Shit I Hate: Bikers

So I'm at the corner of Sheffield and Fullerton the other day, waiting to cross Sheffield while mindlessly thinking about new and creative ways to stab myself in the face. Just as I was thinking "with an uprooted tree trunk dropped from the top of the Space Needle," the red hand turns into a white man walking. This indicates to me that, not only is it safe to cross the street, but also that it's my turn. So I start to cross the street when a biker flies through the intersection (a good two or three seconds after his light had turned red) and swerves to avoid hitting me. Then, this SOB has the gall to look back and glare at me, apparently because I dared to be in his way after he blew through a light that was red before he even got to the intersection.

As a walker and occasional driver, I can say with authority that I hate the vast majority of people who ride bikes. These idiots whip around the city streets without any regard for traffic, pedestrians, or human decency. I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone on a bike cruise through a stop sign, even if there is a car (or pea-headed woman with a dog) already halfway through the intersection, or blow through a red light (even in Chicago's six-way intersections), or ride on the sidewalk. And yet somehow there are people who are surprised and outraged when a biker gets hit by a car. Fuck bikers. If you refuse to obey traffic laws, expect to die. You have no right to complain when you get t-boned by a car that was rightfully using a green light. Burn in hell, where, hopefully, everyone but you rides a bike while you are forced to drive a car, so for eternity you have to deal with the shit you made everyone on earth deal with. And if you are over the age of thirteen and riding your bike on the sidewalk, expect to get knocked over because you are a clown.