OC Recap and Stitches

I have entered the winter of the Fortnight of Andrew. Last night Jessie and I went to the grocery store. On the way there we were almost t-boned by a Chicago Police officer who was simply not paying attention. Then his buddy riding shotgun pointed out the fairly noticeable black Saab station wagon he was about to plow into. The look on his face when he realized his mistake was priceless. It was the kind of combination of fear, embarrassment, and shock that one doesn't come to expect from a uniformed police officer.

After we got back from the grocery store, we ran suicides and made balloon animals. Then we watch The OC. Last night's episode was pretty good. Since I'm not in the mood for a lengthy recap, here's what you need to know:

1. Summer got booted from Brown until next fall. As a result, she is back in Newport, and now Seth is going to postpone his enrollment in RISD until the fall as well. Once again, Josh Schwartz and McG have managed to conveniently get everyone back to Newport, while pissing off an innocent Providence in the process.
2. That dirty, scapegoating hippie bastard Che shows up in Newport to make amends with Summer, since he got her booted from an Ivy League school and because he's a dirty asshole. He brings his dijereedoo, and actually says to Summer, "But you love the dij'." Luckily for all of us, the dij does not make an appearance. Miraculously, amends are made in spite of the dij's absence, and we find out that Che's dad owns a pharmaceutical company and he has more cash than one of those rappers. Additionally, we learn Che is short for Winchester. Seriously. At least give him a nickname that's a little more believable or mainstream, like Winch, Heste (pronounced "heest"), or Ste. I hope the private family jet that he took home crashed into a cactus field inhabited by rabid jackyls.
3. While attempting to say "lame," Kaitlin says "lahm." Somehow, others her age understand what she meant. This prompts her to throw a raging kegger with such features as kegs and "seven minutes in heaven." The party totally beats out some other uppity hooker's party.
4. Unbeknownst to them, Julie and Kirsten's dating service has now turned into a gigolo service. The Bullitt may or may not have something to do with this. It goes without saying that I love where this is going.
5. Ryan keeps having vivid, '80s-hair-band-video-style fantasies involving Taylor. Nothing yet involving candlewax, tube socks, and the new Fiona Apple CD. It goes without saying that I would love for these fantasies continue. They haven't done anything with leather, pleather, vinyl, or latex yet. For the love of Providence, make it happen Josh Schwartz and McG.

This morning I woke up and had the privilege of driving my lovely wife to work. Later, I met Jester and my dad for some lunch at Catch 35, where I had a delightful Atlantic Salmon BLT, complimented with crab bisque. On the way back home, I held up a German restaurant with an Entertech. Drunk and adrenalized, I went home, took Harley to the vet and had her stitches removed. I'm writing a song about it, which I expect to be released sometime early next March. It's called "Stitches Out My Bitch." Here's a little sample:

Coneheaded dog ain't nothin' but a bitch
Tryin' reach her stomach, tryin' to scratch an itch
All because some vet down in Cincy
Took only one ovary and now Harley's wincy
Stitches out my bitch
Stitches out my bitch
Just today took some stitches out my bitch
One right ovary,
And a little uterus
Stupidass vet left 'em in my bitch

Meanwhile, Holt sent me this chart, which I thought was pretty funny and extremely accurate:

Currently I'm watching The Filth and The Fury while challenging myself to a Nancy Spungen killing contest. Too soon?