Midwestern Eavesdropping

30 something guy at urinal at concert to mid 40s guy standing next to him: "Hey man, you got an apple?"
Mid 40s guy: "No, but I got a joint."
30s guy: "Alright man, let's do it."
--Chicago, Charter One Pavilion
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 6/29/12

Talk About Pop Music

So I was riding in a cab tonight, as I do when I too far from my home to sprint.  The cabbie was in his early 20s, approximately middle African.  He was listening to a popular music radio station, which is only slightly better than NPR.  I don't listen to the radio anymore -- not because I don't want to, but because I ride the L to work and there is surprisingly horrible reception in buildings in Chicago's Loop.  And because I have enough music on my iPod to last me a couple months.  Why listen to Britney when you can listen to W.A.S.P.?


I generally despise new popular music because I find it manufactured.  "Artists" have replaced voices with autotune, no one writes their own songs, songs sound the same, there is no popular rock music, and I feel like we've reverted to that horrible period of music between the February 3, 1959 and February 9, 1964.  We need another Beatles, Sex Pistols, or Nirvana.  But that's a subject for another post.  The point of this post, or at least one of the points, is that I grew up in the '80s, which was the heyday of pop music.  When I started listening to music, not only did the radio stations play any kind of popular music, from mall pop to rap to singer-songwriters to R&B to hard rock and metal, but there were nothing but hooks, no matter the genre.  Frankly, it was a glorious time to be learning about music and soaking everything in because popular music wasn't as fractured as it is now, so you got to listen to everything on one station.  Anyone who listened to Z-95 knows what I'm talking about.


In my cab, the first two songs that came on were "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye and "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.  They are apparently both very popular, the latter more so than the former.  I want to hate both of them, which is probably my old man reflex kicking in.  But I also like to think I'm open minded, and I hate people who dismiss things just because they think they should dismiss things.  Also, I like hooks.  So, I rode home listening to these songs without judgment.  It turns out, they aren't bad.  As I flew down Lake Shore at about 80 miles per hour with the windows open, I realized that these songs are no different than much of the music that I grew up listening to every night on the radio while I did my homework. They may as well have been by Terence Trent D'Arby and Taylor Dayne.  I felt like I needed to say something about the songs, which is probably why I've wasted the last half-hour cycling between both songs while writing this post.

I don't know my point.  I'm not going to go out and buy the Gotye or Carly Rae Jepsen albums -- probably because no one calls them "albums" anymore, and even if they did, no one "goes out" to buy anything anymore, so I can't recreate the experience of thumbing through the tapes at Phar-Mor to pick out Appetite for Destruction.  And I'm obviously not going to see them live.  After all, in the next seven days, I will be seeing The Scorpions, Tesla, The Hives, Alice Cooper, and Iron Maiden, and I guarantee Gotye and Jepsen could fuck on stage for eight hours while shooting Roman candles from every other orifice and it wouldn't be as good as any of those bands.  But I'm also not going to hate these songs just because I think I should.  Shit man, they're catchy, and that's what makes a good pop song, from "Earth Angel" to "Hey Ya."  There's value in these songs, just like there was value in "Uptown Girl" or "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."  Just kidding.  Fuck all of you.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 6/22/12

I will be returning some videotapes well into next week, so don't be alarmed if I don't post anything until next Thursday or Friday.  In the meantime, enjoy some tunes, Tipper.

Retro Video of the Week: "Bust a Move" by Young MC

When I was a pre-pubescent kid, because of this song, I thought a "libido" was a schedule.  Contextually, it made sense, especially since I had no idea what a libido was, even though I apparently had one.

Tuesday Top Ten: Wireless Network Names

Many months ago, I made the switch from BlackBerry to iPhone, which has generally made my life more fulfilling.  As every iPhone user probably knows, whenever you are away from your home wireless network, a list of available wireless networks pops up whenever you access the internet, email, Facebook, or anything else that might be able to be accessed through a WiFi network.  Most of the network names are benign, like Bob's House, 2WIRE123, or internet.  However, every now and then, you come across a crude, odd, or hilarious network name.  My theory is that the advent of the iPhone has encouraged people to do this, knowing that every passerby with an iPhone will have the network name pop up (for instance, the one below beginning with "Fish" pops up at a very busy L station).  If that is the case, well done.  If not, then some people are just freaks.  Here are some of the better network names I have seen or have been told about.  For the ones that were sent to me, the person who sent them to me is in parentheses after the name of the network.  And because I fucking love you, there are more than ten.  These are in alphabetical order.


1.  be fucked back (Trashton)

2.  Beer4U

3.  BONERTIME

4.  Fish_Taco_Taint_Anus

5.  Fuckingandpunching (Trashton)

6.  House or rats

7.  PenguinCastle

8.  Poo Town

9.  PrettyFlyForAWiFi

10.  TheCumDump (Can Can)

11.  TheHAUSofGAGA

12.  Throat Yogurt

Have you come across any funny wireless network names?  If so, feel free to share them, unless you're weird about sharing, in which case, continue playing Super Mario Brothers without letting anyone else have a turn, dick.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

One 40 year old woman to another at street festival: "I'm going to stick my dick in you later."
--Chicago, Taste of Randolph
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Jack McBrayer and Triumph at The Weiner's Circle

The Weiner's Circle is a Chicago institution.  Located at Clark and Wrightwood, during the day, it's like any other family-friendly hot dog stand.  At night, however, it is transformed into the gold standard of vulgarity, one-upsmanship, and government cheese fries that cure hangovers.  You see, at night, the staff is crude and rude, and the customers are too.  You swear to get your food, and the staff gives it right back and more.  Aside from a couple racial epithets, nothing is off the table.  It's a great and hilarious end to a drunken night.  Don't ever ask for a milkshake.  Trust me on this one.


This past week, Conan filmed his show from the Chicago Theatre.  One night, he sent Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from 30 Rock, and a Second City alum) to The Weiner's Circle, along with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.  Hilarity ensued.  Enjoy (thanks to Weez for the link).

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 6/15/12

New Book: Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN by James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales

A couple weeks ago, I finished reading The Last Testament:  A Memoir by God by David Javerbaum, and it was hilarious.  Javerbaum used to be the head writer for the Daily Show.  The book is a retelling of the Old  Testament, New Testament, and Koran by God, clarifying what he meant by certain things and providing background for many of the stories.  There are also some random interlude chapters where God dishes on his favorite celebrities, sports teams, and reasons he does certain things.  I'd call it a must read for any Christian, Jew, Muslim, or Athiest.

Since then, I have started reading Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN by James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales at the behest of a friend of my named H Daaaaaawwwwwwwg.  As the title implies, it's about the history of ESPN.  It's mostly told from the first-person perspective of the many people who have worked at ESPN over the years.  It's a massive book.  I'm only to about 1985, and I'm well over 100 pages in.  It will be interesting to see what they have to say about Tirico and his groping.

Books read in 2012:

No Regrets by Ace Frehley

A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz
God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked by Darrell Hammond
The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman
The Last Testament:  A Memoir by God by David Javerbaum

Retro Video of the Week: "Pretend We're Dead" by L7

After my co-ed rec softball team got killed in its first game by a bunch of fucking ringers, we went to the bar that sponsors us.  Half-price pitchers tend to ease the pain of an 8-1 loss.  At the bar, I was having a conversation about Lollapalooza '94, which I attended as a ripe young hairless (head to toe) 16-year-old virgin at the World Music Theater.  L7 played at that show, and they rocked.  I have always loved this song.  The video is classic early '90s female grunge music video cinematography, where they don't keep the camera on someone long enough to really tell if they're hot, so you must assume that they are.  Or not.  It's tough to say, especially given that lead singer Donita Sparks once reached into her bleeding vagina and threw a tampon into an unruly crowd.  True story.

Tuesday Top Ten: Lists Sent to Me By Random Websites

I've mentioned before that I get bombarded with emails from various websites asking me to post links to their articles.  It's now up to probably 30 emails a week I receive from these people, and maybe 10% of the articles are actually interesting and/or relevant to anything I post about here, unlike, say, "hot STEM fields for new grads," "things car insurers don't tell you," or "most controversial faculty firings."  Seriously, Tim Handorf at bestcollegesonline.com sends me an irrelevant article just about every day.  I even wrote a few of them back to tell them that what they were sending me didn't really relate to the subjects that I post about, and that only seemed to encourage them to send more and tell their friends.  The best part is that one of them mistook GMYH for GLBT, and has been sending me various articles about issues in the gay and transgender communities.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So anyway, I didn't have time to write a Tuesday Top Ten today, so here is a list of some of the articles these other websites sent to me in the last month that I haven't deleted.  And yes, I realize that by posting these, I am only encouraging them to send me more.

8 Cartoon Houses We Wish Were Real.  The Gummi Bears is a glaring omission.

10 Modern-Day Execs Who Started at the Bottom

11 Reasons Laughter May Really Be the Best Medicine of All.  It's free, so even the uninsured can afford it.

25 Brilliant and Literary-Inspired Mixed Drinks

10 Worst Bits of Advice That Boomers Gave Us

9 Classic Songs You Didn't Know Were Covers.  I did.

10 Best Movie Scenes About Business Travel

9 College Lessons We Learned from 90210

10 Toys Popular in 1970 and Still Popular Today.  No Pet Rock?

20 Famous Rejection Letters We Can All Learn From.  Perhaps they were rejected because their sentences ended with propositions.

15 Famous Companies That Started As Something Much Different

7 Inspiring Athletes Who Went From Rags to Riches.  As opposed to the uninspiring athletes who went from rags to riches.

50 Links You Need if You Dream of a Career in Sports

10 Celebrated Geniuses Who Died Penniless

The 8 Most Gruesome Video Games of All Time.  No Pitfall?  Apparently getting eating by an alligator isn't gruesome just because it's in 8-bit graphics.

The 20 Most Legendary College Bars.  Three things wrong with this.  First, no Nick's English Hut in Bloomington.  Second, Harry's Chocolate Shop is a terrible bar because it is always full of horrible-looking idiots with skid marks in their sweats.  Third, Delilah's is not a college bar.  It's a punk bar with a giant whiskey selection, and Slash sometimes hangs out there.

10 College Football Powerhouses That Fell from Glory.  I guess Fordham has fallen on some rough times.

8 Coaches Who Were Unfairly Fired

9 NCAA Reforms That Need to Happen.  "Ban people named John Calipari" was noticeably absent.

A Universal Truth

Under no circumstances should a t-shirt be tucked in.  There are no exceptions to this rule.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 6/8/12

Playlists, Or Lack Thereof

I've received somewhere between zero and forty-six emails this week asking me why I didn't post a Hair Band Friday playlist last Friday.  As you may have noticed, I use Playlist.com quite often to post embedded Hair Band Friday playlists and music-related Tuesday Top Ten playlists.  It may not have always had every song, but it was very convenient for an audiophilic blogger like me to share self-created playlists with you fair readers.  Well, Playlist.com has revamped its site, and it now no longer allows embedded playlists.  This is a concern, dude.


I am trying a site called MixPod.  Below is a test.  Bear with me and/or enjoy.  Hopefully this will work, and the transition will be seamless.




Create a playlist at MixPod.com

And here is another site called Grooveshark.

Retro Video of the Week: "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon

I figured an appropriate follow up to yesterday's list of the Top Ten Chevy Chase Movies would be Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al."

Tuesday Top Ten: Chevy Chase Movies

Cornelius Crane "Chevy" Chase is one of my favorite actors, and one of the funniest people on Earth (or at least he was when he was on coke).  He dominated comedic film in the 1980s before sputtering a bit in the '90s (Chevy Chase Show, anyone?) and then all but walking away from the entertainment industry to focus on spending time with his wife and daughters.  No matter you're opinion of him, he's a funny man, and here are what I believe to be his ten best movies.

10.  Modern Problems (1981)

Well, something had to be tenth.  Actually, I think this may be the first Chevy Chase movie I ever saw, sometime in 1983 or 1984 at a rich friend's house.  He had HBO.  I found it to be amusing.

9.  Fletch Lives (1989)

This is underrated and isn't nearly as bad as it's made out to be (unlike Caddyshack II, which is just as bad as it's made out to be).

8.  Three Amigos (1986)

Admittedly, I've never seen Three Amigos.  Yes, yes, I know.  I need to see it, and it's abhorrent that I haven't.  I know what you're thinking:  "GMYH, if you've never seen it, how can it be on this list, and how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"  Because it's my blog, that's why, and three.  And I know plenty of people who have seen it, and I'm pretty sure they would agree it's better than the previous two movies on the list, but not as good as the next seven.  Or maybe they wouldn't.  The world may never know.

7.  Funny Farm (1988)

I saw this one in the theater with my mom and aunt, somewhere in suburban Detroit.  I can't remember if I actually wanted to see it or not, but I ended up enjoying it.  When you're 10 years old, there's nothing as hilarious and disgusting as seeing a guy eat 30 lamb fries.  They're lamb testicles, people.  Andy Farmer and I both had quite a shock when that was revealed.

6.  Spies Like Us (1985)

I always forget about Spies Like Us, but it's a pretty damn funny movie.  Remember the Cold War?  That was always a ripe subject for comedy, naked Russian chicks, and/or the combination of the two.

5.  European Vacation (1985)

I recently watched this again for the first time in years.  Good stuff.  Pig in a Poke.

4.  Vacation (1983)

Vacation was Chase's first go-round as Clark Griswold, and it was a good one.  Station wagons, the Grand Canyon, getting lost, crazy cousins, dead aunts, Christie Brinkley, and amusement parks.  That's what America is all about.

3.  Caddyshack (1980)

I'm sure I don't need to explain why Caddyshack is awesome, since it is probably the funniest movie of all-time.  Chase's under-the-breath one-liners as the carefree millionaire Ty Webb helped propel him into movie stardom.  This would have been higher, but I think Chase's performances in the next two movies are even better than his performance in Caddyshack.  I know what you're thinking:  "GMYH, you're crazy."  That's what they said about Son of Sam.

2.  Christmas Vacation (1989)

This movie redefined Christmas films, and immortalized Clark Griswold.  Sure, Chase played a masterful Clark in the first two Vacation movies, but they don't hold a candle to this.  It's not officially Christmas until Clark calls his boss a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit.

1.  Fletch (1985)

This is one of my favorite movies, and I've seen it dozens of times.  Each time I see it, I discover another line.  If you haven't seen it, watch it and then watch it again.  If you don't get it or don't think it's funny, we can't be friends anymore.  Chase is about as funny as a human being can be in this movie.  I know what you're thinking:  "Would you like some drinks, GMYH, while you wait?"  Yes, very good.  I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and a steak sandwich.

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Twentysomething teacher at a charity function:  "There are too many rat-faced Ukrainian women here."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-lipped Lithuanian