Midwestern Eavesdropping - 4/19/07

Here we go:

72-year-old man at bar to 29-year-old who he just met 15 minutes earlier: "All I can tell you is that I fucked up the world."
--Chicago, The Rose, Lincoln & Seminary
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Father and 3-year-old son in swimming pool:
Son: "Daddy, my body is tired of swimming."
Dad: "What part of your body is so tired, [son]?"
Son: "My butt and my penis."
--Bourbannais, IL, Riverside Health Club
Eavesdropper: Firefox

Lifeguard: "Attention members, please evacuate the pool because we need to clean the pool. A substance was found that needs to be removed."
Dude: "What was it? Are we going to die?"
Lifeguard: "It was poop. I saw it. You should be fine."
Dude (shock and anger while getting out of the pool): "Who was it!?!?!? Did you see the person!!?!!!"
(Lifeguard doesn't answer, just shakes her head "no")
--Chicago, IL, some workout facility on North Side
Eavesdropper: Uter

During Easter Mass, while priest walks up and down aisles blessing people by throwing water on them with little brush thing so as to symbloize re-baptism:
Non-Catholic Wife: "Is that scented water?"
Catholic Husband: "No, that would be holy water."
--Countryside, IL, St. Cletus
Eavesdropper: GMYH

3-year-old son: "Daddy, today we learned how to rhyme at school."
Father: "Oh, really, can you give me some examples?"
Son: "High and sky, dog and log, and kitchen and bitchin'."
--Brookfield, IL
Eavesdropper: Firefox

Socially Awkward Dork: "Hey Meghan! I just wanted to say, you know, before you went, have fun with your salad-eating thing."
Attractive Female: "Do I know you?"
--Bloomington , IN, 3rd & Indiana
Eavesdropper: RobD

Homeless man, to Australian guy, after 2 of Australian guy's friends just gave homeless man money: "What about you? I pray to Jesus."
Australian: "I don't believe in Jesus, but good luck with that." (turns around and walks away from homeless man)
--Chicago, Wells and Burton
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Heavily-cologned dude laughing, carrying on, noticing that it's time for his appointment: "Sorry, I know those guys… I guess actually it's not a good thing to run into friends at Student Legal Services, is it? Shit."
--Bloomington , IN, law office, 7th & Fess
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething librarian, upon passing woman on sidewalk wearing Notre Dame drum line shirt: "Might as well tattoo 'geek' across your forehead."
--Chicago, somewhere on Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Girl: "What are you doing tonight?"
Guy: "I have a shit load to do, paper due tomorrow."
Girl: "Fuck your paper. It's Little Five. Let's get weird."
--Bloomington , IN, 10th & Jordan
Eavesdropper: RobD

Girl: "Wanna know how I know I'm a really big loser?"
Guy: "Sure."
Girl: "I'm making flashcards in black light marker so I can study at the party."
--Bloomington, Kappa Delta Sorority, 1005 N. Jordan Ave.
Eavesdropper: RobD

The remaining eavesdroppings happened over the course of 6 hours.
Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I got so drunk at breakfast to go parasailing."
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher, after saying that she is going to "bust out her horns," then putting fingers on head so as to imitate horns: "Meow"
Twentysomething librarian: "Cats don't have horns."
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I think there's something about Mexican restaurants that make me talk like an asshole."
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "My dog says (in high-pitched voice) 'what does mommy want?'"
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Didn't the Jews say 'let there be blintzes'?"
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "You cannot have a complete Midwestern Eavesdropping based on what I say."
--Chicago, Cesar's, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomthing special ed teacher: "God damn you midget winter!"
--Chicago, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher, when asked what denomination of money she has in her pocket: "I got 2s."
--Chicago, Belmont & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Dude, I will mind-fight you right now."
--Chicago, Holiday Club, Sheridan & Irving Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher, to female friend: "I'm gonna kick your chottie with my pointy toe."
--Chicago, Sheridan & Irving Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher in crowded cab: "Let me massage your nut sack with my pointy toe."
--Chicago, in a cab on Irving Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentyfive-year-old special ed teacher: "I'm 25. Am I 25? Right? I'm 25."
--Chicago, Carola's Hansa Clipper, 4659 N. Lincoln
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentyfive-year-old special ed teacher: "I suck at life. I really do."
--Chicago, Carola's Hansa Clipper, 4659 N. Lincoln
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentyfive-year-old special ed teacher: "Andrew, we gotta talk. You cannot publish a whole Midwestern Eavesdropping based on what I say."
--Chicago, Carola's Hansa Clipper, 4659 N. Lincoln
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Special thanks go out to the combination of a 25-year-old special ed teacher and booze. Keep it up. And when you overhear something utterly hilarious, or even just kinda funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it will appear in the next exciting installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.