HIPSTER

Vanity license plates are often nothing more than a chance for people to embarrass themselves.  Sure, they can sometimes be witty, like the one I once saw in Road & Track magazine -- T1HS ON –- which, when read in a rearview mirror, offers hilarity and vulgarity, two things I like.  Most of the time, however, vanity plates are horrible, ranging from the vain ("YALE JD") to the geeky ("TWITTER" –- I saw that one on a minivan) to the douchy ("TEDS BMW") to the confusing ("UNICORN") to the 90210 ("I8A4RE").

Thanks to cheap vanity plate costs, Illinois is plagued by these awful things.  Here is one I saw the other day:

I seriously shook my head when I saw this.  What moron thought that would be a good idea to put "HIPSTER" on his license plate?  I immediately came to the conclusion that the person who drives this car cannot actually be a hipster.  Here's why:

1.  Hipsters do not drive tricked-out Jeep Cherokees, not even ironically.  Had this been a ten-speed from 1985 with Fugazi sticker on the frame and a splash guard over the back tire, then I might believe a hipster owned it, except for the fact that . . .

2.  Hipsters, like douchebags, are usually not self-aware.  If you ask a guy with horn-rimmed glasses, ear gauges, black skinny jeans, low-top Chucks, a retro Schlitz t-shirt covered by an unsnapped Urban Cowboy style patterned shirt, a terrible mustache, and an unacceptable haircut if he is a hipster, he will most likely say no.  Because he has no idea he's a hipster.

3.  This car was seen in Lincoln Park, a neighborhood hipsters generally avoid like it's a 40-hour-a-week job.

So, if it's not an actual hipster who has this license plate, then it has to be someone who thinks he is so hip that he should project that hipness onto the world through his license plate.  I think that actually might be worse.