Sunday, April 27, 2003

Little 5 Recap

Thanks to all who showed up for my final Little 5 as an IU student. It was a hell of a time. Combined, I think we cut about 42 years off of our lives. I know that I'll be living for at least 4 fewer years than previously expected. For those who came and those who didn't, this should either help you remember what you might have forgotten, or fill you in on the weekend's events that you missed.

First off, I found the following things at my house today after cleaning up. Please let me know if they belong to you:
1. A Palm Pilot
2. 76 empty beer cans, 37 empty beer bottles, and a few wounded soldiers
3. Several enlarged livers and 3 pints of blood
4. 63 cents
5. Kazaam on DVD
6. My kicked-in front door
7. A note explaining why someone kicked my front door in
8. The remains of 3 cats, 2 chickens, and 1 pygmy
9. A complete set of jarts still in the box
10. 14 kilos of uncut opium
11. A family of Uzbek refugees
12. 4 issues of American Bitch, the magazine for the lesbian pure-bred dogowner
13. The head of Alfredo Garcia
14. 1 white athletic sock
15. 3 cases of Crystal Pepsi
16. A few gold dubloons and a map
17. A duffel bag full of human hair
18. The complete recordings of Rick Astley
19. Rick Astley
20. The portal to Narnia

Second, here are the Top 20 highlights (or lowlights) of the weekend:
1. Thursday night at the Bluebird, T. Green nearly getting in 2 fights
2. 4 hours of drinking in the 60-degree rain at Swampwater
3. Zumpano leaving Swampwater after 30 minutes (and only about a half glass of Swampwater) to go take a shit, and then not coming back, but rather walking back to my house (about a mile away) and kicking in my front door for no reason (the bill will arrive shortly), and then driving back to Chicago. Oh yeah, and then telling Adam (who was on his way to Bloomington) that he had to leave because Megan (Tony's pregnant wife) had an accident, after which Adam called Megan to make sure she was okay, and Megan had no idea what Adam was talking about or that Tony had even left Bloomington.
4. Spawn rear-ending 2 girls (take that however you want to)
5. One of Reed's friends seeing AJ Moye at the Bluebird Thursday night and demanding that AJ punch him in the chest, which he then did
6. At least 6 people puking, including the phantom puker Friday night who puked what strongly resembled Jager all over my coffee table (luckily it blends in well, so I won't have to clean it up
7. On a $50 bet, Chambers belly-flopping into the condiment/utensil table at Gresham Food Court in Foster Quad, and not somehow getting arrested
8. Not going to the women's race
9. The best men's race I've been to (top ten teams finished within 4 seconds of each other)
10. Widenhofer and I seeing AJ Moye at the race, and having the following awkward encounter: Weed walks up to him and exuberantly exlcaims, "Carlos Boozer," and Moye slaps Weed's hand several times and says "what you know about that?" several times. Moye then turns to me and I tell him that I'd just like to shake his hand. He obliges, and kind of pulls me in for a shoulder bump, and what do I say? "Keep on . . . keepin' on." I then ran away weeping.
11. Watching Jessie kick her first homeless guy
12. Watching nearly every episode from the 1st 2 seasons of The FamilyGuy
13. Receiving the following sage-like wisdom from a fortune cookie at Great Taste China Buffet: "Good work, good life, good love, good-bye oppression"
14. Listening to Barry Manilow records before going out Saturday night
15. Plotting with Goni, Jessie, and Ari to slit Widenhofer's Achilles tendons in his sleep
16. McCallum not going out Saturday night, even though he's a senior
17. While eating at Ladyman Cafe this morning, some guy that marginally knows Jessie and Ari coming up to the table to say hi, and then, for no apparent reason, saying to Ari "I hope you feel better"
18. Being blindingly drunk 4 separate times in a 36-hour time period
19. Gibran Hamdan getting drafted before Ken Dorsey
20. Tradd and I ordering a secretary's station for $1800 from the National Business Furniture catalog (we're now accepting applications forthe job)

Anyway, it was a good time for all, and a hell of a way to culminate the better part of a decade that I've been an IU student.