Tuesday Top Ten: 10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make

Exactly two months ago today, Jester finally birthed a male heir to my record production empire.  We ended up naming him Son, since it was both descriptive and the only name we could agree on, given our mutual love of Delta blues pioneer Son House.  

Here is a photograph of Son.  As you can see, he has already mastered the wry smirk that has gotten his father into a decent amount of trouble in the middle of what some spouses consider non-amusing arguments.

Thus far, Daughter and Lollipop have not tried to murder him.  Note:  I did not say they haven't tried to kill him.  They just haven't intentionally tried to kill him.  Apparently, the concept of not coughing in a newborn's face despite repeated warnings that he has no viable immune system is lost on 2- and 4-year-olds.  

Nonetheless, Son has so far proven to be a valuable addition to the family, providing comic relief in the form of audible and surprisingly pungent flatulence while the rest of us are eating dinner, earning him the nickname "Ripper."  He seems to have taken an interest in the Sweet Science, shadow boxing all things hanging-plush-animal-related.  He cries at an appropriate volume, which is to say, not at a piercing level.  And, last, but not least, he's fucking adorable.

Of course, anytime you bring a newborn home, the first question people ask is, "How are you sleeping?"  To which I respond, "Usually on my stomach, unless I have the spins."  Son sleeps on his back, with his arms and legs bound, as he is physically unable to roll onto his stomach just yet.

This brings me to this week's Tuesday Top Ten.  Wisconsin-based news outlet The Onion has put together a slideshow of "10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make."  It provides valuable tips for new parents and refreshers for those of us who are a little rusty.  Most importantly, it's nice to see that it's okay to make mistakes and that you're not the only one.