Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Tuesday Top Ten: Things You Should Do to Get Blackhawks Stanley Cup Tickets

On the back of Patrick Kane's hat trick, the Blackhawks clinched a spot in the Stanley Cup finals with a win over the LA Kings Saturday night, setting up the first all-Original Six finals since 1979.  Game 1 is tomorrow night at 7 Central.  I was lucky enough to snag a single standing room only ticket when tickets went on sale, so needless to say, I'm pretty excited to be going to my first Stanley Cup game (or my first professional championship series game of any kind).

If you don't have a ticket, fear not.  You can get two for free.  You see, some d-bag on Craigslist is offering his tickets to Game 1 to the person who impresses him the most.  (Thanks to DBH for the link.)

Here's what the post says:
Hey Hawks fans, I have a pair of tickets for game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals on Wednesday at the UC. Got them from a client at the investment firm where I work. I cant make the game and I can't sell the tickets without getting a potential fine from the SEC. Shitty, I know.
No offense, I make a ton of money anyway. Sorry.
Anybody want these tickets? No cost, just service or item needed. I am single guy living the life. Do you have enough creativity to take these tickets off my hands? Make a video, send me an offer to meet, whatever works. Do not be shy. Let me know ASAP. Best offer gets the tickets. And keep in mind, I go cage diving with sharks, I am not impressed easily.
Email me your offer.

It seems unlikely that this guy actually has tickets, but you have to respect his opportunistic attempt to take advantage of desperate Hawks fans, essentially asking chicks to send him videos of themselves naked or perhaps meet him and engage in sexual intercourse, before he said, "Not impressed enough.  Sorry, chief."
But it got me to thinking:  if this is legit, what should you do get this guy's tickets?  Here are my suggestions:

1.  Just go ahead and make a video showing him your boobs.  We're talking Stanley Cup tickets here.

2.  Make a video:  Two Girls and a Stanley Cup.

3.  Make a video of you cage diving with sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

4.  Offer him a white buffalo.  When he shows up, say the white buffalo ran away, but then offer him a snow globe.  Everyone likes snow globes.

5.  Offer to meet him, make him show you the tickets, tell him that you can make him come with one touch.  His curiosity will be piqued, and he'll probably let his guard down a little.  That's when you kick him in the balls, take the tickets, and say, "Did I say come?  I meant explode your balls.  Zing!"  Then dance a little bit.  Then run.  The cops are probably on their way.

6.  Offer to meet him, make him show you the tickets, and then paint a life-size oil-on-canvas of him as a centaur banging a unicorn.

7.  Offer to meet him, make him show you the tickets, and then kill him.

8.  Offer to meet him, make him show you the tickets, and then do like fifty somersaults in a row.  Then kill him.

9.  Offer to meet him, make him show you the tickets, and then kill him.  Make a video of it, and send it to him.
10.  Make a video of you reporting him to the SEC.

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