Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Tuesday Top Ten: Disgusting Facts About Ancient Roman Life

I was too busy today with work, eating, and going to my Incredible Hulk nightmare support group, as I do every Tuesday night.  Thus I didn't have time to come up with my own Tuesday Top Ten this week.  Thankfully, I happened across an article (if you can call it that) linked from Yahoo's homepage entitled "10 Truly Disgusting Facts About Ancient Roman Life."  Some of them aren't really "disgusting" -- such as the fact that there was erotic art in Pompeii -- while others really are quite disgusting, like the fact that some Romans used urine as mouthwash (it is sterile, after all), they liked to use dead gladiators' blood for its healing powers (makes sense), and they shared a shit sponge to wipe their asses (no defending this one).  

These are things to think about next time you really want to stick it to your jerk friend who is always talking about how awesome it would be to go back to ancient Rome.  "Yeah, good luck with the pubic lice, you ill-informed pagan."  That's what you would probably say.  And then he would be all, "Dude, I'd just take some pubic lice shampoo with me, so it wouldn't be a problem."  And then you'd be all, "Yeah, and totally change the course of history?!  Your egotism is only eclipsed by your short-sightedness.  Not me, though.  I'd go back to the Sunset Strip in the mid '80s and literally fuck every woman I saw.  Try and stop me, Maximus.  Yeah, that's what I thought."

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