Hair Band Friday - 5/31/19

1.  "All I Want" by Lynch Mob


2.  "Love Don't Come Easy" by White Lion


3.  "You've Got Another Thing Coming" by Judas Priest


4.  "Wild Child" by W.A.S.P.


5.  "You're In Love" by Ratt


6.  "Looks That Kill" by Mötley Crüe


7.  "Fly High Michelle" by Enuff Z'Nuff


8.  "Love Song" by Tesla


9.  "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Kix


10.  "Metal Health (Bang Your Head)" by Quiet Riot

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething mother:  "That's TV I want to see.  People I hate, dying.  Ha ha ha.  That would be good."

--Chicago

Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Retro Video of the Week: "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner

Thirty-five years ago today, Tina Turner released her massive album, Private Dancer -- her first album in five years.  This revamped a career that had been rough since her divorce from Ike Turner about six years before then (when she basically gave him everything except her name as part of the divorce settlement).  If you're a child of the '80s like me, you never really remember a time when Tina Turner wasn't a huge star -- and that's because of this album.

Private Dancer was the first of her solo career to crack the Top 100 on the Billboard album charts, and it went all the way up to #3, as well as Top 5 on the album charts in 11 other countries (including #1 in Canada and Austria).  It also went platinum five times in the U.S., making it her most successful-selling studio album.

There were five Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 off of Private Dancer:  her cover of Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" (#26 -- which was actually released before the album), "What's Love Got to Do With It (#1), "Better Be Good To Me" (#5), the title track (#7), and "Show Some Respect" (#37).  

I have to go with "What's Love Got To Do With It."  It's the song I associate most with Tina Turner -- yes, even more than "Proud Mary."  It won Turner three Grammys (Record of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best Female Pop Vocal Performance), was her only #1 song in the U.S., is one of the top 500 songs of all-time (according to Rolling Stone), made her (at the time) the oldest female solo artist in U.S. history to have a #1 song (she was 44), and, of course, provided the title for her 1993 biopic starring Angela Basset. It remained at #1 for three weeks and ended 1984 as the second-biggest song of the year, beaten out only by Prince's "When Doves Cry."

Not to be outdone, the video won the MTV VMA for Best Female Video.  Interesting tidbit:  one of the street dancers in the video (I believe she's the one at the 2:45 mark and then at the end as well) is none other than Pamela Springsteen, who is not only Bruce's sister, but also played the lead role of Angela "The Angel of Death" Baker in two of my favorite '80s B horror movies, Sleepaway Camp 2 and Sleepaway Camp 3.  Check them out.  You won't be disappointed.

Tuesday Top Ten: Cookout Side Dishes

Memorial Day was yesterday, which means cookout season is now under way in these United States of America.  I had a nice little weekend, starting with hanging out with some friends Friday night and enjoying some grilled steak tacos, going to a friend's 40th party Saturday night and enjoying some grilled beef sliders (and later in the evening, a grilled chicken burrito), going to a street fest in between the Begyle and Dovetail breweries Sunday and enjoying a grilled Hungarian smoked sausage, and then going to my brother's house yesterday for a cookout and enjoying some grilled pork loin.  Needless to say, I am several pounds heavier today than I was on May 23.

But between the grilled meats and the desserts are some are those side dishes.  Sweet, some are savory.  All are delicious.  Here are my ten favorite cookout side dishes.

10.  Cole slaw
I actually like both the vinegary kind and the mayonnaise-y kind.  Does that make me some kind of creep?  I'd say it's more my antique doll collection.

9.  Corn on the cob
Really, the corn is just a vessel for butter and salt.

8.  Potato chips and French onion dip
A good ridged potato chip can carry a surprising amount of French onion dip.

7.  Tortilla chips and salsa
It's ubiquitous, but there's a reason chips and salsa is at pretty much every cookout.  Everyone grazes on them.  Salsa should be chunky, by the way.  Otherwise, you're dripping it all over the table.

6.  Fruit salad
This would be higher on the list, but it's damn near impossible to stab a grape with a plastic fork.

5.  Pasta salad
While there are many kinds, what I'm talking about here is the kind with bowtie pasta, black olives, chopped onions, chopped green peppers, and vinaigrette.

4.  Seven-layer dip
There are many things you can dip a tortilla chip in.  This is probably the best of the bunch.  While I have been unable to eat avocados and avocado-based dips for the past 15 years without a bowling ball expanding in my stomach, seven-layer dip usually allows me to get a little guac while covering it with cheese, beans, more cheese, and some other shit.

3.  Potato salad
There are many types of potato salad, so this is kind of a general category, mainly because there are many types that I like.  German potato salad, mustardy potato salad, red potato potato salad, potato salad with bacon, potato salad with hard-boiled eggs (see #1 below for my thoughts on egg-based things).  A good carb load can help with all the Naturdays you're drinking, or Whiteclaw if you're a millennial.

2.  Bacon-wrapped jalapenos
This combines three of my favorite things:  bacon, cheese, and small green peppers that aren't too high on the Scoville scale.

1.  Deviled eggs
My love of deviled eggs is infamous enough that some people have even made me a separate tray of them, so that I don't eat too many of what's left for the commoners.  I am to deviled eggs what Cool Hand Luke was to hard-boiled eggs.  Although I am also that to hard-boiled eggs.  Really, the point of this post is to tell you that I'm a messianic figure with an addiction to eggs.

Hair Band Friday - 5/24/19

1.  "Tattooed Dancer" by Ozzy Osbourne


2.  "Have a Drink On Me" by AC/DC


3.  "Cry of the Gypsy" by Dokken


4.  "Bad Guy" by Dangerous Toys


5.  "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Mötley Crüe


6.  "A Little Too Loose" by Mr. Big


7.  "Move to the City" (Sound City Session demo) by Guns N' Roses


8.  "She's Evil But She's Mine" by Lynch Mob


9.  "Wasted Time" by Skid Row


10.  "City to City" by Ratt

Retro Video of the Week: "Fall Down" by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Twenty-five years ago this Friday, alt rockers Toad the Wet Sprocket released Dulcinea, their fourth studio album.  It was arguably the band's most successful album, reaching #34 on the Billboard album charts (though their next album, Coil, would hit #19) and going platinum in the U.S. (which their third album, fear, also did).  Up until this album, they were kind of known (by me, anyway) for their slower ballads, like "All I Want" and "Walk On the Ocean."  But Duclinea showed the world (or me, anyway) that they could also rock.  Their first single off the album was "Fall Down," a saucy, dark rocker that just sounds like 1994, doesn't it?  And I mean that in a completely positive way.  It would be the band's third Top 40 hit in the U.S., hitting #33 on the Billboard Hot 100.  The video is also totally 1994.

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite New Wave Songs

Friday night, I was at a bar celebrating a friend's recent U.S. citizenship, and "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds came on the jukebox.  Another friend made what seemed like an innocuous comment that it "has to be a top five new wave song, right?"  Well that opened up a can of '80s worms, as we then began discussing our top five new wave songs.  I couldn't even begin to narrow my list down, so I didn't even try, drunkenly promising that I would "need a couple weeks to think about this."

The first big question we had was "what's considered new wave?"  It's a pretty amorphous genre, complete with various subgenres.  It started out as tied to punk, but then morphed into synth pop, and sometimes I feel like it can be a label applied to pretty much any '80s pop song with synthesizers -- which is to say, pretty much every '80s pop song -- but I think it encompasses much more than that.  Some artists were pretty much all new wave, while some dabbled in new wave while primarily dealing in other genres (whether harder or softer).  It's kind of like Justice Potter Stewart's famous quote about obscenity:  I know it when I see it.  But I also know what's not new wave.

Trying to narrow the list down to ten is damn near impossible.  New wave is basically the music of my childhood from toddler to near teenager.  I'm going to have to have some limits on this, so I'll say that the song has to have been released between January 1, 1978 and December 31, 1989.

I was able to narrow it down to 31.  Within that, I couldn't narrow it to ten, so I'm giving you my eleven favorite new wave songs, followed by my second team, with the rest in honorable mention.  Everything is just going to be by alphabetical order.  I'm limiting it to one song per artist.

Top Eleven
1.  "Take On Me" by a-ha
Not only is this one of the greatest music videos ever made, but the song itself is an '80s pop masterpiece.


2.  "Just What I Needed" by The Cars

The Cars were one of the stalwarts of new wave, and this is my favorite Cars song, although there are many that could have made this list. One night in 1999 I was in a British punk band, and we covered this before going into our very graphic originals.


3.  "Rio" by Duran Duran

It would be hard to have a list of new wave favorites without including some Duran Duran.  I could have easily gone with "Hungry Like The Wolf," "Girls On Film," "The Reflex," or various other songs, but I like "Rio" the best, so there you go.


4.  "Don't You Want Me" by Human League

To me, this is one of the quintessential new wave/synth pop songs.  I love the back-and-forth storytelling between the guy and the gal. "Like, yeah, I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, but the rest of what you just said is bullshit. Also, why do we both call it a cocktail bar? Why not just a bar?"


5.  "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol

This is my favorite Billy Idol song.  It's fun, it always puts me in a good mood, and apparently it's about flogging yourself.


6.  "So Alive" by Love and Rockets
I have liked this song since it was released.  It also brings back good memories of former Chicago late-night bar Deja Vu (not a strip club), which had a framed photo of Love and Rockets above one of the urinals in the men's room.


7.  "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats
Never before had I considered the possibility that there are people out there who would refuse to be friends with someone because they didn't dance.  Also, great video.


8.  "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order

This is one of those songs that instantly transports me back to the '80s. What a great song.


9.  "So Lonely" by The Police

On the early end of new wave, this is my favorite song by The Police, off of their debut album, Outlandos d'Amour. My favorite band in college, King Konga, used to cover this. Jumping was involved.


10.  "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void

This is a tawdry, underrated gem.  Listen.  Enjoy.  Listen again.

11.  "Once In a Lifetime" by Talking Heads
My favorite Talking Heads song.  It's weird, mesmerizing, and awesome, which I suppose describes the band as well.

Second Team:  "Modern Love" by David Bowie; "Radio Radio" by Elvis Costello & The Attractions; "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure; "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners; "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" by Joe Jackson; "Melt With You" by Modern English; "Middle of the Road" by The Pretenders

Honorable Mention:  "In a Big Country" by Big Country; "I Ran (So Far Away)" by A Flock of Seagulls; "Vacation" by The GoGo's; "Down Under" by Men At Work; "Always Something There to Remind Me" by Naked Eyes; "If You Leave" by OMD; "What Have I Done To Deserve This?" by Pet Shop Boys; "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds; "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell; "It's My Life" by Talk Talk; "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung; "The Promise" by When In Rome; "Kids In America" by Kim Wilde

Hair Band Friday - 5/17/19

1.  "Rock Me to the Top" by Tesla


2.  "Your Mama Don't Dance" by Poison


3.  "Don't Hide" by Britney Fox


4.  "Home Sweet Home" by Mötley Crüe


5.  "Suzie (Wants Her All Day What?)" by Extreme


6.  "Believer" by Ozzy Osbourne


7.  "Can't Stand the Heartache" by Skid Row


8.  "Jump" by Van Halen


9.  "Never Use Love" by Ratt


10.  "It's So Easy" (live) by Guns N' Roses

Retro Video of the Week: "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago

A mere 35 years ago yesterday, Chicago released their fourteenth studio album, inaptly titled Chicago 17.  It was the last album to feature Peter Cetera, whose voice is forever linked with the band (and he was the bassist!).  This was the band's best-selling album, going platinum six times in the U.S.  As with pretty much every other album the band released, this one spawned multiple hits.  Four songs from the album reached the Top 20 of the Billboard Hot 100:  "Stay the Night" (#16), "Hard Habit to Break" (#3), "You're the Inspiration" (#3), and "Along Comes a Woman" (#14).

I decided to go with "You're the Inspiration" because it's the song I most associate with Chicago (the band, not the city) in the '80s.  I also chose it because the video is fantastic.  the band couldn't look more '80s, and the story line in the video is that of a punk couple, presumably on the verge of poverty (or else they wouldn't be punk enough), who like to walk down the street and make out.  There couldn't be anything further from punk rock than the lush adult contemporary sound of early '80s Chicago.

Then we move to a close-up of what appears to be another couple, clearly cheating on their respective spouses because no married couple rubs legs or grabs their partner for a kiss like that.  But just like that, we're onto another couple -- this one not so happy.  She's leaving, probably because he's always walking around outside their house with his shirt unbuttoned.  It's not clear if this is the same guy who was cheating or not, but I think we can all assume this guy's a scumbag.  She drives away in a conveniently double-parked car.  All she needs are two suitcases and a 13-inch TV.  

Then we move to another couple so caught up in their own addictions that they have just set up shop in the middle of their back yard and gotten the world's longest telephone cord, so that she can talk on the phone while he looks at Princess Di magazines and listens to his walkman while their Aryan youth kids run and play around them.  But they're happy, and that's what counts.

In the weirdest part, there is a pre-teen couple -- also blonde.  He plays the saxophone, completely uninspired (ironically), while she sits on a couch and barely looks up from her Vanity Fair.

Thankfully, we cut back to the punks, who appear to be the ones in the video most truly in love and present in each other's lives -- i.e., most likely to feel each other up on a public sidewalk.  But then we end with the cheaters.  I don't know what's going on, but this is a classic '80s tune, so that's all that really matters.

Tuesday Top Ten: Debut Albums of the 1990s

As we discussed last week, Friday was the 25th anniversary of the release of Weezer's self-titled debut album (the "Blue Album").  It's one of my favorite debut albums of all-time, and as I was listening to this amazing SiriusXM bonus channel called "'90s Rock & Hip Hop" -- which is, as the name implies, a station that alternates between '90s rock songs and '90s hip hop songs -- I started thinking about some of the other fantastic debut albums of the '90s.  And thus, the idea for this list was born.

I plan to take you on a journey of what I think are the ten best debut albums of the 1990s.  Here are my criteria:
1.  First and foremost, the album must have been first released between January 1, 1990 and December 31, 1999.
2.  It must be the band or artist's first full-length studio album.  Thus, if the band or artist had previously released a single or an EP, I'm not counting those as "debut albums."  However, if the band released a full-length album -- even if it was self-released or on a small label -- that counts.
3.  I'm only considering the album as it was originally released, so if there was some deluxe reissue years later with bonus tracks, I'm not considering that, even if the bonus tracks are totally sweet.
4.  The band or artist must have released at least one more full-length studio album after their debut.  I realize this may be a strange criterion, but for me, a "debut" album implies there was something that followed.  Also, this will cut out one-off projects and collaborations.  Sorry, Temple of the Dog, Jeff Buckley, and New Radicals fans.
5.  An album's inclusion on the list is solely based on the strength of the album, and not on any future success of the band or artist. A lot of great bands or artists had so-so debut albums.  They don't get to be included on the list just because the band or artist went on to do great things.  For instance, the '90s were 2Pac's decade, but 2Pacalypse Now isn't going to make this list because it's not one of the ten best debut albums of the '90s.
6.  The album must have achieved some form of either commercial or critical success, or has since been recognized or accepted as being awesome (for instance on a list like Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Albums of All Time or the ever-shifting list of 1,001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die).  Basically, this is so that I can't put some random debut album that I really like that nobody else has heard of.  Sorry, my fellow Fu Schnickens fans.
7.  That said, I must own the album or at least four songs from the album.  Otherwise, I feel like I'd be talking out of my ass.  Bear in mind that, over the years, I have compiled somewhere over 2,000 albums when you add up my CDs, vinyl, tapes, and digital album downloads -- and that's not including partial albums and singles.  Also, my tastes are relatively eclectic, so it ain't all the same shit.

With that, here is the list.  First, I must tell you what I'm excluding because of my own criteria.  Here are albums for which I don't own enough songs (i.e., four or more) that I will consider them for the list.  Some of them might have made the list or at least been in the running, although I can't even say that for sure, given the strength of the list.  Anyway, here are the excluded albums that I would likely have considered if I owned enough music (in chronological order):

Radiohead - Pablo Honey (1993)
Nas - Illmatic (1994)
Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die (1994)
DMX - It's Dark and Hell Is Hot (1998)

Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998)

Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe (1998)

Second, here are the albums that I do own (either in full or at least four songs) that I strongly considered, but ultimately fell into the Honorable Mention category (also in chronological order):
Cypress Hill - Cypress Hill (1991)
House of Pain - House of Pain (1992)
Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club (1993)
Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville (1993)
Oasis - Definitely Maybe (1994)
OutKast - Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik (1994)
Foo Fighters - Foo Fighters (1995)
Garbage - Garbage (1995)
Wyclef Jean - Wyclef Jean Presents The Carnival (1997)
Puff Daddy - No Way Out (1997)
Will Smith - Big Willie Style (1997)
Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind (1997)

Finally, here are my Top Ten debut albums of the '90s.  There is a lot of hard rock and hip hop on the list because, well, that's pretty much what the '90s were about (and sometimes even at the same time, for better or worse).  Anyway, here you go (again, in chronological order).  And because I love you, I'm giving the album covers and my favorite song off each album, followed by a YouTube video of each song:

1.  The Black Crowes - Shake Your Money Maker (1990)

The rock world really didn't know how to deal with The Black Crowes.  At a time when hair bands and metal (and soon grunge and alt rock) ruled the rock airwaves and MTV, here come these guys playing a blend of Southern Rock and the Rolling Stones, releasing an album named after an Elmore James song -- and kicking ass in the process. It's strange that regular old rock and roll confused the hell out of people.  I remember hearing "Hard to Handle" on a classic rock station in 1991.  But the album is proof that good music finds a way, even if it doesn't fit neatly with what everyone else is doing.
Favorite song:  "Twice As Hard"


2.  Pearl Jam - Ten (1991)

There cannot be a list of the best debut albums of the '90s without Ten.  This is not just a grunge classic, but a rock and roll classic.  And to think, without Andy Wood's heroin overdose, Mother Love Bone might have stayed together, and we might not know who Eddie Vedder is -- kind of like how heroin also gave us Foo Fighters.  Thanks, drugs!
Favorite song:  "Alive"


3.  Arrested Development - 3 Years, 5 Months and 2 Days in the Life Of... (1992)

This was a sneaky addition to the list, and it wasn't an album I initially thought of when I was imagining this list, but it seemed pretty obvious in the end.  The album title refers to how long it took the group to get a record contract, but they made the most of it when they did.  Arrested Development was a unisex hip hop collective, which was certainly unusual in the days of misogynistic gangsta rap, and their brand of hip hop stood in stark contrast to street-tough image of rappers like Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Eazy-E, and 2Pac.  This album is credited with putting Southern hip hop on the map, and it's just a catchy, soulful, good album.  Also, anyone who can successfully cover Sly & The Family Stone is okay in my book.
Favorite song:  "Mr. Wendal"


4.  Dr. Dre - The Chronic (1992)

This is maybe one of the top two or three rap or hip hop albums ever.  As an NWA fan, I remember seeing the video for "Ain't Nuthin' But a G Thang" the first time and thinking, not only was that a fucking awesome and catchy song, but that I needed to get this album ASAP.  I did, and little did I know until many years later, I was getting a lesson in funk just as much as I was in hip hop.  And let's not forget the comedy with skits like "Deez Nuuuts" and "The $20 Sack Pyramid."
Favorite song:  "Let Me Ride"


5.  Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against The Machine (1992)

This album cover, of the infamous self-immolating Vietnamese Buddhist monk, should have been a clue that this wasn't a normal band.  A Harvard-educated guitarist with a weird turntable-esque scratch effect, a thunderous rhythm section, and rapping lead singer combined to bring politics and social consciousness to hard rock with the force of a herd of rabid elephants.  It took me a few years before I really discovered this album, but I was hooked immediately.  I mean, who doesn't remember hearing the lyric "Some of those who burn crosses / Are the same who run forces" and thinking whoa?  And they were right.  For better or worse, Rage were kind of the forerunners of rap metal, although they admittedly did it better than anyone else and with more power and intelligence.  This album is a classic.
Favorite song:  "Killing in the Name"


6.  Stone Temple Pilots - Core (1992)

Along with 2Pac's Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z. and Spin Doctors' Pocket Full of Kryptonite, this is one of the first three CDs I ever got, and it's one of my favorite albums of the '90s.  I never saw STP as a Pearl Jam rip-off, as some people (Pearl Jam fans, mostly) claimed.  They were weirder, darker, and druggier.  Core is a fantastic album from the get-go, with that a capella "I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed / I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me 'cause I'm dead and bloated" kicking off the album.  From there, Weiland and Co. take you to places you don't always want to go, but you're better off for it.  "Will she smell alone?"
Favorite song:  "Plush"


7.  Snoop Doggy Dog - Doggystyle (1993)

Lest you thought Snoop Doggy Dogg was just Dr. Dre's skinny sidekick, a year after his cameos on The Chronic, he released his own hip hop masterpiece.  Doggystyle showed that even gangsta rappers can have fun.  
Favorite song:  "Ain't No Fun"


8.  Hootie & The Blowfish - Cracked Rear View (1994)

I am not ashamed to say that I loved this album when it came out, and I still think it's one of the best debut albums of the '90s.  I'm clearly not alone, as the album has sold over 20 million copies in the U.S. alone, making it one of the 20 best-selling albums in U.S. history.  And how '90s was all of this?  An interracial band playing soulful, folky pop rock that literally anyone could love.  They proved you didn't have to be controversial or have profanity-laced songs to be popular in the mid-'90s -- which isn't to say that their songs were all vanilla or didn't touch on touchy subjects ("Drowning," for instance, dealt with racism).  And they played football with Dan Marino (granted, it was on my archrival high school's field, but still).

Favorite song:  "Drowning"

9.  Weezer - Weezer (1994)

I discussed this album last week in my Retro Video of the Week post with "Say It Ain't So."  This is one of the most complete albums on this list.  Truly, there isn't a bad song on this album.  I can't say enough about this album, so I won't way anymore.
Favorite song:  "No One Else"


10.  The White Stripes - The White Stripes (1999)

This may seem like a cop-out because The White Stripes are one of my favorite bands, but while the rest of the rock world was into bloated alt rock, nu metal, rap metal, Britpop, post-grunge, jam bands, and the like, there was a divorced couple from Detroit pretending to be brother and sister who wore only red, white, and black, who started the next rock revolution by stripping music down to its essence.  It was only a guitar and drums, and from them came a combination of blues, garage rock, fuzz rock, and punk that sounded both fresh and familiar at the same time.  The White Stripes's eponymous debut album may not have been met with much fanfare, but it is since recognized as a one of the balls that started the garage rock revival rolling.  Only a couple years later, bands like The Strokes, The Hives (who I'm seeing next week!), and The Vines followed suit and did their damnedest to displace the Hoobastanks, Creeds, and Incubuses of the world on alternative radio.  You listen to this album, and it slaps you in the face when you consider that Limp Bizkit topped the album charts a few weeks after this album came out, and Santana and Rob Thomas's "Smooth" was released around the same time as well.

Favorite song:  "Broken Bricks"

Hair Band Friday - 5/10/19

1.  "Night by Night" by Dokken


2.  "Mirror, Mirror (Look Into My Eyes)" by Def Leppard


3.  "Sleeping (In The Fire)" (live) by W.A.S.P.


4.  "I Want Action" by Poison


5.  "Bottoms Up!" by Van Halen


6.  "Bad Apples" by Guns N' Roses


7.  "All I Want" by Lynch Mob


8.  "Reach For Me" by Jackyl


9.  "Five Years Dead" by Mötley Crüe


10.  "Back to the Cave" by Lita Ford

Retro Video of the Week: "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer

This Friday, Weezer's self-titled debut album, better known to fans as The Blue Album, turns 25.  Jesus.  This is hands down one of my favorite debut albums ever.  There really isn't a bad song on the album, and the accolades it has received support my love.  Among others, Rolling Stone ranked it as the #35 debut album of all-time and #297 on its 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list, Blender ranked it as one of the 500 CDs you must own before you die, and Pitchfork ranked it as the #26 album of the '90s.

Though it only hit #16 on the Billboard album charts, at triple platinum, it's the band's best-selling album (although that doesn't seem like enough sales!).  I was surprised to learn that only "Undone - The Sweater Song" charted on the Billboard Hot 100, and it only reached #57.  Of course, that song, "Buddy Holly," and "Say It Ain't So" received significant airplay on MTV as well as alternative rock radio (the latter evidenced by the fact that all three were Top 10 songs on the Billboard Modern Rock Tracks chart).

Since I have already used "Buddy Holly" and "Undone - The Sweater Song" as previous Retro Videos of the Week -- and since there aren't videos for "No One Else," "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here," or "Surf Wax America" -- I am going with "Say It Ain't So," a lovely little alt-rock romp inspired by Rivers Cuomo's inaccurate belief that the discovery of a beer bottle in his fridge at home meant his mom and stepdad were getting divorced.  While the other two songs' videos were directed by Spike Jonze, this one was directed by music video guru Sophie Muller, who has literally directed hundreds of music videos.  Rolling Stone listed "Say It Ain't So" as #72 on its list of The 100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time, and Pitchfork put it at #10 on its list of top songs from the '90s.  The band looks so damn young in the video.  Then again, we were all young in 1994.

Tuesday Top Ten: Songs About Diddling Yourself

I kid you not, I was at a six-year-old's birthday party this weekend, and the subject of dick pics came up.  Apparently there's a new dating app that has the technology to automatically blur out a dong when a pic is sent to the object of the overzealous guy's affection. The general consensus among the ladies was that no female wants to receive a dick pic because, as all genders agreed, penises are ugly. Several hours later, we were having a discussion about what queefs might sound like. This is 41. 

Speaking of male and female genitalia, last week, I came across a Kerrang! article entitled "12 Best Songs About Masturbation."  It's a pretty solid list. If you click on the link, they have each song embedded, but here's the list of songs:
-"Muscle of Love" by Alice Cooper
-"Turning Japanese" by The Vapors
-"Severed Lips" by Dinosaur, Jr. 
-"Spank Thru" by Nirvana
-"Orgasm Addict" by The Buzzcocks
-"Longview" by Green Day
-"M&Ms" by blink-182
-"Thinking of You" by A Perfect Circle
-"Diddle My Skittle" by Peaches
-"Capitol P" by Mindless Self Indulgence
-"Holding My Own" by The Darkness
-"Dancing With Myself" by The Donnas (cover of Billy Idol)

There's also some pretty good commentary and euphemisms. My personal favorite is "jerkin' the gherkin" because it's good to know I'm not the only one with a green hue. 

Here are ten additional songs I'd include on any list of the best songs about the favorite 45 seconds to 45 minutes of your day.  Some are about polishin' the knob.  Some are about strummin' the clitar.  All should be included on your new mix entitled "Ode to Porn Hub."  These are in no particular order.


1.  "I Touch Myself" by The DiVinyls
I would think it would be impossible to have any list of songs about pleasuring oneself without a song whose chorus is "I don't want anybody else / When I think about you, I touch myself."


2.  "Darling Nikki" by Prince
Hell, this was the song that Tipper Gore caught her kids listening to that made her start the PMRC. Oh Nikki! 


3.  "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper
Girls do indeed just wanna have fun -- while bushwhacking, that is.


4.  "Pictures of Lily" by The Who
Ahh, the innocence of yanking yourself to sleep in the sixties.  My favorite part of this is that it starts out by a kid telling his dad he's been having trouble sleeping, so the dad gives him some pin-up posters to put on the kid's wall in his room.  "Trouble sleeping, there, Skip?  I got just the thing.  Here's a poster of this dame named Lily.  When you lie down in bed each night, just look up at her and shake hands with the milkman, if you know what I mean."  "Thanks, dad." "You got it, son." "Hey, dad?" "What is it, son?"  "Let's never speak to each other again."


5.  "Hands" by Jewel
Am I the only one, or does everyone else assume all of Jewel's songs are about the soul-saving act of jacking or jilling off?  Maybe it's just this one.  Or maybe this isn't even about that at all and it's just about someone's hands.  But read a little deeper into the lyrics, and I think you'll reach the same conclusion that I have.


6.  "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes
Is there a more beloved song with the lyric "I stained my sheets?"


7.  "My Ding a Ling" by Chuck Berry
This is a classic, full of not-so-subtle double entendre about tugging the slug.


8.  "Beat It" by Michael Jackson
The message is both clear and worthy of consideration:  avoid confrontation and violence by having a ménage à moi.


9.  "You're Making Me High" by Toni Braxton
I wonder if Toni Braxton appreciated the irony of the fact that there were probably a significant number of guys in their teens and twenties waxing their candles to the ladies in the video of her song about engaging in hand-to-clam combat.


10.  "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello & The Attractions
"It" is a penis.  Your own penis, to be exact.


This was a fun post to write and research.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

One millennial male to another:  "You know what nickname I've never heard for Elizabeth?  Za Za.  How badass is that?"
--Chicago, Chick-fil-A
Eavesdropper:  H Dawg

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Hair Band Friday - 5/3/19

1.  "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" by Mr. Big


2.  "Shout at the Devil" by Mötley Crüe


3.  "Push Push" by Cinderella


4.  "Cherry Pie" by Warrant


5.  "Blame It On the Love of Rock & Roll" by Bon Jovi


6.  "Used to Love Her" by Guns N' Roses


7.  "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" by Van Halen


8.  "Tommy's Down Home" (live) by Tesla


9.  "Try To Find Me" by Gorky Park


10.  "Magdalaine" by L.A. Guns

Retro Video of the Week: "Lovesong" by The Cure

Goth rockers The Cure were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame earlier this year (and the induction ceremony was broadcast on HBO last weekend).  Tomorrow marks the 30th anniversary of the release of Disintegration, the band's eighth studio album.  Disintegration ended up being The Cure's best-selling album both in the U.S. and worldwide (going double platinum in the U.S.).  Up to that point, it was also the band's highest-charting album, both in the U.S. (#12) and their native UK (#3).

Even if you're only a casual fan or even if you don't really know much of anything about The Cure, there are a few songs by the band that you probably know -- like "Just Like Heaven" off of 1987's Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, "Friday I'm in Love" off of 1992's Wish, and "Lovesong" off of Disintegration.  "Lovesong" was the band's highest-charting song in the U.S., reaching #2 on the Billboard Hot 100.  It's a song that kind of sums up what The Cure represented -- brooding, dark, and intriguing.  And what I find most interesting is that Robert Smith is wearing white high top basketball shoes in the video.  Lest you think goths can't ball.