner back in early 2004 (I think it might have been a blurb in Rolling Stone), but I went to their website and saw some videos of their live shows, and what I saw was pure rock awesomeness.  The band just shredded.  At one point, drummer Roger Knight even lost his drumsticks and just kept hammering away with his fists.  Thankfully, there are still a couple early Runner shows available on YouTube.

This one is a cover of Tom Petty's "I Need to Know," performed in Providence in 2002.  The band tears through the song and then goes apeshit on their instruments, Who style.  You may need to log into YouTube to watch the video because for some reason YouTube has listed this as age-restricted.  Because kids can't cope with awesomeness?  Anyway, log in and prepare to be blown away.

I'm Back, and So Is Rocktober

Holy shit, what a trip.  If you've never been to Brussels, Amsterdam, and/or Munich, I highly recommend each.  My day-by-day recap of the trip -- which I call BAM! -- will be coming soon, whenever my fellow travelers send me their photos.  Rest assured, it will be informative.  Particularly, there will be advice on the best White Stripes songs for starting chants at the Delirium Cafe, whether you should attend sex shows, appropriate conversation topics on a first date when you are sharing a table with six strangers, and how many doner kebabs you should consume in a 24-hour period.

But in the meantime, Rocktober is officially upon us.  As we all know, October is the greatest month of the year.  For several years, I reviewed a rock album every day in October, and then last year, I switched it up and had a rock video each day.  Between corralling two toddlers, maintaining gainful employment, and a paralyzing need to watch TV when I'm not doing either of the former two, I won't have time to review an album every day this October.  I am switching it up again this year, focusing on live music.  You know I love going to concerts.  Seeing live music is a religious experience for me, and I know it is for a lot of other people too.  Each weekday this month (when I'm in the office), I'll be posting a video featuring live music.  It might be just a song, or it might be a whole damn concert.  Shit man, it might be two concerts -- although, in all likelihood, it won't be because who has the time?  

As in Rocktobers past, there are no set genres I'm going to use, but the music must generally rock, whether it's metal, hard rock, classic rock, grunge, punk, garage rock, or any other genre, song, or concert that rocks. Fridays will, of course, feature videos by hair bands because Friday without the Hair Band is like Oktoberfest without the dirndls. As always, the week before Halloween will feature videos that have evil or dark themes. Rest assured, everything video featured will, in fact, rock.  As with last year, the Retro Video of the Week will be suspended during Rocktober.

So, with that, the first live video this Rocktober is "Freedom" by Richie Havens at Woodstock.  Havens died earlier this year, and this is probably his most famous song and by far his most well-known live performance (and one of Woodstock's most well-known performances).  Notice how drenched in sweat Havens is at the end of the song.  Good stuff.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 9/20/13

I must leave you for a short spell, as I am off for ten days to the respective homelands of Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vincent van Gogh, and Uli Jon Roth, without access to email, voicemail, crying children, or moderation.

Not wanting to leave you empty-handed in my absence, below is a Hair Band Friday selection that came from my Pandora Hair Band Friday station.  These are not technically all hair band songs, but rather they are just the first ten songs that played on the station today, as I vigorously masturbated cleaned the house before leaving.  Rest assured, all songs do, in fact, kick ass and promote drinking, drug use, and/or promiscuous sex.  If you're bored while I'm gone, I suggest going back to the first post I ever wrote and then reading every GMYH post in chronological order.  That should take you through next March, by which time I will have been back for five months.