Several inquisitive little SOBs have asked what the hell "Give Me Your Handrew" means. I shall tell you. It all started in the glorious fall of 2001 when I lived with Tradd "Don't Call Me Chad" Fromme and Ryan "Don't Call Me Brian" Christoff (as well as the best roommate of all-time, Jason "Byrnsie" Byrnes). Tradd, Ryan, and I decided that enough was enough: we needed to make our use of the English language more streamlined and efficient. Refusing to be bogged down by words that started and ended with the same sounds, we developed a plan: we would use word combinations whenever possible. So, when Ryan grabbed a large knife and said, "give me your hand, Andrew," I said, "Don't you mean 'give me your Handrew?'" He replied with a smile, "Of course I do." So I did.
After returning from the hospital, I vowed to turn our dream into reality. Wanting to stretch this brilliant idea as far as possible, we founded AbbreviNation, a non-for-profit organization devoted to enhancing the efficiency of the use of the English language through word combinations and abbreviations. We can achieve this through several steps:
1. Promoting the use of currently used word combinations:
-calf + ankles = cankles (the unfortunate occurrence, often in middle-aged women, when the calf and ankle become one)
-shit + fart = shart (when more than gas escapes during flatulence)
-she + him = shim (someone whose gender is indecipherable)
-wimp + pussy = wussy (anyone of the pampered brats on E!'s "Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive")
-frisbee + golf = frolf (a pastime of George Costanza)
2. Encouraging the support of companies whose names are word combinations or abbreviations:
-Unocal (United Oil of California)
-3M (Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing)
-The Michillinda Beach Lodge (a hotel in southwestern Michigan that services travelers from Michigan, Illinios, and Indiana)
-GEICO (Government Employees Insurance Company)
-Evite.com (Electronic invite)
3. Engouraging the combination of words not previously combined:
-Abbreviation Nation becomes AbbreviNation
-Black Acura becomes Blackura
-Red Honda becomes Rhonda
-Give me your hand, Andrew becomes Give me your Handrew
-Good day becomes Gooday
4. Encouraging the invention of new words with new definitions through the use of word combinations:
-Al Qainada (Canada's Islamic fundamentalist terrorist sect)
-Aireykjavik (Iceland's new national airline, replacing the more cumbersome Iceland Air)
-Hookery (playing hooky with a hooker)
-Exgermanation (ridding the world of those pesky Germans)
-Spermination (murder by ejaculation)
5. Encouraging the visitation of geographical areas that promote efficient word usage: Texarkana; Illiana; Kentuckiana; Michiana; Benelux
Anyway, I hope this clears up any confusion about the name "Give Me Your Handrew." I wish you a gooday.
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2 comments:
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you are using my name in vain.
Quite the opposite, The Handrew. While you use Handrew as a pronoun to describe yourself, I am using it as a simple combination of nouns to describe what I guess would be it's own noun. It's kind of like using Bill (the name) vs. bill (as in a form of currency, or referring to a charge of some sort). And I certainly wouldn't use "handrew" in vain if I had it in the title of my blog. If anything, it's a celebration of the word. Have a nice 4th of July weekend.
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