Midwestern Eavesdropping - 8/16/07

It's been a couple weeks since the last Midwestern Eavesdropping, so this one is pretty large. Lollapalooza (and travel to and fro) provided some good ones. Anyway, here you go:

Drunk chick stumbling down sidewalk to female friend: "People with Down Syndrome always look younger. They have very child-like features. (pause for a few seconds) Probably because they don't live that long."
--Chicago, Seminary & Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Girl walking alone, talking on the phone: "You should see the sunshine. (pause) I want you to lay next to me. (pause) And I'll wear my white bathing suit."
--Chicago, North Avenue & Dearborn
Eavesdropper: RobD

Drunk Guy #1: "Cornhole boards are supposed to be 4 inches high in the front and yours are only 3 inches tall. What did you measure these with, your dick?"
Drunk Guy #2: "You're right, I used my dick. But I also used it to cut the hole in the middle."
--Indianapolis, Brickyard 400, infield
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee

2 girls and a guy walk into pizza place at 2:30am:
Girl 1: "Do you sell pizza by the slice?"
Pizza Guy: "No, we only sell whole pizzas."
Guy: "Is it cold?"
Pizza Guy: "No, we sell whole pizzas."
Girl 2: "But do you cook it?"
--Chicago, Papa Romeo's, Diversey & Wilton
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Jesterio

25-year-old special ed teacher: "Unless you're a cat, then you live 7 times."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose Lipped Lithuanian

Passenger on plane stuck on runway for 2 hours: "This is about as fun as an ingrown hair in your ass that you have to pull out with tweezers."
--Chicago, O'Hare International Airport
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Twentysomething female discussing Adderall: "I did it on the way to a strip club, and they kicked me out 'cause my nose wouldn't stop bleeding."
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy talking about the trapped miners: "You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet."
--Chicago, somewhere
Eavesdropper: Tron

Drunk female concert-goer, upon entering port-a-potty at night: "Is there a light in here? (pause) Where's the light?"
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

25-year-old special ed teacher: "I'm scared of sleeping with strangers."
--Chicago, Wishbone restaurant, Lincoln & School
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Beer vendor and cotton candy vendor at baseball game stop on same aisle, blocking all pedestrians:
Beer guy: "Hey candyman, move up a couple steps."
Candy guy: "Hey beer man, get the fuck out of here."
--Detroit, Comerica Park
Eavesdropper: Tron

Scrawled on the wall in a port-a-potty: "Danny Glover is Satan."
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk, stoned chick coming home from Lollapalooza: "I like going to see bands that are really good."
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two drunk girls talk during The Hold Steady:
Drunk girl 1: "What band is this?"
Drunk girl 2: "I don't know."
Drunk girl 1: "I love you."
Drunk girl 2: "I love you too."
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: Chenandler Bong

Drunk chick on way home from Lollapalooza, after having a conversation having nothing to do with exercise or calves: "I think I don't know how to properly stretch my calves. Do you know what I mean?"
--Chicago, Wellington & Sheffield
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Girl: "Stop making me laugh so I can swallow."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field bleachers
Eavesdropper: Tron

Guy who is working on beer #23 for the day: "How far do you think you could throw a midget? Seriously, if they had a harness on do you think you could pitch one ten feet?"
--Indianapolis, Brickyard 400, infield
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee

Drunk Galvestonian guy and drunk girl are having a conversation about baseball, and guy says to girl: "For a girl, you're in the upper 9% of baseball knowledge."
--Chicago, Chi-Town Tap, Lincoln & Kenmore
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk Galvestonian guy, after his group of friends sings happy birthday to a girl: "Isn't this just like camping?"
--Chicago, Chi-Town Tap, Lincoln & Kenmore
Eavesdropper: RDC

Thirtysometing male: "At Smith College, I fucked Kristi Yamaguchi's cousin."
--Chicago, Chi-Town Tap, Lincoln & Kenmore
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two twentysomething females on crowded elevated rail car:
Girl #1: "I used to want to be an archeologist because I thought it would be cool to dig around in dirt to find old stuff, but then I figured I would have to do it the rest of my life."
Girl #2: "Plus you'd have to, like, work with old people in hats."
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

At this eavesdropper's request, he will remain anonymous:
"I just had an at work bathroom experience that is more disgusting than that a common fecal phantom. While doing my business in stall 1 of 3 I noticed a rapid rubbing sound (RRS) coming from stall 2 of 3. I have no idea if the person in stall #2 was in the bathroom when I entered, or came in after I sat down, if I had to guess I would say he was in the stall upon my arrival. I have no idea how someone could not hear me enter, lock stall door, sit down, and make a plop noise, unless they were in some state of euphoria. Not convinced that the somewhat obvious rapid rubbing action was taking place, I did a pre-flush thinking that my neighbor would then without a doubt know he was not alone and any subsequent RRS would have to be innocent, thus non-masturbatory. To my surprise, the pre-flush prompted a stop to the RRS followed closely by the departure of the occupier of stall #2. Fortunately he did wash his hands before heading back to work. Please help me think of common public bathroom actions that would produce a rapid rubbing sound. If this ends up on GMYH, please don't use my name or my company name."

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work. And remember, whenever you overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it will be included in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.