It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: The Final Three Beers

I finished my beer advent calendar on Christmas Eve.  Overall, I think it is a great idea, but I would have liked to see more Christmas and winter beers.  There were too many IPAs.  It's winter, for Christ's sake.

Beer #22 was Firestone Walker's Luponic Distortion IPA Series No. 11.  As with many of the breweries whose IPAs have been included in the beer advent calendar, I like a lot of Firestone Walker's beers.  Their Velvet Merlin stout is wonderful, and the nitro version is one of my favorites.  Whatever the fuck this beer was, though, was not in my wheelhouse.  To be fair, I don't own a house full of wheels, but regardless, this was super hoppy with pineapple, guava, and lemon.

Name:  Luponic Distortion IPA Series No. 11
Brewery:  Firestone Walker Brewing Company

Location:  Paso Robles

ABV:  5.9%

IBU:  59

Good for drinking if:  You're making the hell out of some Christmas cookies, unaware that in a mere two hours, you will binge watch the Netflix true crime documentary series The Innocent Man.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.25

Beer #23 is Boulevard's Tank 7.  Dank, dry, and strong this is one of the standard-bearing American saisons/farmhouse ales.  It does an admirable job of paying homage to Belgian saisons, even if it's not my favorite style of beer.

Name:  Tank 7 Farmhouse Ale
Brewery:  Boulevard Brewing Co.

Location:  Kansas City, MO

ABV:  8.5%

IBU:  38

Good for drinking if:  Your beer just doesn't taste enough like wet socks.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.75

Beer #24 -- the final one in the advent calendar -- was a special one.  It was brewed by Chicago's Dovetail, which specializes in European-style beers.  This beer -- the appropriately titled 12.24.16 -- was available only in this advent calendar.  Per the little card on the bottle, it came about as a result of a unseasonably warm Christmas Eve in 2016, which resulted in some "spontaneous" fermentation of some out of season beer.  Dovetail added some Belgian malts to raw wheat and Pilsner malt, and then let it ferment for two years.  It's a "lambic-style beer," which means that it's tart and sour.  It was okay.  I'm not typically a fan of lambics, but this wasn't terrible.  Apparently, the bottles varied in flavor because a friend of mine had one earlier in the night, and it was described as "vomit" and "acid."  My wife had a sip of that and then a sip of mine later on in the evening and said that mine tasted much different and much better.

Name:  12.24.16
Brewery:  Dovetail Brewery

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.5%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You're done wrapping presents and assembling toys, and you just want to sit down and drink a beer that tastes like fermented fruit.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.5

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Hopewell One Night Only

Beer #21 from the advent calendar is one that was specially brewed for Bottles & Cans -- the beer shoppe who put these here calendars out.  It's made by local brewery, Hopwell, and it's aptly titled One Night Only.  It's a "dry-hopped pilsner," which is a fancy way of saying it's a pilsner that's kind of ruined.  I tend to hate when breweries make a hoppy beer out of something that shouldn't be hoppy.  One Night Only wasn't actually as hoppy as I expected, but I still would have liked it better if was less hoppy.  To be fair, that's what I think about pretty much every beer above 20 IBU.

Name:  One Night Only
Brewery:  The Hopewell Brewing Co.

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  5.2%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  Your babysitter just doesn't fucking show up or answer her phone when you and your wife are wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, eagerly awaiting a night of holiday hijinx, Christmas karaoke, and Winter Solstice sacrifices.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.5

Hair Band Friday - 12/21/18

1.  "Without You" by Mötley Crüe


2.  "Cumin' Atcha Live" by Tesla


3.  "Ballcrusher" by W.A.S.P.


4.  "Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now)" by Van Halen


5.  "Fly to the Angels" (acoustic) by Slaughter


6.  "She Loves My Cock" by Jackyl


7.  "Edge of a Broken Heart" by Vixen


8.  "Take a Walk" by Mr. Big


9.  "House of Broken Love" by Great White


10.  "Heaven's On Fire" by Kiss

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: The Last Two Beers

I had an event after work last night, so I didn't have time to indulge in the beer advent calendar.  I made up for my misgivings tonight.

Beer #19 is from another Chicago-area brewery, Bedford Park’s own 5 Rabbit. This is La Piña de Mis Ojos, which translates to the pineapple of my eyes. When I pulled it out of the box, I was not thrilled because it describes itself as a “Sour Ale Brewed with Pineapple.”  Though I love pineapple, I am generally not a fan of sours. However, I was pleasantly surprised. This is not too sour, and also not too pineapple-y. It’s actually pretty refreshing, although definitely more of a summer beer than a winter beer.

Name:  La Piña de Mis Ojos
Brewery:  5 Rabbit Cervecería

Location:  Bedford Park, IL

ABV:  7.0%

IBU:  18

Good for drinking if:  It's a nice sunny day and you're sitting on boat in Lake Michigan, wondering whose fucking boat is this?!

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.75

Beer #20 is more like it: Founders Porter.  This is a great beer.  As you know, I love stouts and porters.  Founders is one of the many phenomenal breweries in Southwestern Michigan.  I've been to a couple, but I really need to do a long weekend full of brewery tours.  I'll need a driver.  But anyway, Founders does dark and heavy beers really well.  Their Breakfast Stout is a classic.  Dirty Bastard not only has a great name, but it's a great Scotch ale.  Their oatmeal stout is great, and the Curmudgeon Old Ale is heavy and strong.  The Porter is a classic robust porter.  It's malty and chocolatey with a little bit of bitterness.

Name:  Porter
Brewery:  Founders Brewing Co.

Location:  Grand Rapids, IL

ABV:  6.5%

IBU:  45

Good for drinking if:  You could use a nice malty beer while watching the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl and wondering how we got to a point where there's a bowl called the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 4.25

Retro Video of the Week: "2000 Miles" by The Pretenders

What will, in all likelihood, be the last Retro Video of the Week for 2018 is a another holiday classic.  In November 1983, The Pretenders released "2000 Miles" as a single, and it would also appear on the band's 1984 classic album, Learning to Crawl.  In the U.S., it was released as the B-side to "Middle of the Road," and while it didn't chart in the U.S. (separately from being part of "Middle of the Road"), "2000 Miles" was a Top 40 song in the UK (#15), Netherlands (#13), Australia (#30), and New Zealand (#36).

Anyone who has heard the song knows it's a sad Christmas song.  I had always assumed it was about the struggles of being in a long-distance relationship around the holidays (perhaps hitting close to home for members of a popular rock band touring) or maybe even a subversive tongue-in-cheek song from the view of Mrs. Claus about Santa and his various time commitments (but "he'll be back at Christmas").  Turns out, it's much sadder than that.  Chrissie Hynde wrote the song about the band's original guitarist, James Honeyman-Scott, who had died the year before at the age of 25, as a result of cocaine-induced heart failure.  I suppose that's why it's snowing in the video.

In Appreciation of Freddy Curci, My New Savior of Sickness

Sometimes I get inspired to post by strange, random things.  This is one of those times.  Sunday night, I was on my way to to Target with the kids.  They were being total shits, as kids are wont to do.  We were listening to the '80s channel on SiriusXM, as I'm wont to do, and "When I'm With You" by Sheriff came on.  I have not heard that song in, I would guess, 25-28 years.

As a faithful weekly listener to American Top 40 in the mid '80s to early '90s -- both in the Casey Kasem and Shadoe Stevens eras -- I tend to remember things that have no relevance to anything other than in my own mind, thanks to the little facts about songs that Kasem and Stevens would often mention.  Of course, as the years go by and there is some strange factoid I heard once upon a time, I now question if it was something real or if I was misremembering.  One of those things I remembered as soon as I heard "When I'm With You" Sunday night was that, at the end of the song, the singer sang what was the longest-ever sustained note in a Top 40 song.

That's something that will keep me up at night, so I made sure to look up the song as soon as I got into Target.  I was confused when I saw that the song was originally released in 1983.  How could this be?, I thought, This song wasn't popular until I was in fifth grade.  Well, friends, this is where the story gets interesting -- not that you haven't been captivated thus far.  

Sheriff was a Canadian rock band in the early '80s.  They released one album, their self-titled 1982 release that included "When I'm With You."  The song was a hit in Canada, hitting #8 on the Canadian pop charts, but only a minor hit in the U.S., topping out at #61 on the Billboard Hot 100.  Sheriff broke up by 1985, and the guys in the band went their separate ways.

Fast forward to late 1988, and a few DJs in the U.S. start playing "When I'm With You" on their local stations, and sure enough, it started to gain popularity.  Capitol re-releases it as a single, and it goes to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in February 1989, becoming one of the only songs in the MTV era to hit #1 without a music video.  And sure as shit, the last note of the song, which singer Freddy Curci sustains for 19.4 seconds, is the longest known note sustained by a male singer in pop history.

So what's a broken-up band to do when they have a #1 song six years after it was released?  Well, the keyboardist (who wrote the song) and bassist had already formed another band, so a Sheriff reunion was out of the question, leaving the lead singer (Curci) and guitarist Steve DeMarchi to form their own band, Alias.  Of course, Alias had a #2 hit in 1990 with "More Than Words Can Say," another power ballad I haven't heard since the elder Bush Administration.

As I drifted off to sleep Sunday night, I had an earworm in the form of "When I'm With You."  In the pantheon of non-hair band power ballads from the late '80s and early '90s, I'll admit that I used to mix up Sheriff, Alias, and Bad English, and their respective songs "When I'm With You," "More Than Words Can Say," and "When I See You Smile."  Throw in Extreme's "More Than Words," and it could get very confusing back between 1989 and 1991.  I will never make those mistakes again.

It turns out that my earlier concerns about Sheriff-related trivia keeping me up at night were unwarranted.  What would keep me up, however, was severe digestive issues.  As I mentioned in my post earlier tonight, Sunday night and early Monday morning were marked by nausea of an unknown origin.  After tossing and turning for a couple hours with some queasiness, I woke up at about 4 a.m. Monday morning, stumbled to the bathroom, and had a rather voluminous vomit.  Well that was strange, I thought, I didn't feel queasy before I went to bed.  Surely, it was some freak glitch in the computer game that controls my life, and now that I've got that out of my system, I'll go back to bed and wake up refreshed when my alarm goes off.  That's always how these things work, right?  Wrong.  Around 5:15, after some restless half-sleeping, I realized that if I didn't get up right then, I'd be cleaning puke out of my sheets for the first time since I was a kid -- well, my own puke anyway.  I gave whatever was left in my stomach to the bottom of the toilet, and then some, before returning to bed, informing my wife that I would not be going to work, and curling up in the fetal position wondering what I had done to upset Xenu.

Sometime between 9 and 10, after the wife and kids went to work and school, respectively, I crawled out of bed and made my way downstairs to grab a cup of water, feeling like someone had beaten my abs and kidneys with one of those little souvenir baseball bats.  My head felt worse.

I spent most of yesterday lying on my couch, occasionally checking my email on my phone, and then checking out YouTube to listen to "When I'm With You" and Alias's "More Than Words Can Say."

If you were to walk into my living room yesterday, you would have seen one a rather pathetic scene.  An outside observer might have assumed I was in the throes of a devastating break-up with the only girl I've ever loved.  Here I am, curled up on the couch under a blanket in a dark room, shades drawn, lights off, TV off, looking like pallid death, eyes half open, mouth breathing, half-groaning every third breath, staring blankly at the ceiling, while listening to '80s power ballads about unrequited love.

What one contemplates when lying on his couch at 11:30 on a Monday morning is why "When I'm With You" wasn't a hit in 1983, but then was a #1 song in 1989.  My only thought was that it was ahead of its time.  I'm not kidding.  So Sheriff was a rock band.  I won't call them a hair band because, after a quick listen to the other songs from their album, I'd put them more in the category of a Foreigner or a Boston or a Night Ranger.  Good, solid AOR.  But the hair band reference is important.  It wasn't for another few years before Mötley Crüe released "Home Sweet Home" that really kickstarted the era of the rock power ballad, which was mainly spearheaded by hair bands.  By the time "When I'm With You" was rediscovered in 1988, it was not only acceptable for rock bands to have power ballads, but that's what the record companies wanted and expected, for better or worse.  To paraphrase some hair band rocker, you released the hard rock songs to get the guys to buy your records, and you released the power ballads to get their girlfriends to buy your records.

When you listen to "When I'm With You" -- and you will, very soon, I promise -- you may or may not reach the same conclusion as I did:  this could just as easily be on an Air Supply record in 1982 as it could be on Warrant record in 1989.  I don't mean that in a bad way.  It's catchy as hell.  Curci's "bay-bay-ee-yay-ee-yay" at the beginning of each verse is bound to stay in your head for a few days.  And don't forget to listen to that last 19.4 seconds.


Curci's follow-up hit, Alias's "More Than Words Can Say" is another solid power ballad, with a little more power (and a wicked guitar solo), given that it was written in the era of the hair band power ballad.  And that song actually has a video!


So in the matter of two days, I have gone from barely remembering "When I'm With You" and not knowing the name of Sheriff's lead singer to forever equating Freddy Curci's voice -- which is fantastic, by the way -- with praying for the strength to eat a piece of toast and wishing I hadn't eaten chicken the night before.  I'm serious when I say that I'm going to think of these two songs whenever I'm sick from here on out.  But don't think this is a negative connection.  If given the choice of lying alone on a couch in agony for seven to nine hours and listening to or not listening to "When I'm With You" and "More Than Words Can Say," always chose the former, and then may-bay-ee-yay-ee-yay-yay you too will feel a little bit better thanks to two highly successful power ballads sung by a relatively obscure Canadian rock singer.  Thank you, Freddy Curci, for making yesterday a little less miserable than it could have been.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: The Last Two Beers

I had to take a night off of the beer advent calendar last night because, at about 4 a.m. yesterday morning, something of unknown origins caused me to vomit my brains out and then, about an hour later, vomit out whatever was left in there.  So, I spent much of yesterday lying on the couch, hovering in and out of consciousness while occasionally sipping water and waiting for the moment I could muster up the courage to have a piece of toast.  That moment came in the early afternoon, and I'm happy to report things improved after that and another three-hour nap.  Ahh, to be sick when no one else is home.  But anywho, I wasn't feeling up for a beer last night, so I put it off until tonight.

Beer #17 was quite refreshing -- Middle Brow's White Light, a witbier.  I enjoy wheat beers, white ales, and witbiers in all seasons.  This was delicious, with a hint of apricot, but not too much.

Name:  White Light
Brewery:  Middle Brow Beer Co.

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  5.1%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You're making the shit out of some lemon bars because, dammit, you're a good father.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 4

Beer #18 was back to the norm, which unfortunately means hoppy.  This is Illuminated's Junior Astronaut Juice.  I love the name, but this is another juicy IPA, which seems to be all the rage this beer advent calendar season.  Billed as a double dry hopped IPA, this actually isn't as bad as some other IPAs.  That is to say, I don't like it.

Name:  Junior Astronaut Juice
Brewery:  Illuminated Brew Works

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.0%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You have to play tennis with Don Cornelius.  On the moon, bitch.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.25

Midwestern Eavesdropping

Fortysomething man, upon learning friend was going to see Straight No Chaser in concert:  "I really miss the a capella circuit."
--Draft Room, Rosemont, IL
Eavesdropper:  Kilbourne Identity

A man and his children are watching the Autonation Cure Bowl on TV:
Man:  "That red team has one of my favorite mascot names."
7-year-old daughter:  "The Dicks!"
Man:  "No, the Ragin' Cajuns."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Man walks into living room and sees older movie playing on TV, with a woman with short hair on the screen:
Man:  "What are you watching?  Rosemary's Baby?"
Wife:  "The Sounds of Music."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

New Book: The Anatomy of Evil by Michael H. Stone

A week or two ago, I finished reading Hidden History of Lincoln Park by Patrick Butler.  It was a good, quick read highlighting some of the notable events that have happened in Chicago's Lincoln Park neighborhood, or interesting people who have lived here.  Obviously, this is geared more towards people who live in Lincoln Park or nearby, but I thought it was a fun book.  Apparently, some hardcore shit has gone down around here, and that's aside from the St. Valentine's Day Massacre and John Dillinger's death.

Since then, I started The Anatomy of Evil by Michael H. Stone, M.D.  Stone is a forensic psychiatrist, and the purpose of the book is to try to categorize evil into 22 groups, so that a better understanding of the causes of what makes people do horrible things.  Criminal profiling has long been a fascination of mine, so this is right up my alley.

Books Read in 2018:
-How Music Works by David Byrne
-But What If We're Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past by Chuck Klosterman
-Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
-My Cross to Bear by Gregg Allman with Alan Light
-Different Seasons by Stephen King
-Hidden History of Lincoln Park by Patrick Butler

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Last Three Beers

During a weekend in which I saw Bob Seger in concert, drank a lot of beer, and watched some bowls, some college basketball, and the Bears clinching the NFC North, it's a wonder I even had time to drink more beer. But I did.  Here are the three beers from the advent calendar I had this weekend.

Beer #14 was an interesting one.  Due to the aforementioned Seger concert Friday night, I had to hold off until Saturday to drink it, but it was worth the wait.  It was Sketchbook's Ripe Now, which is described as a "Farmstand Porter with Cranberries."  I don't know what I "farmstand porter" is, but most importantly, it's a porter, so I was a fan.  The cranberries gave it some tartness, but it wasn't too sour.

Name:  Ripe Now
Brewery:  Sketchbook Brewing Co.

Location:  Evanston, IL

ABV:  6.6%

IBU:  25

Good for drinking if:  You don't even know you're going to see your alma mater hit a  last-second three to beat an in-state rival on national TV in like two hours.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 4

Beer #15 was from one of my favorite breweries, Chicago's own Pipeworks.  I know they have a ton of hoppy stuff, but they also do wonderful things with stouts and other non-hoppy beers.  Unfortunately, this beer -- Close Encounters -- falls into the former category and not the latter.  It's a black IPA.  To paraphrase Hawk Harrelson's "right size wrong shape," this is the right color, wrong IBU level.

Name:  Close Encounters
Brewery:  Pipeworks Brewing Company

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.0%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You're trying to down a quick beer before heading to a holiday party to drink a ton of Christmas beers, and you want a beer that looks like it should be full of malts, but, in reality, is here to kill you.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3

Beer #16 is one of Ballast Point's 831 varieties of their Scuplin IPA.  This one is the Spruce Tip Sculpin.  As you might expect, it is very piney and sprucey -- and way too hoppy.  I am a fan of a lot of Ballast Point's non-IPAs.  Their Victory at Sea porter is excellent, and this time of year, the Peppermint Victory at Sea is both festive and delicious.

Ballast Point opened up a tap room here in Chicago either last year or earlier this year.  I've been a few times, and I highly recommend it.  They have probably 60 Ballast Point beers on tap.  Definitely check it out if you're looking for some time to kill before a dinner reservation in the Fulton Market area.

Name:  Spruce Tip Sculpin IPA
Brewery:  Ballast Point Brewing Company

Location:  San Diego, CA

ABV:  7.0%

IBU:  70

Good for drinking if:  You really wanted to drink a Christmas tree.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3

Hair Band Friday - 12/14/18

1.  "Blackout" by Scorpions


2.  "Live and Let Die" by Guns N' Roses


3.  "Young and Wasted" by Kiss


4.  "Still of the Night" by Whitesnake


5.  "Slick Black Cadillac" by Quiet Riot


6.  "I Believe In You" by Y&T


7.  "Lightnin' Strikes Again" by Dokken


8.  "Mistreater" by Great White


9.  "Wild World" by Mr. Big


10.  "Fire and Ice" by Cinderella

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Maplewood Charlatan

Beer #13 was another hoppy one:  Maplewood's Charlatan, which deems itself an American pale ale.  Whatever it was, it was too hoppy.  Maplewood is a great little brewery not too far from where I live.  As you may expect, I'm a fan of their darker beers.  Fat Pug, their milk stout, is particularly good.

Name:  Charlatan
Brewery:  Maplewood Brewing Company

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.1%

IBU:  35

Good for drinking if:  You want to line up some apples for no reason for a picture.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Deschutes Fresh Haze

We’re at beer #12 in the advent calendar — halfway to Christmas Eve. Today's selection is Deschutes’s Fresh Haze IPA. You guys know how I feel about IPAs. I will say that I can tolerate “juicy” IPAs more than other types, and that’s what this is. It’s got a lot of citrus flavor, but also a lot of hops. Mind you, I am a big fan of a lot of Deschutes’s beers — the Black Butte Porter is great, and the Obsidian Stout is even better, especially if you can find it on a nitro tap — but the Fresh Haze just isn’t my bag of sweet Valencia oranges. But it is winter, and I'm drinking something hazy, so as a music fan, I can take some solace, even if there's not a patch of snow on the ground at the moment.

Name:  Fresh Haze IPA
Brewery:  Deschutes Brewery

Location:  Bend, OR

ABV:  6.5%

IBU:  45

Good for drinking if:  You're listening to Simon & Garfunkel or The Bangles -- well, one particular song by each of them, anyway.  Or maybe you're just watching Less Than Zero.  Hell, I don't care.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments): 3.25

Retro Video of the Week: "I Wish Everyday Could Be Like Christmas" by Bon Jovi

In this week's holiday-themed edition of Retro Video of the Week, I'm going with Bon Jovi's 1992 song/video, "I Wish Everyday Could Be Like Christmas," which was the B-side to the band's "Keep the Faith" single.  While I appreciate the sentiment, if every day was like Christmas, Christmas would cease to be special.  Ask any self-entitled rich asshole.  "Other than the most dangerous game, nothing excites me any more because I have everything I could ever want."  Let's keep Christmas at one day a year, Jon.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Hailstorm Hotel Life

Beer #11 on the advent calendar is a North American Adjunct Lager, courtesy of Tinley Park's Hailstorm.  It's aptly named Hotel Life.  Without even reading what kind of beer it was, I knew it was a light lager because what else could a beer called Hotel Life be?  It's not bad, as far as light beers go -- a step above your average Miller Lite, Bud Light, and Coors Light.  Light, crisp, and refreshing.

Name:  Hotel Life
Brewery:  Hailstorm Brewing Co.

Location:  Tinley Park, IL

ABV:  4.7%

IBU:  12

Good for drinking if:  You're a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. 

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  3.75

Tuesday Top Ten: Ranking the Songs on the Phil Spector Christmas Album

Since it's the holiday season, that means we get to listen to one of the best holiday albums ever made:  1963's A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector.  Eleven years ago, I explained why it is so great, and I recommended that you purchase it.  Since you have all undoubtedly done so since then, I now feel comfortable ranking the songs on the album.

Released on the day JFK was shot, A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector is so revered that it was ranked #142 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 greatest albums in rock and roll history.  To be clear, the list encompassed all albums, not just holiday music.  Legendary producer Phil Spector used his "Wall of Sound" production technique to bring the both standards and new holiday songs to life, creating iconic Christmas songs that have been used in movies, TV shows, commercials, and the like for the last 55 years.

Setting aside Spector -- who is a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee and arguably the greatest producer in rock and roll history -- the list contributors to the album is amazing:

• The artists are The Ronettes, The Crystals, Darlene Love, and Bob B. Soxx & The Blue Jeans.  Both The Ronettes and Love are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hell, one could argue that Darlene Love got into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because of this album.
• Among the many legendary session musicians who performed on the album were Sonny Bono (percussion), Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Leon Russell (piano), Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Hal Blaine (drums), and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Steve Douglas (saxophone), and Ray Pohlman (bass), who was credited with being the first electric bass player in LA in the '50s.
• Love's hit (now a Christmas classic), "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" was co-written by Spector and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame songwriters Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich (who also gave us legendary pop hits like "Da Do Ron Ron," "Then He Kissed Me," "The Leader of the Pack," "Be My Baby," "Hanky Panky," "Do-Wah-Diddy," "Chapel of Love," and "River Deep - Mountain High").

Alright, so you know the album is great, but let's get to the point of this post:  ranking the thirteen songs on the album.  There's not a bad song on the album, so it was hard.  Bear in mind that these rankings are purely subjective and 100% inarguable.

13. "Silent Night" by Phil Spector and Artists (Track #13)

This is a spoken-word "thank you" from Phil Spector with "Silent Night" playing in the background, so I'm not sure I'd even consider it a proper song, but it's on the album, so I included it on the list.

12. "Frosty the Snowman" by The Ronettes (Track #2)
The Wall of Sound meets the world's most recognized snowman.

11. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by The Crystals (Track #8)
This is another one where the Wall of Sound exhibits itself and brings new life to a holiday classic.


10.  "Parade of the Wooden Soldiers" by The Crystals (Track #10)
Horns are front and center in The Crystals' version of this originally instrumental holiday song.


9. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by The Ronettes (Track #7)
A solid version of a story of yuletide infidelity.


8. "White Christmas" by Darlene Love (Track #1)
This is a '60s take on arguably the most iconic Christmas song, and Love delivers.  I love the spoken-word interlude in the middle of the song, where Love laments that she is in Los Angeles, but "longing to be up north."


7. "Marshmallow World" by Darlene Love (Track #6)
It may be a marshmallow world in the winter, but always remember:  don't eat the yellow marshmallows.

6. "Here Comes Santa Claus" by Bob B. Soxx & the Blue Jeans (Track #12)

I think this is one of the better exhibitions of the Wall of Sound on this album, with the backing vocals and instruments as much a part of the song as the lead vocals.

5. "The Bells of St. Mary's" by Bob B. Soxx & the Blue Jeans (Track #3)
Bobby Sheen, aka Bob B. Soxx, belts out this one, with the help of the backing vocals of the Blue Jeans, aka Darlene Love and Fanita James, taking the song to heights that the writers of the song surely could not have envisioned when they wrote it in 1917.


4. "Winter Wonderland" by Darlene Love (Track #9)
I like this version of "Winter Wonderland" because it has soul.  The vocals are great, and although it's credited to Darlene Love, it's really sung by backing vocalists (not sure who, but perhaps the Crystals or the Blossoms), and Love only comes in at the end.  The song just has a good feel.


3. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" by The Crystals (Track #4)
This version of a Christmas classic inspired Bruce Springsteen's now-iconic live version that we all know and love.  The Wall of Sound is in full effect in this song, kicking in after the spoken-word intro and overwhelming you with holiday cheer.


2. "Sleigh Ride" by The Ronettes (Track #5)
The Ronettes crush this holiday classic, from the horse sound effects to Ronnie Bennett Spector's lead vocals to the backing "ring-aling-aling-a-ding-dong-dings."  It's far and away my favorite version of this song.  Ronnie could sing death dirges and make them sound good.

1. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love (Track #11)
I mean, this is just a classic -- probably a top five Christmas song ever.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: The Last Four Days

It's been a few days since I've graced you gentle souls with the details of my alcohol consumption.  Fear not, I didn't miss an advent calendar beer.  Here are the last four I've had.

Beer #7 was the courtesy of one of the best breweries in the country, in my opinion.  Bell's was the pioneer in the now insanely vibrant Southwestern Michigan brewing scene.  Unfortunately, it's so ubiquitous that I kind of forget about it, even though I drink Bell's beers throughout the year.  

The selection in the advent calendar was Arabicadabra.  I love a good word combination, and despite the fact that I'm not a coffee drinker (Jolt only for caffeine, thank you very much), I am a fan of coffee stouts and porters.  This was a coffee milk stout, and it was predictably delicious.

Name:  Arabicadabra
Brewery:  Bell's Brewery

Location:  Comstock, MI

ABV:  5.5%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You want to change up your pre-work drink from a Bloody Mary. 

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  4

Beer #8 in the ol' advent calendar was from another Midwestern brewing stalwart:  Three Floyds.  Like many breweries, they are focused on quality and hops.  That said they make a lot of really good non-hoppy beers.  Unfortunately, Space Station Middle Finger is not one of those.  It's an American Pale Ale, which for all intents and purposes, is an IPA.  Too hoppy for my tastes.

Name: Space Station Middle Finger 
Brewery:  Three Floyds Brewing Company

Location:  Munster, IN

ABV:  6.0%

IBU:  50

Good for drinking if:   You're unknowingly about to win an air fryer in a white elephant gift exchange.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  3

Beer #9 was just fucking weird.  It's a gose from Collective Arts.  I'm not a fan of sour beers, and this was sour, with a lot going on.  Maybe if I would have cut it with some vodka, I would have liked it more, but I was not a fan.  On the bright side, after I drank it, I went to the Bears game, which was awesome.

Name:  Collective Project:  Guava Gose
Brewery:  Collective Arts Brewing

Location:  Hamilton, ON Canada

ABV:  4.9%

IBU:  12

Good for drinking if:   You want to give your friends a challenge beer.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  2.5

Beer #10 was much more up my alley -- my dark and delicious alley.  I've had 4 Hands's Cast Iron before, and I'll have it again.  It's a delicious, malty, nutty, chocolatey oatmeal brown ale.  More breweries should make brown ales.  That's a fact.

Name:  Cast Iron Oatmeal Brown
Brewery:  4 Hands Brewing Co.

Location:  St. Louis, MO

ABV:  5.5%

IBU:  20

Good for drinking if:  You want something to complement that chocolate cake you're eating for your daughter's ninth birthday.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  4.25

Hair Band Friday - 12/7/18

1.  "Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row


2.  "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake (Saints & Sinners version)


3.  "Smokin' in the Boys Room" by Mötley Crüe


4.  "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses


5.  "Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC


6.  "Send Me An Angel" by Scorpions


7.  "Round and Round" by Ratt


8.  "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister


9.  "Rainbow in the Dark" by Dio


10.  "You Got Another Thing Coming" by Judas Priest

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Begyle The Most Wonderful Time

Beer #6 of the advent calendar is an interesting one.  It's made by Begyle here in Chicago, in collaboration with the liquor store that put out the advent calendar, Bottles & Cans.  The aptly titled The Most Wonderful Time is billed as a "brut rosé-style ale with berries."  It must have been specially brewed for this advent calendar because I was only the second person to have ever checked it in on Untappd.

According to the side of the can, it has cranberries, strawberries, and raspberries, which isn't too much of a surprise given the reddish hue.  It's certainly an interesting beer, if you can call it a beer.  It's almost like a hybrid between beer and cider -- more bubbly than your typical beer.  Overall, it's pretty good.  There is definitely a tartness to it, but it's not overpowering.  I'm not sure this is something I would have more than one of, but I'm also not a rosé drinker.

On a related note, I'm a big fan of Begyle.  If you get the chance, I highly recommend stopping by their tap room and taking a tour.

Name:  The Most Wonderful Time
Brewery:  Begyle Brewing

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.0%

IBU:  N/A

Good for drinking if:  You need something to complement that fruit cake your neighbor Phyllis gives you every fucking year. 

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  3.75

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Perennial Saison de Lis

Beer #5 of the beer advent calendar is a nice refreshing one.  Perennial's Saison de Lis is, as the name implies, a saison of lis.  But seriously, it's a good saison brewed with chamomile flowers.  Since I have no idea what chamomile flowers taste like, I can't say whether this is chamomile forward or not.  It's a typical saison -- a little dank, but refreshing.

Name:  Saison de Lis
Brewery:  Perennial Artisan Ales
Location:  St. Louis, MO
ABV:  5.0%
IBU:  20
Good for drinking if:  You're in need of a calming beer after a long night of trimming trees.  More like trimmin' bush, am I right?  But mostly just trimming trees.
Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  4

Retro Video of the Week: "Where Are You Christmas?" by Faith Hill

Since it is now December, and we are a mere 20 shopping days away from Christmas, the Retro Videos of the Week will be holiday-themed for the rest of the year.  (It's safe to assume I won't be posting anything on Boxing Day.)

The first video is technically outside my artificial parameters for Retro Video of the Week, the end of which I set as my graduation from college in May 2000.  However, this song was released later that year as part of the soundtrack to the live-action version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with Jim Carrey in the titular role.  Faith Hill's "Where Are You Christmas?" is a song that I have never heard until five minutes ago.  But hey, it's a video from the MTV era, so it counts.  It apparently charted on the Billboard Hot 100 (#65), the Billboard Adult Contemporary chart (#10), and the Billboard Country chart (#26).

Interesting tidbit:  Taylor Momsen, who played Cindy Lou Who in the film, is now the lead singer of a pretty awesome metal band called The Pretty Reckless.

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Beer: Goose Island IPA Now

Beer #4 of the beer advent calendar is another fucking IPA -- Goose Island's IPA Now.  Look, I get that certain beer nerds and hipsters think hops are all the rage, but it's winter beer season, so in my opinion, one IPA is one IPA too many.  That said, I do like the early '80s Astros-style bottom third of the can.  So there's that.

Name: IPA Now
Brewery:  Goose Island Beer Company

Location:  Chicago, IL

ABV:  6.5%

IBU:  45

Good for drinking if:  You like commenting on the pine and citrus notes of a beer after putting up a Christmas tree that your wife is convinced is dead.

Rating (out of five stars, by quarter star increments):  3.25