Speaking of cats, check out this animated video set to Motorhead's "Ace of Spades," sent to me by Dan "Lemmy" Edelstein, who you might know as Dan from the dog park or the guy who sand "Ace of Spades" last Saturday at live band karaoke.
Well, my 10-year high school reunion is one day away, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. None of the guys I hang out with are going (thanks guys), which means that it has the distinct possibility of being very awkward. So far there is no one from my class who has become famous. By the 15-year reunion, I hope to change that, whether my claim to fame is blogging, logging, being a contestant on Deal or No Deal, hip hop dancing, singing karaoke, or strangling K-Fed to death on the red carpet. In all honesty, I think the last one might be best for society because the world would be a better place without Kevin Federline. There is not one person -- not one -- who benefits from having K-Fed alive. I know what you're thinking: "GMYH, surely there is one person who benefits from having that talentless asshole alive." I appreciate your kindheartedness, but you're wrong. Let's analyze the possible people who could theoretically benefit from K-Fed's continued ability to breathe:
- Britney - Right off the bat, I think it's pretty obvious that K-Fed is simply mooching off of Britney. For shit's sake, she had to take away his car on at least one occasion (probably to prevent him from driving to the recording studio). Britney would be better off with someone more responsible, self-supporting, and respectable, like a Carson Daly, John Mayer, Jude Law, Pete Doherty, or William Kennedy Smith.
- Sean Preston - Sure, K-Fed is Sean Preston's father, but maybe this image will convince you: K-Fed, with a Newport hanging out of his mouth and a Busch Light in his hand, head bobbing to the unintelligible music and beats running through his head, trying unsuccessfully to change Sean Preston's diaper, but just getting shit all over the place. Then he yells out in desperation, "Britney, yo! SP just popozao'd, and I'm straight-up drizunk. Look at my stubble. I look like a modern-day Barney Rubble. Awww shit, that's a wack lyric! Baby, write that shit down. That's fire, right there. And while you're at it, bring be another brew-haha. What the fuck?! Whose baby is this? He looks like a little penguin or a ninja. I'm gonna stand on your feet and put my nunchucks all up in ya. And when I pull it out, you'll wish you had gout, 'cause K-Fed's moves gonna make you shout. Damn! Britney, are you writing this down?" Meanwhile, Britney is quietly overdosing in the next room, thus leaving Sean Preston motherless. Is that what you want?
- Any of K-Fed's other 12-30 kids - It's probably better that they never knew he existed than grow up knowing that they share DNA with him.