Some baseball players have better names than others. It's just a fact. Below is the list of what I believe are the ten best names for current MLB players. It's too bad Nick Bierbrodt isn't still in the league. I still can't understand how the Brewers didn't sign him and publicize the hell out of "Bierbrodt Beer and Brat" promotions whenever Bierbrodt were to pitch. It would have been gold!
10. Corey Hart (OF, Milwaukee Brewers).
Even if the Brewers don't have Bierbrodt, they do have a man who wears his sunglasses at night.
9. Jarrod Saltalamacchia (C, Texas Rangers).
Waiter, I will have the Veal Saltalamacchia please.
8. Lastings Milledge (OF, Washington Nationals).
Before becoming a professional baseball player, Milledge was a Senator from New Hampshire from 1848 to 1854. His debates with Henry Clay were quite memorable.
7. Kiko Calero (P, Florida Marlins).
Even though he is from Puerto Rico, I assume in the off-season (or even every night), he is a Cuban band leader at a swanky Miami nightclub, most
likely called the Copacalero. There is probably a lot of shrieking. Ay ya ya-ya!
6. Jon Coutlangus (P, Arizona Diamondbacks).
I guess it's better than Jon Coutllatio.
5. Colter Bean (P, New York Yankess).
I had two reactions to this name. First, he should star in Westerns. Second, colter bean? I don't even know 'er! I guess that would probably work better if his first name was Flipper, Twirler, or Tonguer. He and Coutlangus should start hanging out.
4. Terrmel Sledge (OF, San Diego Padres).
By day, he is a professional baseball player. By night, he works for the San Diego Police Department's undercover vice squad while wearing a leather jacket, unbuttoned shirts with butterfly collars, gold chains, and a lot of musk. Other guys on the force call him the Sledgehammer, and with good reason. If there's one person drug dealers, prostitutes, and gun runners don't wanna cross, it's Terrmel Sledge.
3. Kosuke Fukudome (OF, Chicago Cubs).
By now it's cliché (at least in Chicago), but it would be inappropriate to downplay the number of vulgarities that can be fashioned from his name (and his last name, in particular).
2. Coco Crisp (OF, Kansas City Royals).
Sure, his real name isn't Coco, but that's what he goes by (his real name is Covelli Loyce Crisp, which actually might be cooler than Coco Crisp). Obviously, 88% of you would prefer this name over Coco Puff.
1. Boof Bonser (P, Minnesota Twins).
If this baseball thing doesn't end up working out, he will have a hell a career in clown porn. Either that, or he should become the real life Kenny Powers.
Honorable mention:
Yorman Bazardo (P, Detroit Tigers)
Hiram Bocachica (OF, San Diego Padres)
Asdrubal Cabrera (2B, Cleveland Indians)
Melky Cabrera (OF, New York Yankess)
Rheal Cormier (P, Cincinnati Reds)
Jair Francoise Jurrjens (P, Atlanta Braves)
Devern Hansack (P, Boston Red Sox)
Radhames Liz (P, Baltimore Orioles)
Levale Speigner (P, Washington Nationals)
Huston Street (P, Colorado Rockies)
Taylor Tankersley (P, Florida Marlins)
Yorvit Torrealba (C, Colorado Rockies)
Yuniesky Betancourt (SS, Seattle Mariners)
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3 comments:
Wow, great stuff. Made me laugh, and it's really witty.
How could Angel Pagan not have made this list, simply for the fact that irony was not wasted on his parents. Think about it - his name is listed on the roster as Pagan Angel. That's hilarious.
Is Pagan still in the league? If so, I didn't realize that, and he definitely would have been on the list.
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