The "Fattest Things" I've Ever Done

A couple days ago, my buddy DBH sent me an article entitled "23 People on the 'Fattest Thing' They've Ever Done."  Apparently, AskReddit users were asked "what's the fattest thing you've ever done?" and this article posts some of the best responses.  There are some pretty solid ones.

Reading the article got me thinking about some of the more gluttonous things I've ever done.  Obviously, everyone overindulges on Thanksgiving or eats way too much when they go to Fogo de Chao, but then there are those times when you aren't necessarily planning on doing something "fat," but you do, or times when you say to yourself, "Shit man, I really need to get my daily caloric intake in one sitting.  Time to go to Taco Bell and get a Grande Meal."  Here are the five "fattest things" I have done.

23 Chicken Tenders

Freshman year at IU, I had a "traditional dining hall" in the dorm next to me, which meant that it served breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cafeteria style, so it was pretty much all you can eat.  A couple guys from my floor and I decided to have an eating contest one night when they had chicken tenders (fried, of course).  I should note that these were closer in size to chicken breasts than to chicken nuggets –- probably 2-4 ounces each.  I ate 23.  I won.  It's a wonder why I gained 17 pounds by November of my freshman year.

Double Bamba #1

Also when I was at IU, as I was wont to do after a night of boozing, I went to the now-defunct famed late night burrito stop, LaBamba.  Their slogan was "burritos as big as your head," and the burritos came in three sizes:  junior, regular, and super.  The super was probably 10-12 inches long and 4-5 inches in diameter.  It was mammoth.  The steak version with everything (which is what I got) had to be over 1500 calories.  I usually just ordered the regular, but one night, I concluded that a regular just wasn't going to cut it, so I order a super with steak.  At this particular time, I lived about 4 blocks away from LaBamba, and I would often spend my stumble home enjoying a burrito –- a "walking burrito," we used to call it.  So, I took my super steak burrito to go and devoured it on the walk home.  When I arrived home, I realized that I was somehow not full.  So I walked back to LaBamba and order a regular steak burrito, which I then devoured on my walk home.  It's a wonder why I left Bloomington 30 pounds heavier than when I first arrived.

Double Bamba #1

Another time, I was visiting some friends at Eastern Illinois.  They also had a LaBamba.  In the middle of a house party, I walked over there by myself, got a regular steak burrito, walked back to the party, ate the burrito, immediately walked back to LaBamba by myself, got another regular steak burrito, walked back to the party, ate the burrito, and then made out with some chick.  God, I miss college.

Parking Lot Pizza

A couple years ago, I was at a wedding in a small town in Illinois.  Monical's is a pizza chain, the bulk of whose restaurants are in central Illinois.  As the reception was nearing an end, the bride recommended Monical's as a late-night food option.  Mind you, this was only a couple hours after we had eaten a nice, filling meal at the reception.  I can't remember why we ordered the pizza right then and there (perhaps Monical's was about to close or something), but someone ordered two extra larges to be delivered to the banquet hall parking lot.  The plan was to take it back to the hotel for room parties.  Three of us went out to meet the delivery guy.  After getting the pizza, we popped one guy's trunk and put the pizzas in there.  It smelled too damn good, so we said to ourselves, "let's have a piece before we go back to the hotel."  I kid you not, it took the three of us no more than five minutes to finish off an entire pizza.  We murdered that thing without so much as word spoken.  Just three grown men in suits standing in a banquet hall parking lot eating pizza out of a car trunk in silence.  "I thought we ordered two pizzas," our wives said when we got back to the hotel.  "We did," we answered sheepishly.

McDoner's

Last year when I was in Munich (the rest of the trip recap is coming at some point, I swear!), I got a doner kebab after a night of drinking.  Not satiated by this delicious Turkish treat, I headed straight to McDonald's, where I got a double cheeseburger and fries, the latter of which I drenched in mayo.  The next night, I just got two doner kebabs because when's the next time I'm going to be in Munich?

I'm sure there are some other "fattest things" I've done that I'm forgetting or have blocked out of my memory.  What about you?  What's the "fattest thing" you've ever done?