MLB Playoff Comparison of Divisions: 1999-2008

Because I apparently have time on my hands, in between the working and the crying and the nightly haunting of the neighborhood children's dreams, I have compared the MLB's divisions over the past ten years.

World Series Champions
1. AL East (4): Yankees (1999, 2000); Red Sox (2004, 2007)
2. NL East (2): Marlins (2003); Phillies (2008)
3 (tie). AL Central (1): White Sox (2005)
3 (tie). AL West (1): Angels (2002)
3 (tie). NL Central (1): Cardinals (2006)
3 (tie). NL West (1): Diamondbacks (2001)

World Series Runners Up
1. AL East (3): Yankees (2001, 2003); Rays (2008)
2 (tie). NL East (2): Braves (1999); Mets (2000)
2 (tie). NL Central (2): Astros (2005); Cardinals (2004)
2 (tie). NL West (2): Giants (2002); Rockies (2007)
5. AL Central (1): Tigers (2006)
6. AL West: 0

LCS Participants
1. AL East (11): Yankees (1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2004); Red Sox (1999, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2008); Rays (2008)
2. NL Central (8): Astros (2004, 2005); Cardinals (2000, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2006); Cubs (2003)
3. NL East (7): Braves (1999, 2001); Mets (1999, 2000, 2006); Marlins (2003); Phillies (2008)
4 (tie). AL West (5): Mariners (2000, 2001); A's (2006); Angels (2002, 2005)
4 (tie). NL West (5): Diamondbacks (2001, 2007); Giants (2002); Dodgers (2008); Rockies (2007)
6. AL Central (4): Indians (2007); White Sox (2005); Twins (2002); Tigers (2006)

Playoff participants
1. AL East (16): Yankees (1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007); Red Sox (1999, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008); Rays (2008)
2. NL Central (14): Astros (1999, 2001, 2004, 2005); Cardinals (2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2006); Cubs (2003, 2007, 2008); Brewers (2008)
3 (tie). AL West (13): Rangers (1999); Mariners (2000, 2001); A's (2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2006); Angels (2002, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008)
3 (tie). NL East (13): Braves (1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005); Mets (1999, 2000, 2006); Marlins (2003); Phillies (2007, 2008)
3 (tie). NL West (13): Diamondbacks (1999, 2001, 2002, 2007); Giants (2000, 2002, 2003); Dodgers (2004, 2006, 2008); Padres (2005, 2006); Rockies (2007)
6. AL Central (11): Indians (1999, 2001, 2007); White Sox (2000, 2005, 2008); Twins (2002, 2003, 2004, 2006); Tigers (2006)

Number of different World Series champions
1 (tie). AL East (2): Yankees, Red Sox
2 (tie). NL East (2): Marlins, Phillies
3 (tie). AL Central (1): White Sox
3 (tie). AL West (1): Angels
3 (tie). NL Central (1): Cardinals
3 (tie). NL West (1): Diamondbacks

Number of different World Series participants
1. NL East (4): Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies
2 (tie). AL East (3): Yankees, Red Sox, Rays
2 (tie). NL West (3): Giants, Rockies, Diamondbacks
4 (tie). NL Central (2): Astros, Cardinals
4 (tie). AL Central (2): Tigers, White Sox
6. AL West (1): Angels

Number of different LCS participants
1 (tie). AL Central (4): Indians, White Sox, Twins, Tigers
1 (tie). NL East (4): Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies
1 (tie). NL West (4): Diamondbacks, Giants, Dodgers, Rockies
4 (tie). AL East (3): Yankees, Red Sox, Rays
4 (tie). AL West (3): Mariners, A's, Angels
4 (tie). NL Central (3): Astros, Cardinals, Cubs

Number of different playoff participants
1. NL West (5): Diamondbacks, Giants, Dodgers, Padres, Rockies
2 (tie). AL Central (4): Indians, White Sox, Twins, Tigers
2 (tie). AL West (4): Rangers, Mariners, A's, Angels
2 (tie). NL East (4): Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies
2 (tie). NL Central (4): Astros, Cardinals, Cubs, Brewers
6. AL East (3): Yankees, Red Sox, Rays

Number of teams who never made playoffs
1 (tie). AL East (2): Blue Jays, Orioles
1 (tie). NL Central (2): Reds, Pirates
3 (tie). AL Central (1): Royals
3 (tie). NL East (1): Expos/Nationals
5 (tie). AL West (0), NL West (0)

Number of years with a World Series participant
1. AL East (7): 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2008
2. NL East (4): 1999, 2000, 2003, 2008
3 (tie). NL Central (3): 2004, 2005, 2006
3 (tie). NL West (3): 2001, 2002, 2007
5. AL Central (2): 2005, 2006
6. AL West (1): 2002

Number of years with at least one LCS participant
1. AL East (7): 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2008
2 (tie). NL East (6): 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2006, 2008
2 (tie). NL Central (6): 2000, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006
4. AL West (5): 2000, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2006
5 (tie). AL Central (4): 2002, 2005, 2006, 2007
5 (tie). NL West (4): 2001, 2002, 2007, 2008

Number of years with two LCS participants
1. AL East (4): 1999, 2003, 2004, 2008
2. NL Central (2): 2004, 2005
3 (tie). NL East (1): 1999
3 (tie). NL West (1): 2007
5 (tie). AL Central: 0
5 (tie). AL West: 0

Number of years with two playoff participants
1. AL East (5): 1999, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008
2. NL Central (4): 2001, 2004, 2005, 2008
3 (tie). AL West (3): 2000, 2001, 2002
3 (tie). NL East (3): 1999, 2000, 2003
3 (tie). NL West (3): 2002, 2006, 2007
6. AL Central (1): 2006

Postseason series records (i.e., series victories, not total games won)
1. AL East: 22-12 (.647)
2. NL East: 13-11 (.542)
3. NL Central: 12-13 (.480)
4. NL West: 9-11 (.450)
5. AL Central: 7-10 (.412)
6. AL West: 7-12 (.368)

Postseason series wins
1. AL East (22)
2. NL East (13)
3. NL Central (12)
4. NL West (9)
5 (tie). AL Central, AL West (7)

Tuesday Top Ten: Songs Produced by Phil Spector

I was going to do this Top Ten today anyway, since I started reading a Phil Spector biography last week. Of course, it's even more timely now that Spector was convicted yesterday of second-degree murder in his seemingly never-ending murder trial. Before Spector was shooting B-movie actresses that he had just met, he was arguably the greatest producer in rock and roll history. His trademark was, of course, the "Wall of Sound" -- a grandiose stampede of instruments and voices effectively designed to blow the listener away.

These are the ten songs that I think are the best songs produced or co-produced by Phil Spector.

10. "Baby, I Love You" by The Ronettes.
From the moment the song kicks in with the Wall of Sound, this is a masterpiece. And when Ronnie Bennett's introductory wail concludes and she starts into the first verse ("Have I ever told you . . ."), it's one of those perfect moments in a rock and roll that just cuts right through you.

9. "Do You Remember Rock 'n' Roll Radio?" by The Ramones.
While this isn't by any means the greatest Ramones song, it has an undeniably catchy (and kitschy) quality to it, harkening back to the fifties with backing "oooohhhs," saxophones, and the like.

8. "Across the Universe" by The Beatles.
Many purists discredit the Spector-produced version of the Let It Be album, calling it over-produced. I'm not pure. I love Spector's version (the most famous version, with choral and orchestral overdubs and slowed down a little) just as much as any other version. All in all, this is a great song by a great band and a great producer. (As this is a Beatles song, it is not on Playlist.com.)

7. "River Deep - Mountain High" by Ike and Tina Turner.
Just a great song. Unfortunately, this is not on Playlist.com either.

6. "Instant Karma!" by John Lennon.
This is my favorite John Lennon song, and it just kicks you in the ass. Spector keeps it simple when it needs to be simple and loud and complicated when it needs to be loud and complicated.

5. "What Is Life" by George Harrison.
This is my favorite George Harrison song. It starts with a great guitar intro, followed by a blasting horn section and a driving beat throughout.

4. "There's No Other (Like My Baby)" by The Crystals.
After an a cappella intro, the refrain kicks in and smack you in the mouth because, well, you aren't her baby. This is an achingly good song.

3. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love.
I have touted the Phil Spector Christmas album ad nauseum, and this song is the crowning jewel of that album. Like a thundering herd of elephants, this songs tramples you with soaring vocals, what sounds like a full orchestra, several different types of drums, and possibly a triangle. Forget Christmas songs, this song is one of the best songs in rock and roll history, period.

2. "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes.
The distinctive drum beat that introduces (and permeates) the song has become one of the most recognizable in rock history. And, as in "Baby, I Love You," Ronnie Bennett's vocals carry the day, piercing you. You will be her baby. As I've previously mentioned, this is one of my top five favorite songs from the sixties.

1. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by The Righteous Brothers.
This song was the most-played song on the radio in the 20th Century, and with good reason. Good God, what a song. Spector brings out Bill Medley's bottom and Bobby Hatfield's wail to perfection, complemented by strings and percussion that don't overshadow the vocals. This song never gets old and never sounds dated.

Just missing the cut: "He's a Rebel" by The Crystals; "Then He Kissed Me" by The Crystals; "My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison; "Imagine" by John Lennon

ESPN Chicago

In case you haven't heard, ESPN.com has launched the first-of-its-kind city-specific ESPN website, ESPN Chicago. Why Chicago, you ask? Well, Scoop Jackson has explained why better than I can.

The Resurrection

Lent is over, and with the coming of the Easter Bunny, I can now once again partake in the never-ending joys of the devil's water.

Giving up drinking for Lent actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The first weekend was rough, on account of the DTs, but after that it was gravy (meaning I drank gravy instead of beer). I didn't cheat once -- not even a sip. Granted, I gave myself two days of respite, in which I may have made up for the remaining 38 days of sobriety. Whatever. I still lost 8 pounds in 40 days. If I keep up this pace, I will lose an additional 52.6 pounds by the end of the year, weighing less than I have since my freshman year of high school (and probably getting just as much ass as I did then).

In addition to losing some (but certainly not all) of my beer weight, I did accomplish some other things over the last 40 days. For instance, I was able to set a couple personal records on Winter Sports: The Ultimate Challenge on the Wii. And I think I saved a couple hundred bucks. And, despite what my April Fool's ruse may have led you to believe, I did actually finish one thorough edit of my book. Now I just have to enter in all of the edits, find a way to print out over 600 pages again, and repeat the process.

Most importantly, I learned a lot about myself in the last 40 days. The biggest thing I learned is that, contrary to conventional wisdom, I absolutely need alcohol to have fun.

For the remainder of Eastertide, I have the following goals:

• Write a thank-you card to Rocks for allowing me to hang out there for hours on end without ordering any alcohol.
• Hunt down everyone who said that I would fail, and tell them I didn't, jerks.
• I want to be able to legitimately begin a story with the following line: "Things started to get away from me soon after I learned how to make hard-boiled eggs."
• Enter in all of the changes for my first edit, find a way to print out over 600 pages again, and repeat the process.
• See the documentary Anvil! The Story of Anvil, followed by a live performance by the band.
• Open a very large beet store called And The Beets Go On.
• Use fewer puns.
• See a band at The Vic that's both tragic and hip.
• As soon as humanly possible, sing some fucking karaoke -- probably an achingly poignant version of "Since You Been Gone" (in the style of Rainbow) dedicated the pint of Newcastle in my hand at the time, after which I will chug the pint, while sobbing.
• Gain 8 pounds.
• Attend at least one Triple Crown event in person while wearing a seersucker suit.
• Attend at least one 500-mile Indy car race in person while wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
• Kill two birds with one stone, and if I can't, then with two stones.
• Whenever someone answers a question with "tomorrow," I will respond, "Is it tomorrow [pause and stare awkwardly into his or her eyes] or just the end of time?" I'll then cackle like a villain.
• Retract goal of using fewer puns.

And stayed tuned for what I plan to do during Ordinary Time. I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say it won't be -- wait for it -- ordinary. Ah-thank you.

Final Four Conference Comparison: the 2000s

Following up on my post from last month comparing the conferences from 1999-2008, since we have crowned the final NCAA champion of this decade, here is a run down of the same stats, updated to include this year (and exclude 1999):

Championships
1 (tie). ACC (4): Duke (2001), Maryland (2002), North Carolina (2005, 2009)
2 (tie). Big East (2): Syracuse (2003), UConn (2004)
2 (tie). SEC (2): Florida (2006, 2007)
4 (tie). Big Ten (1): Michigan State (2000)
4 (tie). Big 12 (1): Kansas (2008)
6 (tie). Conference USA, Colonial Athletic Association, Pac-10 (0)

Runners Up
1. Big Ten (4): Illinois (2005), Indiana (2002), Ohio State (2007), Michigan State (2009)
2. Pac-10 (2): Arizona (2001), UCLA (2006)
3 (tie). ACC (1):Georgia Tech (2004)
3 (tie). Big 12 (1): Kansas (2003)
3 (tie). Conference USA (1): Memphis (2008)
3 (tie). SEC (1): Florida (2000)
7 (tie). Big East, Colonial Athletic Association (0)

Championship game appearances
1 (tie). ACC (5)
2 (tie). Big Ten (5)
3. SEC (3)
4 (tie). Big East, Big 12, Pac-10 (2)
7. Conference USA (1)
8. Colonial Athletic Association (0)

Final Fours
1. ACC (9): Duke (2001, 2004), Georgia Tech (2004), Maryland (2001, 2002), North Carolina (2000, 2005, 2008, 2009)
2. Big Ten (8): Illinois (2005), Indiana (2002), Michigan State (2000, 2001, 2005, 2009), Ohio State (2007), Wisconsin (2000)
3. Big 12 (6): Kansas (2002, 2003, 2008), Oklahoma (2002), Oklahoma State (2004), Texas (2003)
4. Big East (5): UConn (2004, 2009), Georgetown (2007), Syracuse (2003), Villanova (2009)
5 (tie). Pac-10 (4): Arizona (2001), UCLA (2006, 2007, 2008)
5 (tie). SEC (4): Florida (2000, 2006, 2007), LSU (2006)
7. Conference USA (3): Louisville (2005), Marquette (2003), Memphis (2008)
8. Colonial Athletic Association (1): George Mason (2006)

Number of different champions
1 (tie). ACC (3): Duke (2001), Maryland (2002), North Carolina (2005, 2009)
2 (tie). Big East (2): UConn (2004), Syracuse (2003)
2 (tie). SEC (2): Florida (2006, 2007)
4 (tie). Big Ten (1): Michigan State (2000)
4 (tie). Big 12 (1): Kansas (2008)
6 (tie). Conference USA, Colonial Athletic Association, Pac-10 (0)

Number of different Final Four teams
1. Big Ten (5)
2 (tie). ACC, Big 12, Big East (4)
4. Conference USA (3)
6 (tie). Pac-10, SEC (2)
8. Colonial Athletic Association (1)

Number of years with a team in the Final Four
1. ACC (7): 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2008, 2009
2. Big Ten (6): 2000, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2009
3 (tie). Big 12 (4): 2002, 2003, 2004, 2008
3 (tie). Big East (4): 2003, 2004, 2007, 2009
3 (tie). Pac-10 (4): 2001, 2006, 2007, 2008
6 (tie). Conference USA (3): 2003, 2005, 2008
6 (tie). SEC (3): 2000, 2006, 2007
8. Colonial Athletic Association (1): 2006

Final Four wins
1. ACC: 9
2. Big Ten: 6
3. SEC: 5
4. Big East: 4
5. Big 12: 3
6. Pac-10: 2
7. Conference USA: 1
8. Colonial Athletic Association: 0

Final Four winning percentage
1. SEC: 5-2 (.714)
2. ACC: 9-5 (.643)
3. Big East: 4-3 (.571)
4. Big Ten: 6-7 (.462)
5. Big 12: 3-5 (.375)
6. Pac-10: 2-4 (.333)
7. Conference USA: 1-3 (.250)
8. Colonial Athletic Association: 0-1 (.000)

New Book - Tearing Down the Wall of Sound by Mick Brown

I finally finished reading Sound of the Beast: The Complete Headbanging History of Heavy Metal by Ian Christe. As expected, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sound of the Beast contains an expansive look at all of metal's main genres, including proto-metal, classic metal, American metal, the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, power metal, hair metal, glam metal, speed metal, thrash metal, death metal, alternative metal, avant-garde metal, Norwegian black metal, grindcore, metalcore, nu metal, rap metal, metallic techno, and doom metal, to name a few. While I probably won't ever buy, say, a death metal album, it's still interesting to read about death metal and its underground popularity and impact. One of the most intriguing discussions in the book was about Norwegian black metal. I am fascinated with that particular genre, not so much musically, but more with the intensity of their beliefs and the gravity of their actions (murder, suicide, church burnings, etc.). It's some messed up (but very interesting) stuff. All in all, I highly recommend this book for any metal fan or for anyone who wants to learn more about heavy metal.

I have moved on to Tearing Down the Wall of Sound: The Rise and Fall of Phil Spector by Mick Brown. As many of you are probably aware, Phil Spector is probably the greatest producer in rock and roll history, inventing his famous "Wall of Sound" and producing such acts as The Ronettes, The Crystals, The Righteous Brothers, Ben E. King, Ike & Tina Turner, The Beatles, Leonard Cohen, John Lennon, and The Ramones, not to mention the fact that he wrote or co-wrote tons of rock and roll standards, including Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling," which had the most radio airplay of any song in the 20th Century. As more of you are probably aware, Phil Spector may have killed B-list actress Lana Clarkson at his home in 2003, and has been on and off trial for murder since then. Spector was eccentric, erratic, and vehemently private, but had let the author interview him back in 2002 for the first time in 25 years. It should be an interesting read.

Books read in 2009:
The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis
Oh The Glory of It All by Sean Wilsey
I Hate New Music: The Classic Rock Manifesto by Dave Thompson
Sound of the Beast: The Complete Headbanging History of Heavy Metal by Ian Christe

New Poll: Cocoa Krispies vs. Cocoa Puffs

A couple days ago, a few of us were discussing our favorite cereals. Someone who shall remain nameless mentioned Cocoa Puffs. Someone else commented that he or she preferred Cocoa Krispies over Cocoa Puffs. There was some posturing that followed. Insults were thrown around, as were empty pint glasses. I vowed to settle this debate the only way I know how: with a poll on my blog. So, which do you prefer: Cocoa Krispies (known as Choco Krispis, Choco Krispies, or Coco Pops outside of the United States) or Cocoa Puffs?

No Tuesday Top Ten

I'm too distraught over last night to post a Tuesday Top Ten this week. As a result of Michigan State's bed shitting, I missed out on approximately $801 that should have been mine. Worse yet, I was in a squares pool, and my numbers were 9 and 3. Thanks to some white dude's ill-advised lay-up with a few seconds left -- instead of making a three or drawing the foul and making the free throw -- UNC won 89-72. And with that, I missed out on another $1,000. And then my name wasn't called in the Rocks drawing for a trip to Vegas. These are just the latest in a long list of near misses that have come back to haunt me:

• In '73, it was between me and Paul Rodgers for lead singer of Bad Company. Needless to say, every time I hear "Feel Like Makin' Love," I feel like making hate (and sometimes ginger snaps, which I can't really explain).
• In '77, I was almost beaten out by like a million guys just like me, but I just had to be first. The rest, as they say, is a tortured, uneventful, and largely irrelevant history.
• In '85, Doc Brown let some dude in a puffy orange vest get first choice over me, so he got to go back to 1955, while I was forced to go back to 1973 and try out to be the lead singer of a band that an eight-year-old had no business fronting.
• In '90, for $2, I could have purchased either a third-year Michael Jordan card, an Emmitt Smith rookie card, or a Ken Griffey, Jr. rookie card, but, I splurged, and for an extra fifty cents, I got a Chris Sabo rookie card instead.
• In '96, I was passed up by Barry Alvarez for a scholarship that went to some overweight running back whose name escapes me.
• In 2000, I went to law school, instead of choosing a career path that didn't involve so much daily soul crushing.
• Between 2002 and 2006, I was told by no fewer than twelve law firms or corporations that "it was between you and one other person and, well . . ."
• In 2006, I sang "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" at live band karaoke at Piece, but all of the major label A&R reps in the audience got there just after I finished.

So basically, with a few breaks, my obit could have read: "Time traveling platinum-selling Heisman winner who never went to law school, but had twelve law jobs, made hundreds from baseball cards, was re-discovered by EMI at pizzeria, and won a trip to Vegas and nearly $2000 after Michigan State won 2009 NCAA title 99-13, was never conceived." But now, with last night's losses, I have nothing left to live for (aside from my beautiful wife and autistic dog, of course. Oh, and hair band music.).

Queeeeeeeeef!

I don't know if any of you saw last night's South Park, but apparently Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been reading GMYH. This conclusion is undeniable, as last night's episode was all about queefing. I have long proposed bringing "queef" back into the mainstream lexicon (as it seemed to be in approximately 1989 or 1990, around the time I was in fifth or sixth grade). My hard work has clearly paid off.

I first suggested bringing "queef" back in September 2005 -- only about a month after I started this train wreck I call a blog. In this post, you will see the beginnings of Hair Band Friday, a delightful OC recap (God, I miss it), and a call to arms. Or, more appropriately, a call to queef. A footnote at the end of the post stated, with authority:

I am going to try to bring the word "queef" back to the common usage it enjoyed in its heyday of the late 1980s. The wife and I were having your standard pillow talk last night and we started talking about how we never hear anyone use "queef" anymore. Both of us thought it was a damn shame. Such a great word for such a rare, but utterly vile, deed. Queef!

But the call didn't end there. No no. I have remained vigilant in my queef quest.

On Boxing Day in 2006, I noted that, despite the contention that "the possibilities are endless," Wendy's gift certificates unfortunately could probably not be used to make "the word 'queef' a part of everyday vernacular in the English language."

Last Memorial Day and the Memorial Day before, Christoff and I engaged in extensive discussions about queefing, both of which I chronicled in order to bring publicity to the struggles of living in a world where people don't say "queef" as often as I want them to.

One of my New Years Resolutions for 2009 -- The Year of Feelin' Fine™ -- was to bring back "queef." On January 16 of this year, I brought well-deserved attention to a heavy metal band with the greatest of names: Angel Queef. And as recently as February 23, I implored Catholics around the world to give up not using the term "queef" at least twice a day for Lent.

The culmination of all of my efforts has clearly been recognized by Hollywood. Needless to say, you're welcome. Oh, and Phht! Or, Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

On an entirely unrelated note, today would have been my grandpa's 100th birthday. RIP, Basil. I'm sure you would have been proud of what I'm doing here. He liked funny words.

Glorious Day

Whoever said hard work doesn't pay off is a liar. As you may or may not know, I have been writing a book for a while now. Thanks to the lack of drinking during Lent, I was able to finish the final edits and ship it off to a friend who is an agent. I just found out that Random House has agreed to publish it. Not only that, but they're giving me a sizeable advance to write another book -- sizeable enough that I no longer have to be a lawyer. The only thing holding all of this back is today's date.