Last
night, I had a pretty vivid dream about the impending zombie apocalypse. I am known for having weird dreams, although
I don't watch movies or TV shows relating to zombies, so this one caught me off
guard.
Zombies
were invading Chicago. They were moving
eastward, from the burbs toward Lake Michigan, probably because the population
is denser in the City, which means more food for the zombies. They eat human flesh, you know. The kicker was that it was hard to tell
who was a zombie and who wasn't. I ran
into a co-worker on the street, made some small talk, and then looked at her
eyes, only to realize they bore the mark of the undead. Then she tried to bite my leg. Zombies can be pesky, but thankfully, I had a
crew of about five or six non-zombies with me, who helped me kick her off me
before she could taste my presumably succulent flesh. Then we shot her head off and made our way to
Union Station, picking up non-undead followers, taking out a few more zombies
on the way, and making a much-needed bathroom break.
When we arrived at Union Station, things
started to really come together. Kevin
Durant had mobilized his forces as well, and we met by the old stairs made famous in The Untouchables. Durant and I were spearheading resistance and
zombie-related injury prevention efforts, attempting to get people to take
trains westward until the zombie infestation died off. The thinking was that the zombies were
descending on the City, but if there are no humans for zombies to feed on, they
will starve and die, and then the Chicago Streets and Sanitation Department can
clear the streets of the zombie corpses (earning time and a half at that), and
we can all go back to enjoying the summer.
In an address to the masses, not unlike that of Cyrus in The Warriors, we laid out our
plan. We also made a flyer detailing
everything, since it's impossible to be too prepared for a growing throng of
selfish flesh-eaters who lack the ability to empathize.
Unfortunately, I woke up before our plan
could come to fruition, so I don't know if it worked or whether the train
conductors turned out to be zombies. But
then this morning, I found out that Kevin
Durant just got engaged, so it seems like things must have worked out. Unless they're both zombies. Shit.
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