Thursday, July 30, 2015

Midwestern Eavesdopping

Young guy to middle-aged guy on bus:  "My dad died of a massive heart attack.  The only drug he ever did was weed."
Middle-aged guy:  "Weed isn't a drug.  It's a medicine."
Old man who is eavesdropping:  "Amen!  I smoked weed throughout my entire life, and I'm 82.  Ain't nothing wrong with me except my penis don't work."
--Chicago, CTA bus
Eavesdropper:  Rockford Peach

Homeless man in wheelchair rolls up to a homeless woman begging for change and says, "Go home," causing both of them to laugh.
--Chicago, State & Wacker
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Retro Videos of the Week: "Say Say Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson, and "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica

This weekend is Lollapalooza.  It will be my 11th overall, and I'm just as excited about this one as I was for my first one in 1994.  Two of the acts I'm most excited to see are Paul McCartney, who is headlining Friday night, and Metallica, who are headlining Saturday night.  I did not feel much like choosing between the two for Retro Video of the Week, so I went with a video from each.

First is McCartney's collaboration with Michael Jackson, "Say Say Say" (obviously before the King of Pop bought the publishing rights to a bunch of Beatles songs and refused to sell them to McCartney).  When it comes to collaborations, it doesn't get much bigger than this:  a Beatle and the King of Pop.  Certainly, audiences in 1983 and 1984 ate it up.  On the heels of their previous collaboration, "The Girl Is Mine" -- the first single released off of Thriller, in late 1982, which reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 -- "Say Say Say" climbed all the way to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and stayed there for six weeks in December 1983 to January 1984.  On top of that, it came in at #3 on Billboard's Hot 100 for the year 1984, #9 for Billboard's end-of-decade charts for the 1980s, and #40 on Billboard's all-time chart.

The video is a classic from the early MTV era, featuring McCartney, Jackson, Linda McCartney, LaToya Jackson, and even Art Carney.  It's more short film than music video, and I definitely remember watching this video when I was a kid, thinking "who's that old dude singing with Michael Jackson?"


Second is Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam," off of their monster 1991 self-titled album (aka "The Black Album").  It was the fourth single released off of the album, and it got up to #82 on the Billboard Hot 100.  I have always like the line "rover, wanderer, nomad, vagabond, call me what you will."  The video is comprised of scenes from the band while on tour.  All in all, just a badass song.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Tuesday Top Ten: Diseases I'm Glad I Don't Have

Apparently, it's World Hepatitis Day.  One of the things I'm most happy about in my life is my lack of deadly and/or communicable diseases.  Aside from all forms of hepatitis, here are the ten diseases, illnesses, and medical conditions I'm most glad I don't have (not including diseases and illnesses for which my parents were kind enough to ensure that I never contracted, thanks to common childhood vaccines):

10.  Halitosis

9.  Gigantism

8.  Dwarfism

7.  Ballanital chancroids

6.  Pregnancy

5.  Anal leakage

4.  Conservatism

3.  That condition where you're born with the upper body of a human and the lower body of a horse

2.  Distemper

1.  ED

Friday, July 24, 2015

Hair Band Friday - 7/24/15

1.  "In America" by Britny Fox


2.  "White Lightning" by Def Leppard


3.  "The Razor's Edge" by AC/DC (it was nearly impossible to find the regular version of this, so I went with a live version)


4.  "Tonight (We Need A Lover)" by Mötley Crüe


5.  "Just Got Lucky" by Dokken


6.  "Pretty Tied Up" (live) by Guns 'N Roses


7.  "Nobody Rides for Free" by Ratt


8.  "Hold Me Tight" by The Scorpions


9.  "If My Mind is Evil" by White Lion


10.  "Cummin' Atcha Live" by Tesla

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Retro Video of the Week: "Tha Crossroads" by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's debut full-length album, E. 1999 Eternal.  This album was huge that summer and my senior year in high school.  Despite the fact that the group was from Cleveland, the album shot up to #1 on the Billboard album charts in mid-August 1995, eventually going platinum many times over.  E. 1999 Eternal was co-produced by Eazy-E, who had mentored Bone Thugs.  They dedicated the album to Eazy-E, after his death from AIDS-related complications in March 1995.  

E. 1999 Eternal produced three songs that made the Billboard Hot 100, including two top 15 songs ("1st of tha Month" and "Tha Crossroads").  "Tha Crossroads" -- which was also dedicated to Eazy-E, among other deceased friends and relatives -- went all the way to #1 for 8 weeks in the summer of 1996, was #7 on Billboard's year-end chart for 1996, and #25 on Billboard's Hot 100 for the entire decade.  It's a sentimental rap song, expressing vulnerability, fear, and sadness, which was certainly rare in the era of gangsta rap.  All in all, it's a great song, worthy of all of the accolades it received.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Swears

Whether you call it swearing, cursing, or cussing, saying bad words is often cathartic and rewarding.  On the other hand, it can get you in trouble with some folk.  Myself, I enjoy the shit out of swearing, and it turns out, that's a good thing, as people who swear a lot tend to be more trustworthy and loyal.  With that, here are my top ten favorite swear words, with examples of each used in a motherfucking sentence.

10.  Ass
"The doctor said I need to lance the boil on my ass, but I was all 'I bet you'd like that, chode.'"

9.  Cunt whore
"My friend's ex-girlfriend has been described by his wife as a 'cunt whore,' you know, because she is, in fact, a cunt whore."

8.  Chode
"If you continue this line of questioning, you will leave me no choice but to demand that you lick my motherfucking chode."

7.  Dickhead
"Cary Elwes looks like a dickhead, but he's actually a pretty nice guy."

6.  Bitch
"If that's how it's gonna be, then let's play some fucking bocce, bitch."

5.  Asshole
"That asshole just took the last curly fry.  I should mention that we're at Arby's."

4.  Cunt
"Hi, cunt -- I mean, grandma."

3.  Motherfucker
"Last time I saw that motherfucker, he was all shit-faced, singing 'Call Me Maybe' at karaoke with that narcoleptic chick named Heidi, right after she got all those spider bites on her tits."

2.  Shit
"I accidentally shit all over your bathtub again, and by 'accidentally,' I mean 'repeatedly,' and by 'over your bathtub,' I mean 'in all of your pillows.'" 

1.  Fuck
"Fuck Purdue."

Friday, July 17, 2015

Hair Band Friday - 7/17/15

1.  "Cry of the Gypsy" by Dokken


2.  "Hang Tough" by Tesla


3.  "Rhythm of Love" by The Scorpions


4.  "Wasted Generation" by Steel Dragon


5.  "Fallen Angel" by Poison


6.  "The Rage" by Judas Priest


7.  "Just Take My Heart" by Mr. Big


8.  "Don't Tell Me You Love Me" by Night Ranger


9.  "Ridin' High" by Warrant


10.  "Scene of the Crime" by Ratt

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Retro Video of the Week: "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and The News

I meant to post a Tuesday Top Ten yesterday, but I just plumb forgot.  And now you have just witnessed the first time I have ever used the word "plumb" -- audibly or in writing.  Anyway, I will be combining Tuesday Top Ten with the Retro Video of the Week post this week, so as not to deprive you of the chance to click on a link I found interesting.

Said link is to an article entitled "20 Predictions Back to the Future Made That Turned Out to Be True."  You see, millennials, in 1989, there was a movie called Back to the Future Part II that was released.  It was the second in a trilogy about a time-travelling car, its crazy inventor, and his friend, who was a teenage boy.  In the second installment, the boy -- Marty McFly -- travels forward in time to the year 2015.  Specifically, he traveled to October 21, 2015.  In this then-future world, he encountered a variety of inventions that seemed absolutely implausible to any sane person in 1989.  I mean, who would have thought multiple people could have a phone call at the same time on video?  It turns out, according to the article, Back to the Future Part II correctly predicted a lot of technological advances that we now have in 2015.  Cubs fans must be freaking out right now.

Fitting in the theme of Back to the Future, this week's Retro Video of the Week is "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and The News -- a song that appears on the Back to the Future soundtrack and in all three Back to the Future movies in one form or another.  You may forget how huge Huey Lewis and The News was in the '80s, but just in case, let me remind you.  Between 1982 and 1991, the band had 17 Billboard Top 40 hits, including 12 Top 10s and 3 songs that hit #1.  "The Power of Love" was the first of those #1s, topping the Billboard charts for two weeks in August 1985.

The video features Doc Brown and the DeLorean, which Doc for some reason leaves on the street with the doors open in the middle of a crowd of interested people.  Great Scott!

Friday, July 10, 2015

Hair Band Friday - 7/10/15

1.  "Gonna Getcha" by Great White


2.  "You're No Different" by Ozzy Osbourne


3.  "Miss You In a Heartbeat" by Def Leppard


4.  "Knockin' On Heaven's Door (live)" by Guns N' Roses


5.  "Back For More" by Ratt


6.  "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi


7.  "Little Guitars (Intro)" by Van Halen


8.  "Good Love" by Poison


9.  "Tragic Comic" by Extreme


10.  "City Boy Blues" by Mötley Crüe