Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 4/29/11

Tuesday Top Ten: Bands I'm Most Excited to See at Lollapalooza

The lineup for this year's Lollapalooza (August 5-7; Grant Park; Chicago) has been announced, with Eminem, Foo Fighters, Coldplay, and Muse as the headliners. Here is a link to the full lineup.

Of course, one of my favorite things about Lollapalooza is discovering new bands and artists, so I'm sure the list below will not be identical the list of the best shows I see at Lolla this year, but, given that caveat, here are the ten bands or artists I'm most excited about seeing (in no particular order):

1. Eminem
I've never seen him, other than in my dreams.

2. Foo Fighters
Last time I saw Foo Fighters was my senior year at IU when they were teamed up with the Red Hot Chili Peppers for the Little 500 concert. Needless to say, it was a great concert, although Foo Fighters were the first band to play, so they only played for about an hour. I love their new album (and their other albums since 2000), so I'm excited to see them.

3. The Cars
I'm probably not going to be able to see them when they play at The Vic in a couple weeks, so I'm glad they're coming to Lolla.

4. Cee Lo Green
I've seen him a couple times at Lolla as part of Gnarls Barkley. As my friend Greg says, his voice is "velvety."

5. Arctic Monkeys
They're one of my favorite bands over the past five years, and they have a new album coming out within the next month or two called Suck It and See. How lewd.

6. Flogging Molly
I saw them a couple years ago at Lolla, and they put on a hell of a show. Interesting tidbit: lead singer Dave King was the lead singer in early '80s metal band Fastway, who famously recorded the soundtrack to the 1986 metal-infused horror movie Trick or Treat (note, that's his voice, not his body in the movie). For a solid shot of King in his metal glory, watch this video.

7. Cage The Elephant
They put on a pretty good show opening up for Stone Temple Pilots last year, so I'm excited to see them again, especially now that they have a new album.

8. Ok Go
This Chicago-based group is known for their innovative videos and stage shows. I think I saw them 5 or 6 years ago at Lolla, but I may be wrong. I just hope there are treadmills involved.

9. Beats Antique
I missed their show last year, which was apparently awesome.

10. Grace Potter and The Nocturnals
These guys are part of the neo-classic soul movement, and I enjoy their most recent eponymous album. You've probably heard their song "Paris (Ooh La La)" in several commercials for TV shows.

Anyone else you recommend?

The Easter Bunny Cometh

Happy Easter, Christians. I can eat red meat and fried food again, which probably isn't a good thing. Thanks for nothing, Easter Bunny. Yesterday, we discovered that Daughter, while interminably adorable in an Easter dress, lacks the proper coping mechanisms to deal with a dropped plastic Easter egg that splits open, expelling the jelly beans inside. Dude, the jelly beans are right there on the floor. You can just pick them up and eat them. No one is disappointed in you. Now calm down and do your impression of an elephant because that shit's funny.

I don't know if it was the effect of consuming an unhealthy amount of sugar, my inability to come down after the Blackhawks' OT victory, my near-fever-pitch excitement over the upcoming royal wedding, or a combination of the three, but I was tossing and turning all night last night. At one point, I woke up laughing with knowing why. Has that ever happened to you? It happens every now and then to me, and I always wish I knew why I was laughing out loud in my sleep. Presumably, I heard a good Polack joke, witnessed a good t-ball liner to the coach's crotch video, or read a cartoon from The New Yorker.

At another point last night, I kid you not, I woke up to find myself scratching my wife's quadriceps, while wondering out loud whether Jake and The Fatman has been released on DVD. (After some quick research today, I was amazed to learn that it is, in fact, available.) Thankfully Jester is a pretty sound sleeper. I only wish I could remember the dream that led to that, since I hate touching anyone above the knee and I have never seen an episode of any show starring William Conrad.

Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 4/22/11

Holy Ship!

I only consider myself somewhat into pirates, but this might be the coolest bedroom of all-time. When I grow up, this is what I want my bedroom to be like. Of course, this begs the question: does a pirate child want a landlubber house-themed bedroom? And of course, that was a trick question because there are no such thing as pirate children because pirates are married to the sea, and she is an unforgiving, hermaphroditic, barren wench.

Happy Monday

This weekend, I mixed linguini with clam sauce and Jameson. The results were disastrous. I also purchased William Hung: Hangin' With Hung at Salvation Army for $1.06. That was a markedly better decision than what I am now calling Irish Clams. Tonight, I'm watching Elmo Saves Christmas because that's apparently what you do on Monday nights in April when a 16-month-old rules your existence. Moral: Christmas everyday is a bad idea. It's taken that fucking puppet 46 minutes to realize that, even though numerous people -- including Santa (although I guess he's more demigod than human) -- have been telling him that all along. After this debacle gets sorted out, I'm heading to the Bulls game, hoping that they can contain or concuss Psycho T. Tomorrow, I'm going away for several days for my annual journey to Colombia for 4/20, so please don't be alarmed when I don't post anything until Thursday or Friday.

Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 4/15/11

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Quotes from Tombstone

I meant to post this last night, but I went to the Sox game, which went to extra innings, which meant that when I got home, I just went straight to bed. Anyway, here you go.

Saturday afternoon, I was home with Daughter. She sleeps every afternoon for a couple hours, which is nice because it gives me time to work on my scrapbooks. Jester was at her dojo, teaching bōjutsu to the blind, as she does every Saturday afternoon. I was flipping through channels trying to find something to watch while working on my Tribute to Animal Hoarders scrapbook, when I came across Tombstone on AMC. Tombstone is one of my favorite movies from the '90s. It's one of those movies that I can watch at any time and never get sick of it. What a great flick, with a star-studded cast. Kurt Russell as the ultimate badass lawman, Wyatt Earp. Val Kilmer in his greatest performance ever (apologies to Real Genius) as Doc Holliday. Sam Elliott as Wyatt's mustachioed older brother, Virgil. Bill Paxton as Wyatt's nonpolygamist younger brother, Morgan. The chick from Fletch as Wyatt's wife. Dana Delany as the chick Wyatt wants to bang and order room service with. Powers Boothe as the fantastic asshole, Curly Bill. Micheal Biehn as another fantastic asshole, Johnny Ringo. Jason Priestley as the wannabe hardass deputy who has the hots for Billy Zane, who plays a teen idol type traveling actor named Mr. Fabian. Thomas Haden Church as Billy Clanton. And of course there are the minor roles: Billy Bob Thornton as a faro dealer (presumably also the town alcoholic Santa and/or murderous retard), Michael Rooker as McMasters (presumably a serial killer who hates stink palms), John Corbett as one of the Cowboys Wyatt wastes near the river (presumably after his time banging Carrie), Frank Stallone as Ed Bailey (who presumably moved back to Bedford Falls after ), Charleton Heston as Henry Hooker (presumably a pimp), and Robert Mitchum as the narrator.

More than anything, though, Tombstone is a movie of great quotes. There are so many fantastic lines in the movie. It's tough to narrow them down to my favorite ten, but that was my task at hand, so I did. Here they are:

10. Doc: "Why Kate, you're not wearing a bustle. How lewd."

9. Ike Clanton: "What is that now? Twelve hands in a row? Holliday, son of a bitch, nobody's that lucky."
Doc: "Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

8. Wyatt, to Ike Clanton after shooting Ike's friend: "You called down the thunder, well now you've got it!"

7. Wyatt, after slapping a man in the mouth several times: "You gonna do somethin' or just stand there and bleed?"

6. Doc: "I have not yet begun to defile myself."

5. Wyatt, to a fleeing Ike Clanton: "You tell 'em I'm comin'. And hell's comin' with me, you hear?! Hell's comin' with me!"

4. Doc, to his lady friend Kate: "It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist."

3. Doc: "It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds."

2. Doc: "You know damn well who. That dusky-hued lady Satan."

1. Wyatt, holding a gun to Ike Clanton's head while Clanton's gang points their guns at Wyatt: "Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?"

Listen to this playlist: Hair Band Friday - 4/8/11

Beer Is Proof That God Love Us and Wants Us To Be Happy

Lent is a time of self-sacrifice for all of us who succumb to Catholic guilt. Some years I give up harder things than others. For instance, one year I gave up drinking. I thought that was pretty hard, until I heard about J. Wilson, an Iowa newspaper editor and beer blogger who went in the opposite direction and made the bold Lenten decision to subsist on only beer and water. Apparently, German monks used to make the same Lenten sacrifice, so that seems like a reasonable example to follow. Next year, I'm going to give up speaking anything but German. Anyway, this beer-only thing seems damn near impossible, although it sounds like Wilson has been going to the doctor regularly and has somehow not been getting sloshed. He's also lost a ton of weight, as you might expect when one doesn't eat for several weeks. Needless to say, I'm very impressed, a little curious, and slightly terrified.