Listen to Hair Band Friday - 9/5/14

Retro Video of the Week: "Dr. Feelgood" by Mötley Crüe

Two days ago marked the 25th anniversary of the release of Mötley Crüe's mega-album, Dr. Feelgood.  After the band had various issues with drugs and alcohol -- such as Nikki Sixx dying from a heroin overdose only to be revived and Vince Neil drunkenly driving his De Tomaso Pantera head-on into another car, killing his passenger (and Hanoi Rocks drummer), "Razzle" Dingley, and severely injuring the two people in the other car -- the band made a concerted effort to sober up while they were making the Dr. Feelgood album, and the results were pretty spectacular.  Produced by Bob Rock, Dr. Feelgood was Mötley Crüe's first (and only) album to reach #1 on the Billboard album charts, staying on the charts for 109 weeks.  It is also the band's highest-selling album ever, going 6x Platinum in the U.S.  On top of that, all five of the singles from the album charted on the Billboard Hot 100, including the band's first two Top 10 songs ("Dr. Feelgood" at #6 and "Without You" at #8) and two additional Top 40 songs ("Kickstart My Heart" at #27 and "Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)" at #19).

I played my Dr. Feelgood tape a lot.  This was about the time I got my first walkman, and I distinctly remember bringing Dr. Feelgood on trips, so that I could not only listen to it in the airport, but also read the unfolded liner notes, so that all the tween chicks knew I was a total badass.  Amazingly, I had just as much sex in airport bathrooms at age 12 as I did in my four years of high school.

For the Retro Video of the Week, I chose the title track because it was the first single released off of the album, and it's just such a gritty song -- a tale of drug dealers and the underworld, brought to life by Bob Rock's bombastic production.  Enjoy.

Tuesday Top Ten: Back-to-School Songs

Today is the first day of school for Chicago Public Schools (and probably many other districts around the country), so I decided to have a school-themed music Tuesday Top Ten of songs that have "school" or "teacher" (or some variation) in the title or otherwise relate to school.

I am limiting it to songs that are focused on school or teachers, or that are set in schools.  I tried not to stretch it too much, since there are a lot of great songs that casually mention school, but school isn't really the focus of the song (Aerosmith's "Walk This Way" comes to mind).  I'm also not including songs about graduation.  Sorry, Vitamin C fans.  I am also specifically excluding Alice Cooper's "School's Out," since that is not really a back-to-school song.

So, here are my top ten back-to-school songs, with a playlist of all of them at the end (including honorable mention songs!):

Honorable mention (alphabetical by artist):  "School Love" by Anvil; "Grade 9" by Barenaked Ladies; "Girlschool" by Britny Fox; "Charlie Brown" by The Coasters; "Teach Your Children" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young; "Hey Teacher" by Louis XIV; "School" by Nirvana; "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police; "Harper Valley PTA" by Jeannie C. Riley; "I Love College" by Asher Roth; "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl" by The Yardbirds; "School Spirit" by Kanye West; "Principal's Office" by Young MC

10.  "Smokin' In the Boys Room" by Brownsville Station and/or Mötley Crüe

The whole song is about trying not to get caught smoking in a school bathroom.  It still amazes me that people used to smoke in school and get away with it (even when I was in high school).  I included both the original Brownsville Station version and the Mötley Crüe cover.

9.  "Teacher" by Jethro Tull

I've always thought this was a really underrated Jethro Tull song.

8.  "School Days" by Chuck Berry

This 1957 Chuck Berry classic was so good that Berry re-used the same music on his 1964 song "No Particular Place To Go."  Recorded at Chicago's fame Chess Records with Berry backed by blues legends Hubert Sumlin on guitar, Willie Dixon on bass, and Fred Below on drums, the song tells of a teenager basically doing everything he can to get through a school day, so that he can head straight to the juke joint after school, culminating with the anthemic line, "Hail, hail, rock and roll / Deliver me from the days of old."

7.  "Be True to Your School" by The Beach Boys

Ahh, the innocence of the early '60s, when your only concern is telling "some loud bragger" that your high school is better than his.  Interesting tidbit:  the song uses the same melody as Wisconsin's fight song, "On Wisconsin," which was also the same melody used in the school fight song for Hawthorne High School, where the Wilson brothers and Al Jardine went to school.  There are actually two versions of this song that the Beach Boys recorded, one with the cheerleading chants and one without, so I included both versions.

6.  "We're Going to Be Friends" by The White Stripes

Proving that he is a master songwriter, Jack White included this acoustic ballad on the same album as songs like "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" and "Fell in Love With a Girl."  The song is sung from the perspective of a young boy who has just begun school and wants to be friends with a girl named Suzy Lee.  The innocence of the song has always struck me, and I think the song works so well because everyone can relate to those early years of elementary school when you're starting to make friends and you're kind of nervous and excited at the beginning of each school year.

5.  "Rock 'n' Roll High School" by The Ramones

At my house, for reasons that are unknown to me, I often use the lead-in to this song to describe:  (1) "rock and roll breakfast" –- basically when I make breakfast for the kids and Jester is still sleeping, so we listen to rock and roll during breakfast; (2) "rock and roll dinner" –- the same concept as "rock and roll breakfast," except it's dinner instead of breakfast, and Jester isn't necessarily sleeping; and (3) my "rock and roll staircase" –- the walls along a flight of stairs in my house on which I have various rock and roll memorabilia and framed albums.  So, instead of just calling them "rock and roll [breakfast, dinner, staircase]," when talking to my kids, I often call them "rock rock rock rock rock and roll [breakfast, dinner, staircase]" like the intro and chorus in this song.  I apologize that you just wasted 20 seconds of your life reading this paragraph.

4.  "Another Brick in the Wall (Part II)" by Pink Floyd

Between "we don't need no education" and "hey, teacher, leave them kids alone," this has long been an anthem for students.  Personally, I have always loved the spoken-word line, "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!" not only because it seems to be in a Scottish accent, but also because of the incredulity with which the guy says it.

3.  "Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke

This song is all about the school subjects the narrator doesn't know much about.  He does know that one and one is two, which is amazing, considering his admitted lack of knowledge of history, biology, science, French, geometry, trigonometry, algebra, and the uses of a slide rule.

2.  "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam

This was the first Pearl Jam song I ever remember hearing, when I saw the video on MTV in the wee hours of the morning during a sleepover at a friend's house.  His name?  Jeremy.  Anyway, the song is about a kid who kills himself in front of all of his classmates at the front of the classroom, based on real events.  Eddie Vedder has said that the purpose of the song is to show that killing yourself doesn't change anything in the world, and the "best revenge is to live on and prove yourself."  Agreed.

1.  "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen

There is no better song about school or teachers than "Hot for Teacher."

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 8/29/14

Best SNL Cast Member Bracket

This coming season will be Saturday Night Live's 40th.  For all its ups and downs, to me, SNL still remains the pinnacle of sketch comedy, for writers and actors.

I began watching SNL religiously in the fall of 1989.  As a WWF fan, I was trying to tape Saturday Night's Main Event one November night, and I woke up the next morning to find my VHS tape did not contain that Red Rooster/Brooklyn Brawler match-up I was eagerly anticipating, but rather, well-crafted sketch comedy.  This was the era of Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Jan Hooks, Nora Dunn, Jon Lovitz, Victoria Jackson, Kevin Nealon, and Dennis Miller –- in my opinion, the strongest SNL cast, top to bottom.  The next show was John Goodman's first time hosting, and to this day, it's probably my favorite SNL episode ever.  From then on, I was hooked.  I think I taped just about every SNL until I went to college in 1996.

In honor of SNL's 40th anniversary, Grantland has been running a series of articles about SNL and has had the "Battle for the Best SNL Cast Member" bracket.  (Thanks to The Weez for sending me the link.)  It is a 64-person, NCAA tournament-style bracket with SNL cast members broken down into four "regions" for different time periods:  

(1) the 1975-1985 "Not Ready for Prime Time Players" region; 

(2) the 1986-1994 "Lorne's Return" region; 

(3) the 1995-2004 "More Cowbell" region; and 

(4) the 2005-2014 "Digital Kids" region.  

Within each region, cast members from that era are seeded 1-16, and the public has voted on each round on successive days starting last week.  Unfortunately, I didn't know about this until two days ago, so I have only voted on the quarterfinals forward.  Currently, voting is open for the finals, which pits Phil Hartman against Will Ferrell.

This was a really tough bracket, and I disagree with the way some of the voting came out, but I'm just one man, and I guess that's why they have voting.  But if it were up to me, here is how my voting would have gone from the Sweet 16 forward.  My voting is based solely on the person's contributions to SNL, and not any other endeavors they might have had before or after their tenure on SNL (i.e., movies, TV shows, overdoses, etc.).

1975-1985 Bracket

Sweet 16

I think I would have come out the exact same way in the Sweet 16 as the voting turned out.  The toughest matchup for me would have been 4-seed Dan Aykroyd vs. 5-seed Chevy Chase, but I'd have to go with Aykroyd if we're looking at SNL only, since Aykroyd was on the show three years longer than Chase.

(1) Eddie Murphy vs. (4) Dan Aykroyd.  This is another really tough matchup, but I'd take Murphy in a close one.

(2) John Belushi vs. (3) Bill Murray.  Another really close one, but I think Murray had more range than Belushi on the show, so I'd take Murray.

Elite 8

(1) Eddie Murphy vs. (3) Bill Murray.  I would take Murphy over Murray in a nail biter.  Murphy had such memorable characters (Mr. Robinson, Gumby, James Brown), and I think his tenure on SNL was slightly better than Murray's.

1986-1994

Sweet 16

This is probably the best overall region.  I would probably have had the same Sweet 16 in this region as the online voters did.

(1) Dana Carvey vs. (4) Chris Farley.  The online voters took Farley, but I would take Carvey by a wide margin.  He was hilarious and had as much range of characters as anyone in SNL's history.

(2) Phil Hartman vs. (3) Mike Myers.  This would be close, but I would take Myers.  Hartman was on the show longer, but Myers had more star power and better characters.

Elite 8

(1) Dana Carvey vs. (2) Mike Myers.  Both of these guys are in the top 5 SNL cast members ever, in my opinion.  I would give the slight edge to Carvey.

1995-2004

Sweet 16

I will start by saying that Darrell Hammond is grossly underseeded at a 9-seed.  He was the longest-tenured SNL cast member ever, and his Bill Clinton is so good that he has hung out with Bill Clinton.  I would have put him at a 4- or 5-seed, but I guess I'll play by their rules.  Like the previous two regions, I would have had the same Sweet 16 as the online voters.

(1) Will Farrell vs. (4) Jimmy Fallon.  Ferrell in a landslide.

(2) Amy Poehler vs. (3) Tina Fey.  At first, this seems like an obvious Fey victory, but on second thought, I'm not so sure.  Fey was head writer (which is awesome) and Weekend Update anchor, but if I'm judging based solely on acting, then I'd go with Poehler because she did Weekend Update and was a cast member.  It's a toss-up, but I guess I'd give Fey the slight advantage.

Elite 8

(1) Will Ferrell vs. (3) Tina Fey.  Ferrell in a landslide.

2005-2014

Sweet 16

They probably don't deserve their own quarter of the bracket, but again, this is how Grantland set it up, so that's how it's gonna be.  I would have a slightly different Sweet 16, taking Fred Armisen over Jason Sudeikis because I think Armisen is funnier.

(1) Kristen Wiig vs. (5) Fred Armisen.  I'd go with Wiig.

(2) Andy Samberg vs. (3) Bill Hader.  I'm going with Samberg because he brought SNL into the 21st Century with the digital shorts.

Elite 8

(1) Kristen Wiig vs. (2) Andy Samberg.  Again, I'm going with Samberg.  I like Wiig and think she's funny, but Samberg added a lot of value to the show with those digital shorts.

Final Four

(1) Eddie Murphy vs. (1) Dana Carvey.  I'd take Carvey all day.  Both of these guys were hysterical on SNL, but Carvey was there longer and was essentially the face of SNL for the late '80s and early '90s.

(1) Will Ferrell vs. (2) Andy Samberg.  Ferrell in a landslide.

Championship

(1) Dana Carvey vs. (1) Will Ferrell.  This one is a tough matchup, and I think both guys have solid arguments.  Both were hilarious on SNL and both were kind of the linchpins for their respective eras.  I've gone back and forth on this, but since there can't be a tie, I'd go with Carvey in a very close one.

What do you guys think?  Who is your favorite SNL cast member?

Retro Video of the Week: "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men

This Saturday marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Boyz II Men's sophomore album, II.  To call this album huge would be an understatement.  When looking at the success of the group's debut album, CooleyHighHarmony -- which went up to #3 on Billboard's album charts and spawned four Top 3 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 -- any group would be hard-pressed to top that kind of success, but Boyz II Men did just that with II.  

The album has gone platinum 12 times in the US, and it topped the Billboard album charts on four separate occasions between September 1994 and March 1995.  It contained two #1 hits. "I'll Make Love To You" was replaced at #1 by "On Bended Knee," putting Boyz II Men in the company of Elvis Presley and The Beatles as the only musical acts to replace themselves at the top of the Billboard Hot 100.  On top of the two #1 songs, it also featured a #2 ("Water Runs Dry"), a #21 ("Thank You"), and a #56 ("Vibin'").

If that wasn't enough, "I'll Make Love To You" spent 14 weeks at #1 (starting today in 1994), tying Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" for the longest run at #1 at that time and making Boyz II Men the first group to have two songs that stayed at #1 for ten or more weeks ("End of the Road" was their previous one, coming in at a paltry 13 weeks at #1).  Interesting tidbit:  they broke their own record a little over a year later when their collaboration with Mariah Carey, "One Sweet Day," stayed at #1 for 16 weeks and was later given the honor of the #1 song of the '90s on Billboard's End-of-Decade chart.  

My favorite song off the album is probably "Thank You," but I had to go with "I'll Make Love To You" as my video selection.  This brings up various awkward memories of slow dancing at high school dances, but it's a classic slow jam and, well, it is Hump Day.  So, get out there and make some love, people, but dammit, wear a rubber or at least make sure both of you are disease-free and one of you is sterile.

Tuesday Top Ten: Awkward Baby Photos

Between work, parenting, and practicing for dance team tryouts, I have been too busy this week to write my own Tuesday Top Ten.  Thankfully, someone posted an article on Facebook called "The 30 Most Horribly Awkward Baby Photos In The History Of Baby Photos."  The title speaks for itself, and the photos are hysterical.  I'm not sure who compiles these things or where they find them, but whoever does deserves some sort of internet Emmy award for Best Compilation of Awkward Baby Photos.

Retro Video of the Week: "I Wanna Be Somebody" by W.A.S.P.

This past Sunday marked the 30th anniversary of the release of W.A.S.P.'s self-title debut album.  For those of you not familiar with W.A.S.P., they were an LA-based hair band that added elements of shock rock to their stage show, from lead singer Blackie Lawless's cod piece with a saw blade to scantily clad women tied to torture devices to throwing raw meat into the audience.  Perhaps they are best known for their entry on the PRMC's "Filthy Fifteen," a song called "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)" that was controversial enough that W.A.S.P.'s record label made them pull it off of their first album to prevent the album from being banned in certain stores in the U.S.  Incidentally, it's a pretty awesome song that happens to serve as my ringtone right now and is very appropriate to play at high decibel levels in your car with all the windows rolled down, particularly as you enter Telluride, Colorado.  However, it doesn't have a true music video attached to it -- only a live video of the song from a 1984 show in London.  Thus, I decided to go with another song (one that was actually allowed to be included on their debut album), "I Wanna Be Somebody."  Other than "Animal," this is probably their most famous song.  It didn't chart or anything, but it was named by VH1 as the Number 84 Greatest Hard Rock Song of all-time, so suck on that, Billboard.  In addition, it's a pretty fantastic hard rock song in its own right with a message that everyone can relate to.

Tuesday Top Ten: Ice Bucket Challenge Fails

If you have been anywhere close to a TV, computer, or mobile device in the last week or two, you know that the internet (particularly Facebook) is inundated with videos of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I find it strange that you would be on the internet reading this post, but have no idea about the Ice Bucket Challenge.  Nonetheless, thanks.  I appreciate your loyalty and ability to compartmentalize your internet viewing.  The Ice Bucket Challenge goes like this:
1.  A person takes a video of him- or herself dumping a bucket of ice water on his or her head in the name of Lou Gehrig's Disease.
2.  The person then challenges three friends to do the same thing within 24 hours.  
3.  Those three people are then supposed to do the same thing (i.e., recording themselves doing the challenge and then challenging three others to do it).  
4.  If you get challenged and do it, you're also supposed to donate $50 to ALS research, and if you don't do the challenge, you're supposed to donate $100.  

It's essentially a pyramid scheme for a really good cause.  Some people have complained about it, since, God forbid, their Facebook feeds, for once, are not consumed by ill-informed political rants, pictures of friends' cats, and George Takei reposts.  Personally, I think it's an ingenious and humorous way to raise money, and it has clearly worked, since it has raised over $13 million for the ALS Association in the last few weeks.  Some of my friends have also found more creative ways to do the challenge, such as: dumping a bucket of ice water over his head while dressed in a suit and standing in the middle of Michigan Avenue; belly flopping into a kiddie pool filled with ice water; and taking a shot of Jack while dressed in a Buzz Lightyear suit before dumping a bucket of ice water on his head.

Of course, with any internet video sensation, there will be failure.  Leave it to Buzzfeed to find and compile said failure in a post entitled "22 People Who Have Definitely Not Taken the Ice Bucket Challenge" (thanks to Gregerson for the link).  There are some pretty funny ones in there.  I especially liked #17, #18, #19, and #21.  If we learn anything from this, it's that you should never let someone with a heavy bucket of ice water stand directly above you, particularly if they are leaning the bucket on a railing of some sort.  Most disturbing, however, is the percentage of these videos filmed in portrait orientation and not landscape.  Dear God, people, turn your phones sideways when you film videos.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 8/15/14