Retro Video of the Week: "Black or White" by Michael Jackson

You can thank Nippelgate, dancing sharks, and the combination of Aerosmith and Britney Spears on what happened 25 years ago today.  On January 31, 1993, Michael Jackson performed at halftime of Super Bowl XXVII, launching the trend of hiring big-name musical acts to keep people tuned into their TVs in between the first and second halves of the Super Bowl.  Jackson performed a medley of "Jam," "Billie Jean," and "Black or White," followed by a choir of 3,500 children singing "We Are The World," who then Jackson for the finale, "Heal the World."

Of those songs, I'm going with "Black or White" for this week's Retro Video of the Week because it is such an iconic video, and maybe in these days -- where a bunch of old white men are trying their best to keep minorities and people whose skin color is darker then theirs down -- something celebrating diversity rather than trying to stamp it out is what people need to see.  Because I'm sure members of the Trump Administration and Congress are reading this.  And to be clear, I'm going with the 11-minute extended version that aired on national TV and featured the controversial crotch-grabbing dance and car smashing at the end.

Tuesday Top Ten: Best and Worst Overall Super Bowl Scoring Margins

With this Sunday's Super Bowl between the Eagles and Patriots fast approaching, I think it's safe to say we all know what's going to happen.  The Eagles will outplay the Patriots, but the Patriots will get some lucky bounces and end up winning by 3 points, Brady will get another Super Bowl MVP, and we'll all have to listen to how he's the greatest of all-time.

Daughter has a kid in her class who is apparently a Patriots fan, and a loudmouth at that, despite the fact that he is not from New England.  Last Friday -- the 32nd anniversary of the Bears' 46-10 triumph over the Patriots in Super Bowl XX -- I told Daughter to tell that little fairweather piece of shit that, even in their combined five Super Bowl wins, the Patriots have still only outscored their opponents by 17 points less than what the Bears beat them by on January 26, 1986.  It's a pyrrhic victory, but that didn't seem to matter to Daughter.

After that, I got to thinking that Brady could just as easily be 0-7 in Super Bowls as 5-2.  The Patsies' largest margin of victory in a Super Bowl was 6, in last year's OT win over the Falcons.  Of course, one might argue that he could just as easily be 7-0, given the Giants' two come-from-behind wins in Super Bowls XLII and XLVI, but one might also be an asshole.

Anywho, I also got to thinking about which teams have the best and worst overall scoring margins in Super Bowl history.  So, I decided to take a look, and here's what I found out.  I'll list the ten best and ten worst teams.  Following each team, I'll list the scoring margin and the teams record in Super Bowls (not including the one that's about to be played, of course).

Best Overall Scoring Margin
1.  San Francisco 49ers: +96 (5-1)
2.  Dallas Cowboys:  +72 (5-3)
3.  Green Bay Packers:  +57 (4-1)
4.  Baltimore Ravens:  +30 (2-0)
5.  Pittsburgh Steelers:  +29 (6-2)
6.  Tampa Bay Buccaneers:  +27 (1-0)
7.  Chicago Bears:  +24 (1-1)
8.  Washington Redskins:  +23 (3-2)
9.  Seattle Seahawks:  +20 (1-2)
10.  Oakland/LA Raiders:  +18 (3-2)

Worst Overall Scoring Margin

1.  Denver Broncos:  -112 (3-5)

2.  Buffalo Bills:  -66 (0-4)

3.  Minnesota Vikings:  -61 (0-4)

4.  New England Patriots:  -38 (5-4)

5.  Miami Dolphins:  -32 (2-3)

6.  San Diego/LA Chargers:  -23 (0-1)

7.  Atlanta Falcons:  -21 (0-2)

8.  Philadelphia Eagles:  -20 (0-2)

9.  Carolina Panthers:  -17 (0-2)

10 (tie).  Cincinnati Bengals:  -9 (0-2)
10 (tie).  Kansas City Chiefs:  -9 (1-1)

So there you have it.  The Patriots currently have the fourth worst overall scoring margin in Super Bowl history.  However, with a win of 39 points or more this Sunday, they can get into the black.  On the other hand, if the Eagles win by 38 points or more, they will go from the bottom ten to the top ten in scoring margin.  Fly Eagles Fly!

Hair Band Friday - 1/26/18

1.  "Good Enough" by Van Halen


2.  "Dyin' to Live" by Lillian Axe


3.  "Hysteria" by Def Leppard


4.  "Love Song" by Tesla


5.  "Gypsy Road" by Cinderella


6.  "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi


7.  "November Rain" by Guns N' Roses


8.  "Here I Go Again" (original 1982 "hobo" version) by Whitesnake


9.  "More Than Ever" by Nelson


10.  "For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)" by AC/DC

Retro Video of the Week: "Informer" by Snow

Again, I must issue my insincerest of apologies for failing to post a Tuesday Top Ten yesterday.  Between work, dealing with a three-year-old with an ear infection, and the peyote, I simply didn't have the time.  But as always, I will make it up to you with the Retro Video of the Week.  This week's selection, both in honor of the current weather and last week's 25th anniversary of the release of 12 Inches of Snow, is "Informer" by Canadian raggamuffin Snow.  Whether you call it reggae, hip hop, or some combination of the two, Snow's indecipherable real life tale of being arrested based on an informant's tip was a huge international success.  The song spent seven weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100, and it went to #1 in nine other countries and made it to the Top 10 in another six countries.  It also ended up at #10 on the Billboard Hot 100 Year End chart for 1993 and #28 on the Billboard Hot 100 Decade End chart for the '90s.  A-licky boom boom down, indeed.

Hair Band Friday - 1/19/18

1.  "Let's Get Rocked" by Def Leppard


2.  "Magdalaine" by L.A. Guns


3.  "All Night Long" by Warrant


4.  "Rock & Roll Over" by Mr. Big


5.  "Suicide Solution" by Ozzy Osbourne


6.  "D.O.A." by Van Halen


7.  "Nightrain" (live) by Guns N' Roses


8.  "The Boys Are Back in Town" by Bon Jovi


9.  "Wait" by White Lion


10.  "God Isn't Dead?" by Extreme

Retro Video of the Week: "Zombie" by The Cranberries

With this Monday's untimely death of Dolores O'Riordan at age 46, a Cranberries song seems like the only thing appropriate for this week's Retro Video of the Week.  I am going with my favorite song by the group, "Zombie."  O'Riordan wrote the song in response to an IRA bombing in Warrington, England in March 1993 that left two children dead (and prompted retaliatory attacks on Catholics by the UDA).  It was a protest song of sorts.  O'Riordan was raised in a large Catholic family in Limerick, Ireland, and grew up in the midst of The Troubles (albeit a couple hundred miles from Northern Ireland).  The song has a harder edge and is certainly more grungey than most of The Cranberries' other work.  Then again, it's an angry song, referencing the violence of the Ireland/Northern Ireland conflict, going back the Easter Rising in 1916.  The video features kids pretending to play "war," along with British infantrymen on patrol in Belfast.  RIP, Dolores.

Tuesday Top Ten: Top 100 Beers of 2017

Apologies again for failing to post a Tuesday Top Ten yesterday.  Between work, shoveling snow, and the meth, time got away from me.  To make it up to you, I am going to give you a list of 100 things!  And, even better, those things are beer!

Last week, Beer Connoisseur magazine released its list of the Top 100 Rated Beers of 2017.  The staff of the magazine -- which I really need to figure out a way to become a part of -- rated beers over the course of the year, and then compiled a list of their Top 100.  All of the beers had a rating of 91 or higher out of 100.  A subscription is required to view anything other than 90-100, but I've taken the liberty of transcribing the entire list to a more reader-friendly format.  Because I'm not an animal (and because many of the beer names are ambiguous as to style), I am including a general description of the style in parentheses on each line.  There are far too many sours and IPAs for my liking, but such is the state of craft beer that we live in.  For brevity's sake, "BA" means barrel-aged.  Also, for sake of ease and not giving a shit, I am grouping all IPAs into "IPA," rather than breaking it down into double IPAs, triple IPAs, imperial IPAs, American IPAs, fruity IPAs, session IPAs, or whatever other abominations are brewed with too many hops.

Anyway, here's the list.  I can't wait to try approximately one-third of these.

100.  Phantom Bride IPA - Belching Beaver Brewing Co. (IPA)

99.  Pulp Friction Grapefruit IPA - Motorworks Brewing (IPA)

98.  Bone-A-Fide Pale Ale - Boneyard Beer (Pale ale)

97.  Sour Saison - New Belgium Brewing Co. (Sour)

96.  Four Seasons Autumn '17 - Mother Earth Brew Co. (BA imperial stout)

95.  Funke Hop Farm - Sudwerk Brewing Co. (BA sour)

94.  Kolschy Clouds - SØLE Artisan Ales (Kölsch)

93.  Bourbon County Stout Original - Goose Island Brewing Co. (BA stout)

92.  Jomax - Wren House Brewing (Oatmeal stout)

91.  Overly Friendly IPA - Holy City Brewing (IPA)

90.  Roxanne - Southbound Brewing Co. (BA sour)

89.  Casey - Equilibrium Brewery (Saison)

88.  Postcard Porter - Diebolt Brewing Co. (Porter)

87.  Double D Double IPA - Fordham & Dominion Brewery (IPA)

86.  Independence Pass Ale - Aspen Brewing Co. (IPA)

85.  Barney Flats Oatmeal Stout - Anderson Valley Brewing Co. (Oatmeal stout)

84.  Strawberry Beards Forever - Holy City Brewing (Berliner wiess)

83.  Stone Ripper - Stone Brewing Co. (Pale ale)

82.  Stone Mocha IPA - Stone Brewing Co. (IPA)

81.  RecreationAle - Terrapin Beer Co. (IPA)

80.  Local's Stash Reserve Series: Rum Barrel-Aged Dark Ale w/ Ginger and Lime - Crazy Mountain Brewing Co. (BA dark ale)

79.  Juicy Watermelon - New Belgium Brewing Co. (Fruit beer)

78.  Grevensteiner - Brauerei C. & A. Veltins (Amber kellerbier)

77.  Buffalo Bill's Strawberry Doppel Weizen - Buffalo Bill's Brewery (Wheat beer)

76.  Midnight Espresso - Motorworks Brewing (Porter)

75.  Hefe Berry Lime - Widmer Brothers Brewing (Wheat beer)

74.  Local's Stash: Raspberry Belgian Style Quad - Crazy Mountain Brewing Co. (Belgian dark strong ale)

73.  Stash IPA - Independence Brewing Co. (IPA)

72.  Hardywood Gingerbread Stout - Hardywood Park Craft Brewery (Stout)

71.  Dank IPA - pFriem Family Brewers (IPA)

70.  Rider - Midnight Sun Brewing Co. (BA lager)

69.  Cliff Top Bock - Cliff Top Brewing Co. (Dark bock)

68.  Bocholt - Brouwerij Martens (Lager)

67.  Last Leaf Maple Brown Ale - Starr Hill Brewery (Brown ale)

66.  Hoppyum IPA - Foothills Brewing Co. (IPA)

65.  This Season's Blonde - Aspen Brewing Co. (Blonde ale)

64.  Orange King of Hop - Starr Hill Brewery (IPA)

63.  Dragon's Milk Reserve Triple Mashed - New Holland Brewing Co. (BA stout)

62.  Blood Orange Wheat Ale - Full Sail Brewing Co. (Wheat beer)

61.  Beavers Milk Nitro - Belching Beaver Brewing Co. (Milk stout)

60.  Sour Reserve - Upland Brewing Co. (Sour)

59.  Darken - Upland Brewing Co. (Oud bruin)

58.  Sin Tax - Mother Earth Brew Co. (Imperial stout)

57.  Berserker - Midnight Sun Brewing Co. (BA imperial stout)

56.  Black Lager - Devils Backbone Brewing Co. (Schwarzbier)

55.  Boughs of Barley - Cape May Brewing Co. (BA barleywine)

54.  Standard Lager - Fulton Beer (Lager)

53.  Tundra Wookie - Midnight Sun Brewing Co. (Sour Belgian special dark ale)

52.  Vladislav Russian Imperial Stout - Diebolt Brewing Co. (Imperial stout)

51.  Glorious - Lord Hobo Brewing Co. (Pale ale)

50.  Festie Oktoberfest Lager - Starr Hill Brewery (Festbier)

49.  Cuvée des Jacobins Prestige - Brouwerij Omer Vander Ghinste (Flanders red ale)

48.  Lune de Miel – Unibroue (Belgian tripel)

47.  Drifter Pale - Widmer Brothers Brewing (Pale ale)

46.  Better Life Choices IPA - Atwater Brewery (IPA)

45.  16 Point IPA - Devils Backbone Brewing Co. (IPA)

44.  Blackbeard's Breakfast - Heavy Seas Beer (BA porter)

43.  Mystery Ship - Southbound Brewing Co. (Imperial red ale)

42.  Paradise - Holy City Brewing Co. (IPA)

41.  MC² - Equilibrium Brewery (IPA)

40.  Insurrection - Fulton Beer (IPA)

39.  Warehouse Pils - Starr Hill Brewery (Pilsner)

38.  Osiris Pale Ale - Sun King Brewing (Pale ale)

37.  21 Anniversary Ale - Heavy Seas Beer (BA imperial ESB)

36.  White Caps - Cape May Brewing Co. (IPA)

35.  pFriem Bourbon Barrel Aged Imperial Stout - pFriem Family Brewers (BA imperial stout)

34.  Morning Wood - Funky Buddha Brewery (BA porter)

33.  Free Time - Upland Brewing Co. (Lager)

32.  Dryades - NOLA Brewing Co. (BA sour)

31.  Brewery Lane Series: Oak Aged Saison - Breckenridge Brewery (BA saison)

30.  Kiss From A Gose - Peace Tree Brewing Co. (Gose)

29.  Blonde Fatale - Peace Tree Brewing Co. (Belgian pale ale)

28.  Pawpaw - Upland Brewing Co. (Sour)

27.  Grateful Pale Ale - Starr Hill Brewery (Pale ale)

26.  Kentucky Cream Barrel Aged Pale Ale - Full Sail Brewing Co. (BA pale ale)

25.  Luau Krunkles - Terrapin Beer Co. (IPA)

24.  Mo Honey Mo Problems - Mockery Brewing Co. (BA braggot)

23.  Stone 21st Anniversary: Hail to the Hop Thief - Stone Brewing Co. (IPA)

22.  MILF - Mother's Brewing Co. (BA stout)

21.  Apple Pie Pale Ale - Garage Brewing Co. (Pale ale)

20.  Sesiόn Cerveza - Full Sail Brewing Co. (Lager)

19.  Wild Turkey Bourbon Barrel Stout - Anderson Valley Brewing Co. (BA stout)

18.  Cherry - Upland Brewing Co. (BA sour)

17.  Hoppyright Infringement - NOLA Brewing Co. (IPA)

16.  Declaration - Reformation Brewery (Imperial stout)

15.  Alaskan Brewing Amber - Alaskan Brewing Co. (Altbier)

14.  Reviver Red IPA - Starr Hill Brewery (IPA)

13.  The Scupper - Cape May Brewing Co. (BA saison)

12.  pFriem Flanders Blonde - pFriem Family Brewers (Sour)

11.  Cursed Kettles - Upland Brewing Co. & Prairie Artisan Ales (BA sour)

10.  Four Seasons Spring '17 - Mother Earth Brew Co. (Saison)

9.  Fruitage - Brouwerij Rodenbach (BA sour)

8.  Double Bass Mocha Double Chocolate Stout - Starr Hill Brewery (Stout)

7.  La Trappe Quadrupel Oak-Aged - Trappist Brewery Koningshoeven (Belgian dark strong ale)

6.  Below Decks - Heavy Seas Beer (Barleywine)

5.  Four Seasons Winter '16 - Mother Earth Brew Co. (BA stout)

4.  Brewery Lane Series: Barrel Aged Imperial Cherry Stout - Breckenridge Brewery (BA imperial stout)

3.  The Partner Ships Series: Imperial Brown IPA - Stone Brewing Co. and Heavy Seas Beer (IPA)

2.  Vintage 2015 - Brouwerij Rodenbach (Flanders red ale)

1.  The Topsail - Cape May Brewing Co. (Sour)

Hair Band Friday - 1/12/18

1.  "Wheels of Fire" by L.A. Guns


2.  "And On The 8th Day" by Kiss


3.  "Send Me An Angel" by Scorpions


4.  "Sleeping With You" by FireHouse


5.  "The Lumberjack" by Jackyl


6.  "Only A Man" by Warrant


7.  "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister


8.  "Believer" by Ozzy Osbourne


9.  "I Wanna Be Your Hero" by Def Leppard


10.  "Run For Cover" by Quiet Riot

New Book: How Music Works by David Byrne

At some point in November, I finished reading Pet Sematary by Stephen King. I found it rather enjoyable.  I have never seen the 1989 movie, but perhaps I should check that out.  The book is about an old pet cemetery in a small Maine town that has been maintained by the town's children (hence the misspelling) and that has some mystical powers because it's near an ancient Indian burial ground (of course).  The kicker is that said Indian burial ground has special resurrectional (if that's a word) powers.  After a couple and their two young kids and cat move to town and the cat gets hit by a car, the father takes it to the burial ground at the behest of an old neighbor who has lived in the town all his life.  Good idea or bad idea?  You'll have to read to find out.

After that, I read James Brown's 1986 autobiography, which was great.  It was written before several legal issues in the late '80s, although it has apparently been updated since then.  The version I read was the original one, so it was all rosy at the end, as The Godfather of Soul was fresh off his career-rejuvenating appearance in Rocky IV.  The man was truly amazing, and he certainly earned his nickname "The Hardest Working Man in Show Business."  If only he could have hired an accountant to pay his taxes for him.  I finished that one up in December at some point and have been wasting my train trips playing Words With Friends and draining my monthly data allotment.

I am now about to start reading How Music Works by David Byrne.  As you may or may not (but probably should) know, Byrne was the lead singer and lead songwriter for Talking Heads.  The book was recommended to me by multiple people, and apparently it's kind of a combination of autobiography and musical theory.  We'll see how that -- wait for it -- works.  See what I did there?

Retro Video of the Week: "Asshole" by Denis Leary

Many apologies for no Tuesday Top Ten yesterday.  I have been extremely busy and, what can I say, I'm an asshole.  If that isn't the greatest segue of all-time, I don't know what is.  This week marks the 25th anniversary of the release of Denis Leary's No Cure For Cancer stand-up comedy album.  It featured the comedic song "Asshole," which also had a video.  That video is presented below.  Interesting tidbit:  this song reached #2 on the Australian pop charts.

Hair Band Friday - 1/5/18

1.  "She Love My Cock" by Jackyl


2.  "Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford


3.  "Move To The City" (live) by Guns N' Roses


4.  "Closer To My Heart" by Ratt


5.  "Had Enough" by Mr. Big


6.  "Judgement Day" by Van Halen


7.  "Goodbye" by Night Ranger


8.  "Ten Boots (Stompin')" by Dangerous Toys


9.  "Wild Child" by W.A.S.P.


10.  "Cherry Pie" by Warrant

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething man, saying goodbye to sixtysomething Irish woman on Christmas:  "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and do the Irish celebrate Boxing Day, or is that just a British thing?"
Woman:  "No, that's British.  We Irish box every day."
--Elmhurst, IL
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Retro Video of the Week: "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by The Eurythmics

Hey everyone, I'm back from my two weeks of sloth, and I feel glorious.  To kick of 2018's Retro Videos of the Week, I'm going with The Eurythmics' signature song, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)."  The duo, comprised of Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart, released their album of the same name 35 years ago tomorrow.  Contrary to popular belief, the song is not about BDSM.  Rather, Lennox and Stewart wrote it to grapple with the breakup of their prior band, The Tourists.  The song is a new wave classic, instantly recognizable because of that synthesizer riff.  It was the first song the group released in the U.S., and it went all the way to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.  And it wasn't just the Americans who dug it.  The song also went to #1 on the Canadian and French pop charts, #2 on the Belgian, Irish, New Zealand, and UK charts, and Top 10 in Australia, Austria, Germany, the Netherlands, South Africa, and Switzerland.

The video introduced us to Lennox's orange hair and gender-bending style, not to mention Stewart being awkwardly close to a cow.