Midwestern Eavesdropping - 12/19/11

As I'm wont to do, I've been stockpiling eavesdroppings. It's been since July. Jesus. In the future, I think I'm going to post eavesdroppings as I receive them. It could be magical for everyone involved.


Several guys are discussing football at a party:
Guy #1: "Mike Martz hates tight ends."
Guy #2: "You know who doesn't hate tight ends? Jerry Sandusky."
--Naperville, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Drunk twentysomething lesbian who has not yet come out to her parents, to a group of girls and guys: "When you were in college, did your Mom ever cliterally wake you up?"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Gregerson


Late 20s male at a house party: "The only thing I do in cursive is fuck."
--LaGrange, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Female teacher #1: "Was it the fat lady in all the poltergeist movies?"
Female teacher #2: "You mean Oprah?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose Lipped Lithuanian


Thirtysomething guy at his son's birthday party, as if this is common knowledge: "If you eat chocolate and turn your head to the side, you will choke, every time."
--Romeoville, IL
Eavesdropper: Troy McClure


Early 20s guy excitedly approaches group of friends: "I just did a shot on the bus with Scottie Pippen's daughter! I'm gonna add her as a friend on Facebook."
Girl: "Who's Scottie Pippen?"
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Thirtysomething straight male: "You didn't see Duets?"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Chenandler Bong


Guy to friend while walking down sidewalk: "The song Chocolate Rain was written about my bowel movements today."
--Chicago, Belmont & Racine
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Female teacher #1: "Do you know what a soothsayer is?"
Female teacher #2: "Isn't it a saber-toothed tiger?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose Lipped Lithuanian


Late 20s male describing his astronomy prowess to a group of dudes: "I can tell you what that star is, fag."
--LaGrange, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Woman at party discussing frozen eggs: "I've got 2 more kids waiting for me. They're in the freezer."
--Richmond, IN
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee


Female teacher #1, discussing dog on his back on the edge of a couch: "Should I let go of your dog?"
Female teacher #2: "Sure, he'll be fine."
Teacher #1 lets go of dog and dog falls on back.
Female teacher #1: "I guess dogs don't always land on their feet."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose Lipped Lithuanian


Thirtysomething guy to friends, while watching a band he suggested at Lollapalooza: "Sorry. I didn't realize this band had an androgynous singer."
--Chicago, Lollapalooza, Grant Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Two hillbillies, after ordering from McDonalds in rural Indiana, commenting about cashier: "She sure smelled good, huh?"
--somewhere in Indiana
Eavesdropper: Trashton


Guy #1 at bar: "Go fuck yourself."
Guy #2: "Wait till I get home. There will be a lot of that going on."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Twentysomething female: "Oh yeah, well I call your dad cum-dumpster."
--Chicago, Pequod's, Webster & Clybourn
Eavesdropper: The Floppy Burrito


Thirtysomething female about a friend's husband: "His sperm could have its own reality show."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Two late 30s/early 40s guys who appear to be of Hispanic descent, walking down sidewalk discussing cigars:
Guy 1: "The one I had was really good. It was from -- I wish I -- I can't pronounce the name. It's like 'nicagura' or something."
Guy 2: "Nicaragua?"
Guy 1: "Yes."
--Chicago, State & Illinois
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Late 30s drunk guy, outside of bar: "I've come on plenty of C section scars, and they're all the same to me."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH


As we do bow and then, here is a photo that, while not technically eavesdropping, is worthy of inclusion:

--Chicago, Dominick's, Sheffield & Fullerton
Eavesdropper: RDC


Thanks to everyone who contributed.  Whenever you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com so that it can be included in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.