Shit I Hate: People Who Don't Brush Their Teeth in the Morning and Ride Public Transportation

I don't have time or plausible ideas for a Tuesday Top Ten this week, but I will enlighten you about some shit that I hate: people who don't brush their teeth in the morning and then ride the L (or other modes of tightly packed public transportation).

In general, I have issues with the general population's inability to account for the various stenches emanating from their mouths. People drink way too much coffee, smoke way too many cigarettes, and eat way too many non-potatoes to not carry mints, gum, or breath strips at all times (and use them with reckless abandon). But this is one of the most egregious offenses.

This morning, the L was crowded, as it is every workday morning, which means that people are standing very close to one another. Some dude was mouth breathing right in my face, peppering me with a nice combination of his dinner from last night and eight-plus hours of bacterial growth. I just had to stand there and pray he was getting off at the next stop. It was miserable.

For Colgate's sake, there is no reason you should ever leave your dwelling in the morning to ride face-to-face with strangers without brushing your teeth. It's just inconsiderate. You know how your girlfriend hates your morning breath? So does everyone else in the world. And let's not forget that five out of five dentists recommend brushing your teeth in the morning.

So, as a courtesy to your fellow train riders, co-workers, significant others, and baristas, brush your fucking teeth every morning. Until then, I will hate you and all dragon-breathed sons of bitches like you.