You Would Too If Your Wife Only Had One Boob

For some reason, the University of Illinois is bringing John Edwards to speak on campus in October (thanks to the unnamed wife of Alex of the link). The timing is nothing short of impeccable. In other news, IU has invited Eliot Spitzer to speak, probably about the state of young titties in his face, and Northwestern has invited Gary Hart to speak about the dos and don'ts of boating in 1984. Actually, if you think about it, Edwards coming to U of I makes complete sense. Both think they're better than they actually are. Both have a habit of getting close to the grand prize, but both always come up short. And both have foolishly tried to get away with things they can't get away with, which came back to bite them in the ass ("Now that my wife has cancer, I think it's a good time to have an affair" vs. Chevy Blazers and "Now that one of our most promising young basketball players has drunkenly crashed his car and left his friend for dead, I think it's a good time to give him a redshirt year.").