I forgot about Retro Video of the Week last week, so forgive me. Given that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I figured a thankful song would be appropriate. Even though it didn't make my list of Top Ten "Thank You" Songs, Alanis Morissette's 1998 hit "Thank U" certainly fits the Retro Video of the Week parameters as well as the theme of thanks.
"Thank U" was the lead single from Morissette's 1998 album Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, the follow-up to the monster Jagged Little Pill. The song was her fifth #1 song in her native Canada. It also reached #17 on the Billboard Hot 100 (her fourth Top 20 song in the U.S.), as well as the Top 10 on twelve other pop singles charts around the world.
The video is memorable because it features a nude Morissette, whose long hair covering her tatas is presumably the only thing that prevented the video from being banned by MTV or other music video channels.
This year, I'm thankful that my friends and family believe in science, recognize the very real threat of COVID-19, and take the necessary precautions to avoid contracting or spreading the virus, like social distancing, quarantining, wearing masks, and not having huge Thanksgiving gatherings (or other indoor gatherings at all, for that matter).
In two days, we Americans get to celebrate Thanksgiving, and for those of us who are considerate of the health of our family and friends, it will be an unusual Thanksgiving, as we will not be traveling or having our normal large gatherings. On the bright side, if you are being cautious this year and steering clear of your typical big family feast, perhaps you will be able to avoid heated conversations with your right-wing relatives who will undoubtedly be spewing unsubstantiated conspiracy theories about how the election was stolen from their supreme leader.
Regardless, even in this strange year, hopefully you find something to be thankful about. So I've compiled my ten favorite songs with "thank you," "thanks," "thankful," or any variation with the root word "thank." Even if you're not going to be surrounded by as many people as usual, you can still make a great playlist.
And finally, please don't be an asshole. If you haven't been able to quarantine for the last ten days or you don't have a recent negative COVID test or you don't feel quite right, then just stay home on Thanksgiving. I realize it sucks, but the recent spikes across the country are largely from private, indoor gatherings. Don't put your health and the health of your friends and relatives at risk just because you wish COVID didn't exist. That's not how it works.
Anywho, here are the songs in alphabetical order by artist:
1. "Thank You Girl" by The Beatles
Released as the B-side to "From Me to You" in 1963 in the UK and to "Do You Want to Know a Secret" in 1964 in the U.S., "Thank You Girl" is an expectedly catchy ode to the band's female fans, and Ringo has a few delicious fills near the end of the song.
2. "Thank You" by Boyz II Men
"Thank You" kind of gets lost in the pantheon of mega hits that were on Boyz II Men's II album, but it's my favorite song on the album. It's a little funkier and soulful than the ballads like "On Bended Knee," "I'll Make Love to You," and "Water Runs Dry" from the same album. And while it wasn't a Top 2 hit like all three of those, it did reach #21 on the Billboard Hot 100, making it the group's ninth Top 40 song in the U.S.
3. "Thanks for the Pepperoni" by George Harrison
This is one of the many great jams on George Harrison's colossal All Things Must Pass album from 1970, with a great title to boot, paying homage to my favorite pizza topping. Joining George on this track were Dave Mason and nearly all of Derek and The Dominoes -- Eric Clapton, Jim Gordon, Carl Radle, and Bobby Whitlock.
4. "Thank You Very Much" by Kaiser Chiefs
Leeds-based rockers Kaiser Chiefs are one of my favorite bands to come out of the aughts. "Thank You Very Much" is off their second studio album, 2007's Yours Truly, Angry Mob. It's a fast-paced punkish indie rock song.
5. "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin
"Thank You" -- off of 1969's Led Zeppelin II -- was the first Zeppelin song for which the lyrics were written solely by Robert Plant, and he proved his songwriting mettle. It's a touching tribute of gratitude to Plant's then-wife Maureen. John Paul Jones's organs and John Bonham's subtly delicious fills have always stuck out to me.
6. "Thank You" by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats
While Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats' "S.O.B." -- and it's iconic line "son of a bitch, gimme a drink" -- may be appropriate for Thanksgiving gatherings with family as well, that's not what this list is about, but their song "Thank You" (also on their eponymous 2015 debut album) is a nice, soulful song that fits nicely with the theme.
7. "I Thank You" by Sam & Dave
Co-written by Isaac Hayes and David Porter (not to be confused with Dave Prater, who was the "Dave" in Sam & Dave) and backed by Booker T. & The MGs and the Mar-Keys, it's no wonder 1968's "I Thank You" was Sam & Dave's second Top 10 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 (reaching #9). It's a classic Stax song, and it was also famously covered by ZZ Top on on their 1979 album Degüello (their cover reached #34 on the Billboard Hot 100).
8. "The Thanksgiving Song" by Adam Sandler
We couldn't have a list of songs with "thanks" without including this Adam Sandler classic. And I'm going with the original Sandler performed on SNL's Weekend Update.
9. "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly & The Family Stone
Sly & The Family Stone was one of the pioneers of funk. They were not only a blend of genders and skin colors, but they made all sorts of fantastic music. "Thank You (Falletinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" was one of their earliest forays into funk, and they nailed it. The song hit #1 on both the Billboard Hot 100 and Billboard R&B charts, becoming one of the first successful funk songs.
10. "Thanks A Lot" by Third Eye Blind
I spent a good many nights during the summers of 1997 and 1998 with Third Eye Blind's self-titled debut album in the CD changer. While "Semi-Charmed Life," "Jumper," "Graduate," and "How's It Going to Be" rightfully get a lot of love, "Thanks A Lot" is a hidden gem on the album.
In little more than a week, the wife and I will be hosting Thanksgiving for the third year in a row. As someone who rarely has time to make a proper meal for myself -- depending on whether you consider breakfast for dinner a "proper meal," in which case I make myself a "proper meal" several times a week -- I enjoy trussing, stuffing, and cooking the turkey, as well as making some fantastic sweet potato casserole and mashed potatoes with an alarming amount of butter. Of course, I also enjoy having people over, watching football, drinking whiskey, and eating so much food that my body is unable to function. It's the American way.
You may not know this about me, but I also like music and word combinations. That's how Funksgiving came about. I need music to function as a human being, and certainly to help me jam vegetables into a fowl's empty body cavity. Last year, I decided to make Thanksgiving a little funkier, by including in the playlist a whole lotta funk music. If nothing else, it will make it more likely that you and your guests tap their feet and do the worm, so as to burn off some of those 5,000 calories we will all be ingesting to honor our nation's long history of coming together for gluttony.
The cool thing about funk is that is has, in one way or another, spanned the last 50 years, from James Brown to Sly & The Family Stone to Curtis Mayfield to Stevie Wonder to Earth, Wind & Fire to Parliament/Funkadelic to Prince to Red Hot Chili Peppers to Bruno Mars, so the Funksgiving playlist includes songs both old and new. The entire playlist isn't funk music, but a significant portion of it is. If you're thinking about following my lead -- and you should always consult a licensed physician before doing so -- here are my top ten songs on the Funksgiving playlist, in alphabetical order by artist, along with the year the song was released after the artist.
1. "Pick Up The Pieces" by Average White Band (1975)
This is a classic funk song that hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1975, performed by six white Scottish guys -- not exactly the typical make-up of a funk band. It has been featured in tons of movies, including, most memorably for me, Swingers.
2. "Hot Pants, Part 1" by James Brown (1971)
It was a tough choice between this and "Get Up Offa That Thing" (both of which are on the Funksgiving playlist, along with several other James Brown songs), but I think "Hot Pants" is just a little funkier. That repeating guitar riff is kind of the essence of funk, isn't it?
3. "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton (1982)
It would be tough to have Funksgiving without "Atomic Dog." It has been sampled in countless hip hop songs, including Dr. Dre's "Fuck wit Dre Day (And Everybody's Celebratin')," Ice Cube's "Bop Gun (One Nation)," 2Pac's "Holler If Ya Hear Me," and perhaps most famously, Snoop Doggy Dogg's "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)"
4. "Backstrokin'" by Fatback (1980)
Fatback's 1980 electrofunk hit "Backstrokin'" rose to #3 on the Billboard R&B charts. I can't listen to this song without at least bobbing my head. You may be surprised to learn that it's not about swimming.
5. "You Dropped A Bomb On Me" by The Gap Band (1982)
This is another electrofunk classic. With its synthesized bomb-dropping effect and upbeat tempo, it reached #2 on the Billboard R&B charts and #31 on the Billboard Hot 100.
6. "Jungle Boogie" by Kool & The Gang (1973)
Before they were singing about celebrating good times, girls named Joanna, and cherishing things in the '80s, Kool & The Gang was a legit funk band. "Jungle Boogie" was the band's first Top 10 song on the Billboard Hot 100, climbing all the way up to #4 in 1974. It's a great song, with that Tarzan-esque yell near the beginning of the song providing the right start for the horns and grunting vocals to follow. Unless my BAC is at least twice the legal limit, I generally don't dance, but "Jungle Boogie" has always been one of those songs that makes me want to gyrate my hips suggestively, even when I'm sober. Those of us Gen Xers probably remember this song most for its inclusion on the Pulp Fiction soundtrack.
7. "Move On Up" by Curtis Mayfield (1970)
"Move On Up" is nearly nine minutes of soul and funk jamming bliss. It's not only a great Funksgiving song, but it's a staple on my everyday party playlists because it's upbeat and a good background song. Just a great song from one of Chicago's best. Of course, Mayfield would go on to write and perform the soundtrack to Super Fly, a delicious amalgamation of gritty funk songs, focusing on the darker side of street life.
8. "Give Up The Funk (Tear the Roof off the Sucker)" by Parliament (1975)
Parliament/Funkadelic is kind of like The Beatles of funk. They didn't necessarily invent it, but they took it to another level and are probably the most influential funk band. Parliament's 1975 song "Give Up The Funk (Tear the Roof off the Sucker)" is one of the quintessential funk songs, going gold as a single and becoming the band's first Top 40 song (hitting #15 on the Billboard Hot 100).
9. "Thank You (Falletinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly & The Family Stone (1969)
Sly & The Family Stone was one of the pioneers of funk. They were not only a blend of genders and skin colors, but they made all sorts of fantastic music. "Thank You (Falletinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" was one of their earliest forays into funk, and they nailed it. The song hit #1 on both the Billboard Hot 100 and Billboard R&B charts, becoming one of the first successful funk songs.
10. "I Wish" by Stevie Wonder (1976)
Stevie Wonder had a pretty solid run of great funk songs in the '70s and very early '80s, including "Superstition," "Higher Ground," "Boogie On Reggae Woman," "You Haven't Done Nothin'," "Sir Duke," and "Masterblaster (Jammin')," among others. His four-album run from 1972 to 1976 -- Talking Book, Innervisions, Fulfillingness' First Finale, and Songs in the Key of Life -- might be one of the best four-album runs in music history. It was tough to pick one song (and all of the songs mentioned above are on my Funksgiving list), but I'm going with "I Wish" is off Songs in the Key of Life. It's a catchy, brass-and-bass-heavy song that became Wonder's fifth #1 song in the U.S.
Tomorrow is Blackout Wednesday, one of the biggest drinking days of the year. Everyone is home for Thanksgiving, hanging out with friends and family, with nothing to do Thursday next morning except nurse a hangover while waiting for the Bears to commence the Lions' annual late-season meltdown. On the topic of getting hammered, I read an article a few weeks ago called "Every President in American history's favorite drink," which I thought was pretty interesting. Here's my list of the top eleven Presidents I'd most like to hang out with at a bar on Blackout Wednesday, in chronological order by President. 1. George Washington In addition to being a hell of an ax man, GW liked drinking porters. I like drinking porters. I also once worked for a summer in a town called Mount Vernon, so we could talk about that in between playing that punching bag game. 2. Andrew Jackson Old Hickory loved his whiskey and had a great first name. At the bar, we'd call ourselves Andrew Squared, and beat the shit out of any John Quincy Adams apologists. 3. Martin Van Buren "MVB drank so much whiskey they called him 'Blue Whiskey Van.'" That sounds like a man I'd like to grab a drink or eight with on a chilly November Wednesday evening, where we'd talk about his Dutch heritage, panics, and the Free Soil Party. 4. Franklin Pierce He might be the least-remembered President, but he is also the only President to die of cirrhosis (or at least the only one I know of). Sunday was his 210th birthday, so you know FP's gonna be in a mood to celebrate. Then again, he is widely considered one of the worst Presidents in American history, all of his kids died young, and he wasn't even selected by his own party to run for President as the incumbent, so you don't want to catch him on a down day. 5. Andrew Johnson The man showed up to his Vice Presidential inauguration drunk. Impeach that, motherfuckers. 6. Grover Cleveland In addition to being the President with the best porn name, "Grover Cleveland drank so much beer that he had to limit himself to four beers a day." That way, he wouldn't be considered a daily binge drinker. 7. Woodrow Wilson The man loved scotch, and I feel like you could have some pretty deep drunken conversations with Woody (that's what I'd call him, whether he liked it or not) after sharing a single malt (any Glen). "Okay, let me make a point here. Or maybe fourteen." 8. Harry Truman He took a shot of bourbon every morning. The man loved getting bombed. 9. JFK Assuming Jackie wasn't around, let's not kid ourselves, any man would want to go out drinking with JFK. 10. LBJ A Texan who loved whiskey and told his aides "I've had more women by accident than Kennedy had on purpose"? Yeah, I'd go out drinking with him on a November Wednesday.
11. Bill Clinton Is there any President you'd rather go out for a night of debauchery with than Slick Willie? I think not. God, I miss the '90s.
Thanksgiving weekend this year was relatively low key. As we were awaiting the fulfillment of the prophecy and the concomitant arrival of our first born, we told our families to stay the hell away and politely informed everyone that we would not be leaving the city limits until our fetus becomes a human.
Thus, while many of you were celebrating Blackout Wednesday, Jester and I were chilling at home, playing cops and robbers with Harley.
Thursday morning, I made some pumpkin pie while Jessie took pictures.
That afternoon, we went to the home of Alex and his anonymous wife, as they had graciously invited us to share in their feast. And what a feast it was.
Alex's anonymous wife drank three different kinds of wine at one time.
Per tradition, I wore my turkey shirt (and made my classic "Thanksgiving creepy eyes"). Deal with it, America. We had two pies for four people. I ate until the point of physical discomfort. There was enough food to go around that Alex's anonymous wife found it to be appropriate to make their runty dog a plate of people food. When I woke up Friday morning, I kid you not, my pee smelled like turkey. And shame.
Friday was D Day. And no, I don't mean to imply that Friday was either June 6, 1944 or Daniel Simpson Day. Rather, Friday was the date that some charlatan predicted would bring the birth of our child.
Friday afternoon, we saw a movie about men who stare at goats. From what I gathered, the entire point of the movie was simply to alert you to the existence of some men who stare at goats.
Friday came and went without the fulfillment of the prophecy. Friday night I got over ten hours of sleep, possibly for the last time in my life.
Other than a trip to the Smoke Shack (a local BBQ place) with my dad (who stopped by on his way out of town), much of Saturday was spent doing nothing, although we did go shopping for rugs (not toupees or murkins, but actual rugs), to no avail. We also went to Whole Foods, where they apparently sell a lot of excellent, extremely potent winter beers that I am incapable of not buying. Saturday night, I drank some of said beer, along with Ryan, as we watched Road House on Spike. After about a half hour into the movie, I realized that I own Road House on DVD, so I popped that in, caught up to where we were, then watched the rest of the movie uncut. When we finished, there were still 15 minutes left on the Spike version, so we got to see Brad Wesley die twice. But then again, if the sheriff asks, we didn't see Brad Wesley die.
Sunday was also spent doing very little. We watched some football, grilled some old burgers, and watched Gregerson's dog pee on our kitchen floor and then on our deck.
At the present time, we are still waiting for this kid to be born, if for no other reason than so we will be able to yell at her once she comes out for being so unpunctual. I hope this insolence isn't a trend.
On a side note, that wives' tale that walking induces labor is horse shit. And if one more person tells Jessie to walk or drive on bumpy roads or eat spicy food or eat a big meal (or any of the other wives' tales for inducing labor that don't really work), I fear that my child will grow up with a mother behind bars for murder. Seriously, people, those things only work to move the process along if you are already in the beginning stages of labor. Telling an already miserable, overdue pregnant woman to do something she knows is futile only serves to remind her that she is still pregnant and can't do anything about it.
A few months ago, I posted the Top Ten Things Not to Say to Pregnant Women. Here are a few things you should not say to pregnant women who are past their due date: -"Be patient." The first nine months were about being patient. Even if you are a woman who has gone past her due date, you shouldn't be saying this. -"Enjoy it now because you won't get any sleep when the baby comes." It turns out really pregnant women don't sleep very well as it is, especially when they have acid reflux. -"Have you had that baby yet?" No.
Use some common sense, people.
And why is it that pregnancy seems to make people think they can talk to me about my wife's privates? I'm pretty sure if she wanted you to know how many centimeters she is dilated, then she would volunteer that information herself. Don't ask me that shit (and don't ask her, either). I love you all.
As is standard over the last several years, Jester and I traversed the Midwest in search of the most Thanksgiving dinners within a four-day period.
It began simply enough, with a drive to Roanoke Thursday morning to Jester's family's homestead. It was a traditional Thanksgiving feast, with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, and such. I hurt myself.
As you may recall, Jessie's mom bought a couple goats a few years ago. Their names are Frederick and Bernard. I don't trust them, and I'll tell you why: they're goats. Seriously, look at this: Would you trust an animal whose pupil is nothing more than a horizontal bar? The answer is no, Greg.
Of course the big news is that Jessie's mom, for reasons that are unclear to most other family members, recently purchased a cow. Upon first hearing this, I thought, "Sweet, I've always wanted to slaughter my own cow after riding it naked for like twenty minutes while whistling 'Patience.'" Then I found out it was a lady cow -- and a pregnant one at that -- which means nothing to me, other than the potential for veal in a few months. Anyway, here is a picture of Savannah, aka Sweet Georgia Brown, aka Molly Brown:
One of the reasons I like Savannah is that the goats are petrified of her (they share a pen). One of the reasons I don't like Savannah is because she could kill me in an instant.
Friday we saw Four Christmases, which was predictably average with some funny parts.
Saturday, Jester, Harley, and I packed up The Blaab and headed down the road to Bloomington to my dad's house. Reed and Sarah were already there, and they insisted that we go to Sonic for lunch upon our arrival. Liking hilarious commercials and chicks on rollerblades, we obliged. While eating some chili cheese fries, Jessie splattered chili all over her white shirt, declaring (in a robot voice, for some reason), "I AM CHILI TIT!"
Later, we went to the new Sahara Mart, which is on Third Street near College Mall. They have over 1000 different beers, all available for purchase. I came in my pants a little. But back to Saturday, I was fairly elated as I filled my cart while drowning out Jessie's pleading. "Andrew! Why won't you call me Chili Tit?!"
For dinner, we had a delicious rack of pork. No one declared themselves a pork rack tit, except for me.
Sunday morning, we headed up to the LaPorte area to Jessie's dad's house. In case you were wondering, the sun was not shining when we drove past West Lafayette. Upon our arrival, we were treated to something called upside-down pizza, which is kind of like pizza, but the crust is on top and the toppings are on the bottom. It was delicious.
I think I'm having the ol' meat shakes today. Also, I'm pretty sure Drew Rosenhaus is a giant ball of shit. Listening to him speak is painful.
We had two pies for four people. I ate until the point of physical discomfort. There was enough food to go around that Alex's anonymous wife found it to be appropriate to make their runty dog a plate of people food.
Friday night I got over ten hours of sleep, possibly for the last time in my life.
Posts
