Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Tuesday Top Ten: '70s Social Distancing Songs

Prior decades:
-Top Ten Pre-1960s Social Distancing Songs
-Top Ten '60s Social Distancing Songs

The 1970s saw the death of the hope of the '60s, the end of the Vietnam War (well, for the U.S. anyway), Watergate, the oil embargo/gas shortage, stagflation, further loosening of sexual mores -- but thankfully not sexual morays -- and a whole hell of a lot of great music.  While music certainly became more splintered in the '70s, that wasn't all bad, as the decade gave us something for everyone:  heavy metal, funk, punk, disco, soft rock, glam, prog rock, yacht rock, soul, power pop, AOR, country rock, new wave, and the very beginnings of rap and hip hop.

Pretty much every genre has a song that fits within our little social distancing-related song experiment.  Here are my top ten, in alphabetical order by artist.  As always, I tried to go with songs that best fit the theme, and not necessarily my favorite songs or the "best" songs.  That said, I always try to pick songs that don't suck.  And, of course, I follow my one-song-per-artist rule.  I put the other songs that I considered, but that didn't make the top ten, in the "honorable mention" section.  Admittedly, this was a tough one to narrow down to ten, so much so that I kept a bonus song in there.  There are some really great songs that didn't make the cut, but I guess that's how the COVID mood ring crumbles.


1.  "Why Can't I Touch It?" by The Buzzcocks
This might be the perfect social distancing song.  Released in 1979 as the B-side to British punk rockers The Buzzcocks' "Everybody's Happy Nowadays" -- which is quote literally the least perfect social distancing song -- "Why Can't I Touch It?" is a groovy, not-really-punkish song that laments why, if something seems so real, looks so real, and sounds so real, you can't touch it.  To answer that question in the present day, it's because it could kill you, your loved ones, your friends, your neighbors, or thousands of other people you've never met.  So don't touch it because maybe someone else coughed on it.  Or if you do touch it, wash your hands with soap and warm water for at least twenty seconds before you touch anything else.


2.  "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen
When I first thought of the idea of a COVID-19-themed playlist, this was one of the first songs that came to mind.  Twelve years before "Hungry Eyes" introduced a new generation to Carmen thanks to its inclusion on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, this 1975 power ballad was Carmen's first single after leaving The Raspberries.  It rose to #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 and was a Top 10 hit in several other countries as well.  I'm sure we can all relate to it's message:  "All by myself / Don't wanna be / All by myself / Anymore."  No one does, but dammit, we're just gonna have to suck it up for a little while longer, at least until the FDA approves bleach as an injectant.


3.  "Distant Lover" by Marvin Gaye
Marvin Gaye could make anything seem not as bad as it really was, and 1973's "Distant Lover" was no exception.  It's obviously a song about a long-distance relationship, and I'm sure anyone who's ever been in one of those can relate, but I can't imagine how much tougher it would be now.  Just remember that there are privacy and security concerns with Zoom and other videoconferencing apps, so, you know, don't show your face if you're getting naked virtually.


4.  "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
Last month, I featured Cake's cover of this for a Retro Video of the Week.  Gloria Gaynor's original was a worldwide hit, and probably the most famous disco song ever.  The sentiments I spewed regarding Cake's version hold true 34 days later for the original.  We will survive this.


5.  "Tired of Being Alone" by Al Green
Soul legend Al Green had two obvious choices -- "Tired of Being Alone" and his cover of The Temptations' "I Can't Get Next To You."  Since I used the original version of the latter on last week's list of '60s social distancing songs, we're going with 1971's "Tired of Being Alone," which was Green's first Top 40 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 (reaching #11).  At this point, we're all tired of being alone, but as I once drunkely told AJ Moye, keep on keepin' on.  We'll see each other again sometime in 2021.


6.  "Dead Men Tell No Tales" by Motörhead
Before it was the subtitle to the fifth movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, "Dead Men Tell No Tales" was the first track off of Motörhead's 1979 album Bomber.  Lemmy, Philthy Animal, and Fast Eddie didn't mince words in this one, and it serves as a warning to all of you dipshits who think social distancing rules don't apply to you, this is "just the flu," or that it's a good idea to go to a crowded beach or bar just because your state (or neighboring state) is stupid enough to put the whims of a few over the health of the whole.  Dead men tell no tales.


7.  "So Lonely" by The Police
This is my favorite Police song, and I really first came to know it when my favorite college band, King Konga, used to cover it.  While I was crammed into a sweaty fraternity basement with 200 people drinking Natty Light, jumping up and down with glee while they played this song, little did I know that 20+ years later, I would be writing about the song during a global pandemic that required hundreds of millions of people to stay in their houses.  I'm sure there are many of you who feel so lonely during this whole thing, and that sucks, but don't be afraid to call your friends and family, hack into some Zooms where people are having virtual sex, live stream concerts, or buy a puppy.


8.  "Keep Yourself Alive" by Queen
This is one of Queen's relatively hidden gems.  It was the first song off of their self-titled debut album in 1973, and it immediately gave listeners a view into the kind of fantastic music Queen was to make over the next decade and a half.  For our purposes, the title says all you need to know.  Don't be a fucking idiot.  Do what you need to do to keep yourself (and others) alive.  Wear a mask.  Stay six feet away from people when you're out and about.  Don't storm your state capitol with a machine gun -- unless you're wearing a mask and staying six feet from other people.


9.  "You Can't Put Your Arms Round a Memory" by Johnny Thunders
And who knew Johnny Thunders would end up with such an array of social distancing songs?  Then again, I guess he was a heroin addict.  1978's So Alone album was his first true solo album after he left the New York Dolls in 1975 and then made the excellent L.A.M.F. album with The Heartbreakers (not the same as Tom Petty's band) in 1977.  In addition to Heartbreakers Walter Lure and Billy Rath, Thunders was joined on So Alone by the likes of Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy, Steve Marriott of Small Faces and Humble Pie, Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, and Steve Jones and Paul Cook of the Sex Pistols.  "You Can't Put Your Arms Round a Memory" is a song about longing that reminds us, during these difficult times -- which are especially difficult for those of us who are of Italians descent and/or huggers of a different national origin -- that though you may attempt to do so, you simply cannot hug an event that occurred in the past.


10.  "Time on My Hands" by UFO
British hard rock band UFO is one of those bands whose influence was greater than its success on the charts.  1974's Phenomenon album was the first to feature guitar wiz Michael Schenker, who pushed the band into more of a harder rocking direction.  However, "Time on My Hands" is more of a soulful acoustic/electric number sung beautifully by Phil Moog. It kind of reminds me of The Guess Who (which is a compliment, of course).  The first line is perfect for what we're going through:  "Long, long year I've sat in this place / Baby, baby, what's good I've had."  Even though it's only been two months since we have been staying at home here in Illinois, it certainly seems like a long, long year I've sat in this place.  


11.  "Germ Free Adolescents" by X-Ray Spex
While there certainly seems to be some evidence that adolescents are not as likely to suffer some of the more dire symptoms of COVID-19, that doesn't mean they're germ free, despite what English punk band X-Ray Spex may have told you in 1978 in this song that reached #18 on the UK pop charts.  The song does contain the helpful advice to "scrub away scrub away," which you should do vigilantly.


Honorable mention:  "Hideaway" by The 101ers; "Sick As A Dog" by Aerosmith; "Stayin' Alive" by The Bee Gees"Am I Going Insane" by Black Sabbath; "Into the Void" by Black Sabbath; "Solitude" by Black Sabbath; "Peace of Mind" by Boston; "Mind Your Own Business" by Delta 5; "Shelter from the Storm" by Bob Dylan"Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac; "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac; "I Can't Get Next to You" by Al Green; "Do You Miss Me Darlin'" by The Guess Who"All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison; "Awaiting On You All" by George Harrison; "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes"30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie"Walk Away" by James Gang"Over the Hills and Far Away" by Led Zeppelin; "Sick Again" by Led Zeppelin; "Isolation" by John Lennon"I'm Your Witch Doctor" by Motörhead; "Stay Clean" by Motörhead"Just What the Doctor Ordered" by Ted Nugent; "Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)" by Robert Palmer"I Wanna Be Sedated" by Ramones; "Miss You" by The Rolling Stones; "Pretty Vacant" by Sex Pistols"Far Far Away" by Slade; "A Song For While I'm Away" by Thin Lizzy; "Leave Me Alone" by Johnny Thunders; "So Alone" by Johnny Thunders; "All by Myself" by Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers; "Doctor Doctor" by UFO; "Somebody Get Me a Doctor" by Van Halen

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