Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thursday Texts - 3/31/11

It's been a while, so here you go:

(937): Is newton the black tim tebow or is tebow the white cam newton?

(937): If anyone says roll tide at my funeral i will literally jump out of my fucking casket

(773): A complete white out on the 2nd day of Black History Month. We win again.

(512): Good burger is on ABC. You're welcome.

(937): So apparently there's a golfer whose last name is McGirt? Can I safely assume his first name is Dirt? Or Big Baby Jesus? Or Osirus? Or Joe Bananas?
(773): Freeloading Rusty, actually.

(937): Watching the fab five documentary on mute at the bar. They gloss over how many times IU beat them. They are also playing rusted root.
(773): Well Rose did produce it. On Twitter, Jason Whitlock made a personal crusade against the Fab 5, talking about their inability to beat IU and Duke.
(937): That's what I'd expect from an Uncle Tom
(773): The main question I was asking myself watching that movie was "who invited Ray Jackson?"
(937): He looks the most like an adult now out of all of them
(773): True. I just think it was funny that he and Jimmy King thought they could go pro early with Rose, Webber, and Howard
(937): Indeed. Big question: why did I just see Juwon Howard wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers hat in 1992? He's from the fucking south side!
(773): Obviously a big fan of street-tough Brad Daugherty.
(937): Fair enough. And let's not forget Rob Pelinka, who still looks like an asshole.
(773): I had totally forgotten about Pelinka until watching the movie. How about Eric Riley now? Another former Hoosier in Blue Chips
(937): Pelinka and James Voskuil. Guys that rode the wave.
(773): Seriously. Voskuil. Douche.
(937): They did just show them trouncing illinois in champaign, which is agreeable in retrospect
(773): Agreed. You are watching the whole movie on mute?
(937): Yes, on mute. So I have to read lips, which I can't do. All I know is that IU should have beaten them in the finals two years in a row
(937): Chris Webber timeout is still as beautiful as I remember it
(773): I do enjoy the timeout. Just a shame it had to result in Montross winning a championship
(937): True. This documentary makes me remember how much I hated the fab 5

The following texts were sent right after VCU beat Purdue:

(773): Always appreciate being reminded that there is a very good God.

(773): "Boiler The Fuck Up"? More like "Sit The Fuck Down." Pathetic

(812): Oh Purdue. You are so predictable in March. How are you going to let VCU put up 94 on you. Love it.

Thanks to everyone who sent stuff in. As I said in the initial Thursday Texts post, I invite you to email hilarious texts that you send or receive to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and I will post them accordingly. All texts will be anonymous, identified only by their area code. Or, I also strongly encourage people to post texts as comments to the Thursday Text posts. I will not approve any comments that contain last names. I love you all.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What's the Square Root of This Apartment?

As I mentioned yesterday, this past weekend, I went to the East Regional games in Newark. I stayed with a buddy of mine named Dave who lives in Hoboken and is a natural at video shuffleboard. Having never been to Hoboken before, my only frame of reference was the Mad Real World sketch from Chappelle's Show. I assumed everyone drank banana cognac.

I wasn't all that off, at least on the alcohol front. Hoboken is basically a square mile of bars and restaurants. Dave lives on the main drag. About a block from his place is Carlo's Bakery, which is the bakery from Cake Boss, a show on TLC that I've never seen. Apparently, I am the only one. At all times of day during business hours, there is a line about two blocks long. It crossed streets, but they can't block the intersection, so there are just hundreds of people lined up next to a Walgreen's. These people are idiots, especially considering they can just turn east at the Walgreen's and see a real landmark. Needless to say, I ordered the Tron Special.

Chappelles Show
The Mad Real World - Introduction
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story


Chappelles Show
The Mad Real World - Katie
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story


Chappelles Show
The Mad Real World - Sleeper Hold
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story


Chappelles Show
The Mad Real World - End
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Final Countdown

No Tuesday Top Ten this week because I was away from Friday through yesterday, so I don't have the mental ability or the time to dream up something mildly interesting. On to more important things.

What another insane weekend in college basketball. I had the pleasure of attending the East Regional games in Newark -- a city that has a network of building-to-building walkways, not to avoid the cold (like Minneapolis), but rather to avoid the murder. Anyway, two out of the three games I saw came down to the wire. Unfortunately, I had to watch Kentucky clinch a Final Four berth, thereby putting the final nail in my brackets' collective coffin. You would think that with 16 brackets I would have had UConn winning it all in at least one. Nope. On the bright side, John Calipari now has the chance to become the first coach in NCAA history to have three Final Fours at three different schools vacated.

Meanwhile, the right side of the bracket was insane, with Butler and VCU earning spots in Houston. As with last year, there a mid-major has a legitimate shot at being the first mid-major since UNLV in 1990 to win the championship. I told people this weekend not to sleep on the Rams, and no one listened. I'll say it again. Don't sleep on the Rams.

Like last year, I'm going to drop some Final Four statistical knowledge on you. Unless I indicate otherwise, all of these stats are since the tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985 (and the 1-16 seeding began).

This is only the second time no #1 seeds are in the Final Four (the other was 2006), and this is the first time no #1 or #2 seeds made it to the Final Four. With Butler and VCU playing each other, it guarantees that, for only the second time ever, a team seeded #8 or higher will be playing for the national title. The other, of course, was 8-seeded Villanova in 1985 – the highest-seeded team ever to win the NCAA title.

The average seed for this year's Final Four is a record-breaking 6.5, marking the first time the average seed is above 5.5 and only the 3rd time the average seed has been 4 or more. This is particularly amazing when you consider that the average Final Four seed since 1985 has been approximately 2.65. Here are the other years over 5:

2011: 6.5
2006: 5
2000: 5.5

This is only the third time an 11-seed has made it to the Final Four, the fourth time an 8-seed has made it, and the third time there have been two or more teams seeded 5 or higher in the Final Four. Here are the years in which there have been any teams seeded 5 or higher in the Final Four since 1985. Only twice has a team seeded 5 or higher won it all:

2011: 2: 8-seed Butler and 11-seed VCU
2010: 2: 5-seeds Butler** and Michigan State
2006: 1: 11-seed George Mason
2005: 1: 5-seed Michigan State
2002: 1: 5-seed Indiana**
2000: 3: 5-seed Florida**, 8-seeds North Carolina and Wisconsin
1996: 1: 5-seed Mississippi State
1992: 1: 6-seed Michigan**
1988: 1: 6-seed Kansas*
1987: 1: 6-seed Providence
1986: 1: 11-seed LSU
1985: 1: 8-seed Villanova*
*Champions
**Advanced to championship game

Like last year, this year is also relatively rare because the Final Four features two teams that have never won an NCAA title. Since 1985, here are the years in which a Final Four featured at least one team that had never won an NCAA title (at the time of that year's Final Four). Obviously, the earlier you get, the more teams you have:

2011: 2: Butler, VCU
2010: 2: Butler**, West Virginia
2008: 1: Memphis**
2006: 3: Florida*, George Mason, LSU
2005: 1: Illinois**
2004: 1: Georgia Tech**
2003: 2: Syracuse*, Texas
2002: 2: Maryland*, Oklahoma
2001: 1: Maryland
2000: 1: Florida**
1999: 1: Connecticut*
1997: 2: Arizona*, Minnesota
1996: 2: Massachusetts, Mississippi State
1994: 3: Arizona, Arkansas*, Florida
1991: 1: Duke*
1990: 4: Arkansas, Duke**, Georgia Tech, UNLV*
1989: 4: Duke, Illinois, Michigan*, Seton Hall**
1988: 3: Arizona, Duke, Oklahoma**
1987: 3: Providence, Syracuse**, UNLV
1986: 2: Duke**, LSU
1985: 3: Memphis State, St. John's, Villanova*
*Champions
**Advanced to championship game

It should be a really interesting Final Four. I think any of the four teams can win it. Don't sleep on the Rams.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 3/23/11

It's been a while, so here you go.

Fiftysomething black woman to co-worker: "This has been the longest day of my life (pause) since I've been black."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

A slightly aloof nurse at a restaurant: "What kind of cheese is on the ham and Swiss?"
--Phoenix
Eavesdropper: Yehday

Thirtysomething female: "I bought Snow White on Blu-ray. It's fucking awesome."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Thirtysomething unemployed female at a bar: "I think I do like the devil. I'm going to start learning more about him."
--Indianapolis
Eavesdropper: Kazda

Girlfriend: "I watched way too much porn today. I looked up and was like what the fuck -- I've been watching this for 3 hours."
Boyfriend: "Alright, let's go home now!"
--Durham, NC
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Clearly drunk fiftysomthing man to table of fellow fiftysomething men, very loudly in crowded restaurant: "I'm not gonna fuck her, I'm just going to shove my cock down her throat."
--Chicago, Mayan Palace, Halsted & Schubert
Eavesdropper: Trashton

20 something teacher: Your wife said she's so drunk that you can put it in her butt tonight. 30 something stay-at-home dad: Listen, when I'm behind her, I make the decision on which hole I choose, not her.
--Chicago, Mitch's, Augusta & Leavitt
Eavesdropper: Apollo Creed

Twentysomething female with two masters degrees: "Are mussels the ones that look like little vaginas or are those clams?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy outside bar as friend walks up: "Dude, you gotta get in here. My girlfriend's crying again."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Chick smoking outside of bar: "I didn't have sex with him in the month of March, so it can't possibly be his."
--Chicago, Four Shadows, Ashland & Diversey
Eavesdropper: RDC

Thirtysomething guy describing thirtysomething friend: "We put him in a cab to Irving Park and Western. Turns out he went to LaGrange."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething non-homeless woman: "I just stole a hot dog."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Guy at bar: "The only reason I fucked his girlfriend was 'cause I thought he was gay."
--Dayton, OH, Tumbleweed Connection
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Guy #1: "So are there going to be any single girls at your wedding"
Guy #2: "Yeah. (Pause) There might be a couple widows."
Guy #1: "I am not opposed to that."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Husband: "Where in Europe is Sweden?"
Wife, with two masters degrees: "Isn't it in the Alps?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female bartender: "I'm a girl. I'd rather fuck than watch sports."
--Dayton, OH, Tumbleweed Connection
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Guy, watching footage of Japanese tsunami: "Where's Godzilla?"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk guy: "I'm not drunk, but I see one of you -- and everyone else."
--Chicago
Eavedropper: Tron

Twentysomething female: "I love cock-docking. It's my favorite pastime."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy in bar: "It's 9:39. Hitler would be in heaven right now."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething female: "I haven't heard about analingus since I was 13."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work. And remember, whenever you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next hilarious edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tuesday Top Ten: Things I Learned This Weekend

As I said yesterday, it was a great weekend. Kudos to the new TV set-up for the NCAA tournament, with every game being shown on either CBS, TBS, TNT, or Tru. It allowed me to invest the $70 I usually spend on DirecTV's Mega March Madness package in pools. Either way, I'm out $70.

Enough small talk. Here are the top ten things I learned this weekend.

10. Charles Barkley adds nothing to any conversation about college basketball.

9. Istanbul Restaurant at Broadway and Addison is out of business, and A La Turka is under new management and doesn't yet have its liquor license. What fun is Iskender kebob without a glass of Efes and a shot of raki to wash it down?

8. Most of my brackets are screwed -- especially my brackets that had Syracuse over Pitt, Texas over Louisville, Notre Dame over Texas, and St. John's over Kentucky -- but I suppose everyone else's brackets are screwed too. But no matter how bad you might think you're doing, there's someone in one of my pools, I shit you not, who picked Oakland to win it all. He also had LIU in the Final Four. Yet there are still 20 people below him in the pool, including people who had the following championship matchups: Illinois over Michigan, Michigan State over Ohio State, Purdue over North Carolina, Michigan State over North Carolina, Vanderbilt over Syracuse, and Louisville over San Diego State.

7. The United States of America owes me money.

6. Jester got 29 of 32 games right in the first round, which ranked her tied for 492nd on ESPN.com (out of about 6 million) for approximately 16 hours. Never in my life have I had more respect for a woman I've slept with.

5. Without Joe Barry Carroll, Purdue has no chance of going to the Final Four. I guess I've known that for the last 30 years.

4. I might have made the worst picks ever for an 8-person draft pool. Every year, I'm in this draft pool with 7 other guys. We pick teams in snake order. It's standard bracket pool scoring (1-2-4-8-16-24) plus seed. I had the second pick. Here are the teams that I chose, in order: Pitt, Louisville, Georgetown, Utah State, Vanderbilt, UCLA, Princeton, and Boston University. Awful. Why would I ever choose Vandy, even in the fifth round? They never win anything. And Pitt? I put way too much faith in them every year, and they treat me like the rest of the world treats Rodney Dangerfield. Georgetown? What the fuck, guys? I thought you were supposed to play better with Chris Wright.

3. I have absolutely no idea which is a cooler pet: a mini giraffe or a komodo dragon with a cooler in it the side of its body.

2. Daughter's first sentence: "Don't bite." Sadly, she was not talking to our dog; she was talking to me.

1. Two guys I want to party with: Chauncey and Alejandro.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Sixteen Candles

What a nice weekend. I had the occasion to eat some Art of Pizza and some Turkish food, and Saturday night's "super moon" provided me with a nice excuse to feed on humans again. Oh yeah, and the NCAA tournament was awesome.

Of the 48 games played Thursday through Sunday, 28 were decided by 10 points or less, and 17 were decided by 5 points or less.

Meanwhile, VCU (who was a "First Four" team) absolutely dismantled Georgetown and Purdue – two teams many people thought had legitimate shots at the Final Four.

We are down to 16 teams left, including 10 schools that have won at least one NCAA championship. We have 3 1 seeds, 3 2 seeds, 2 3 seeds, 2 4 seeds, 1 5 seed, 1 8 seed, 1 10 seed, 2 11 seeds, and 1 12 seed.

Here's how it breaks down by conference:

3 teams
-ACC: Duke, Florida State, North Carolina

2 teams
-Big East: Connecticut, Marquette (making it the only conference ever to have 9 teams lose in the first weekend of the tournament)
-Big Ten: Ohio State Wisconsin
-Mountain West: BYU, San Diego State
-SEC: Florida, Kentucky

1 team
-A-10: Richmond
-Big 12: Kansas
-Colonial: VCU
-Horizon: Butler
-Pac-10: Arizona

Like I did last year, I'm going to bust some statistical knowledge all over your face and chest.

Like last year, the average seed number for Sweet 16 teams is 5, which is only the sixth time since 1985 (when the tournament went to 64 teams) that the average is 5 or more. Here is the average seed of Sweet 16 teams since 1985, with the years with an average of 5 or more in bold:

2011: 5
2010: 5
2009: 3.0625
2008: 4.375
2007: 3.1875
2006: 4.4375
2005: 4.5
2004: 4.5625
2003: 4.1875
2002: 4.6875
2001: 4.5625
2000: 5.3125
1999: 5.5
1998: 4.75
1997: 4.8125
1996: 3.6875
1995: 3.1875
1994: 4.25
1993: 4.0625
1992: 4.1875
1991: 4
1990: 5.5
1989: 3.125
1988: 4.3125
1987: 4.25
1986: 5.5625
1985: 4.875

As with last year, we have 5 mid-majors in the Sweet 16, which is only the fifth time this many mid-majors have been in the Sweet 16 since 1985. (I consider non-BCS conferences to be mid-majors, even if a school is now in a BCS conference, so, for instance, Cincinnati, DePaul, Louisville, and Marquette were mid-majors before joining the Big East in 2005. It's not a perfect science. Deal with it.) Here is a year-by-year number of mid-major teams that made it to the Sweet 16 since 1985, with the years with 5 or more in bold:

2011: 5 (Butler, BYU, Richmond, San Diego State, VCU)
2010: 5 (Butler, Cornell, Northern Iowa, St. Mary's, Xavier)
2009: 3 (Gonzaga, Memphis, Xavier)
2008: 4 (Davidson, Memphis, Western Kentucky, Xavier)
2007: 4 (Butler, Memphis, Southern Illinois, UNLV)
2006: 5 (Bradley, George Mason, Gonzaga, Memphis, Wichita State)
2005: 2 (Utah, UW-Milwaukee)
2004: 4 (Nevada, St. Joseph's, UAB, Xavier)
2003: 2 (Butler, Marquette)
2002: 2 (Kent State, Southern Illinois)
2001: 2 (Cincinnati, Gonzaga, Temple)
2000: 2 (Gonzaga, Tulsa)
1999: 4 (Gonzaga, Miami (OH), SW Missouri State, Temple)
1998: 3 (Rhode Island, Utah, Valparaiso)
1997: 3 (St. Joseph's, Utah, UT-Chattanooga)
1996: 3 (Cincinnati, Massachusetts, Utah)
1995: 3 (Massachusetts, Memphis, Tulsa)
1994: 2 (Marquette, Tulsa)
1993: 4 (Cincinnati, George Washington, Temple, Western Kentucky)
1992: 5 (Cincinnati, Memphis State, Massachusetts, New Mexico State, UTEP)
1991: 4 (Eastern Michigan, Temple, UNLV, Utah)
1990: 4 (Ball State, Loyola Marymount, UNLV, Xavier)
1989: 2 (Louisville, UNLV)
1988: 4 (Louisville, Rhode Island, Richmond, Temple)
1987: 3 (DePaul, UNLV, Wyoming)
1986: 5 (Cleveland State, DePaul, Louisville, Navy, UNLV)
1985: 3 (Louisiana Tech, Loyola (IL), Memphis State)

Because I'm insane, I'm adding another category of analysis. This year, there are 5 teams seeded 8 or lower that advanced to the Sweet 16: #8 Butler, #10 Florida State, #11 Marquette, #11 VCU, and #12 Richmond. This is only the second time since the tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985 that this has happened (the other being 1999). Here is a year-by-year number of teams seeded #8 or lower that made it to the Sweet 16 since 1985, with the years with 5 or more in bold:

2011: 5 (#8 Butler, #10 Florida State, #11 Marquette, #11 VCU, and #12 Richmond)
2010: 4 (#9 Northern Iowa, #10 St. Mary's, #11 Washington, #12 Cornell)
2009: 1 (#12 Arizona)
2008: 3 (#10 Davidson, #12 Villanova, #12 Western Kentucky)
2007: 0
2006: 2 (#11 George Mason*, #13 Bradley)
2005: 2 (#10 North Carolina State, #12 UW-Milwaukee)
2004: 3 (#8 Alabama, #9 UAB, #10 Nevada)
2003: 2 (#10 Auburn, #12 Butler)
2002: 4 (#8 UCLA, #10 Kent State, #11 Southern Illinois, #12 Missouri)
2001: 3 (#10 Georgetown, #11 Temple, #12 Gonzaga)
2000: 4 (#8 North Carolina*, #8 Wisconsin*, #10 Seton Hall, #10 Gonzaga)
1999: 5 (#10 Gonzaga, #10 Miami (OH), #10 Purdue, #12 Southwest Missouri State, #13 Oklahoma)
1998: 4 (#8 Rhode Island, #10 West Virginia, #11 Washington, #13 Valparaiso)
1997: 3 (#10 Texas, #10 Providence, #14 UT-Chattanooga)
1996: 2 (#8 Georgia, #12 Arkansas)
1995: 0
1994: 2 (#9 Boston College, #10 Maryland, #12 Tulsa)
1993: 1 (#12 George Washington)
1992: 2 (#9 UTEP, #12 New Mexico State)
1991: 3 (#10 Temple, #11 Connecticut, #12 Eastern Michigan)
1990: 4 (#8 North Carolina, #10 Texas, #11 Loyola Marymount, #12 Ball State)
1989: 1 (#11 Minnesota)
1988: 2 (#11 Rhode Island, #13 Richmond)
1987: 2 (#10 LSU, #12 Wyoming)
1986: 4 (#8 Auburn, #11 LSU*, #12 DePaul, #14 Cleveland State)
1985: 4 (#8 Villanova**, #11 Auburn, #11 Boston College, #12 Kentucky)
*Advanced to Final Four
**Won NCAA title

Now, here are my picks for the rest of the tournament. I'll be in Newark for the East region games, which should be pretty good, even though I don't like three of the four teams playing.

East Region
#1 Ohio State over #4 Kentucky
#2 North Carolina over #11 Marquette

#1 Ohio State over #2 North Carolina

West Region
#5 Arizona over #1 Duke
#2 San Diego State over #3 Connecticut

#2 San Diego State over #5 Arizona

Southwest Region
#12 Richmond over #1 Kansas
#11 VCU over #10 Florida State

#11 VCU over #12 Richmond

Southeast Region
#8 Butler over #4 Wisconsin
#2 Florida over #3 BYU

#2 Florida over #8 Butler

Final Four
Ohio State over San Diego State
Florida over VCU

Ohio State over Florida

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tuesday Top Ten: Most Dramatic NCAA Tournament Games

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to write my own Tuesday Top Ten this week, due to my constant need to fill out brackets. I'm up to 612 now. Thankfully, the good folks at Toponlinecolleges.com apparently read GMYH and sent me a link to their post compiling the 10 Most Dramatic NCAA Tournament Games. Timely in more ways than one! Anyway, it's a pretty solid list. Check it out and enjoy.

Monday, March 14, 2011

What Your Bracket Is Trying to Tell You


Hi, I'm your bracket. I look forward to working with you over the next couple weeks. Before we get started, I just want to let you know that I am the most cold-blooded son of a bitch you've ever met. I will hurt you in unimaginable ways. I may look good now, but soon enough I will be unrecognizable, and that will be your fault. I hate you.

Okay, let's get this laugh fest started. Really, you're going to use a fine-point pen? This is going to be fun, you fucking nancy. Well, at least you're picking Ohio State to beat either UT-San Antonio or Alabama State. George Mason over Villanova. I guess. Does George Mason still have that dude who cock punched an opposing player? UAB/Clemson over West Virginia? You don't even know who's playing in the game, yet you have them beating a Final Four team from last year. "But I have to pick a 12 over a 5." Who told you to do that? Bilas? I bet it was Bilas. Kentucky over Princeton. I can live with that, even if I don't like it. Xavier, Syracuse, Washington, North Carolina. Good, good, good, and good. Okay, now onto the West Region first round. Wait, what are you doing? Oh, Jesus, you're one of those guys who picks an entire region at once instead of going through the whole thing round-by-round. You're probably one of those guys who backs into parking spaces at the grocery store. Idiot. Second round matchups. Ohio State over George Mason. Good. Kentucky over UAB or Clemson. Kentucky in the Sweet 16. That makes me want to punch you, but I guess it doesn't matter because in a few years Kentucky will have to vacate all these wins anyway. Xavier over Syracuse?! Am I your main bracket? UNC over Washington. That's fine with me. Ohio State over Kentucky, UNC over Xavier. Thank you. Ohio State to the Final Four. At least spill some beer on me at some point, so I don't have to remember that happening.

Now we can move to the West. Thank God. Duke over Hampton. Obviously. Michigan over Tennessee. At least you agree that Bruce Pearl should finally be put out of his misery. Arizona over Memphis. Sure. Oakland over Texas, huh? Well, I guess there's gotta be one big upset that you get wrong, so it might as well be this one. You realize this guarantees Texas goes to the Final Four, right? Cincinnati over Missouri, UConn over Bucknell, Temple over Penn State, and San Diego State over Northern Colorado. Sometimes you make sense. So what about the second round? Duke over Michigan. It sickens me – which is odd because I'm a piece of paper without the ability to feel nausea – but it's a good pick. Arizona over Oakland. I suppose. UConn over Cincy and San Diego State over Temple. I can get on board with that. Arizona over Duke. I applaud your moxie, even though that's a terrible pick. San Diego State over UConn and Arizona. That's fair. So you think San Diego State has the weapons to go the Final Four? Godspeed, you beautiful bitch.

Maybe the right side of the bracket will make me want to jump in the shredder less than the left half did. Southwest region. Kansas over Boston University. But God loves a Terrier. See what I did there? I made a pop culture reference. You didn't think I had it in me did you? Because I'm a piece of paper? Well fuck you! I like dry comedy too, asshole. UNLV over Illinois. What is this, the region of coaches who failed to win a national title at Illinois? Vanderbilt over Richmond. So you pick UAB or Clemson to beat West Virginia, but you don't pick the A-10 tournament champ to beat a team that has a history of epic failure in the NCAA tournament. Have you seen Kevin Stallings's head? Louisville over Morehead State. Hehe, Morehead. Georgetown over USC or VCU. Purdue over St. Peter's. Sadly, you have to Pick Purdue there. Florida State over Texas A&M. Oooohh, big upset pick. Notre Dame over Akron. Jesus man, Illinois, Purdue, and Notre Dame all in the same region. You have to be loving this. Let's keep this shit show going. Kansas over UNLV in the second round. That seems reasonable, although Kansas likes to choke. Louisville over Vandy. Pitino better be wearing a white suit. And raping some crazy chick on a restaurant table. Georgetown over Purdue. Bold, but Purdue does have a habit of sucking in March. Did you know it used to be a two-year technical college? Notre Dame over Florida State. Cute. So then Louisville over Kansas and Georgetown over Notre Dame? Interesting. It's obvious that you will have no need for me after this Sunday. Georgetown to the Final Four over Louisville. You're Canadian, aren't you? You have to be Canadian.

On to the Southeast region for one last chance at redemption. Pitt over UNC-Asheville or Arkansas-Little Rock. You sure? Old Dominion over Butler? Butler was two inches from winning the national title last year. Whatever. Utah State over Kansas State AND Belmont over Wisconsin. Really? You've been listening to that credit card stealing bastard Doug Gottlieb, haven't you? A 12 and a 13 in the same region. There's $5 you'll never see again. St. John's over Gonzaga. I agree with this one, only because Steve Lavin has better hair than you, you cum stain. Sorry, that was uncalled for. I've been a little ornery since you ran me through that printer seven minutes ago and ruined my fucking life. BYU over Wofford. And yet no sex in the Caffeine Free Diet Coke room for the Cougars. Michigan State over UCLA. Izzo is a hizzo. Get it?! I don't either. Florida over the Gauchos from UC-Santa Barbara. Gauchos. That's fun to say. Okay, second round. Pitt over ODU. Good work. Utah State over Belmont. I guess it doesn't matter at this point. St. John's over BYU. Wrong. Michigan State over Florida! I didn't realize you were whatever God the Japanese believe in and I was Miyagi prefecture. Too soon? So, Pitt over Utah State. It's too late now anyway, so you might as well have made me the only bracket outside of Logan, Utah to have Utah State going to the Elite 8. Yeah, I know where Utah State is located. I used to be an encyclopedia. Michigan State over St. John's. Now you're just being a dick. Pitt over Michigan State. Fine.

So your Final Four is Ohio State, San Diego State, Georgetown, and Pitt? Ohio State over SDSU and Pitt over Georgetown. Oh, you went with an Ohio State-Pitt final. How original. I'm sure you'll be the only one in your pool with that. Which one are you going with? O-S – oww, you're hurting me. Jesus man, take it easy. You're just crossing out a name, not trying to punch through a dog. Pitt, huh? I think we both know how this is going to end. By the end of next week, I'll have red Xs, beer, and probably a little blood all over me. I'm your first, but that won't matter to you. You'll ditch me for some younger model that you won't even meet until Thursday morning. It makes me want to be recycled immediately, but knowing my luck I'd be reincarnated to be your bracket again next year. Have fun losing to that secretary down the hall with the annoying laugh who picks chalk every year and can't name a single player on any team, yet still manages to beat you. Because you suck. My life has meant nothing.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Updated Championship Week Predictions

The giant killing will continue until morale improves. Yesterday, we saw the following #1 and #2 seeds go down to significantly lower seeds: Big East #1 seed Pitt, Big West #2 seed Cal Poly, Conference USA #1 seed UAB, and Pac-10 #2 seed UCLA.

Thus far today, Atlantic 10 #1 seed Xavier fell to #9 seed (and archrival) Dayton, MEAC #1 seed Bethune-Cookman ran into a buzz saw with #4 seed Morgan State, and SWAC #2 seed Jackson State fell to #6 seed Grambling. Also, while Duquesne is by no means a "giant," it was still the #4 seed in the Atlantic 10, and its loss to #12 seed St. Joseph's is still a major upset.

And, of course, Big Ten #2 seed Purdue got waxed by #7 seed Michigan State. I don't really consider that an upset because Purdue has a history of not making it to the semifinals of anything.

Meanwhile, three top seeds got huge scares. Big Ten #1 seed Ohio State needed overtime to beat #8 seed Northwestern, ACC #1 seed North Carolina needed a last second shot from Cody Zeller's older brother to beat #9 seed Miami, and SEC West #1 seed needed overtime to beat SEC East #4 seed Georgia.

To top it off, thus far there have been four overtime games, and another three games decided by five points or less. It's madness, I tell you!

Finally, Bucknell clinched the only automatic bid up for grabs today by winning the Patriot League. The Bison could be a dangerous draw in the first round.

Tomorrow is the mother lode of automatic berths, with 11 conference finals, plus the Ivy League one-game playoff.

Here is who has already clinched an automatic berth, as well as my updated predictions for the remaining conference tournaments (other than those listed above), taking into account as many results as I know up to this point.

Already clinched automatic berths:
Atlantic Sun – Belmont
Big Sky – Northern Colorado
Big South – UNC-Asheville
Colonial – Old Dominion
Horizon – Butler
MAAC – St. Peter's
Missouri Valley – Indiana State
NEC – LIU
Ohio Valley – Morehead State
Patriot – Bucknell
Southern – Wofford
Summit – Oakland
Sun Belt – Arkansas-Little Rock
West Coast – Gonzaga

Remaining Tournaments (all times are Eastern)

ACC (Greensboro, NC; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Duke vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Florida State vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (4) Clemson. Winner: UNC
-3 p.m. (ESPN) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Virginia Tech

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: UNC

America East (Hartford, CT; March 3-6, 12)
Championship 3/12 Noon (ESPN2)
(5) Stony Brook vs. (2) Boston University. Winner: Boston University

Atlantic 10 (Atlantic City, NJ; March 8, 11-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) Richmond vs. (6) Rhode Island. Winner: Richmond

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (9) Dayton vs. (12) St. Joseph's. Winner: Dayton
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Richmond

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (CBS) (9) Dayton vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Richmond

Big East (New York, NY; March 8-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (4) Syracuse vs. (9) UConn. Winner: UConn
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (2) Notre Dame. Winner: Louisville

Championship – 3/12
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (9) UConn vs. (3) Louisville. Winner: Louisville

Big Ten (Indianapolis, IN; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (BTN) - (3) Wisconsin vs. (6) Penn State. Winner: Wisconsin

Semifinals – 3/12
-1:40 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (4) Michigan. Winner: Ohio State
-4:10 p.m. (CBS) - (7) Michigan State vs. (3) Wisconsin. Winner: Wisconsin

Championship – 3/13
-3:30 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (3) Wisconsin. Winner: Ohio State

Big 12 (Kansas City, MO; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (1) Kansas vs. (5) Colorado. Winner: Kansas State
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (3) Texas A&M. Winner: Texas

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Texas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Texas

Big West (Anaheim, CA; March 10-12 (teams reseeded after every round))
Semifinals – 3/11
-9:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Long Beach State vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: Long Beach State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (7) UC-Riverside vs. (3) Cal State-Northridge. Winner: Cal State-Northridge

Championship – 3/12
-8 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Long Beach State vs. (3) Cal State-Northridge. Winner: Long Beach State

Conference USA (El Paso, TX; March 9-12)
Championship – 3/12
-11:35 a.m. (CBS) (4) Memphis vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UTEP

Ivy League
-Championship – 3/12 4 p.m. (ESPN) Harvard vs. Princeton (at New Haven, CT). Winner: Harvard
(NOTE: The Ivy League does not have a tournament. This is a one-game playoff because Harvard and Princeton tied for the regular season title and split their two head-to-head games.)

MAC (Cleveland, OH; March 8, 10-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (6) Akron. Winner: Western Michigan
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Western Michigan vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

MEAC (Winston-Salem, NC; March 8-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-8 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Coppin State

Championship – 3/12
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (4) Morgan State vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Coppin State

Mountain West (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) BYU vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: New Mexico
-11:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) San Diego State vs. (3) UNLV. Winner: San Diego State

Championship – 3/12
-7 p.m. (Vs.) (2) San Diego State vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: San Diego State

Pac-10 (Los Angeles, CA; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (4) USC. Winner: Arizona
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (7) Oregon vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Washington

Championship – 3/12
-6:10 p.m. (CBS) (1) Arizona vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Arizona

SEC (Atlanta, GA; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E1) Florida vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Florida
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W2) Mississippi State vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Vanderbilt

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ABC) (W1) Alabama vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Kentucky
-3:30 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Florida

Championship – 3/13
1 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Florida

Southland (Katy, TX; March 9-12)
Championship – 3/12
-4 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) McNeese State vs. (7) UT San Antonio. Winner: McNeese State

SWAC (Garland, TX; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (4) Alabama State. Winner: Texas Southern

Championship – 3/12
-8:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Texas Southern vs. (6) Grambling. Winner: Texas Southern

WAC (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (1) Utah State vs. (8) San Jose State. Winner: Utah State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Boise State vs. (3) New Mexico State. Winner: Boise State

Championship – 3/12
-10 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Utah State vs. (2) Boise State. Winner: Utah State

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Updated Championship Week Predictions

Last night, two more teams punched their tickets. LIU staved off two-time defending NEC champ Robert Morris in OT to earn their first NCAA tournament bid since 1997, while Northern Colorado will be dancing for the first time ever. Good times. No bids are up for grabs tonight, but there were a ton of good games, and just about every conference had a full slate of games today. Penn State sure ruined a lot of Big Ten brackets.

Here is who has already clinched an automatic berth, as well as my updated predictions for the remaining conference tournaments (other than those listed above), taking into account as many results as I know up to this point.

Already clinched automatic berths:
Atlantic Sun – Belmont
Big Sky – Northern Colorado
Big South – UNC-Asheville
Colonial – Old Dominion
Horizon – Butler
MAAC – St. Peter's
Missouri Valley – Indiana State
Northeast – LIU
Ohio Valley – Morehead State
Southern – Wofford
Summit – Oakland
Sun Belt – Arkansas-Little Rock
West Coast – Gonzaga

Remaining Tournaments (all times are Eastern)

ACC (Greensboro, NC; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN2) (1) UNC vs. (9) Miami. Winner: UNC
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (4) Clemson vs. (5) Boston College. Winner: Clemson
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Duke vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Florida State vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (4) Clemson. Winner: UNC
-3 p.m. (ESPN) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Virginia Tech

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: UNC

America East (Hartford, CT; March 3-6, 12)
Championship 3/12 Noon (ESPN2)
(5) Stony Brook vs. (2) Boston University. Winner: Boston University

Atlantic 10 (Atlantic City, NJ; March 8, 11-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (9) Dayton. Winner: Xavier
-2:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (4) Duquesne vs. (12) St. Joseph's. Winner: Duquesne
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (10) LaSalle. Winner: Temple
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) Richmond vs. (6) Rhode Island. Winner: Richmond

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (4) Duquesne. Winner: Xavier
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Richmond

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (CBS) (1) Xavier vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Xavier

Big East (New York, NY; March 8-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (4) Syracuse vs. (9) UConn. Winner: UConn
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (2) Notre Dame. Winner: Louisville

Championship – 3/12
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (9) UConn vs. (3) Louisville. Winner: Louisville

Big Ten (Indianapolis, IN; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN) - (1) Ohio State vs. (8) Northwestern. Winner: Ohio State
-2:30 pm. (ESPN) - (4) Michigan vs. (5) Illinois. Winner: Michigan
-6:30 p.m. (BTN) - (2) Purdue vs. (7) Michigan State. Winner: Michigan State
-9 p.m. (BTN) - (3) Wisconsin vs. (6) Penn State. Winner: Wisconsin

Semifinals – 3/12
-1:40 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (4) Michigan. Winner: Ohio State
-4:10 p.m. (CBS) - (7) Michigan State vs. (3) Wisconsin. Winner: Wisconsin

Championship – 3/13
-3:30 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (3) Wisconsin. Winner: Ohio State

Big 12 (Kansas City, MO; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (1) Kansas vs. (5) Colorado. Winner: Kansas State
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (3) Texas A&M. Winner: Texas

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Texas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Texas

Big West (Anaheim, CA; March 10-12 (teams reseeded after every round))
-11:30 p.m. (3) Cal State-Northridge vs. (6) Cal State-Fullerton. Winner: Cal State-Northridge

Semifinals – 3/11
-9:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Long Beach State vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: Long Beach State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (7) UC-Riverside vs. (3) Cal State-Northridge. Winner: Cal State-Northridge

Championship – 3/12
-8 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Long Beach State vs. (2) Cal Poly. Winner: Cal Poly

Conference USA (El Paso, TX; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-4 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (8) East Carolina vs. (4) Memphis. Winner: Memphis
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Tulsa vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UTEP

Championship – 3/12
-11:35 a.m. (CBS) (4) Memphis vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UTEP

Ivy League
-Championship – 3/12 4 p.m. (ESPN) Harvard vs. Princeton (at New Haven, CT). Winner: Harvard
(NOTE: The Ivy League does not have a tournament. This is a one-game playoff because Harvard and Princeton tied for the regular season title and split their two head-to-head games.)

MAC (Cleveland, OH; March 8, 10-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/10
Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (6) Akron. Winner: Western Michigan
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Western Michigan vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

MEAC (Winston-Salem, NC; March 8-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-6 p.m. (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (4) Morgan State. Winner: Bethune Cookman
-8 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Coppin State

Championship – 3/12
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Bethune Cookman

Mountain West (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-11:30 p.m. (The Mtn./CBS College Sports) (3) UNLV vs. (6) Air Force. Winner: UNLV

Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) BYU vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: New Mexico
-11:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) San Diego State vs. (3) UNLV. Winner: San Diego State

Championship – 3/12
-7 p.m. (Vs.) (2) San Diego State vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: San Diego State

Pac-10 (Los Angeles, CA; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (4) USC. Winner: Arizona
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (7) Oregon vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Washington

Championship – 3/12
-6:10 p.m. (CBS) (1) Arizona vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Arizona

Patriot (Campus sites (higher seeds); March 2, 6, 11)
Championship 3/11
-4:45 (ESPN2) (6) Lafayette at (1) Bucknell. Winner: Bucknell

SEC (Atlanta, GA; March 10-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-1 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W1) Alabama vs. (E4) Georgia. Winner: Alabama
-3:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E2) Kentucky vs. (W3) Mississippi. Winner: Kentucky
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E1) Florida vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Florida
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W2) Mississippi State vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Vanderbilt

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ABC) (W1) Alabama vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Kentucky
-3:30 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Florida

Championship – 3/13
1 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Florida

Southland (Katy, TX; March 9-12)
Championship – 3/12
-4 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) McNeese State vs. (7) UT San Antonio. Winner: McNeese State

SWAC (Garland, TX; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-3:30 p.m. (2) Jackson State vs. (6) Grambling. Winner: Jackson State
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (4) Alabama State. Winner: Texas Southern

Championship – 3/12
-8:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Texas Southern vs. (2) Jackson State. Winner: Jackson State

WAC (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (1) Utah State vs. (8) San Jose State. Winner: Utah State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Boise State vs. (3) New Mexico State. Winner: Boise State

Championship – 3/12
-10 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Utah State vs. (2) Boise State. Winner: Utah State

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Giving Up

So today is Ash Wednesday. Lent kind of snuck up on me this year, which is odd because it started much later than it usually does. Maybe I figured it forgot about me. It didn't.

Because of some irrational fear of a sky deity, like I do every year, I'm giving up something for Lent, even though I pretty much don't do anything else the entire year that can be construed as Catholic. A Facebook friend said, "This year for Lent, I'm giving up." I thought that was pretty funny, and I wish I could do that – just sit on my couch for the next 40 days, watching movies, playing Wii, ordering pizzas, and running through Depends like Bo Jackson through Brian Bosworth. It's what Jesus would have wanted. But due to the need to pay for things, I'm not going to just give up. Plus, it would probably really weird the nanny out.

Here's what I'm giving up for Lent this year:
-red meat
-fried foods
-fame
-K2
-Zoroastrianism
-retiring from the NFL
-letting some dude wipe ashes all over my forehead
-committing major NCAA infractions
-hoping for a White Stripes reunion
-celibacy
-my vacation home in Tripoli
-poaching (pandas only)
-my jug band, Blow Me
-grifting
-my dream of owning The Vu
-filling out less than 20 brackets
-keeping my wife unpregnant

Slippery Jim and The Tattooed Five

As you have probably heard, it was recently uncovered that Ohio State head football coach Jim Treseel knew last April that five of his players had sold jerseys, Big Ten Championship rings, and other memorbilia to a Columbus tattoo parlor owner, accepted discounted or free tattoos, and been given a variety of loaner cars from a Columbus car dealership – all in violation of NCAA rules.

These five players, of course, were the players that were not suspended for the Sugar Bowl, but instead suspended for the first five games of this upcoming season. Yet when the news of these rules violations came out in December (a few weeks before the Sugar Bowl), Ohio State's athletic director explicitly stated that December 8 was the first time his department had heard about them.

Both NCAA rules and his contract require Tressel to report violations. So what was his excuse for not telling anyone at O$U in April? He didn't know who to tell. Are fucking kidding me? HOW ABOUT YOUR COMPLIANCE DIRECTOR?! Does Ohio State even have one of those?

What's not surprising at all is that Ohio State's AD and President have both said that Tressel's job is not at all in jeopardy. Instead, O$U has suspended Tressel for the Buckeyes' first two games next season – home games against Akron and Toledo – and fined Tressel $250,000. That is an absolute joke. When asked whether Ohio State would consider dismissing Tressel, Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee – who has a history of saying stupid shit – remarked, "No, are you kidding? Let me be very clear. I'm just hoping the coach doesn't dismiss me." Jesus Christ. That about sums up what Ohio State is all about. It cares more about winning than it does about integrity and NCAA compliance. Tressel committed a major infraction. If this would have been any other university (aside from Tennessee, apparently), Tressel would be fired or at least forced to resign.

Bear in mind that this isn't Tressel's first brush with NCAA impropriety. Tressel's teams have a sordid history of NCAA violations. When he was the head coach at Youngstown State, Tressel was found to have done an incomplete investigations into one of his players that was busted for accepting improper benefits, including cars (do we see a pattern here?), which resulted in Youngstown State later serving penalties. Several of Tressel's players at O$U, including Maurice Clarett and Troy Smith, have been suspended by the NCAA for receiving money and benefits from boosters. Here is the biggest one, in my opinion (quoting an ESPN article): " In May of 2009, The Columbus Dispatch reported that since 2000, Ohio State had reported to the NCAA more than 375 violations -- the most of any of the 69 Football Bowl Subdivision schools that provided documents to the newspaper through public-records requests."

This presents an interesting quandary for the NCAA, which has traditionally gone very light on football powerhouses when there is anything short of an SMU-style full-scale payment of players by boosters. Ohio State knowingly used five ineligible players every game last year, which means they should vacate all of their wins from last season – including their Sugar Bowl victory, which would be a big blow to Terrelle Pryor, Dan Herron, and the other three guys because they would have to give back their Sugar Bowl rings, which are probably worth at least $500 each. O$U should be banned from going to a bowl game for two years. They should lose scholarships for at least two years. Of course, I don't expect the NCAA to do any of this because, well, O$U makes a lot of money.

Updated Championship Week Predictions

Three more teams punched their cards for the Big Dance last night. The Sun Belt championship was a great game, with both North Texas and Arkansas-Little Rock making huge shots in the final minute, with UALR hitting a 3 with 1.5 seconds left to clinch a one-point victory and the school's first NCAA berth in 21 years.

Tonight, there are two more berths up for grabs. Here are my predictions:
Northeast – 7 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Robert Morris at (1) Long Island University. Winner: LIU
Big Sky – 9 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Northern Colorado vs. (2) Montana. Winner: Montana

Here is who has already clinched an automatic berth, as well as my updated predictions for the remaining conference tournaments (other than those listed above), taking into account as many results as I know up to this point.

Already clinched automatic berths:
Atlantic Sun – Belmont
Big South – UNC-Asheville
Colonial – Old Dominion
Horizon – Butler
MAAC – St. Peter's
Missouri Valley – Indiana State
Ohio Valley – Morehead State
Southern – Wofford
Summit – Oakland
Sun Belt – Arkansas-Little Rock
West Coast – Gonzaga

Remaining Tournaments (all times are Eastern)

ACC (Greensboro, NC; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-Noon (ACC Network) (8) Virginia vs. (9) Miami. Winner: Miami
-2 p.m. (ACC Network) (5) Boston College vs. (12) Wake Forest. Winner: Boston College
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (7) Maryland vs. (10) NC State. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ACC Network) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (11) Georgia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN2) (1) UNC vs. (9) Miami. Winner: UNC
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (4) Clemson vs. (5) Boston College. Winner: Clemson
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Duke vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Florida State vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (4) Clemson. Winner: UNC
-3 p.m. (ESPN) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Virginia Tech

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: UNC

America East (Hartford, CT; March 3-6, 12)
Championship 3/12 Noon (ESPN2)
(5) Stony Brook vs. (2) Boston University. Winner: Boston University

Atlantic 10 (Atlantic City, NJ; March 8, 11-13)
Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (9) Dayton. Winner: Xavier
-2:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (4) Duquesne vs. (12) St. Joseph's. Winner: Duquesne
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (10) LaSalle. Winner: Temple
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) Richmond vs. (6) Rhode Island. Winner: Richmond

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (4) Duquesne. Winner: Xavier
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Richmond

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (CBS) (1) Xavier vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Xavier

Big East (New York, NY; March 8-12)
Second Round – 3/9
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (7) Cincinnati vs. (15) South Florida. Winner: Cincinnati
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (6) West Virginia vs. (11) Marquette. Winner: West Virginia

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-Noon (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (9) UConn. Winner: Pitt
-2 p.m. (ESPN) (4) Syracuse vs. (5) St. John's. Winner: St. John's
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Notre Dame vs. (7) Cincinnati. Winner: Notre Dame
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (6) West Virginia. Winner: Louisville

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (5) St. John's. Winner: Pitt
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (2) Notre Dame. Winner: Louisville

Championship – 3/12
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (3) Louisville. Winner: Pitt

Big Ten (Indianapolis, IN; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-2:30 p.m. (ESPN2) - (8) Northwestern vs. (9) Minnesota. Winner: Northwestern
-5 p.m. (ESPN2) - (7) Michigan State vs. (10) Iowa. Winner: Michigan State
-7:30 p.m. (BTN) - (6) Penn State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN) - (1) Ohio State vs. (8) Northwestern. Winner: Ohio State
-2:30 pm. (ESPN) - (4) Michigan vs. (5) Illinois. Winner: Michigan
-6:30 p.m. (BTN) - (2) Purdue vs. (7) Michigan State. Winner: Michigan State
-9 p.m. (BTN) - (3) Wisconsin vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Semifinals – 3/12
-1:40 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (4) Michigan. Winner: Ohio State
-4:10 p.m. (CBS) - (7) Michigan State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Championship – 3/13
-3:30 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Big 12 (Kansas City, MO; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (7) Baylor vs. (10) Oklahoma. Winner: Baylor
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (6) Missouri vs. (11) Texas Tech. Winner: Missouri

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-12:30 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Kansas vs. (9) Oklahoma State. Winner: Kansas
-3 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (4) Kansas State vs. (5) Colorado. Winner: Kansas State
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (7) Baylor. Winner: Texas
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Texas A&M vs. (6) Missouri. Winner: Missouri

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (1) Kansas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Kansas State
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (6) Missouri. Winner: Texas

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Texas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Texas

Big West (Anaheim, CA; March 10-12 (teams reseeded after every round))
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3 p.m. (1) Long Beach State vs. (8) UC-Irvine. Winner: Long Beach State
-5:30 p.m. (4) Pacific vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: UC-Santa Barbara
-9 p.m. (2) Cal Poly vs. (7) UC-Riverside. Winner: Cal Poly
-11:30 p.m. (3) Cal State-Northridge vs. (6) Cal State-Fullerton. Winner: Cal State-Northridge

Semifinals – 3/11
-9:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Long Beach State vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: Long Beach State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Cal Poly vs. (3) Cal State-Northridge. Winner: Cal Poly

Championship – 3/12
-8 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Long Beach State vs. (2) Cal Poly. Winner: Cal Poly

Conference USA (El Paso, TX; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-7:30 p.m. (6) Marshall vs. (11) Houston. Winner: Marshall
-10 p.m. (7) SMU vs. (10) Rice. Winner: SMU

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) UAB vs. (8) East Carolina. Winner: UAB
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (4) Memphis vs. (5) Southern Miss. Winner: Memphis
-7:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) UTEP vs. (6) Marshall. Winner: UTEP
-10 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Tulsa vs. (7) SMU. Winner: Tulsa

Semifinals – 3/11
-4 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) UAB vs. (4) Memphis. Winner: UAB
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Tulsa vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UTEP

Championship – 3/12
-11:35 a.m. (CBS) (1) UAB vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UAB

Ivy League
-Championship – 3/12 4 p.m. (ESPN) Harvard vs. Princeton (at New Haven, CT). Winner: Harvard
(NOTE: The Ivy League does not have a tournament. This is a one-game playoff because Harvard and Princeton tied for the regular season title and split their two head-to-head games.)

MAC (Cleveland, OH; March 8, 10-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-Noon p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/Comcast Michigan/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (7) Bowling Green. Winner: Western Michigan
-2:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (3) Miami vs. (6) Akron. Winner: Miami
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (8) Buffalo. Winner: Kent State
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/Comcast Indiana/ESPN Full Court) (4) Ball State vs. (5) Ohio. Winner: Ball State

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (3) Miami. Winner: Miami
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Miami vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Miami

MEAC (Winston-Salem, NC; March 8-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/9
-7 p.m. (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (9) South Carolina State. Winner: Bethune Cookman
-9:30 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (10) Maryland-Eastern Shore. Winner: Hampton
3/10
-6 p.m. (3) Coppin State vs. (6) Norfolk State. Winner: Coppin State
-8 p.m. (4) Morgan State vs. (5) North Carolina A&T. Winner: Morgan State

Semifinals – 3/11
-6 p.m. (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (4) Morgan State. Winner: Bethune Cookman
-8 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Coppin State

Championship – 3/12
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Bethune Cookman

Mountain West (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3 p.m. (The Mtn.) (1) BYU vs. (9) TCU. Winner: BYU
-5:30 p.m. (The Mtn./CBS College Sports) (4) Colorado State vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: Colorado State
-9 p.m. (The Mtn.) (2) San Diego State vs. (7) Utah. Winner: San Diego State
-11:30 p.m. (The Mtn./CBS College Sports) (3) UNLV vs. (6) Air Force. Winner: UNLV

Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) BYU vs. (4) Colorado State. Winner: Colorado State
-11:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) San Diego State vs. (3) UNLV. Winner: San Diego State

Championship – 3/12
-7 p.m. (Vs.) (2) San Diego State vs. (4) Colorado State. Winner: San Diego State

Pac-10 (Los Angeles, CA; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (8) Stanford vs. (9) Oregon State. Winner: Stanford
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (7) Oregon vs. (10) Arizona State. Winner: Oregon

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (8) Stanford. Winner: Arizona
-5:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (4) USC vs. (5) Cal. Winner: Cal
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (3) Washington vs. (6) Washington State. Winner: Washington
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (2) UCLA vs. (7) Oregon. Winner: UCLA

Semifinals – 3/11
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (5) Cal. Winner: Arizona
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (2) UCLA vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Washington

Championship – 3/12
-6:10 p.m. (CBS) (1) Arizona vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Arizona

Patriot (Campus sites (higher seeds); March 2, 6, 11)
Championship 3/11
-4:45 (ESPN2) (6) Lafayette at (1) Bucknell. Winner: Bucknell

SEC (Atlanta, GA; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-1 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E4) Georgia vs. (W5) Auburn. Winner: Georgia
-3:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W3) Mississippi vs. (E6) South Carolina. Winner: Mississippi
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W4) Arkansas vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Tennessee
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E3) Vanderbilt vs. (W6) LSU. Winner: Vanderbilt

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-1 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W1) Alabama vs. (E4) Georgia. Winner: Alabama
-3:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E2) Kentucky vs. (W3) Mississippi. Winner: Kentucky
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E1) Florida vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Florida
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W2) Mississippi State vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Vanderbilt

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ABC) (W1) Alabama vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Kentucky
-3:30 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Florida

Championship – 3/13
1 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Florida

Southland (Katy, TX; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/9
-8 p.m. (1) McNeese State vs. (8) Nicholls State. Winner: McNeese State
-9:30 p.m. (4) Texas State vs. (5) Southeast Louisiana. Winner: Texas State

Semifinals – 3/10
-7 p.m. (7) UT San Antonio vs. (3) Sam Houston State. Winner: Sam Houston State
-9:30 p.m. (1) McNeese State vs. (4) Texas State. Winner: McNeese State

Championship – 3/12
-4 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) McNeese State vs. (3) Sam Houston State. Winner: McNeese State

SWAC (Garland, TX; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/9
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (8) Arkansas-Pine Bluff. Winner: Texas Southern
3/10
-1:30 p.m. (3) Mississippi Valley State vs. (6) Grambling. Winner: Mississippi Valley State
-9 p.m. (4) Alabama State vs. (5) Alabama A&M. Winner: Alabama State

Semifinals – 3/11
-3:30 p.m. (2) Jackson State vs. (3) Mississippi Valley State. Winner: Jackson State
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (4) Alabama State. Winner: Texas Southern

Championship – 3/12
-8:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Texas Southern vs. (2) Jackson State. Winner: Jackson State

WAC (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
Second Round – 3/10
-3 p.m. (ESPNU) (4) Idaho vs. (8) San Jose State. Winner: Idaho
-5:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (3) New Mexico State vs. (6) Nevada. Winner: New Mexico State

Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (1) Utah State vs. (4) Idaho. Winner: Utah State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Boise State vs. (3) New Mexico State. Winner: Boise State

Championship – 3/12
-10 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Utah State vs. (2) Boise State. Winner: Utah State

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Tuesday Top Ten: St. Patrick's Day Songs

Saturday is St. Patrick's Day observed, which means that green beer will be flowing like green rivers, beginning at an unhealthily early hour. As in years past, I am providing you with a soundtrack for your St. Patrick's Day and re-posting my Top Ten St. Patrick's Day Songs. If you're having a party, download these songs and make them part of your playlist. If you're going to a bar, you better damn well find these on the jukebox. If you're not doing anything, listen to these songs anyway and have a car bomb while you try to figure out how to make your situation better.

So, here are my Top Ten St. Patrick's Day songs, in no particular order.

10. "Whiskey in the Jar" by Thin Lizzy.
You can't have a list involving Irish music without this traditional Irish folk song or without Ireland's greatest rockers (take that, U2!). "Whiskey in the Jar" is a story of an Irish highwayman who is betrayed by his woman. Man, I've been there. It was a No. 1 hit in Ireland for 17 straight weeks in 1972 and a top ten hit on the UK charts a year later.

9. "Shamrocks and Shenanigans" by House of Pain.
Boom shalock lock boom! This song may not be the most lyrically or musically complex offering on this list, but its title does represent what St. Patrick's Day is all about (aside from banishing snakes).

8. "Danny Boy" by Johnny Cash.
There are many versions of "Danny Boy," but I'm a fan of this one because it's from one of the Man in Black's final albums (2002's American IV: The Man Come Around), and it sounds like Cash is singing for his own impending funeral. It's eerie, but beautiful at the same time.

7. "Drunken Lullabies" by Flogging Molly.
Along with Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly are the leaders of the modern Celtic punk genre (which is interesting, considering their lead singer, Dave King, was once the high-wailing singer of early '80s metal band Fastway). Anyway, this song is high-energy, fun as hell, and has been featured in St. Patrick's Day beer commercials (Killian's, I believe, which is interesting, considering Killian's isn't an Irish beer, kind of sucks, and is the reason Caffrey's is no longer imported into the U.S. Thanks Coors. Fear not, there is a Facebook group that supports bringing Caffrey's back to the U.S. (thanks to Adam and Christoff for simultaneously inviting me to join). Join it. Now. I would -- and will -- murder for a Caffrey's.).

6. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by U2.
To combat the fun-loving, drinking-themed songs, one must only look as far as Ireland's most popular rockers to bring you back down to the intra-island strife that has plagued Ireland since Partition (and even before). "Sunday Bloody Sunday" has always been one of my favorite U2 songs. It's about the 1972 event in Derry, Northern Ireland, where British troops shot at unarmed civil rights marchers, killing 13 (interestingly, this is one of several "Bloody Sundays" throughout modern Irish history).

5. "The Way Young Lovers Do" by Van Morrison.
It was tough trying to pick a Van Morrison song for this list. "Brown-Eyed Girl" is too cliché, the entire Moondance album is great, but none of the songs seemed to fit with a St. Patrick's Day theme. Thus, I went with one of my favorites off of Astral Weeks, "The Way Young Lovers Do," since it's upbeat and generally all right.

4. "Alternative Ulster" by Stiff Little Fingers.
This is just a great, catchy punk song by Belfast-based Stiff Little Fingers. The opening riff has shades of Irish influences, before busting into a frenzied song -- written at the height of the IRA/Unionist violence -- encouraging the citizens of Ulster (that's Northern Ireland for those unfamiliar with Irish history) to bring about a positive change to the violence. Unfortunately, the version on Playlist.com is a slowed-down version. Here is a link to a live version. Everytime I tried to pull the song up on YouTube, Internet Explorer closed down.

3. "Streams of Whiskey" by The Pogues.
A St. Patrick's Day list wouldn't be complete without The Pogues. This song seemed like a fitting one to include, since I plan on bathing myself in streams of whiskey on Saturday. Another solid Pogues choice would have been "The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn," so I included that in the playlist too.

2. "Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced" by Dropkick Murphys.
The title says it all. I also included on the playlist their more famous song, "I'm Shipping Up to Boston," which was featured in The Departed and now, unfortunately, at Red Sox games.

1. "Róisín Dubh (Black Rose): A Rock Legend" by Thin Lizzy.
From the Irish Gaelic title based on a Sixteenth Century Irish political song to the bombastic dueling lead guitars to the moment Phil Lynott's vocals kick in ("Tell me the legends of long ago . . .") to the Irish-influenced guitar break to the "yeeeeeeeep" during the guitar break to the post-guitar break moment when Lynott's vocal kick in again ("Oohhhhhhhh, tell me the legends of long ago . . .") and the following ode to all things Irish, from folklore to literature to music, this is an undying, Irish epic and (as if you couldn't tell) one of my favorite Thin Lizzy songs. Playlist.com didn't have it, so here is a link. Enjoy.



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Updated Championship Week Predictions

Things are starting to get out of hand. Five more teams have punched their cards for the Big Dance. Yesterday was a bad day for Gaels. And what about St. Peter's?! Fly on, Peacocks.

And South Florida just might have ruined Villanova's NCAA tournament hopes (or at least knocked them down a few pegs), and St. Joseph's was a big winner as the bottom seed in the A-10 tournament.

As of right now, there are three more berths up for grabs tonight (as Arkansas-Little Rock just hit some clutch shots to shock North Texas in the Sun Belt). Here are my predictions for the remaining two games:
Horizon League (9 p.m. ESPN): Butler at UW-Milwaukee. Predicted winner: UW-Milwaukee
Summit (9 p.m. ESPN2): Oakland vs. Oral Roberts. Predicted winner: Oakland

Here is who has already clinched an automatic berth, as well as my updated predictions for the remaining conference tournaments (other than those listed above), taking into account as many results as I know up to this point. I'm also putting in as much TV information as I can, so that you can watch what you can. I love you, after all.

Already clinched automatic berths:
Atlantic Sun – Belmont
Big South – UNC-Asheville
Colonial – Old Dominion
MAAC – St. Peter's
Missouri Valley – Indiana State
Ohio Valley – Morehead State
Southern – Wofford
Sun Belt – Arkansas-Little Rock
West Coast – Gonzaga

Remaining Tournaments (all times are Eastern)

ACC (Greensboro, NC; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-Noon (ACC Network) (8) Virginia vs. (9) Miami. Winner: Miami
-2 p.m. (ACC Network) (5) Boston College vs. (12) Wake Forest. Winner: Boston College
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (7) Maryland vs. (10) NC State. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ACC Network) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (11) Georgia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN2) (1) UNC vs. (9) Miami. Winner: UNC
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (4) Clemson vs. (5) Boston College. Winner: Clemson
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (2) Duke vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Maryland
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Florida State vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: Virginia Tech

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (4) Clemson. Winner: UNC
-3 p.m. (ESPN) (6) Virginia Tech vs. (7) Maryland. Winner: Virginia Tech

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (ESPN) (1) UNC vs. (6) Virginia Tech. Winner: UNC

America East (Hartford, CT; March 3-6, 12)
Championship 3/12 Noon (ESPN2)
(5) Stony Brook vs. (2) Boston University. Winner: Boston University

Atlantic 10 (Atlantic City, NJ; March 8, 11-13)
First Round – 3/8 (at higher seeds)
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (8) UMass vs. (9) Dayton. Winner: Dayton

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (9) Dayton. Winner: Xavier
-2:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (4) Duquesne vs. (12) St. Joseph's. Winner: Duquesne
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (10) LaSalle. Winner: Temple
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) Richmond vs. (6) Rhode Island. Winner: Richmond

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) Xavier vs. (4) Duquesne. Winner: Xavier
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Temple vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Richmond

Championship – 3/13
-1 p.m. (CBS) (1) Xavier vs. (3) Richmond. Winner: Xavier

Big East (New York, NY; March 8-12)
First Round – 3/8
-9 p.m. (ESPNU) (11) Marquette vs. (14) Providence. Winner: Providence

Second Round – 3/9
-Noon (ESPN2) (8) Georgetown vs. (9) UConn. Winner: Georgetown
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (5) St. John's vs. (13) Rutgers. Winner: St. John's
-7 p.m. (ESPN2) (7) Cincinnati vs. (15) South Florida. Winner: South Florida
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (6) West Virginia vs. (14) Providence. Winner: West Virginia

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-Noon (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (8) Georgetown. Winner: Pitt
-2 p.m. (ESPN) (4) Syracuse vs. (5) St. John's. Winner: St. John's
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Notre Dame vs. (7) Cincinnati. Winner: Notre Dame
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (6) West Virginia. Winner: Louisville

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (5) St. John's. Winner: Pitt
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (3) Louisville vs. (2) Notre Dame. Winner: Louisville

Championship – 3/12
-9 p.m. (ESPN) (1) Pitt vs. (3) Louisville. Winner: Pitt

Big Sky (Greeley, CO; March 5, 8-9)
Semifinals – 3/8
-7:30 p.m. (Altitude) (2) Montana vs. (3) Weber State. Winner: Montana
-10 p.m. (Altitude) (1) Northern Colorado vs. (4) Northern Arizona. Winner: Northern Colorado

Championship – 3/9
-9 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Northern Colorado vs. (2) Montana. Winner: Montana

Big Ten (Indianapolis, IN; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-2:30 p.m. (ESPN2) - (8) Northwestern vs. (9) Minnesota. Winner: Northwestern
-5 p.m. (ESPN2) - (7) Michigan State vs. (10) Iowa. Winner: Michigan State
-7:30 p.m. (BTN) - (6) Penn State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-Noon (ESPN) - (1) Ohio State vs. (8) Northwestern. Winner: Ohio State
-2:30 pm. (ESPN) - (4) Michigan vs. (5) Illinois. Winner: Michigan
-6:30 p.m. (BTN) - (2) Purdue vs. (7) Michigan State. Winner: Michigan State
-9 p.m. (BTN) - (3) Wisconsin vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Semifinals – 3/12
-1:40 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (4) Michigan. Winner: Ohio State
-4:10 p.m. (CBS) - (7) Michigan State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Championship – 3/13
-3:30 p.m. (CBS) - (1) Ohio State vs. (11) Indiana. Winner: Indiana

Big 12 (Kansas City, MO; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-12:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (8) Nebraska vs. (9) Oklahoma State. Winner: Nebraska
-3 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (5) Colorado vs. (12) Iowa State. Winner: Colorado
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (7) Baylor vs. (10) Oklahoma. Winner: Baylor
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (6) Missouri vs. (11) Texas Tech. Winner: Missouri

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-12:30 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Kansas vs. (8) Nebraska. Winner: Kansas
-3 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (4) Kansas State vs. (5) Colorado. Winner: Kansas State
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (7) Baylor. Winner: Texas
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Texas A&M vs. (6) Missouri. Winner: Missouri

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (1) Kansas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Kansas State
-9:30 p.m. (ESPN Full Court; Big 12 Network) (2) Texas vs. (6) Missouri. Winner: Texas

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN) (2) Texas vs. (4) Kansas State. Winner: Texas

Big West (Anaheim, CA; March 10-12 (teams reseeded after every round))
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3 p.m. (1) Long Beach State vs. (8) UC-Irvine. Winner: Long Beach State
-5:30 p.m. (4) Pacific vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: UC-Santa Barbara
-9 p.m. (2) Cal Poly vs. (7) UC-Riverside. Winner: Cal Poly
-11:30 p.m. (3) Cal State-Northridge vs. (6) Cal State-Fullerton. Winner: Cal State-Northridge

Semifinals – 3/11
-9:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Long Beach State vs. (5) UC-Santa Barbara. Winner: Long Beach State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Cal Poly vs. (3) Cal State-Northridge. Winner: Cal Poly

Championship – 3/12
-8 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Long Beach State vs. (2) Cal Poly. Winner: Cal Poly

Conference USA (El Paso, TX; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-1 p.m. (8) East Carolina vs. (9) UCF. Winner: UCF
-3:30 p.m. (5) Southern Miss vs. (12) Tulane. Winner: Southern Miss
-7:30 p.m. (6) Marshall vs. (11) Houston. Winner: Marshall
-10 p.m. (7) SMU vs. (10) Rice. Winner: SMU

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-1 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) UAB vs. (9) UCF. Winner: UAB
-3:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (4) Memphis vs. (5) Southern Miss. Winner: Memphis
-7:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (3) UTEP vs. (6) Marshall. Winner: UTEP
-10 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Tulsa vs. (7) SMU. Winner: Tulsa

Semifinals – 3/11
-4 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) UAB vs. (4) Memphis. Winner: UAB
-6:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) Tulsa vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UTEP

Championship – 3/12
-11:35 a.m. (CBS) (1) UAB vs. (3) UTEP. Winner: UAB

Ivy League (no tournament)
Princeton and Harvard are going to have a one-game playoff for the title. I'm taking Harvard.

MAC (Cleveland, OH; March 8, 10-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/10
-Noon p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/Comcast Michigan/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (7) Bowling Green. Winner: Western Michigan
-2:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (3) Miami vs. (6) Akron. Winner: Miami
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (8) Buffalo. Winner: Kent State
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/Comcast Indiana/ESPN Full Court) (4) Ball State vs. (5) Ohio. Winner: Ball State

Semifinals – 3/11
-7 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (2) Western Michigan vs. (3) Miami. Winner: Miami
-9:30 p.m. (SportsTime Ohio/ESPN Full Court) (1) Kent State vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Ball State

Championship – 3/12
-6 p.m. (ESPN2) (3) Miami vs. (4) Ball State. Winner: Miami

MEAC (Winston-Salem, NC; March 8-12)
First Round – 3/8
-9 p.m. (8) Delaware State vs. (9) South Carolina State. Winner: Delaware State
3/9
-3 p.m. (6) Norfolk State vs. (11) Howard. Winner: Norfolk State

Quarterfinals – 3/9
-7 p.m. (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (8) Delaware State. Winner: Bethune Cookman

-9:30 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (10) Maryland-Eastern Shore. Winner: Hampton
3/10
-6 p.m. (3) Coppin State vs. (6) Norfolk State. Winner: Coppin State
-8 p.m. (4) Morgan State vs. (5) North Carolina A&T. Winner: Morgan State

Semifinals – 3/11
-6 p.m. (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (4) Morgan State. Winner: Bethune Cookman
-8 p.m. (2) Hampton vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Coppin State

Championship – 3/12
-2 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Bethune Cookman vs. (3) Coppin State. Winner: Bethune Cookman

Mountain West (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-5 p.m. (The Mtn.) (8) Wyoming vs. (9) TCU. Winner: Wyoming

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3 p.m. (The Mtn.) (1) BYU vs. (8) Wyoming. Winner: BYU
-5:30 p.m. (The Mtn./CBS College Sports) (4) Colorado State vs. (5) New Mexico. Winner: Colorado State
-9 p.m. (The Mtn.) (2) San Diego State vs. (7) Utah. Winner: San Diego State
-11:30 p.m. (The Mtn./CBS College Sports) (3) UNLV vs. (6) Air Force. Winner: UNLV

Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (1) BYU vs. (4) Colorado State. Winner: Colorado State
-11:30 p.m. (CBS College Sports) (2) San Diego State vs. (3) UNLV. Winner: San Diego State

Championship – 3/12
-7 p.m. (Vs.) (2) San Diego State vs. (4) Colorado State. Winner: San Diego State

Northeast (Campus sites (higher seeds); March 3, 6, 9)
Championship 3/9 7 p.m. (ESPN2)
(3) Robert Morris at (1) Long Island University. Winner: LIU

Pac-10 (Los Angeles, CA; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (8) Stanford vs. (9) Oregon State. Winner: Stanford
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (7) Oregon vs. (10) Arizona State. Winner: Oregon

Quarterfinals – 3/10
-3:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (8) Stanford. Winner: Arizona
-5:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (4) USC vs. (5) Cal. Winner: Cal
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (3) Washington vs. (6) Washington State. Winner: Washington
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (2) UCLA vs. (7) Oregon. Winner: UCLA

Semifinals – 3/11
-9:10 p.m. (FSN Regional) (1) Arizona vs. (5) Cal. Winner: Arizona
-11:40 p.m. (FSN Regional) (2) UCLA vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Washington

Championship – 3/12
-6:10 p.m. (CBS) (1) Arizona vs. (3) Washington. Winner: Arizona

Patriot (Campus sites (higher seeds); March 2, 6, 11)
Championship 3/11
-4:45 (ESPN2) (6) Lafayette at (1) Bucknell. Winner: Bucknell

SEC (Atlanta, GA; March 10-13)
First Round – 3/10
-1 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E4) Georgia vs. (W5) Auburn. Winner: Georgia
-3:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W3) Mississippi vs. (E6) South Carolina. Winner: Mississippi
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W4) Arkansas vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Tennessee
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E3) Vanderbilt vs. (W6) LSU. Winner: Vanderbilt

Quarterfinals – 3/11
-1 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W1) Alabama vs. (E4) Georgia. Winner: Alabama
-3:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E2) Kentucky vs. (W3) Mississippi. Winner: Kentucky
-7:30 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (E1) Florida vs. (E5) Tennessee. Winner: Florida
-10 p.m. (SEC Network/ESPN Full Court) (W2) Mississippi State vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Vanderbilt

Semifinals – 3/12
-1 p.m. (ABC) (W1) Alabama vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Kentucky
-3:30 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E3) Vanderbilt. Winner: Florida

Championship – 3/13
1 p.m. (ABC) (E1) Florida vs. (E2) Kentucky. Winner: Florida

Southland (Katy, TX; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/9
-1 p.m. (2) Northwestern State vs. (7) UT San Antonio. Winner: Northwestern State
-3:30 p.m. (3) Sam Houston State vs. (6) Stephen F. Austin. Winner: Sam Houston State
-8 p.m. (1) McNeese State vs. (8) Nicholls State. Winner: McNeese State
-9:30 p.m. (4) Texas State vs. (5) Southeast Louisiana. Winner: Texas State

Semifinals – 3/10
-7 p.m. (2) Northwestern State vs. (3) Sam Houston State. Winner: Sam Houston State
-9:30 p.m. (1) McNeese State vs. (4) Texas State. Winner: McNeese State

Championship – 3/12
-4 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) McNeese State vs. (3) Sam Houston State. Winner: McNeese State

SWAC (Garland, TX; March 9-12)
Quarterfinals – 3/9
-1:30 p.m. (2) Jackson State vs. (7) Prairie View A&M. Winner: Jackson State
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (8) Arkansas-Pine Bluff. Winner: Texas Southern
3/10
-1:30 p.m. (3) Mississippi Valley State vs. (6) Grambling. Winner: Mississippi Valley State
-9 p.m. (4) Alabama State vs. (5) Alabama A&M. Winner: Alabama State

Semifinals – 3/11
-3:30 p.m. (2) Jackson State vs. (3) Mississippi Valley State. Winner: Jackson State
-9 p.m. (1) Texas Southern vs. (4) Alabama State. Winner: Texas Southern

Championship – 3/12
-8:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (1) Texas Southern vs. (2) Jackson State. Winner: Jackson State

WAC (Las Vegas, NV; March 9-12)
First Round – 3/9
-3 p.m. (5) Hawaii vs. (8) San Jose State. Winner: Hawaii
-5:30 p.m. (6) Nevada vs. (7) Fresno State. Winner: Nevada

Second Round – 3/10
-3 p.m. (ESPNU) (4) Idaho vs. (5) Hawaii. Winner: Idaho
-5:30 p.m. (ESPNU) (3) New Mexico State vs. (6) Nevada. Winner: New Mexico State

Semifinals – 3/11
-9 p.m. (1) Utah State vs. (4) Idaho. Winner: Utah State
-Midnight (ESPNU) (2) Boise State vs. (3) New Mexico State. Winner: Boise State

Championship – 3/12
-10 p.m. (ESPN2) (1) Utah State vs. (2) Boise State. Winner: Utah State