Yesterday
marked the 25th anniversary of the release of one of the most awesome movies of
all-time, Road House. I have probably
seen this movie (or at least parts of it on TNT or TBS) 50 times, and it's a
movie that I will watch whenever it's on, no matter what part of the movie I
happen to come in at or what time of night it is on. I have even started watching the movie on TV,
and then put in the DVD to watch the rest of the movie, so that those damn commercials
don't get in the way. And to see Kelly
Lynch naked.
If
you haven't seen it, here's a brief synopsis.
Dalton (Patrick Swayze) is a hot-shot cooler -- that's basically a head bouncer -- with a
philosophy degree from NYU and a penchant for kicking ass. He is wooed from
his high-profile bouncing/cooling job in New York City to Jasper, Missouri to clean up
a rough-and-tumble club called the Double Deuce. He's not exactly welcomed with open arms by
the local ruffians in Jasper, but he does meet a hot doctor (played by Kelly Lynch) after
he gets in a dust-up at the Double Deuce.
He refuses anesthesia while she stitches him up. They bang later while listening to Otis Redding. In the meantime, this guy named Brad Wesley
(played masterfully by Ben Gazzara) pretty much owns the town of Jasper. He is the personification of the phrase
"absolute power corrupts absolutely."
He lives in a mansion and throws lavish parties, which is great if
you're in his circle, but he is also a giant dick. His henchmen beat women, coerce local
businesses to pay Wesley money (and trash their stores if they refuse), drive monster trucks over the local car
dealer's lot, and apparently fuck guys in prison that look like Dalton.
So
Dalton cleans up the Double Deuce. The clientele is
nicer. The bar is cleaner. There aren't nearly as many fights. They can even take down the chicken wire in
front of the stage so that Jeff Healey doesn't get pelted with beer
bottles. (Side note: what kind of an asshole throws beer bottles
towards a blind man?) But what to do about
Wesley? After Wesley and his henchmen go
a little too far (killing Dalton's bouncing mentor, Wade Garrett, played by Sam Elliott, by literally stabbing him in the back), Dalton takes things into his own hands. I don't want to spoil the ending for you, so
I'll let you watch it the next time it comes on TNT at midnight to find out what happens. Rest assured, Wesley's uppance comes.
The
movie has a lot of good lessons, and someone has written a fantastic post
called "10
Important Lessons That We Learned From 'Road House,' On Its 25th
Anniversary." (Thanks to
Creature for the link.) Here are the
lessons the author has in his post:
1. "Pain don't hurt."
2. "Be nice until it's time not to be
nice."
3. Age ain't nothing but a number when it comes
to kicking ass.
4. Terry Funk, the actor > Hulk Hogan, the
actor.
5. In the '80s, bars were nothing but fights and
table dances.
6. Anyone can look and sound awesome by just
retelling the story of Dalton and the Double Deuce.
7. Everyone can sing.
8. If enough people conspire to murder a man in
cold blood in his home, the police look the other way.
9. People shouldn't yell things about having sex
with other people in prison while they fight.
10.
Please don't ever tear out my throat, thank you.
These
are all great lessons, and the fact that the post has video clips illustrating each lesson is even better. Here are three
more that I would have included:
1. When a guy walks into a bar, always check to
see if he is wearing a boot knife. If he
is, break his fucking ankle.
2. If you major in philosophy, even at a great
school like NYU, your career options are limited, so make sure you gain other
skills, such as kicking ass and smoking.
3. Never marry an ugly woman because "it
just takes the energy right out of you."
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment