Two weeks ago, I posted Ten Questions I Struggle With on a Daily Basis. It was met with significant fanfare, particularly in the Reston, Virginia area.
On a completed unrelated note, I feel like I need to get something off of my chest. Last night, in addition to the usual night terrors, I had a dream that Jessie didn't know who Jermiane Dupri is. Used to date Janet Jackson? In the Ferrari or Jaguar, switchin' four lanes? With the top down, screamin' out money ain't a thang? None of it was registering with her, and I was getting pretty pissed off. Jester, I didn't mean to fly off the handle, but come on.
Anyway, if you think there are only ten questions I struggle with on a daily basis, then you're sorely mistaken. My mind is constantly wandering. Hell, most of the time, I'm not even paying attention when people are talking because I'm so concerned about unanswered questions. I haunt myself.
10 (tie). Why can't I throw a football more than five yards in my dreams? Sweet Jesus, that's more frustrating than when your wife doesn't recognize one of the most successful hip hop producers of the last 15 years.
10 (tie). Do I not chew corn?
9. Arrested Development: What the fuck, America?
8. At what point in a man's life does he acquire "old man smell"? And is there anything that can be done to prevent it?
7. If a pathological liar says he's lying, is he telling the truth?
6. Why do people so often use ellipses incorrectly? I wonder when it will end . . .
5. How can anyone listen to "smooth jazz"? And will there ever be a point in my life when I will tolerate smooth jazz? If so, kick me where my balls used to be.
4. Why do fashion trends that look objectively terrible become popular? Uggs, crocs, women's sunglasses that cover half of their face, stirrup pants, and flat-brimmed baseball caps are some that come to mind.
3. Why does everyone assume people with Alzheimer's are suffering? Why isn't it assumed that they're having new and exciting adventures every few minutes?
2. In 500 years, will anyone know who Brad Pitt is? (Or anyone else who is famous today?)
1. How can anyone walk so fucking slowly? And is every slow walker completely oblivious to the fact that they're walking slowly (kind of like how douchebags don't realize they're douchebags), which would seem impossible, given that you have to try to walk that slowly? Or do they just not care that they are an impediment to everyone else on the sidewalk?
If you can answer any of these questions, please do so.
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