Sometimes Tuesday sneaks up on me like a legitimate rapist, and I don't have a Tuesday Top Ten prepared. This is one of those weeks. Thankfully, the incorrigible bastards at a variety of websites bombard my email inbox daily with links to articles on their sites with lists of their own. As I've mentioned before, most of these are completely irrelevant to me or this here blog. For instance, just this week, I've received links to such articles as "50 Best Blogs for Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss," "Top 25 Education Blogs for Proactive Parents" (everyone knows I'm a reactive parent), or "10 Back to School Apps." I used to reply to the people who send those by saying it has nothing to do with GMYH, but that has had no effect, so I just delete them. Anyway, every now and then, something interesting actually finds its way into my inbox. Here are some of those, in no particular order.
1. 7 Great Road Trip Movies to Kick Off Your Summer
Obviously, this was sent to me a couple months ago. One glaring omission: ROAD TRIP. [NOTE: CarInsuranceQuotes.net has since asked me to remove this link, because apparently their site "has been hit with a Google penalty."]
I have it on good authority that Johnny Cash shot a man in Reno.
For me, it's constantly telling co-workers about my weird dreams. Like last night, I had this dream I was an Olympic athlete (clearly) in the Olympic Village. There was some end-of-the-Olympics prom going on that night, but a couple I was hanging out with was from Lebanon, so they weren't allowed to go because of some Lebanese-government-imposed anti-prom rule. It was a real kick in the pants because the woman had a sweet '80s prom dress. I guess that style just made it to Beirut. Anyway, they were bringing me down, so I hopped into Bo Diddley's limo and got a ride over to a soccer field –- not before Bo and I sang his eponymous song in the parking lot. When we got there, a huge soccer game was going on with athletes from all over. Usain Bolt was playing. Tom Brady was the goalie. Joe Buck and the cast of Saved By The Bell were watching from the sidelines in their bathing suits. Apparently, all these people were Olympic athletes, including Buck, who was a non-medaling diver. I played soccer for a few minutes, then made my way to the sidelines after a timeout to talk to my heroes. Buck comes up to Elizabeth Berkley and basically says, "Come up to my room. I'm going to give you AIDS." Kapowski and Turtle were a little stunned. Now, Jessie Spano was Bayside's salutatorian, so I figured she would say no, but she was all about it. I couldn't believe it, so I followed them (with their permission, of course). We get up to Buck's room, which had a porthole-style circular window that looked out over the soccer game, so I start watching the game, figuring they want some privacy for the impending infestation. No. Berkley's like, "Videotape this," and she hands me a camera. FYI, she was wearing a bikini and she looked great -– like when her dad was going to marry that fitness instructor and she shoved the fitness instructor's head under the water in what should have been a friendly swimming race in a Palm Desert hotel pool -- so of course I say yes. She's about to go down on Buck, and then she looks at me and says, "Well, I guess I'm gonna get AIDS." Before anything is inserted into anything else, and I say, "Whoa whoa whoa, why don't you have sex with me instead? Then you won't get AIDS." She says, "I guess I can do that." Before Buck had the chance to leave the room, I woke up, sobbing and laughing uncontrollably. I looked at the clock and had only been asleep for 2 minutes. Pretty fucked up, right? I guess all of my co-workers didn't think so, or at least those that responded to my firm-wide email.
I'm not sure you can really figure this out, unless you have an annual World's Stongest Man-style competition amongst all collegiate coaches. Also, last time I checked, Bob Knight was never the coach at Indiana State, nor was he the football coach.
I know when I have sex, only one head is in control.
How about the Skywalker home on Tatooine? That place has crazy homeowners' insurance restrictions.
7. 8 Drugs With Really Embarrassing Side Effects [link removed at request of InsuranceQuotes.org]
That alcohol is not on this list is an insult to college.
This article seems to assume a lot about my knowledge of lowriders.
They forgot what should have been #1: May 6, 1869: Purdue University is founded.
If a car can fly, is it still a car?
As a fraternity member myself, I can say that they left off the two biggest benefits: booze and tang. Then again, maybe those aren't "overlooked."
One thing not on the list: trampoline room.
Number 7: you will likely lose all of your money.
Well, we know nothing in West Lafayette is going to be on this list, unless by "most impressive athletic buildings" they mean "athletic buildings without national championship banners."
I'd also had #11: Allowing John Calipari to coach.
I'd also try to offer it an O Henry. That always stops me in my tracks.
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