Midwestern Eavesdropping

Drunk wife to husband, discussing the possibility of coitus:  "If Gozer asks me if I'm a god, you can have me."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Fortysomething man, to friends, after ignoring phone call:  "My parents keep calling me. (pause) Oh, I guess it's their anniversary."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  GMYH

Fortysomething Chicagoan male:  "I think if I've had COVID, I'm going up to Wisconsin to party."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Husband and wife, while husband is disgruntledly putting together a backyard swing set for their kids:
Husband:  "As soon as you want this down, I'll have it down in two minutes."
Wife:  "After a year or two, maybe we can give it to my cousin, although you'd probably be happy to leave it in the alley or burn it."
Husband:  "I'll burn it tonight."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper:  Pukus

As always, if you overhear something funny or ridiculous (or that can be taken completely out of context), email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with the location you heard it and your preferred eavesdropping handle, for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.