As you may or may not know -- but if you like rock and roll, you should know -- Guns N' Roses is releasing a remastered and expanded Appetite for Destruction later this month. You can spend various levels of money to get varying formats of the album and swag. Most interesting for me is the previously unreleased track "Shadow Of Your Love," which was recorded during the Appetite sessions.
But on the video side, they started shooting a video for "It's So Easy" in 1989, but never finished it. Alas, dear reader, it has now been finished. "It's So Easy" is the second track off of Appetite, and for me, the first time I heard it is right up there with the first time I saw the video for "Sweet Child O' Mine." The latter occurred while visiting a friend in suburban Memphis. I had never seen or heard GNR before, and the video for "Sweet Child O' Mine" came on MTV, and I was sold immediately.
Soon after that, I bought Appetite on tape at Phar-Mor -- because that's the kind of thing a 10-year-old did in 1988. I even showed my mom the cover and asked her if I could buy it, just to be safe. For reasons that are still unclear to me, she said okay. This is the same woman who went to a "seminar" at our church about how all heavy metal music is satanic. In case you weren't aware, AC/DC stands for "Anti-Christ Devils Children."
Anyway, after "Welcome to the Jungle" finished, "It's So Easy" came on and the innocence of my youth was forever gone as soon as Axl said "why don't you just . . . fuck off!" Whoa. Needless to say, I've never tired of Appetite or any song on it, so it's fun for me when "new" GNR stuff gets released. Without further ado, here is the video.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
Tuesday Top Ten: Championship Matchups Between Franchises Without Titles
As I alluded to in last week's Tuesday Top Ten -- which was before the Washington Capitals beat the Tampa Bay Lightning in Game 7 of the NHL's Eastern Conference finals -- we now have a Stanley Cup matchup of two teams that have never won a title. Whether Alexander Ovechkin to raise Lord Stanley's Cup after his long-awaited first trip to the finals or the Vegas Golden Knights become the first expansion team in the history of the four major sports leagues to win a title in its first year, it should be a fun Stanley Cup finals.
If you're like me -- and you better pray to Cthulhu you're not -- a championship matchup between two teams that have never won a title is fascinating because it's so rare. I know you're asking, "But GMYH, how rare is it? And have you been working out? You look great." Well, fair reader, the answer is very rare. And no, but thank you. I think the blogosphere takes off ten pounds. That said, I have been religiously following my own version of the Whole 30, which is comprised of 30 straight days of (1) consuming nothing but whole ghost peppers, whiskey (from the British Isles only -- too much sugar in bourbon), and turtle meat (fresh, never frozen); (2) four hours a day of parkour; and (3) enemas on the 12s.
So let's take a look at what "very rare" means -- and I'm talking about a championship matchup between two teams who have never won a title, not the turtle meat or my sphincter. Here are some notes and limitations to keep in mind:
Rather than limiting it to ten, I'm just going to list all of them. As you can see, the vast majority of these happened over 40 years ago.
1. 2018 NHL: Washington Capitals vs. Vegas Golden Knights
2. 2007 NHL: Anaheim Ducks vs. Ottawa Senators
3. 2006 NBA: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks
4. 1999 NHL: Dallas Stars vs. Buffalo Sabres
5. 1996 NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs. Florida Panthers
6. 1991 NHL: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Minnesota North Stars
7. 1982 NFL: San Francisco 49ers vs. Cincinnati Bengals
8. 1980 MLB: Philadelphia Phillies vs. Kansas City Royals
9. 1978 NBA: Washington Bullets vs. Seattle SuperSonics
10. 1977 NFL: Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings
11. 1975 NFL: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Minnesota Vikings
12. 1972 NFL: Dallas Cowboys vs. Miami Dolphins
13. 1971 NBA: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Baltimore Bullets
14. 1970 NFL: Kansas City Chiefs vs. Minnesota Vikings
15. 1957 NBA: Boston Celtics vs. St. Louis Hawks
16. 1955 NBA: Syracuse Nationals vs. Ft. Wayne Pistons
17. 1951 NBA: Rochester Royals vs. New York Knicks
18. 1949 NBA: Minneapolis Lakers vs. Washington Capitols
19. 1934 NHL: Chicago Black Hawks vs. Detroit Red Wings
20. 1928 NHL: New York Rangers vs. Montreal Maroons
21. 1920 MLB: Cleveland Indians vs. Brooklyn Robins
22. 1909 MLB: Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Detroit Tigers
23. 1907 MLB: Chicago Cubs vs. Detroit Tigers
24. 1906 MLB: Chicago White Sox vs. Chicago Cubs
25. 1905 MLB: New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Athletics
If you're like me -- and you better pray to Cthulhu you're not -- a championship matchup between two teams that have never won a title is fascinating because it's so rare. I know you're asking, "But GMYH, how rare is it? And have you been working out? You look great." Well, fair reader, the answer is very rare. And no, but thank you. I think the blogosphere takes off ten pounds. That said, I have been religiously following my own version of the Whole 30, which is comprised of 30 straight days of (1) consuming nothing but whole ghost peppers, whiskey (from the British Isles only -- too much sugar in bourbon), and turtle meat (fresh, never frozen); (2) four hours a day of parkour; and (3) enemas on the 12s.
So let's take a look at what "very rare" means -- and I'm talking about a championship matchup between two teams who have never won a title, not the turtle meat or my sphincter. Here are some notes and limitations to keep in mind:
- For this list, I'm including championship matchups in the MLB, NFL, NHL, and NBA.
- For the MLB, the first World Series was held in 1903.
- The NFL was founded in 1920, but its first championship game was not played until 1933. Between 1920 and 1932, the champion was determined by win-loss percentage. I'm including NFL championships before the Super Bowl era, but not AAFC or AFL championships before their respective mergers into the NFL.
- The NHL as we know it today came about in the 1926-1927 season, which was the first year only NHL teams played for the Stanley Cup. I'm not including WHA championships before the WHA merged into the NHL.
- The NBA (then known as the BAA) was founded in 1946 and held its first championship in 1947. I'm not including ABA championships before the ABA merged into the NBA.
- For what should seem like obvious reasons, I am excluding the first championship played in these four leagues. Not including the first year in each league, a championship game/series between two titleless franchises has only happened in 25 out of the 355 seasons played among the four major sports. Here is how often it has happened in each league:
- MLB: 6 of 111 seasons, and only once since 1920 (no World Series played in 1904 or 1994)
- NFL: 5 of 84 seasons, and all have happened in the Super Bowl Era, but none since 1982 (I'm not including 1920-1932, when no championship game was held, although I am counting championships won between 1920 and 1932 towards whether a team had won a championship when it played in a championship game)
- NHL: 7 of 90 seasons (no playoffs in 2005)
- NBA: 7 of 70 seasons, although only once since 1978 (including this season, since all four remaining teams have won a title)
Rather than limiting it to ten, I'm just going to list all of them. As you can see, the vast majority of these happened over 40 years ago.
1. 2018 NHL: Washington Capitals vs. Vegas Golden Knights
2. 2007 NHL: Anaheim Ducks vs. Ottawa Senators
3. 2006 NBA: Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks
4. 1999 NHL: Dallas Stars vs. Buffalo Sabres
5. 1996 NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs. Florida Panthers
6. 1991 NHL: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Minnesota North Stars
7. 1982 NFL: San Francisco 49ers vs. Cincinnati Bengals
8. 1980 MLB: Philadelphia Phillies vs. Kansas City Royals
9. 1978 NBA: Washington Bullets vs. Seattle SuperSonics
10. 1977 NFL: Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings
11. 1975 NFL: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Minnesota Vikings
12. 1972 NFL: Dallas Cowboys vs. Miami Dolphins
13. 1971 NBA: Milwaukee Bucks vs. Baltimore Bullets
14. 1970 NFL: Kansas City Chiefs vs. Minnesota Vikings
15. 1957 NBA: Boston Celtics vs. St. Louis Hawks
16. 1955 NBA: Syracuse Nationals vs. Ft. Wayne Pistons
17. 1951 NBA: Rochester Royals vs. New York Knicks
18. 1949 NBA: Minneapolis Lakers vs. Washington Capitols
19. 1934 NHL: Chicago Black Hawks vs. Detroit Red Wings
20. 1928 NHL: New York Rangers vs. Montreal Maroons
21. 1920 MLB: Cleveland Indians vs. Brooklyn Robins
22. 1909 MLB: Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Detroit Tigers
23. 1907 MLB: Chicago Cubs vs. Detroit Tigers
24. 1906 MLB: Chicago White Sox vs. Chicago Cubs
25. 1905 MLB: New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Athletics
Friday, May 25, 2018
Hair Band Friday - 5/25/18
1. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions
2. "Civil War" by Guns N' Roses
3. "Back In Black" by AC/DC
4. "Looks That Kill" by Mötley Crüe
5. "Foolin'" by Def Leppard
6. "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister
7. "The Last In Line" by Dio
8. "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" by Quiet Riot
9. "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne
10. "Unskinny Bop" by Poison
2. "Civil War" by Guns N' Roses
3. "Back In Black" by AC/DC
4. "Looks That Kill" by Mötley Crüe
5. "Foolin'" by Def Leppard
6. "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister
7. "The Last In Line" by Dio
8. "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" by Quiet Riot
9. "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne
10. "Unskinny Bop" by Poison
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Midwestern Eavesdropping
Twentysomething female, to clearly crazy homeless man yelling insults to random people on a train platform: "That's actually very offensive."
--Chicago, Diversey L station
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Millennial man, loosening his tie after walking out of an office building, to no one in particular: "Fucking millennials!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.
--Chicago, Diversey L station
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Millennial man, loosening his tie after walking out of an office building, to no one in particular: "Fucking millennials!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Retro Videos of the Week: "Rainbow In The Dark"by Dio, "Gypsy Road" by Cinderella, and "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen
When doing my usual research to figure out any anniversaries of releases for this week's Retro Video of the Week, I discovered that there were several worthy candidates. Rather than choose one, I am polyamorously going with all three because they are all awesome.
Here's what we got:
1. Friday marks the 35th anniversary of the release of Dio's debut platinum-selling album, Holy Diver. Fronted by former Rainbow and Black Sabbath lead singer -- and the man who brought devil horns to rock and roll -- the late great Ronnie James Dio, his eponymous band was a metal force in the '80s. Joining Dio were former Rainbow bassist Jimmy Bain, former Sweet Savage and future Whitesnake and Def Leppard guitarist Vivian Campbell, and former Black Sabbath and Rick Derringer drummer Vinnie Appice. How Ronnie James Dio is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is beyond me. There aren't too many people who have influenced a genre of music (heavy metal, in his case) more than he has. But that's an argument for another day. I'm going with "Rainbow in the Dark" from the album because it's an awesome song and it has a video.
2. Monday was the 30th anniversary of the release of Cinderella's second and most popular album, Long Cold Winter. The album got to #10 on the Billboard album charts and went triple platinum in the U.S., thanks to four charting hits on the Billboard Hot 100: "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)" (#12), "Coming Home" (#20), "The Last Mile" (#36), and "Gypsy Road" (#51). My favorite Cinderella song, "Take Me Back" is the last track on the album, but unfortunately, it wasn't release as a single or a video, so I'm going to give you "Gypsy Road" -- another fantastic, if not underrated, Cinderella song.
3. Finally, tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of Van Halen's second release with lead singer Sammy Hagar -- the band's eighth studio album, OU812. I'm not here to debate the merits of "Van Halen vs. Van Hagar." Admittedly, I prefer the Roth era, but that doesn't mean I dislike the Hagar era. (And I think we can all agree to just forget the Cherone era ever happened.) OU812 went quadruple platinum in the U.S. -- which puts it in the middle of the pack as far as Van Halen albums go, which is a testament to the band as much as anything else. The album went #1 in the U.S. and Canada, and was Top 10 in various other countries, and it had three Top 40 hits in the U.S.: "When It's Love" (#5), "Finish What Ya Started" (#13) -- which is, in fact, about blue balls -- and "Black and Blue" (#34) -- which, ironically, is not about blue balls, or black balls for that matter. Because I think the issue of blue balls is one that is often overlooked today, I'm going with "Finish What Ya Started."
Here's what we got:
1. Friday marks the 35th anniversary of the release of Dio's debut platinum-selling album, Holy Diver. Fronted by former Rainbow and Black Sabbath lead singer -- and the man who brought devil horns to rock and roll -- the late great Ronnie James Dio, his eponymous band was a metal force in the '80s. Joining Dio were former Rainbow bassist Jimmy Bain, former Sweet Savage and future Whitesnake and Def Leppard guitarist Vivian Campbell, and former Black Sabbath and Rick Derringer drummer Vinnie Appice. How Ronnie James Dio is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is beyond me. There aren't too many people who have influenced a genre of music (heavy metal, in his case) more than he has. But that's an argument for another day. I'm going with "Rainbow in the Dark" from the album because it's an awesome song and it has a video.
2. Monday was the 30th anniversary of the release of Cinderella's second and most popular album, Long Cold Winter. The album got to #10 on the Billboard album charts and went triple platinum in the U.S., thanks to four charting hits on the Billboard Hot 100: "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)" (#12), "Coming Home" (#20), "The Last Mile" (#36), and "Gypsy Road" (#51). My favorite Cinderella song, "Take Me Back" is the last track on the album, but unfortunately, it wasn't release as a single or a video, so I'm going to give you "Gypsy Road" -- another fantastic, if not underrated, Cinderella song.
3. Finally, tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of Van Halen's second release with lead singer Sammy Hagar -- the band's eighth studio album, OU812. I'm not here to debate the merits of "Van Halen vs. Van Hagar." Admittedly, I prefer the Roth era, but that doesn't mean I dislike the Hagar era. (And I think we can all agree to just forget the Cherone era ever happened.) OU812 went quadruple platinum in the U.S. -- which puts it in the middle of the pack as far as Van Halen albums go, which is a testament to the band as much as anything else. The album went #1 in the U.S. and Canada, and was Top 10 in various other countries, and it had three Top 40 hits in the U.S.: "When It's Love" (#5), "Finish What Ya Started" (#13) -- which is, in fact, about blue balls -- and "Black and Blue" (#34) -- which, ironically, is not about blue balls, or black balls for that matter. Because I think the issue of blue balls is one that is often overlooked today, I'm going with "Finish What Ya Started."
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Tuesday Top Ten: Quickest Expansion Franchises to Win a Title
As you may or may not know, the Vegas Golden Knights are a National Hockey League team. This is their first season, and they are the Western Conference champions. That means they'll be playing for the Stanley Cup against the winner of Wednesday night's Game 7 between the Washington Capitals and Tampa Bay Lightning. And if the Capitals win the East, both teams would be playing for their first championship -- but that's a topic for a different Tuesday Top Ten.
What I'm talking about today is the fact that the Golden Knights could possibly win a Stanley Cup in their first year as an expansion franchise. They have already become the first team in the four major North American sports leagues (MLB, NFL, NHL, NBA) to make it to the championship round in its inaugural season since the St. Louis Blues made it to the Stanley Cup finals in 1968. For you non-hockey historians, an expansion team was guaranteed to make it to the finals in 1968 because the NHL put all of the six expansion teams in one conference and the "Original Six" in the other conference.
The Golden Knights' potential Stanley Cup championship got me thinking: how quickly have expansion franchises in the four major sports leagues won a championship? Obviously, the Golden Knights would be the quickest ever if they won this year.
For this exercise, it's important to figure out who qualifies as an "expansion franchise." Here is how I'm going about it:
1. Milwaukee Bucks (NBA): 3rd season (1968-1971)
2. Arizona Diamondbacks (MLB): 4th season (1998-2001)
3 (tie). Florida Marlins (MLB): 5th season (1993-1997)
3 (tie). Baltimore Ravens (NFL): 5th season (1996-2001)
5. Baltimore Colts (NFL): 6th season (1953-1958)
6 (tie). Philadelphia Flyers (NHL): 7th season (1967-1974)
6 (tie). Portland Trailblazers (NBA): 7th season (1970-1977)
8 (tie). New York Mets (MLB): 8th season (1962-1969)
8 (tie). New York Islanders (NHL): 8th season (1972-1980)
10 (tie). Dallas Cowboys (NFL): 12th season (1960-1972)
10 (tie). Seattle SuperSonics (NBA): 12th season (1967-1979)
10 (tie). Tampa Bay Lightning (NHL): 12th season (1992-2004)
What I'm talking about today is the fact that the Golden Knights could possibly win a Stanley Cup in their first year as an expansion franchise. They have already become the first team in the four major North American sports leagues (MLB, NFL, NHL, NBA) to make it to the championship round in its inaugural season since the St. Louis Blues made it to the Stanley Cup finals in 1968. For you non-hockey historians, an expansion team was guaranteed to make it to the finals in 1968 because the NHL put all of the six expansion teams in one conference and the "Original Six" in the other conference.
The Golden Knights' potential Stanley Cup championship got me thinking: how quickly have expansion franchises in the four major sports leagues won a championship? Obviously, the Golden Knights would be the quickest ever if they won this year.
For this exercise, it's important to figure out who qualifies as an "expansion franchise." Here is how I'm going about it:
- For any of the leagues, I'm excluding teams who existed and played in another professional league prior to joining the current league. For instance, teams that played in the AAFC or AFL before joining the NFL (i.e., the 49ers, Broncos, etc.) don't count because they were already established football franchises before joining the NFL. Likewise, ABA teams that joined the NBA don't count.
- For the MLB, I'm including any team that was added to the league after 1960. Here is who is included:
- Los Angeles Angels (f/k/a California Angels, and Anaheim Angels, then Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim)
- Texas Rangers (f/k/a the second Washington Senators)
- Houston Astros (f/k/a Houston Colt .45s)
- New York Mets
- Kansas City Royals
- Washington Nationals (f/k/a Montreal Expos)
- San Diego Padres
- Milwaukee Brewers (f/k/a Seattle Pilots)
- Seattle Mariners
- Toronto Blue Jays
- Colorado Rockies
- Miami Marlins (f/k/a Florida Marlins)
- Arizona Diamondbacks
- Tampa Bay Rays (f/ka/ Tampa Bay Devil Rays)
- For the NFL, it's kind of tricky because technically, there are only two franchises -- the Bears and the Cardinals -- that were original NFL franchises. Then various now longtime teams joined the league over the next decade (the Giants, Lions, Redskins, etc.). And then the AAFC merged into the NFL in 1949. And then the AFL merged into the NFL in 1970. Also, the Ravens are considered an expansion franchise, even though they were the Browns before moving to Baltimore, because the Browns' reestablishment in 1999 included all the prior Browns franchise history and records. For sake of ease, I'm going to make it any expansion team since 1950 (and again, this doesn't include AFL teams that joined the NFL in the 1970 merger). Here's who is included:
- Indianapolis Colts (f/k/a Baltimore Colts)
- Dallas Cowboys
- Minnesota Vikings
- Atlanta Falcons
- New Orleans Saints
- Seattle Seahawks
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers
- Carolina Panthers
- Jacksonville Jaguars
- Baltimore Ravens
- Houston Texans
- For the NHL, it's easy. It's any team other than the Original Six (the Blackhawks, Bruins, Canadiens, Maple Leafs, Rangers, and Red Wings) or the teams that merged into the NHL from the WHA in 1979.
- For the NBA, the league fluctuated throughout the late '40s and '50s, then shrunk down to 8 or 9 teams between 1955 and 1966, before adding teams consistently over the following 15 years and then expanding again in the late '80s and mid 90s. Thus, I'm going to go with 1966 as my beginning year, but again, I'm not including any ABA teams that merged into the NBA in 1976. Here are the franchise who are included:
- Chicago Bulls
- Houston Rockets (f/k/a San Diego Rockets)
- Oklahoma City Thunder (f/k/a Seattle SuperSonics)
- Milwaukee Bucks
- Phoenix Suns
- Cleveland Cavaliers
- Los Angeles Clippers (f/k/a Buffalo Braves, San Diego Clippers)
- Portland Trail Blazers
- Utah Jazz (f/k/a New Orleans Jazz)
- Dallas Mavericks
- Miami Heat
- Charlotte Hornets
- Minnesota Timberwolves
- Orlando Magic
- Memphis Grizzlies (f/k/a Vancouver Grizzlies)
- Toronto Raptors
- New Orleans Pelicans (f/k/a New Orleans Hornets) (like the Ravens in the NFL, the Pelicans are treated as an expansion franchise because the Charlotte Hornets retook their franchise history in 2014).
1. Milwaukee Bucks (NBA): 3rd season (1968-1971)
2. Arizona Diamondbacks (MLB): 4th season (1998-2001)
3 (tie). Florida Marlins (MLB): 5th season (1993-1997)
3 (tie). Baltimore Ravens (NFL): 5th season (1996-2001)
5. Baltimore Colts (NFL): 6th season (1953-1958)
6 (tie). Philadelphia Flyers (NHL): 7th season (1967-1974)
6 (tie). Portland Trailblazers (NBA): 7th season (1970-1977)
8 (tie). New York Mets (MLB): 8th season (1962-1969)
8 (tie). New York Islanders (NHL): 8th season (1972-1980)
10 (tie). Dallas Cowboys (NFL): 12th season (1960-1972)
10 (tie). Seattle SuperSonics (NBA): 12th season (1967-1979)
10 (tie). Tampa Bay Lightning (NHL): 12th season (1992-2004)
Friday, May 18, 2018
Hair Band Friday - 5/18/18
1. "Out Ta Get Me" (live) by Guns N' Roses
2. "Take Your Whiskey Home" by Van Halen
3. "If My Mind Is Evil" by White Lion
4. "So Damn Pretty (Should Be Against the Law)" by Warrant
5. "Comin' Under Fire" by Def Leppard
6. "Invasion" by Vinnie Vincent Invasion
7. "Shelter Me" by Cinderella
8. "Bitch Is Back" by L.A. Guns
9. "Enslaved" by Mötley Crüe
10. "Give Me All Your Love" by Whitesnake
2. "Take Your Whiskey Home" by Van Halen
3. "If My Mind Is Evil" by White Lion
4. "So Damn Pretty (Should Be Against the Law)" by Warrant
5. "Comin' Under Fire" by Def Leppard
6. "Invasion" by Vinnie Vincent Invasion
7. "Shelter Me" by Cinderella
8. "Bitch Is Back" by L.A. Guns
9. "Enslaved" by Mötley Crüe
10. "Give Me All Your Love" by Whitesnake
Thursday, May 17, 2018
New Book: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
A little over a week ago, I finished reading But What If We're Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past by Chuck Klosterman. The book is based on the premise that we are mostly wrong about predicting the future, and we are usually wrong when we arrogantly think that what we know now is how it will always be. It also explored some more metaphysical ideas, like multiverses and the concept of time. I thought it was an interesting premise for a book because I have often thought about what movies, TV shows, actors/actresses, or music from the past 50 years will be remembered or celebrated in another few hundred years. More terrifying for me, is the question: will there always be rock and roll? I hope to be long dead before the answer is "no" -- or at least that I'm some sort of undead being that can carry on the gospel of the electric guitar to ensure the answer is never "no."
Speaking of gospels, I just started Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore, which came highly recommended from multiple people. It chronicles Heaven's intent to fill in the gaps in the four gospels by resurrecting Jesus's childhood friend Biff, who narrates his stories about growing up with Jesus to the angel Raziel. I enjoy a good satire, especially those that might be viewed as sacrilege by one or more religions. So far, it's living up to the hype.
Books Read in 2018:
-How Music Works by David Byrne
-But What If We're Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past by Chuck Klosterman
Books Read in 2018:
-How Music Works by David Byrne
-But What If We're Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past by Chuck Klosterman
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Retro Video of the Week: "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson
Apologies for not posting a Tuesday Top Ten. I was too busy because, you know, life. Am I right?
But to make up for it, boy do I have a treat for you. Thirty-five years ago today was the Motown 25 Special, a tribute concert special on NBC to celebrate Motown Records's 25th anniversary. The lineup was ridiculous: Stevie Wonder; Marvin Gaye; a battle of the bands between The Temptations and the Four Tops; reunions of The Supremes, The Miracles, and the Jackson 5; Mary Wells; Martha Reeves; Junior Walker; Lionel Richie; The Commodores; DeBarge.
But one man stood above the rest. As the Jackson 5 ended their set, their lead singer -- the diminutive 24-year-old Michael -- stayed out on stage for a solo performance that would cement his status as a pop icon. It's not that Michael Jackson wasn't already a star. Obviously, he was the lead singer of the Jackson 5, who had 19 Top 40 hits (including 10 Top 10s and four #1s) between 1969 and 1980. And he had his own string of Top 10 solo hits in the '70s and through 1980.
Of course, Thriller came out in 1982. Jackson's duet with Paul McCartney, "The Girl Is Mine" had hit #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1982. "Billie Jean" was released in January 1983 and had already spent 7 weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in March and April of that year, and "Beat It" was #1 on the charts at the time of the Motown 25 Special.
But Jackson's performance of "Billie Jean" during the Motown 25 Special is one of legend because he unveiled for the first time the moonwalk -- a dance move copied by what I estimate to be every single person who has ever seen it who has working legs. And with one backwards glide, he went from being Michael Jackson to being Michael Jackson. Suddenly, every kid in America wanted parachute pants, a studded red leather jacket, and a glittery glove on one hand only. As a child in the early '80s, it's impossible to understate to future generations how huge Micheal Jackson was.
For your viewing and listening pleasure, here are both the music video to "Billie Jean" and Jackson's performance on the Motown 25 Special (the moonwalk is at the 3:38 mark).
But to make up for it, boy do I have a treat for you. Thirty-five years ago today was the Motown 25 Special, a tribute concert special on NBC to celebrate Motown Records's 25th anniversary. The lineup was ridiculous: Stevie Wonder; Marvin Gaye; a battle of the bands between The Temptations and the Four Tops; reunions of The Supremes, The Miracles, and the Jackson 5; Mary Wells; Martha Reeves; Junior Walker; Lionel Richie; The Commodores; DeBarge.
But one man stood above the rest. As the Jackson 5 ended their set, their lead singer -- the diminutive 24-year-old Michael -- stayed out on stage for a solo performance that would cement his status as a pop icon. It's not that Michael Jackson wasn't already a star. Obviously, he was the lead singer of the Jackson 5, who had 19 Top 40 hits (including 10 Top 10s and four #1s) between 1969 and 1980. And he had his own string of Top 10 solo hits in the '70s and through 1980.
Of course, Thriller came out in 1982. Jackson's duet with Paul McCartney, "The Girl Is Mine" had hit #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1982. "Billie Jean" was released in January 1983 and had already spent 7 weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in March and April of that year, and "Beat It" was #1 on the charts at the time of the Motown 25 Special.
But Jackson's performance of "Billie Jean" during the Motown 25 Special is one of legend because he unveiled for the first time the moonwalk -- a dance move copied by what I estimate to be every single person who has ever seen it who has working legs. And with one backwards glide, he went from being Michael Jackson to being Michael Jackson. Suddenly, every kid in America wanted parachute pants, a studded red leather jacket, and a glittery glove on one hand only. As a child in the early '80s, it's impossible to understate to future generations how huge Micheal Jackson was.
For your viewing and listening pleasure, here are both the music video to "Billie Jean" and Jackson's performance on the Motown 25 Special (the moonwalk is at the 3:38 mark).
Monday, May 14, 2018
Midwestern Eavesdropping
Fortysomething male: "I think we all have situational Crohn's Disease."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Sixtysomething male, far too loud, to his wife while waiting in long line to buy tickets on Mother's Day: "You are the most annoying person I have ever encountered in my fucking life."
--Arlington Heights, IL, Arlington Race Course
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Thirtysomething male at a bar: "I don't have hair on my chest. I'm a total twink."
--Chicago, Ceres, 141 W. Jackson
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Businessman in his late 30s or early 40s, to a taxi driver outside a hotel: "Do you go to the airport?"
--Chicago, State and Illinois
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Fortysomething male: "Every culture has their own fermented shit."
--Chicago, Ceres, 141 W. Jackson
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Sixtysomething male, far too loud, to his wife while waiting in long line to buy tickets on Mother's Day: "You are the most annoying person I have ever encountered in my fucking life."
--Arlington Heights, IL, Arlington Race Course
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Thirtysomething male at a bar: "I don't have hair on my chest. I'm a total twink."
--Chicago, Ceres, 141 W. Jackson
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
--Chicago, State and Illinois
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Fortysomething male: "Every culture has their own fermented shit."
--Chicago, Ceres, 141 W. Jackson
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Friday, May 11, 2018
Hair Band Friday - 5/11/18
1. "Big Trouble" by David Lee Roth
2. "Big City Nights" by Scorpions
3. "While The City Sleeps" by Kiss
4. "Don't Give Up An Inch" by Poison
5. "Mean Streak" by Y&T
6. "Diary Of A Madman" by Ozzy Osbourne
7. "Let's Make It" by AC/DC
8. "Everybody Wants Some!" by Van Halen
9. "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" by Def Leppard
10. "Three Lock Box" by Sammy Hagar
2. "Big City Nights" by Scorpions
3. "While The City Sleeps" by Kiss
4. "Don't Give Up An Inch" by Poison
5. "Mean Streak" by Y&T
6. "Diary Of A Madman" by Ozzy Osbourne
7. "Let's Make It" by AC/DC
8. "Everybody Wants Some!" by Van Halen
9. "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" by Def Leppard
10. "Three Lock Box" by Sammy Hagar
Wednesday, May 09, 2018
Retro Video of the Week: "Special" by Garbage
This Friday marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Garbage's second studio album, the aptly titled Version 2.0. In my mind, Garbage is one of those underrated bands from the '90s that kind of flies under the radar, but whose songs I've always liked.
While the band's 1995 self-titled debut was certainly a success, Version 2.0 was even bigger. The album went platinum in the U.S., UK, EU, Australia, Canada, Spain, and New Zealand; topped out at #13 on the Billboard album charts; hit #1 on the UK, French, and Scottish album charts; and cracked the Top 5 on the album charts in eight other countries.
Version 2.0 had several songs that populated MTV and the Billboard Alternative Tracks charts, like "I Think I'm Paranoid," "Special," "Push It," and "When I Grow Up." I chose "Special" for this week's Retro Video of the Week, mostly because the video centers around a 31st Century dog fight -- the fighter plane kind of dog flight, not the Michael Vick kind. Calm down, PETA.
While the band's 1995 self-titled debut was certainly a success, Version 2.0 was even bigger. The album went platinum in the U.S., UK, EU, Australia, Canada, Spain, and New Zealand; topped out at #13 on the Billboard album charts; hit #1 on the UK, French, and Scottish album charts; and cracked the Top 5 on the album charts in eight other countries.
Version 2.0 had several songs that populated MTV and the Billboard Alternative Tracks charts, like "I Think I'm Paranoid," "Special," "Push It," and "When I Grow Up." I chose "Special" for this week's Retro Video of the Week, mostly because the video centers around a 31st Century dog fight -- the fighter plane kind of dog flight, not the Michael Vick kind. Calm down, PETA.
Tuesday, May 08, 2018
Tuesday Top Ten: Ten Albums That Had An Impact On Me and Are Still in My Rotation
If you're on the Facebooks, you have probably recently seen -- or maybe even participated in! -- the ten albums challenge. Basically, you are supposed to post album covers -- one a day for ten days in a row -- of albums that made an impact on you and are still in your rotation. You're just supposed to post the album cover with no explanation. Then you're supposed to nominate someone else to do it, and the chain will conceivably continue until Lord Zuckerberg deems fit.
No one nominated me, which hurts more than you'll ever know. But I probably would have forgotten on the fourth or fifth day anyway, and then the whole damn thing would have been ruined. So instead, I'm just going to post them here. The way I look at this is that these are albums I loved or was influenced by when I was younger and that I still love and listen to today.
But before we get started, I'm also going to add a couple limiting/clarifying rules, otherwise this whole exercise is too ambiguous, and ambiguity is the concubine of confusion.
Here are my rules:
1. These have to be albums I owned before I went to college (i.e., on or before August 25, 1996). That means that, even if it was an album released before then that I subsequently purchased and loved and still listen to, it's out.
2. In addition to being albums that had an impact on me when they came out and/or when I became aware of them, these have to be albums I have listened to with consistent regularity since then, keeping in mind that with the dawn of iPods and digital music, sometimes we don't always listen to full albums as much as we used to.
3. This is not a "my favorite albums when I was in high school" list. To that end, I am excluding albums that I may have loved in high school and listened to regularly for some period of time, but no longer listen to on what I would objectively consider a regular basis, even if I still enjoy the music (2Pac's Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z. comes to mind).
4. I have to still own the album. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't still be in my regular rotation if I didn't own it, which makes this rule completely redundant and unnecessary. In fact, I'm not even sure why I kept this rule instead of just deleting it.
5. I must own the full album, and not just one or several songs off of the album.
6. Only one album per artist.
7. Greatest hits albums are allowed, but will be disregarded if I have since acquired the artists studio albums that contain all or most of the songs on the greatest hits album (which is partially why The Rolling Stones, Bowie, Cream, and Dylan, among others, are not on the list). Live albums or "live in studio" albums (like BBC sessions) by one artist are allowed. Soundtracks are strictly forbidden.
8. Keeping with the rules of the post, I will just post the album cover without any explanation.
9. I nominate everyone in the world, except people who like EDM.
10. No more than ten rules.
Here are my ten (in alphabetical order by artist), with some honorable mentions to follow:
1. Spirit of America by The Beach Boys
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2. License to Ill by The Beastie Boys
3. Abbey Road by The Beatles
4. Hysteria by Def Leppard
5. The Doors by The Doors
6. Appetite for Destruction by Guns N' Roses
7. Radio One by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
8. Untitled (IV, Zoso, Runes, etc.) by Led Zeppelin
9. Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A.
10. Weezer by Weezer
Honorable mention: Odelay by Beck; Boston by Boston; The Chronic by Dr. Dre; Thriller by Michael Jackson; Metallica by Metallica; Dr. Feelgood by Mötley Crüe; Abraxas by Santana; Skid Row by Skid Row; Doggystyle by Snoop Doggy Dogg; Core by Stone Temple Pilots; 1984 by Van Halen; Tommy by The Who
No one nominated me, which hurts more than you'll ever know. But I probably would have forgotten on the fourth or fifth day anyway, and then the whole damn thing would have been ruined. So instead, I'm just going to post them here. The way I look at this is that these are albums I loved or was influenced by when I was younger and that I still love and listen to today.
But before we get started, I'm also going to add a couple limiting/clarifying rules, otherwise this whole exercise is too ambiguous, and ambiguity is the concubine of confusion.
Here are my rules:
1. These have to be albums I owned before I went to college (i.e., on or before August 25, 1996). That means that, even if it was an album released before then that I subsequently purchased and loved and still listen to, it's out.
2. In addition to being albums that had an impact on me when they came out and/or when I became aware of them, these have to be albums I have listened to with consistent regularity since then, keeping in mind that with the dawn of iPods and digital music, sometimes we don't always listen to full albums as much as we used to.
3. This is not a "my favorite albums when I was in high school" list. To that end, I am excluding albums that I may have loved in high school and listened to regularly for some period of time, but no longer listen to on what I would objectively consider a regular basis, even if I still enjoy the music (2Pac's Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z. comes to mind).
4. I have to still own the album. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't still be in my regular rotation if I didn't own it, which makes this rule completely redundant and unnecessary. In fact, I'm not even sure why I kept this rule instead of just deleting it.
5. I must own the full album, and not just one or several songs off of the album.
6. Only one album per artist.
7. Greatest hits albums are allowed, but will be disregarded if I have since acquired the artists studio albums that contain all or most of the songs on the greatest hits album (which is partially why The Rolling Stones, Bowie, Cream, and Dylan, among others, are not on the list). Live albums or "live in studio" albums (like BBC sessions) by one artist are allowed. Soundtracks are strictly forbidden.
8. Keeping with the rules of the post, I will just post the album cover without any explanation.
9. I nominate everyone in the world, except people who like EDM.
10. No more than ten rules.
Here are my ten (in alphabetical order by artist), with some honorable mentions to follow:
1. Spirit of America by The Beach Boys
2. License to Ill by The Beastie Boys
3. Abbey Road by The Beatles
4. Hysteria by Def Leppard
5. The Doors by The Doors
6. Appetite for Destruction by Guns N' Roses
7. Radio One by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
8. Untitled (IV, Zoso, Runes, etc.) by Led Zeppelin
9. Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A.
10. Weezer by Weezer
Honorable mention: Odelay by Beck; Boston by Boston; The Chronic by Dr. Dre; Thriller by Michael Jackson; Metallica by Metallica; Dr. Feelgood by Mötley Crüe; Abraxas by Santana; Skid Row by Skid Row; Doggystyle by Snoop Doggy Dogg; Core by Stone Temple Pilots; 1984 by Van Halen; Tommy by The Who
Friday, May 04, 2018
Hair Band Friday - 5/4/18
1. "Livin' For The Minute" by Poison
2. "Here Comes Trouble" by Dangerous Toys
3. "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)" (live) by W.A.S.P.
4. "Buying My Way Into Heaven" by Sammy Hagar
5. "Women" by Def Leppard
6. "Money (In God We Trust)" by Extreme
7. "Shot In The Dark" by Junkyard
8. "I Believe" by Bon Jovi
9. "Hot For Teacher" by Van Halen
10. "Bark At The Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne
2. "Here Comes Trouble" by Dangerous Toys
3. "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)" (live) by W.A.S.P.
4. "Buying My Way Into Heaven" by Sammy Hagar
5. "Women" by Def Leppard
6. "Money (In God We Trust)" by Extreme
7. "Shot In The Dark" by Junkyard
8. "I Believe" by Bon Jovi
9. "Hot For Teacher" by Van Halen
10. "Bark At The Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne
Wednesday, May 02, 2018
Retro Video of the Week: "Ricky" by Weird Al Yankovic
Thirty-five years ago tomorrow, master song parodist Weird Al Yankovic released his debut album -- the aptly titled "Weird Al" Yankovic. Weird Al has been such an ubiquitous fixture since then that it's hard to imagine that he had difficulty getting a record deal because he was viewed as a novelty act that would maybe produce one memorable song before fading into the ether.
His debut album -- produced by Rick Derringer of "Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo" and The McCoys ("Hang On Sloopy") fame -- was a masterpiece in comedic songwriting, featuring five parodies of famous songs and seven Yankovic originals.
I had this tape back in the day, and admittedly, I bought it several years later, after Weird Al was already huge. Nonetheless, I loved pretty much every song on the album. Of his originals, I'd have to say "Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung" was my favorite. But, of course, it's the parodies that really put him on the map. I distinctly remember laughing out loud listening to "My Bologna" and "Another One Rides The Bus" for the first time. For a long time, I knew those songs, along with "I Love Rocky Road," "Ricky," and "Stop Draggin' My Car Around," better than the originals.
I'm going with "Ricky" as this week's Retro Video of the Week. It was Weird Al's first video, and probably the first comedic video that was played on MTV. The song is a double parody, with the music parodying Toni Basil's "Mickey" and the lyrics parodying I Love Lucy. "Ricky" was Weird Al's first song to chart on the Billboard Hot 100, reaching #63 and becoming a harbinger for the success he would have over the next 30+ years. All of this reminds me that it's time to force my kids to watch UHF.
Interesting tidbit: In the song and the video, "Lucy" is voiced superbly by voice actor Tress MacNeill, who, among many other things, has voiced (or still voices) various characters on The Simpsons (including Agnes Skinner and Dolph), various characters on Futurama, Daisy Duck, Chip in Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, and Babs Bunny from Tiny Toon Adventures.
His debut album -- produced by Rick Derringer of "Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo" and The McCoys ("Hang On Sloopy") fame -- was a masterpiece in comedic songwriting, featuring five parodies of famous songs and seven Yankovic originals.
I had this tape back in the day, and admittedly, I bought it several years later, after Weird Al was already huge. Nonetheless, I loved pretty much every song on the album. Of his originals, I'd have to say "Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung" was my favorite. But, of course, it's the parodies that really put him on the map. I distinctly remember laughing out loud listening to "My Bologna" and "Another One Rides The Bus" for the first time. For a long time, I knew those songs, along with "I Love Rocky Road," "Ricky," and "Stop Draggin' My Car Around," better than the originals.
I'm going with "Ricky" as this week's Retro Video of the Week. It was Weird Al's first video, and probably the first comedic video that was played on MTV. The song is a double parody, with the music parodying Toni Basil's "Mickey" and the lyrics parodying I Love Lucy. "Ricky" was Weird Al's first song to chart on the Billboard Hot 100, reaching #63 and becoming a harbinger for the success he would have over the next 30+ years. All of this reminds me that it's time to force my kids to watch UHF.
Interesting tidbit: In the song and the video, "Lucy" is voiced superbly by voice actor Tress MacNeill, who, among many other things, has voiced (or still voices) various characters on The Simpsons (including Agnes Skinner and Dolph), various characters on Futurama, Daisy Duck, Chip in Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, and Babs Bunny from Tiny Toon Adventures.
Tuesday, May 01, 2018
Tuesday Top Ten: Most Successful Heisman Trophy Winners
At last week's NFL draft, the first round was bookended by Heisman Trophy winners. Oklahoma's Baker Mayfield -- this past season's Heisman winner -- went first overall to the Cleveland Browns, while 2016 winner -- Louisville's Lamar Jackson -- went to the former Cleveland Browns, the Baltimore Ravens, with the last pick in the first round. It wasn't the first time two Heisman Trophy winners have been drafted in the first round of the same draft -- it happened in 2015 (Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota), 2011 (Cam Newton and Mark Ingram) -- but it got me thinking about the success of Heisman winners in the NFL. I think both Mayfield and Jackson are great quarterbacks who have the skills to play professional football successfully for a long time. Then again, I thought the same thing about Andrew Ware and Matt Leinart.
So with that, I decided to dig into the successes (or lack thereof) of Heisman Trophy winners to come up with the ten most successful Heisman winners. And by "most successful," I don't mean most successful in life. No one gives a shit about that. I'm talking about success in the NFL.
So with that, I decided to dig into the successes (or lack thereof) of Heisman Trophy winners to come up with the ten most successful Heisman winners. And by "most successful," I don't mean most successful in life. No one gives a shit about that. I'm talking about success in the NFL.
Of the 82 Heisman Trophy winners (and I'm including Reggie Bush, even though his was vacated), here are some interesting stats:
- Nine Heisman winners have been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
- Not including the six Heisman winners who are still playing in the NFL (or the last two winners, Baker Mayfield and Lamar Jackson, who, as discussed above, were just drafted), the remaining 74 Heisman winners have had an average NFL career of 6.31 years. This obviously doesn't take into account any time spent in the USFL or CFL, but it does include the AFL and AAFC. All in all, it's a pretty solid average for an NFL career.
- Heisman winners, on average, have only made it to about 1.4 Pro Bowls (or All-Pro teams, if they didn't make the Pro Bowl, but somehow still made the All-Pro team, or AFL or AAFC all-star teams).
- Heisman winners have won a total of 28 Super Bowls, pre-Super Bowl era NFL or AFL Championships, or AAFC Championships, which is a measly average of .34 championships for every Heisman winner. When you take into account multiple championships, only 18 Heisman winners have hoisted a championship trophy, which means only 22.5% of Heisman winners have played on championship teams. In the Super Bowl era, that number is even worse, as only 10 Heisman winners have won a total of 12 Super Bowls:
- Roger Staubach (Navy, 1963; Super Bowls VI and XII)
- John Huarte (Notre Dame, 1964; Super Bowl IV)
- Mike Garrett (USC, 1965; Super Bowl IV)
- Jim Plunkett (Stanford, 1970; Super Bowls XV and XVIII)
- Tony Dorsett (Pitt, 1976; Super Bowl XII)
- George Rogers (South Carolina, 1980; Super Bowl XXII)
- Marcus Allen (USC, 1981; Super Bowl XVIII)
- Desmond Howard (Michigan, 1991; Super Bowl XXXI)
- Charles Woodson (Michigan, 1997; Super Bowl XLV)
- Reggie Bush (USC, 2005; Super Bowl XLIV)
So here are what I would consider the ten most successful Heisman winners in the NFL. It pains me that I couldn't figure out a way to put Bo Jackson on this list, but, like I said, it's based on success in the NFL, not success in being part of the best ad campaign of the late '80s and early '90s. Anyway, here's my list, in chronological order by Heisman winning year.
1. Alan Ameche (Wisconsin, 1954)
Years in the NFL: 6
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 4
Championships: 2
Pro Football Hall of Fame: No
After winning the Heisman in 1954, Ameche went on to have a great pro career with the Baltimore Colts, famously scoring the winning TD in the 1958 NFL Championship game -- the first NFL playoff game that ever went to sudden death overtime (aka, "The Greatest Game Ever Played"). An Achilles injury forced him to retire after six seasons, but he made the most of his time in the NFL, rushing for over 4,000 yards, catching over 100 receptions, and scoring 44 touchdowns. He made four Pro Bowls and was key part of the Colts' back-to-back championship teams in 1958 and 1959. Had his career not been cut short by injury, he was definitely on track for a Hall of Fame career.
1. Alan Ameche (Wisconsin, 1954)
Years in the NFL: 6
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 4
Championships: 2
Pro Football Hall of Fame: No
After winning the Heisman in 1954, Ameche went on to have a great pro career with the Baltimore Colts, famously scoring the winning TD in the 1958 NFL Championship game -- the first NFL playoff game that ever went to sudden death overtime (aka, "The Greatest Game Ever Played"). An Achilles injury forced him to retire after six seasons, but he made the most of his time in the NFL, rushing for over 4,000 yards, catching over 100 receptions, and scoring 44 touchdowns. He made four Pro Bowls and was key part of the Colts' back-to-back championship teams in 1958 and 1959. Had his career not been cut short by injury, he was definitely on track for a Hall of Fame career.
2. Paul Hornung (Notre Dame, 1956)
Years in the NFL: 9
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 2
Championships: 4
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1986)
"The Golden Boy" was a versatile player, who played halfback and kicked in the NFL, but also played quarterback, safety, and fullback (and basketball!) while at Notre Dame. Since 2010, an award named after him has been given to the most versatile college football player. To this day, he is the only Heisman winner from a team with a losing record (although we all know Anthony Thompson got robbed in 1989), and he is the only person to win the Heisman Trophy, be #1 overall pick in the NFL Draft, win the NFL MVP award, and be inducted into both the pro and college football halls of fame. Hornung was a large piece of the Packers' championships in the mid '60s, although an injury kept him out of Super Bowl I, and he retired the next year after being selected in the expansion draft by the Saints.
Years in the NFL: 9
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 2
Championships: 4
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1986)
"The Golden Boy" was a versatile player, who played halfback and kicked in the NFL, but also played quarterback, safety, and fullback (and basketball!) while at Notre Dame. Since 2010, an award named after him has been given to the most versatile college football player. To this day, he is the only Heisman winner from a team with a losing record (although we all know Anthony Thompson got robbed in 1989), and he is the only person to win the Heisman Trophy, be #1 overall pick in the NFL Draft, win the NFL MVP award, and be inducted into both the pro and college football halls of fame. Hornung was a large piece of the Packers' championships in the mid '60s, although an injury kept him out of Super Bowl I, and he retired the next year after being selected in the expansion draft by the Saints.
3. Roger Staubach (Navy, 1963)
Years in the NFL/AFL/AAFC: 11
Pro Bowl/All-Pro/All-stars: 6
Championships: 2
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1985)
Roger Staubach has a pretty amazing story. He won the Heisman in 1963, but then served in the Navy (including in Vietnam) after graduation. His rookie year in the NFL wasn't until 1969, when he was 27. Age didn't hold him back, as he started at QB in four Super Bowls for the Cowboys, winning two. He made six Pro Bowls, and retired with the NFL's second-highest all-time passer rating. And he invented the term "Hail Mary" when referring to a last-second pass to the endzone.
Years in the NFL/AFL/AAFC: 11
Pro Bowl/All-Pro/All-stars: 6
Championships: 2
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1985)
Roger Staubach has a pretty amazing story. He won the Heisman in 1963, but then served in the Navy (including in Vietnam) after graduation. His rookie year in the NFL wasn't until 1969, when he was 27. Age didn't hold him back, as he started at QB in four Super Bowls for the Cowboys, winning two. He made six Pro Bowls, and retired with the NFL's second-highest all-time passer rating. And he invented the term "Hail Mary" when referring to a last-second pass to the endzone.
4. O.J. Simpson (USC, 1968)
Years in the NFL/AFL: 11
Pro Bowl/All-Pro/All-stars: 5
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1985)
Before he was not murdering his ex-wife and her lover, O.J. Simpson was the best running back in the world for most of the 1970s. The Juice was the first running back to break the 2,000-yard barrier in a season, rushing for 2,003 yards in 1973 (when it was still a 14-game season, mind you). He led the league in rushing four times in five years, and retired second on the NFL's all-time rushing list behind only Jim Brown.
5. Tony Dorsett (Pittsburgh, 1976)
Pro Bowl/All-Pro/All-stars: 5
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1985)
Before he was not murdering his ex-wife and her lover, O.J. Simpson was the best running back in the world for most of the 1970s. The Juice was the first running back to break the 2,000-yard barrier in a season, rushing for 2,003 yards in 1973 (when it was still a 14-game season, mind you). He led the league in rushing four times in five years, and retired second on the NFL's all-time rushing list behind only Jim Brown.
5. Tony Dorsett (Pittsburgh, 1976)
Years in the NFL: 12
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 4
Championships: 1
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1994)
Unless you're a Dallas Cowboys fan, Tony Dorsett is kind of one of those forgotten greats. He wasn't as flashy as OJ Simpson or Walter Payton, but he was kind of like Emmitt Smith before Emmitt Smith -- just a solid, dependable running back. Dorsett rushed for over 1,000 yards in eight of his first nine seasons (with the strike-shortened 1982 season being the only exception). When he retired, he trailed only Walter Payton on the NFL's all-time rushing list. He also hauled in 398 receptions for over 3,500 yards over his career.
6. Earl Campbell (Texas, 1977)
Years in the NFL: 8
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 5
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1991)
If you grew up in Houston in the late '70s or early '80s like I did, Earl Campbell was the biggest name in town. The centerpiece in the "Luv Ya Blue" era for the Oilers, Campbell was a man among boys on the football field, punishing opposing defenders on a weekly basis and leading the NFL in rushing in each of his first three seasons. Unfortunately, his bruising rushing style took a toll on his body, and he retired after only eight seasons. He finished with over 9,400 yards rushing and 74 touchdowns.
7. Marcus Allen (USC, 1981)
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 4
Championships: 1
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1994)
Unless you're a Dallas Cowboys fan, Tony Dorsett is kind of one of those forgotten greats. He wasn't as flashy as OJ Simpson or Walter Payton, but he was kind of like Emmitt Smith before Emmitt Smith -- just a solid, dependable running back. Dorsett rushed for over 1,000 yards in eight of his first nine seasons (with the strike-shortened 1982 season being the only exception). When he retired, he trailed only Walter Payton on the NFL's all-time rushing list. He also hauled in 398 receptions for over 3,500 yards over his career.
6. Earl Campbell (Texas, 1977)
Years in the NFL: 8
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 5
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (1991)
If you grew up in Houston in the late '70s or early '80s like I did, Earl Campbell was the biggest name in town. The centerpiece in the "Luv Ya Blue" era for the Oilers, Campbell was a man among boys on the football field, punishing opposing defenders on a weekly basis and leading the NFL in rushing in each of his first three seasons. Unfortunately, his bruising rushing style took a toll on his body, and he retired after only eight seasons. He finished with over 9,400 yards rushing and 74 touchdowns.
7. Marcus Allen (USC, 1981)
Years in the NFL: 16
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 6
Championships: 1
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (2003)
Marcus Allen had a 16-year NFL career, which is insane for a running back. And it's not like he tapered off at the end of his career, either. In his last season, he scored 11 TDs. Allen is the only player to have won the Heisman Trophy, an NCAA national championship, the Super Bowl, and be named NFL MVP and Super Bowl MVP. His 74-yard touchdown run in Super Bowl XVIII is one of most memorable runs in Super Bowl History. Allen was also the first NFL player to rush for over 10,000 yards and have over 5,000 receiving yards, and his 123 rushing TDs was an NFL record when he retired. All of this is even more amazing if you consider that he shared the Raiders' backfield with Bo Jackson for four seasons.
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 6
Championships: 1
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (2003)
Marcus Allen had a 16-year NFL career, which is insane for a running back. And it's not like he tapered off at the end of his career, either. In his last season, he scored 11 TDs. Allen is the only player to have won the Heisman Trophy, an NCAA national championship, the Super Bowl, and be named NFL MVP and Super Bowl MVP. His 74-yard touchdown run in Super Bowl XVIII is one of most memorable runs in Super Bowl History. Allen was also the first NFL player to rush for over 10,000 yards and have over 5,000 receiving yards, and his 123 rushing TDs was an NFL record when he retired. All of this is even more amazing if you consider that he shared the Raiders' backfield with Bo Jackson for four seasons.
8. Tim Brown (Notre Dame, 1987)
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 9
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (2015)
After becoming the first wide receiver to win the Heisman Trophy, Brown went on to become one of the most prolific receivers in NFL history. Among other records, he holds the NFL record for most consecutive seasons with 75 or more receptions (10) and the most consecutive starts by a wide receiver (176). He finished his career with over 1,000 receptions, nearly 15,000 receiving yards, and 100 receiving TDs (in addition to one rushing TD and four return TDs).
9. Barry Sanders (Oklahoma State, 1988)
Years in the NFL: 10
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 10
Championships: 0
Pro Football Hall of Fame: Yes (2004)
In my mind, there are three and only three running backs that someone can plausibly argue is the best running back ever: Jim Brown, Walter Payton, and Barry Sanders. Had Sanders not retired after ten seasons, he likely would have broken Payton's all-time rushing record. As a Bears fan, I'm okay with his early retirement, not only because he didn't break Payton's record, but also because that meant the Bears didn't have to play against Sanders twice a year.
10. Charles Woodson (Michigan, 1997)
Years in the NFL: 18
Pro Bowl/All-Pro: 9
Championships: 1
Pro Football Hall of Fame: No (eligible in 2020)
Woodson is the only primarily defensive player to win the Heisman (and is the last winner that wasn't a running back or quarterback), and went on to become one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. Over his amazing 18 years in the NFL, he amassed 65 interceptions, 33 forced fumbles, 13 defensive TDs, and 20 sacks. I expect that he will be in Canton as soon as he's eligible.
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