Saturday, June 28, 2008

GMYH All-Decade Songs - 1990s

Ahh, the '90s. The Bulls, the booming economy, and the dawn of the internet. And Bill Clinton. Remember that lovable SOB? From 1990 through the end of the decade, I was in junior high, high school and college. I grew up (physically) in the '90s, going from a scrawny 12-year-old boy with dreams to a 12-year-old trapped in the body of a drunken, bloated 22-year-old frat guy with broken dreams but an ear-to-ear grin on his face. To be honest, I don't remember much of the second half of the decade. Needless to say, I look back on the '90s with fondness, and the music has as much to do with that as anything else. The unfortunate end of the hair band era, grunge, "alternative" music, gangsta rap, the East Coast family (comprised of Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD), the emergence of hip hop, the swing revival, techno pop, rap metal, boy bands, the bubble gum pop revival, and the beginnings of the garage rock revival. The '90s had it all (even if my list doesn't).

First Team
Yesterdays by Guns N' Roses
Never Wanna Fuckin' See You Again by Rich Hardesty
Steal My Sunshine by Len
My Own Worst Enemy by Lit
Plush by Stone Temple Pilots

Second Team
Let Me Ride by Dr. Dre
Gimme That Nutt by Eazy-E
November Rain by Guns N' Roses
Breed by Nirvana
Ain't No Fun by Snoop Doggy Dogg

Third Team
Hit 'Em Up by 2Pac
Devil's Haircut by Beck
Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds Five
Bop Gun by Ice Cube
Say Mercy by King Konga

Honorable Mention
How Do U Want It? by 2Pac
What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes
Barbie Girl by Aqua
If I Had $1,000,000 by Barenaked Ladies
Nicotine & Gravy by Beck
Novacane by Beck
Do Me by Bell Biv Devoe
You and Me and The Bottle Makes Three by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Still Not a Player by Big Punisher feat. Joe
No Diggity by Blackstreet feat. Dr. Dre
Dammit by Blink 182
Blaze of Glory by Jon Bon Jovi
Abortion Monday by Cervical Implosion
The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground
Party Up by DMX
Epic by Faith No More
Out of My Head by Fastball
Everlong by Foo Fighters
New Way Home by Foo Fighters
Celebrity Skin by Hole
Hold My Hand by Hootie & The Blowfish
This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan
Pretend We're Dead by L7
Don't Tread on Me by Metallica
That Was a Crazy Game of Poker by O.A.R.
Alive by Pearl Jam
Rearview Mirror by Pearl Jam
Killing in the Name Of by Rage Against the Machine
Fly to the Angels by Slaughter
Gin and Juice by Snoop Doggy Dogg
Santeria by Sublime
It Hurts So Bad by Susan Tedeschi
Hunger Strike by Temple of the Dog
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Regulate by Warren G. and Nate Dogg
Buddy Holly by Weezer
The World Has Turned and Left Me Here by Weezer
Tired of Sex by Weezer
Jimmy the Exploder by The White Stripes

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/26/08

Pastor during a sermon at a wedding describing the word "eros" and, more particularly, its derivative word "erotic": "It's the kind of love you might have for pizza."
--Darien, IL, Lord of Life Lutheran church
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Jesterio, The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian, AlyK

Guy at table during a wedding reception dinner playing mini candy bar game (aka Hershey Squirts), excitedly proclaims: "Krackel, thy name is redemption!"
--Naperville, IL, Lisle-Naperville Hilton
Eavesdropper: AlyK

A guy looks at a poster in a restaurant for a KISS cover band named KIST, playing in Richmond, Indiana the next weekend:
Guy: "Those guys were pretty big in the '70s. It's a shame that they are now playing small town fundraisers."
Restaurant owner: "Yeah, fame never lasts forever."

--Richmond, IN, Joe's Pizza
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee

An extremely fucked-up hippie yelling at a group of strangers: "Your friend just showed me kiddie porn on his phone. That's sick. I mean, really young kiddie porn."
--Manchester, TN, Bonnaroo Festival
Eavesdropper: IU Bo

One girl to another walking on residential sidewalk: "Were you there on organ donation day? That was a big day."
--Chicago, Sheffield & Montana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Isn't every woman's crotch golden?"
--Chicago suburbs, birthday party
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Full of shit guy in lower 20s dressed in blue Army uniform sings to himself on a crowded rush hour elevated train, then turns to woman he doesn't know:
Army guy: "Are you a nurse?"
Woman (confused as to why this guy is talking to her): "Huh? Yeah."
Army guy: "I guessed because you're wearing scrubs."
Woman: "Uh-huh."
Army guy: "I'm a prisoner of war. I don't have my POW ribbon yet, though."
[Woman doesn't say anything]
Army guy: "I delivered an Iraqi baby when I was over there. Best story of my life."
[Woman moves away. Army guy keeps singing to himself for several minutes standing in the middle of the train car before talking again, this time to no one in particular.]
Army guy: "Is there a reason no one in this country talks to each other?"
Army guy: "When I was in Iraq everyone talked to each other."
[Another guy sitting down next to Army guy gets up and heads toward the door. Army guy sits down in the open seat.]
Army guy: "But what do I know? I only have three purple hearts."
--Chicago, Brown line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to all who contributed. When you overhear something hilarious, send it to, and it will appear in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Anyone up for a road trip to Gloucester?

Two more questions:
(1) Where were these chicks when I was in high school?
(2) Is the taste of crushed-up RU-486 noticeable when mixed into coffee or orange juice or Mad Dog (or whatever it is that fishermen's daughters use to nurse a "wicked" hangover after they've been willingly banged by a homeless man in the dumpster behind the Rite Aid)? I'm just sayin'.

1980s All-Decade First Team


1980s All-Decade Second Team


1980s All-Decade Third Team


1980s All-Decade Honorable Mention


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

GMYH All-Decade Songs - 1980s

Ahh, the '80s. Aqua Net, fluorescence (everywhere), the Sunset Strip, voodoo economics, Swatch watches, and a constant, paralyzing fear of nuclear winter. If you weren't alive in the 1980s, then you simply weren't alive. What a weird and fascinating decade. The music was just as weird, from new wave to hair bands. No matter what, it was all about excess. This was another tough round for me, at least separating the third team from the honorable mention. Marvin Gaye is proving to be the ageless wonder, as he is making an appearance on the list for the third consecutive decade. (I don't want to play the role of the spoiler, but he will not be on the '90s or '00s lists.) In case you haven't been paying attention to this blog for the past 2 years and 10 months, I love hair band music.

First Team
Take On Me by a-ha
Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard
Rocket Queen by Guns N' Roses
Fuck Tha Police by NWA
Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen

Second Team
Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys
You Got Me Runnin' by Def Leppard
Kiss Me Deadly by Lita Ford
Used to Love Her by Guns N' Roses
Fallen Angel by Poison

Third Team
Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams
Same Ol' Situation by Motley Crue
Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye
Your Love by The Outfield
At This Moment by Billy Vera & The Beaters

Honorable Mention
Back in Black by AC/DC
Making Love Out of Nothing at All by Air Supply
Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
Born to Be My Baby by Bon Jovi
Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi
Before You Accuse Me by Eric Clapton
Sussudio by Phil Collins
Karma Chameleon by Culture Club
High 'N' Dry (Saturday Night) by Def Leppard
You're the Best by Joe Esposito
Mr. Brownstone by Guns N' Roses
One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head
Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
Devil Inside by INXS
The Prisoner by Iron Maiden
Billie Jean by Michael Jackson
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
Watching the Wheels by John Lennon
Hip to Be Square by Huey Lewis & The News
Redemption Song by Bob Marley
Authority Song by John Cougar Mellencamp
Think I'm In Love by Eddie Money
Live Wire by Motley Crue
Straight Outta Compton by NWA
So Lonely by The Police
1999 by Prince
Waiting on a Friend by The Rolling Stones
Tricky by Run D.M.C.
Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie
Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads
Love Song by Tesla
Africa by Toto
We Are the World by USA for Africa
Romeo Delight by Van Halen
Wait by White Lion

Monday, June 23, 2008

Purdue Reeks of Poop -- For Real!

Just when you think Purdue and the homely town in which its grimy feet are planted couldn't possibly be more associated with feces, something great comes along to prove you wrong. In case you don't know about Purdue, it's a public university founded in 1869 by a man who was denied a professorship at Indiana University. Thus, he headed up north and, when the sun stopped shining, he proclaimed, "This is it," then took a huge dump just west of Lafayette. That pile of excrement grew and grew until one day it became the bastion of ugly women, animal husbandry degrees, and underachieving basketball teams that you know it to be today: a school where students willingly sniff manure and where the women are so physically unkempt as to prompt a letter to the school newspaper by a doomed male student. Now, however, it's official: West Lafayette reeks of shit.

According to an article in the Indy Star (which is not affiliated in anyway with The Onion), the city of West Lafayette has purchased a giant fan to ward off the otherwise over-powering stench of fecal matter (thanks to Holt for the link). Guys, this isn't a joke. They actually bought a fucking fan that will blow a vanilla smell to keep the shit smell away from the townsfolk during the Taste of Tippecanoe festival. A fan! Brilliant! For once the taste of Tippecanoe won't be other people's solid waste. Now, I'm no engineer -- and nor would I want to be because they're often sickly and untoward -- but there are a whole shitload (pun intended) of engineers at Purdue, and apparently they couldn't come up with anything better than to buy a giant Glade plug-in. Upon reading this article, loyal GMYH reader Kysmille stated, electronically, "All through my childhood, my understanding of the directions to Purdue was: 'Go North till you smell it, then head West till you step in it.' I suppose my dad wasn't that far off." Indeed.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Greatest Wedding Drinking Game Ever

So Jester and I went to a wedding this weekend. On each table were Hershey's miniature candy bars with the wrappers covered by a personalized wrapper with the bride and groom's initials. Enter my warped and alcohol-dependent mind and we now have Hershey Squirts. Each person at the table grabs a candy bar and hides it in his or her lap. Someone starts. It doesn't matter who, but it must be a male, female, or tranny. Then you go around the table and guess which candy bar is in his/her/its lap. Obviously you have 4 choices: Hershey's Milk Chocolate (called "regular" in some circles), Hershey's Dark Chocolate (has gold foil, rather than silver like the other three, which is why we made everyone put their candy bars below the table), Krackel (also called "Krack-a-lack"), or Mr. Goodbar (the wildcard).

After you go around the table, the person with the candy bar in his/her/its lap tears off the wedding-initialed wrapper to reveal what type of candy bar is underneath. Those who guessed wrong have to take a drink. Those who guessed right win the respect of their peers. Then you move on to the person sitting to the left of the first person and repeat it all over again. It's simple, fun, and a great way to get the other tables at the wedding asking, "did those assholes create a drinking game out of guessing candy bar varieties?"

When I told Gregerson about this game, he suggested that people who get it right get to hand out a drink. I wholeheartedly support that, although feel free to play the classic version of Hershey Squirts if you're so inclined.

New Poll - Creative Job Seeking Techniques

It appears that most of you who chose to respond to last week's poll actually have a heart, even if you don't care if it's infested with the AIDS virus. 58% of you said that you would rather have AIDS than one of your children have AIDS, while the remaining 42% of you -- who will likely remain healthy beyond your years, albeit without children -- said that you would rather one of your children have AIDS than you yourself have it. Frankly, you can always have more kids.

This week's poll was prompted by something I saw this morning during rush hour at the corner of Wacker and Madison here in Chicago. A woman who appeared to be in her 20s was dressed in a nice gray business suit, over which she was wearing a sandwich board, which, on both sides, said, "Why Lie? I Need a Job." She and a non-sandwich-boarded friend each had a stack of resumes in their hands and were handing them out to anyone who would take them. I thought it was kind of pathetic, and I felt sorry for her. I did not take a resume. So what are your thoughts on this woman's sandwich-board-heavy attempt to market herself, or other so-called "creative" networking or job-seeking techniques (video resumes, singing telegrams, etc.)? If you were an HR coordinator and saw this (or another similar "creative" technique), what would you think? Is it effective (i.e., would it help her get her foot in the door)? Does it make her look desperate and pathetic (i.e., she has to do this in order for anyone to even look at her resume)? Does it show creativity and drive? Is it more likely to backfire than anything else? I'll let you vote on multiple options, since some of them are not mutually exclusive.

1970s All-Decade First Team


1970s All-Decade Second Team


1970s All-Decade Third Team