Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Retro Video of the Week: "Poison" by Alice Cooper

As we continue to stroll through the world of COVID-19 and the related Retro Videos of the Week, it seemed time to have a song with a more sinister theme.  Alice Cooper's 1989 song "Poison" was a huge hit for the inventor of shock rock, going to #7 on the Billboard Hot 100 to tie "School's Out" for his highest-charting song.  

"Poison" has several particularly appropriate lines this pandemic for several reasons:
-"I wanna love you / Buy I better not touch."  He's right.  Surely, we all want some physical contact right now, but for the love of society, just get some nudie mags, stay inside, and discover yourself.
-"I wanna taste you / But your lips are venomous poison."  Indeed.  That's how you should approach anyone who hasn't been quarantined with you in the same dwelling.  Because all it takes is one asshole to forget to tell you -- after a pretty intense tonsil hockey session -- that he or she forgot to wash his or her hands after he or she touched his or her lips at the grocery store after accidentally touching a gourd that someone sneezed on for you to say, "Shit, your lips are venomous poison, and now I might die.  Also, isn't it early for gourds?  Any why would you want one anyway?  I can't think of anything less essential right now than a gourd.  I need to rethink a lot of things about this relationship.  You're under my skin, deep in.  Please leave."
-"You're poison runnin' through my veins."  Or is it "your poison runnin' through my veins"?  I've never been sure, and I don't care to find out because whether it's a contraction or a possessive, it makes sense.  On that note, please do not inject bleach or any other household cleaning solvents into your veins, as that will, in fact, kill you, since they would, in fact, be poison runnin' through your veins.
-"I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name."  This has no relation to social distancing or COVID-19, but I just think it's a great line.  Also, there are nicer ways to go about getting someone to scream your name than by hurting him or her.  Maybe surprise him or her with that gourd he or she has always wanted.

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