"I'm Hot, Young, Running Free, A Little Bit Better Than I Used to Be"

You guys thought it was gone forever, didn't you? Oh ye of little faith, wanna cookie? Yes, that's right, Hair Band Friday is back. Do you think I've actually been working every Friday while I'm at work? Well, I have, but it's been interspersed with an amazing amount of ribaldry and finger banging. For instance, take this morning. "Live Wire" by Mötley Crüe, "Coming Home" by Cinderella, and "Never Say Goodbye" by Bon Jovi had just blasted their way through the speakers in my office. Tawni was performing on the north stripper pole (doing some fucked up tribute to Kurt Vonnegut, splashing milk all over herself and attempting to lick it off -- believe me, it's a hell of a lot more tactful than her Slaughterhouse-Five tribute), and Kristi was on the South Pole (as it's affectionately known), fucking a penguin or some dude dressed up like Admiral Byrd or something. I couldn't really tell, on account of the mixture of mescaline and speed balls. Meanwhile, Mary was performing her infamous Mary-Go-Round, in which every one of her orifices is simultaneously penetrated. There were two midgets -- no more, no less -- because you need them to accomplish a true Mary-Go-Round, on account of the ears. You ever wonder what the lead singer of Danger Danger is up to these days? He's the ass man in the Mary-Go-Round, and interestingly, Mary's husband. Naughty naughty, indeed.

Is That You, Mordachi?
As most of you probably know, Jessie and I are pretty sure that one day we will be heavily involved with falconry. However, an interesting development in England has led me to believe that our future may be with robotic falconry. Investigation continues.

Knight Rider Question
Tron asks: "Is it really possible to drive a car up into a semi-truck that's driving 70 mph down an interstate? I would think the car's wheels would be going at such a high RPM it would just shoot right through the front of the semi truck rather then driving up into a high tech computer operations center for a quick meeting. It's been bugging me for quite a while."

Discuss.

Is That a Mace in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
So, a high schooler in Gary brought a mace to school and attacked a teacher. Not mace, a mace. As in the medival weapon that has a spiked ball attached to chain attached to a stick. Technically it's a flail, although it's mistakenly known as a mace. Yeah, so I know about medieval weaponry. What's it to you? More importantly, where does one buy a mace (flail) these days? I haven't come across a good blacksmith in years. What in the name of Ronny James Dio is going on? It's fucking Gary. Don't they pretty much give away Tec-9s when you get to school every day? I just hope she was dressed in full chain mail. 'Cause that would be funny, more so than pathetic and weird. At least she won't be known as Maid Marian the rest of her life. That is, until she gets run through with a lance.

First Three Albums of the Day
-Mötley Crüe - Too Fast For Love
-Cinderella - Long Cold Winter-Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet