Thursday, November 14, 2013

Awkward Pregnancy Photos

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think it's ever necessary to get professional photographs taken of a bare pregnant belly, unless you are posing for the cover of Vanity Fair.  Jester is currently carrying our third spawn, and, other than in relation to the pregnancy fetish sites that will put our kids through college, at no point during any of her three pregnancies has she said to me, "Honey, if there's one thing I think this pregnancy has been missing, it's that I just don't feel like people have been noticing my belly at all, so I'm just gonna go ahead and take my shirt off, paint my belly like a basketball, and I want you to pretend to dunk my belly, while Daugher and Lollipop pretend to play defense.  Each of you will be wearing basketball jerseys.  Yours will say "Daddy," and theirs will both say "Big Sister."  There will also be fake placenta on the ground.  And I want the woman who did the Griffins' wedding to take pictures.  Her photos had a really nice photojournalistic feel to them." 

It's not that I'm uncomfortable with pregnant bellies.  I'm quite comfortable with them, although I'm not one of those assholes who will just go up to a pregnant woman and rub her belly without asking.  I always ask.  But there are some people out there who are a little too comfortable with their or their spouse's pregnant bellies, such that they want to share their bellies with the world.  Chances are, you even have some Facebook friends who fall into this category.  I know I do.  "Hey Woody, congrats on the pregnancy.  I never would have know Kelly was pregnant if you guys hadn't posted a picture of her at eight months wearing nothing but a sports bra."  What is unfortunate for them is fortunate for the rest of us because it breeds things like this post entitled "The 50 Most Akward Pregnancy Photos Ever" (thanks to Gregerson for the link) and this other post entitled "50 More Extremely Awkward Pregnancy Photos."

On another note, here is a video of Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the best splits ever recorded.

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