Tuesday Top Ten: Worst Things About the Super Bowl

10. For the fifth consecutive year, no Bears.


9. For the eighth consecutive year, no boobs.


8. Way too many movie trailers. I could care less if an action movie is coming out at the end of June.


7. A noticeable lack of Danes at the Super Bowl party I attended.


6. Car commercials. If we are to believe car commercials, the only three people to survive the apocalypse are three friends from the same city who all drive Chevy pick-ups, Audi headlights kill vampires, Ferris Bueller drives a CRV, a dog gets skinny so that he can chase a VW Bug, guys mistake Fiats for hot Italian women, and people willingly drive Kias. And if I have to see another commercial about how Detroit has persevered, I'm going to drive 5 hours, put on Kevlar, take a bunch of pictures of the blocks that have been burned out since the 1967 riots, and post them on the internet. About the only one I liked was the Acura one with Seinfeld, and even that had Jay Leno in it.


5. Eli Manning won another Super Bowl.


4. A noticeable lack of beer commercials. Bud Light and Miller Lite used to dominate Super Bowl ad space. Other than a commercial for Bud Light Platinum and the Bud Light commercial with the overworked beer-fetching dog, I don't remember any beer commercials. I long for the Bud Bowl.


3. There weren't enough funny commercials. My two favorite commercials were the aforementioned Acura one with Seinfeld and, obviously, the Samsung commercial with The Darkness (who I will be seeing live at The Metro this Saturday).


2. Madonna lip-synching her way through the halftime show while being flanked by centurions. The Super Bowl was in Indianapolis, not ancient Rome. Granted, Madonna looks great for 75, but why the hell wasn't John Mellencamp the halftime entertainment? He only lives 45 minutes away, and it certainly would have been a better and more apropos choice for Indy.


1. Because of Tom Brady's (or his receivers') brain fart on the Patriots' first play, the Giants got a safety. In one of my squares pools, I had Patriots 0 Giants 7, and in another (which also paid out for the reverse), I had Patriots 7 Giants 0. When these numbers were drawn, there was much rejoicing. All that died with the safety. The score at the end of the first and second quarters was 9-0 and 10-9, respectively, but should have been 7-0 and 10-7. If there was no safety, the Giants wouldn't have gone for two after their last TD, and the final score would have been 20-17. I figured out that that safety cost me $2,800 in would-be winnings. So, Tom, whenever you can send that check to me, that would be great.